Ah, dating, the delightful stage where every shared meal and stolen glance fills you up with hope and thrill, and you strut about with butterflies in your belly and spring in your step. When things are going well and you’ve been together for a significant time, going from dating to being exclusive, the question of what’s next looms large. The logical next step is to make the relationship official and own those “girlfriend”, “boyfriend”, “partner” labels. 

This transition can fill you up with a mix of nervousness and excitement. On the one hand, once you make it official, you no longer have to dread the “what are we?” conversation or look around sheepishly if someone asks, “Is that your girlfriend/boyfriend?” On the other hand, you’ve got to have the “what are we?” conversation and define the relationship. Pros and cons!

But the most important thing is to make sure that you’re taking this next step because you feel ready and it feels right. Not because the heady rush of a new romance is pushing you to just take a leap of faith. That may require you to slow your roll and take a pragmatic look at your connection with them. To help you do that, we bring you 15 things to consider before making a relationship official.  

15 Things to Consider Before Making a Relationship Official

Making it official with a person you’re in a romantic relationship with means agreeing to exclusivity and commitment. While for many couples this is an organic progression, others prefer to have a conversation about it and decide when to make a relationship official. If you’re the latter, this can be a big step that brings its own challenges and joys. 

That’s why, before you put a label on it, it’s important to reflect on whether your partner checks the key boxes on your relationship needs checklist and you can be compatible in the long run. Give the anticipation of saying, “Yes, we’re officially a couple,” a rest for a just a little bit and mull over these 15 things to consider before making a relationship official, so that you can be sure you’re making the right decision:

1. Do you share similar values?

Shared values are among the most important things to look for in a relationship as they ensure that you and your partner are on the same page as you go through the ups and downs of life. “It’s not about agreeing on everything,” says relationship expert Dr. Andrea Bonior, “but having core values that align ensures you’re moving in the same direction.”

On the other hand, contrasting value systems can be a source of discord and conflict. For instance, if you value saving for the future while they’re more of a free-spirited spender, you may find yourselves bickering about money as a couple. So, before you make it official, assess whether you align on things like, 

• Family
• Career aspirations
• Financial habits
• Lifestyle
  

2. Are you comfortable being vulnerable with each other?

Vulnerability is the pathway to deep emotional intimacy between partners. If you ask me, “What is the most important thing in a relationship?”, I’d without a shred of hesitation say it is the ability to show your unfiltered self to your partner without fear of judgment or rejection. When wondering whether you’re ready to make it official with a partner, reflect on how open and unabashedly yourself you can be with them. For instance, if you had a bad day at work, do you feel comfortable venting to them, knowing that they’ll be your shoulder to lean on rather than telling you how to “fix” things? If yes, that’s a green flag!

Related Reading: 9 Expert Tips To Stimulate Vulnerability In A Relationship

3. Have you been through different life situations together?

How long should you wait to make a relationship official, people often wonder. I’d recommend long enough to have navigated different life situations together so that you really know your partner well. These moments reveal character. For instance,  

• How do they behave when stressed, angry, or happy? 
• What’s their personality like on a long, tiring road trip?
• How do they respond to being stuck in a traffic jam?
• How do they speak to servers in a restaurant or a janitor in their building?
• How do they treat strangers? 
• How do they handle setbacks? 

Knowing how a partner behaves in tough situations gives you a fair idea of how supportive they can be when life throws you a curveball and whether they have it in them to stick around for the long haul. 

4. Do you communicate effectively?

One of the key things to consider before making a relationship official is how well you communicate as a couple. 

• Can you have open, honest conversations, even about difficult topics?
• Can you hash out differences without placing blame or hurling accusations?
• Can you hear each other out even when you disagree?
• Can you resolve misunderstandings as they arise? 

These are critical questions to ask before getting into a relationship. Otherwise, you may find yourself trapped in a cycle of invalidation, criticism, silent treatment, or volatile arguments—all red flags that should send you running in the opposite direction. 

Related Reading: The 8 Commandants Of Open Communication In A Relationship

5. How well do you respect each other’s boundaries? 

Mutual respect for boundaries should be on every relationship needs checklist because everyone has limits. Whether it’s personal space, time with friends, how much quality time you spend with each other, or how often you text, knowing and respecting boundaries is key. If you and your partner can do that, you’re on solid ground. 

6. Are they supportive of your goals?

You know the making it official meaning, right? This is a step that says you’re with someone for the long haul. You need your long-term partner to be supportive of your goals, ambitions, and desires. Therapist Esther Perel says, “Healthy relationships foster growth for both individuals.”

That can only happen when your partner is your biggest cheerleader, not your critic. So, you need to reflect on whether the person you’re with celebrates your wins. Do they encourage you to grow, or try to pull you down with criticism or casting aspersions on your abilities? 

7. Do you enjoy spending time together without distractions?

Before taking the leap toward making a relationship official, you need to be sure that you genuinely enjoy each other’s company. You see, it’s easy to have fun when there’s a movie playing or a party going on. But can you just be together in silence and not feel awkward? If you’re not quite sure, try this: Spend an afternoon doing nothing together. If you still feel connected and content, you’re probably in a good place.

Related Reading: 101 Hobbies For Couples – Make Quality Time Count

8. What do your friends and family think?

While the approval of family and friends may not be the most important thing in a relationship, their feedback can certainly offer perspective and bring to your attention red or green flags you may have overlooked. Now, it’s possible that not all of your loved ones may have the same opinion of the person you’re with, but if a majority of them agree that they’re good for you, or not, it’s worth taking note of. 

Sarah, 26, a software developer, was head over heels in love with a guy who seemed to control her every move. He would sulk and pick a fight with her every time she needed some me-time or made plans to hang out with her friends. When her girlfriends brought it up, she ignored their concerns only to realize later that her possessive and controlling boyfriend was suffocating her. Had she paid heed when they first shared these concerns with her, she could have saved herself a world of heartache. 

9. Have you discussed the future?

How long should you date before making it official? Long enough to have had detailed conversations about your visions for the future. It doesn’t have to be a detailed 10-year action plan with relationship milestones and timelines clearly marked, but a general idea of where you’re heading is important. For instance, 

• Do you both want marriage or kids? 
• What about pets?
• Are your career paths compatible?
• Are you going to travel a lot or settle down in one place? 
• How will religion factor into your lifestyle?

Differences about the future plans and goals can create friction in a relationship. It’s best to hash out these details before taking a step toward commitment.

10. Do you trust each other?

Trust between partners is non-negotiable. After all, can you love someone you cannot trust? Not quite. It’s best to slow things down and work on strengthening your connection if the foundation of trust between you and your partner is shaky and either one or both of you: 

• Second-guess the other’s motive
• Snoop through their phone
• Double-check their whereabouts
• Have a hard time believing what the other is saying 

Therapist Dr. Brené Brown says, “Trust is built in small moments.” If your partner shows up for you consistently and follows through on their promises, you won’t have trouble trusting them, and vice versa. If you’re already there, it may be time to make the relationship official. If not, you still have work to do before you take that leap. 

Related Reading: 15 Things That Happen When There Is No Trust In A Relationship

11. Do you feel emotionally connected?

If you’re wondering how long to date before making it official, the strength of your emotional connection can be a good way to assess your readiness for this move. If either one (or both) of you is emotionally closed off, or worse, hung up on past relationships, it can be hard to build an authentic connection. On the other hand, if you’re both fully present in the relationship and connect with each other through deep, meaningful conversations, you’re ready for this next step. 

12. How do you navigate conflict?

How long should you wait to make a relationship official? Until you’ve had your first big fight and seen how well or poorly you navigate conflict as a couple. Conflict resolution is a critical skill for any long-term partnership. “It’s not about never fighting,” says psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson, “but about how you fight and make-up afterward.” 

If either one or both of you shout, shut down, or resort to unhealthy behaviors like name-calling, it’s a red flag. On the other hand, if you have the ability to engage in healthy dialogue and can approach conflict from the objective of seeking solutions rather than resorting to blame-shifting, you have solid ground to build a lasting partnership on.

13. What are their friends like?

A person’s friendships can reveal a lot about their personality as well as their ability to maintain healthy relationships. Someone who has longstanding, meaningful friendships likely values loyalty and communication—qualities that bode well for a romantic relationship whereas fleeting and shallow friendships reflect a tendency to stick around only for the good times. To decide whether making a relationship official would be the right move, spend some time with your partner and their inner circle of people and you will have your answer. 

Related Reading: How Well Do You Know Your Partner? Take This Easy Quiz!

14. Do you feel like equals?

As Michelle Obama famously said, a relationship is never 50-50, sometimes you do more, at other times, your partner steps up. While relationships may not be a 50-50 partnership at any given time, they do thrive on balance. This stems from decisions, responsibilities, and emotional labor being fairly divided between both partners. 

When that happens, a strong partnership feels like teamwork. In its absence, one partner is left compromising or giving and resentment builds in the relationship. Which of these describes your connection with your partner? The answer will tell you whether or not you should take the relationship to the next level. 

15. Does being with them make you happy? 

The final and the most important of the 15 things to consider before making a relationship official is whether being with your partner brings you joy. Sure, every relationship goes through its share of struggles and challenges, but it should not be a source of constant stress. After all, what’s the point of being with someone if they don’t bring you happiness and fulfillment? So,
ask yourself: Do they make your life better, or are you constantly trying to “fix” things? If it’s the latter, taking the next step may not be the right move for you.

Infographic On 10 Cute Ways To Make A Relationship Official

There is no “correct” way to make a relationship official. It can be something as laidback as a conversation with your partner as you snuggle with them on the couch or a discussion over dinner. Or it can be done with flashy banners and skywriting. It all really depends on your vibe as a couple. Whether you’re into grand gestures or low-key moments, here are some cute ways to make a relationship official by popping the question, “Will you be my partner?”

Final Thoughts

Making a relationship official isn’t just about the label; it’s about finding someone who complements your life. Take your time, trust your gut, and remember—it’s better to wait for the right relationship than to rush into the wrong one.

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