Just recently, I was on a weekend trip with my girlfriends and one of them was being unusually snippy for no reason. Besides, she seemed aloof and low, quite unlike her usual self. When she barked at us for keeping her handbag on the floor, another friend said, “Girl, you need to get laid.” To which—to our surprise—she responded, “How did you know?” Turns out, the signs that a woman has not been sexually active in a long time are often apparent and not that hard to spot. 

That’s because physical intimacy isn’t just a source of pleasure or a means to foster the connection between two people, it also has all kinds of health benefits—both for one’s physical and mental health. When a woman is sexually deprived, she may experience higher stress levels, low self-esteem, a dip in libido, and poor sleep. All in all, lack of sexual activity can result in a change in demeanor and personality that manifest as the 17 signs a woman has not made love for a long time, which I talk about in this article.  

17 Signs A Woman Has Not Made Love For A Long Time

It’s not just PMS, menopause, or other hormonal changes that can make a woman act uncharacteristically, making those around her walk on eggshells as they wonder what has possessed her. It’s also what happens when a woman is sexually deprived. From her emotional well-being to her physical health as well as her sense of self, every significant aspect of her life may take a hit when a woman has been sexually inactive. This results in the following 17 signs a woman has not made love for a long time: 

1. She may become more emotionally sensitive 

One of the most prominent signs a woman has not had sex in a long time is that she may become more sensitive and emotionally reactive. Alexis, 40, for instance, says that she has been feeling overly frustrated by minor issues at work, causing her to get into arguments with her coworkers. As it began to happen more and more often, she paused to think if she could be the problem. After some introspection, she realized her emotional volatility was stemming from a lack of physical intimacy between her and her husband. “My sexless marriage is killing me. We haven’t had sex in months and I feel completely untethered. As a result, I may have alienated the people who have always been supportive of me,” she says. 

Explaining why that is, therapist Dr. Jane Greer says, “Physical intimacy releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone that helps regulate emotions. Without it, emotional regulation can become challenging.” Sexual intimacy allows for emotional expression and facilitates stress release. In its absence, a woman may: 

• Cry more easily
• Feel irritable
• Become overly introspective

Related Reading: The Dynamics And Importance Of Sex In A Relationship

2. She may experience heightened physical tension

Apart from stress relief, the release of endorphins during sex also relaxes the body and alleviates physical tension. Psychologist Dr. Laura Berman says, “Touch and intimacy have a physiological effect on muscle relaxation. Their absence can result in accumulated tension over time.” So, lack of sex may leave a woman feeling more tense. She may also experience other physical symptoms such as frequent headaches or lingering restlessness, the origin of which she can’t quite place. 

3. Lack of sex results in reduced self-confidence 

Being intimate with a partner makes us feel loved and desired, and the converse is also equally true. Sometimes, sexual frustration in women can be a result of physical intimacy being linked to feelings of self-worth. When a woman is in a sexless relationship or hasn’t had sex in a long time on account of being single, the absence of intimacy can stir up a whole lot of self-doubt. 

Questioning her attractiveness or whether she is valued in her relationship or if she is lovable can all be signs that a woman has not been sexually active for a long time. My friend, for instance, suddenly doesn’t like getting her pictures taken, overanalyzes the way she looks in every piece of clothing, and asks “Am I looking fat?” every time she gets dressed. She has gone from being a confident woman to someone who is ill-at-ease in her skin all the time. 

4. A sexually deprived woman may seek distractions 

To cope with the lack of sex, some women may seek to distract themselves by channeling their energies toward personal or professional goals. This is often a coping mechanism to numb the pain of unmet physical and emotional needs, and the signs that a woman has not been sexually active, in such cases, may look like: 

• Becoming workaholic 
• Making personal goals like fitness the sole focus of their existence 
• Turning excessively spiritual or religious 

While focusing on living a well-rounded life can be empowering, it can also be a way of avoiding vulnerability, especially when a person starts chasing a particular goal or pursuit at the cost of other aspects of life. 

Related Reading: How Long Is Too Long Without Sex In A Relationship?

5. She may be more sensitive to romantic triggers

My former roommate and good friend, Mia, has been a diehard romantic for as long as I have known her. During our time sharing a living space, we’ve spent many weekends watching sappy rom-coms. When she visited me last, I planned a movie marathon of our favorites, thinking it’d be the perfect way to relive our time together. To my surprise, midway through Sweet November, she turned the TV off and sighed, “It’s all bullsh*t. No one loves or desires you this way in real life.” 

Turns out, being trapped in a loveless and sexless relationship has jaded Mia’s view of romance and she feels repulsed and triggered by romantic scenes in movies, seeing couples holding hands, or even listening to love songs. What happens when a woman is sexually deprived is that any romantic imagery can evoke deep longing or sadness, making her realize what’s missing in her life and that can evoke strong reactions. Psychologist Dr. Helen Fisher explains, “Romantic triggers can activate neural pathways tied to love and longing, especially when there’s an emotional or physical void.”

6. She may distance herself from friends in happy relationships

Likewise, a lack of sex and intimacy in a woman’s life may make her want to pull away from friends who are in happy relationships, especially if they are vocal about their love lives or indulge in frequent public displays of affection. Again, the reason is that the fulfilling lives of people around her can be a reminder of what she’s missing. This may leave a woman riddled with feelings of inadequacy or isolation.

She may withdraw into a shell as a way to distance herself from these unpleasant feelings. Relationship counselor Esther Perel says, “Comparison is the thief of joy, and being around those who have what you lack can sometimes trigger feelings of alienation.”

7. She may lose interest in wanting a relationship

Here’s what lack of intimacy does to a woman—it takes away her desire to be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship. If she is single, she may want to give up on dating or romantic pursuits altogether. If she is in a sexless relationship, she may stop making an effort to turn things around with her partner. 

Sexual frustration in women can result in feelings of hopelessness, owing to which the idea of starting over or opening up again can feel overwhelming. This may leave her trapped in a self-perpetuating cycle of avoidance.

Related Reading: Maintenance Sex – What Is It, Why Is It Important, And How To Have It?

8. Her stress levels may be through the roof

High-stress levels are one of the surefire 17 signs a woman has not made love for a long time. “Sexual activity lowers cortisol levels, the stress hormone,” explains Dr. Emily Morse. “Its absence can lead to higher baseline stress.” With the absence of endorphins released during sex, a woman may find herself feeling lovesick and on edge all the time, disproportionately fretting and worrying over things. Living under all-pervasive and intense stress can affect focus, mood, and overall emotional well-being.  

9. Lack of sex can result in a lowered libido

Paradoxically, one of the signs of lack of sex in a woman is a reduced libido. When a woman’s sexual needs aren’t met, her brain may begin to deprioritize sex or sexual gratification as a protective mechanism. As a result, the longer a woman goes without sex, the less she may want it. Dr. Michael Castleman, a sex and health writer, notes, “Use it or lose it applies here. The less sexual activity, the less your body signals for it.” 

10. She may start overanalyzing the past

Fiona, 31, a sustainability researcher, has been going through a dry spell since her breakup six months ago. The loneliness and lack of intimacy have led her to wonder if she had, in some way, pushed her ex away or contributed to their relationship issues. She spends hours re-reading their text conversations, and wonders, “Was I a bad partner? Did I not love him the way he deserved to be loved? Was I too hasty in ending things? Should I text my ex?” 

This is not unusual at all. In fact, remembering the past with rose-tinted nostalgia and questioning what went wrong is often what happens when a woman is sexually deprived. This introspective phase reflects a desire to find closure or reignite lost passion.

Related Reading: 11 Things That Happen When A Woman Shuts Down Emotionally – And How To Reconnect

11. She may exhibit symptoms of touch deprivation

The signs a woman has not had sex in a long time are not just emotional or psychological. Human touch is essential for well-being and its absence can manifest as physical symptoms, which include: 

• A weakened immune system
• Increased fatigue
• A constant feeling of coldness

12. She may grapple with loneliness

Sex is not a physical act. It also helps you feel closer and more connected to another person, instilling a sense of intimacy and belonging. Its absence can heighten the feelings of loneliness, irrespective of whether a woman is single or in a sexless relationship. “Loneliness isn’t just a lack of people; it’s a lack of meaningful connection,” says Dr. Vivek Murthy, a former U.S. Surgeon General.

These feelings can become more pronounced and overwhelming in moments of vulnerability. For instance, a woman who has not had sex in a long time may feel alone and isolated: 

• At a friend’s wedding 
• During the holidays, despite being surrounded by friends and family 
• When another woman is circle gets pregnant or gives birth

13. She may daydream to escape reality

While we all daydream from time to time, a woman who has not had sex in a long time may resort to it a lot more to escape the reality of her life. On the recent trip I told you about, my friend, in her drunken stupor, told us that she has been obsessively imagining that she was in a passionate affair with an ex, conjuring up detailed scenarios of torrid love-making. 

Psychologist Dr. Judith Orloff states, “Daydreaming is a coping mechanism for unmet emotional desires.” While there is nothing wrong with finding comfort in fantastical escapes, these can take an unhealthy turn if these thoughts become so intrusive and overpowering that they begin to interfere with reality. 

14. These may be distinct changes in her physical appearance

Signs that a woman has not been sexually active can also be seen in her physical appearance. While some women start neglecting the way they look, others may overcompensate by investing more effort into their appearance. Image consultant Lisa Johnson says, “How we present ourselves externally often mirrors our inner emotional state.” The way a woman responds exteriorly to a lack of sex in her life can be a reflection of how she’s feeling on the inside. For instance, a sudden or drastic change in appearance can indicate low self-esteem or a subconscious desire to attract a partner.

Related Reading: When A Woman Feels Neglected In A Relationship | What To Do

15. She may feel detached from her sensuality

“Sensuality is about more than sex—it’s about being in tune with your body,” says therapist Dr. Margaret Paul. That said, intimacy helps a woman be in sync with her sensual side. She may stop dressing up in ways that once made her feel sexy and desirable, or give up on that favorite perfume or lip colour that she thought drew her partner or romantic prospects to her. She may even lose the confidence that stems from knowing she is sexy and desirable. All of this can, in turn, take a toll on her self-esteem. 

16. Sleep disturbances

Another one of the signs a woman has not had sex in a long time is deterioration in the sleep quality. One of hormones released during sexual activity is prolactin, which helps us sleep better. When a woman has gone without sex for too long, a dip in this hormone can result in poor sleep, frequent waking, or even insomnia.  

17. She may turn to comfort-seeking behaviors

Lack of sexual activity can leave a woman feeling a void in her life, and she may try to compensate for it by turning to other activities like food or shopping. While comforting in the short term, these behaviors can sometimes become excessive. In some cases, this can also lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking, smoking, or drug use. All of these comfort-seeking behaviors can do more harm than good in the long run. 

Final Thoughts

These 17 signs a woman has not made love for a long time make it unequivocally clear that sexual intimacy is not just a key component of happy, wholesome relationships but also plays an important role in our physical and emotional well-being. Dealing with a lack of sex, whether for want of a partner or on account of being trapped in an unhappy relationship, can be excruciating. However, it’s important to not let this void eclipse your entire life or try to compensate for it through unhealthy coping mechanisms such as mindless hookups, unhealthy fantasies, or comfort-seeking behaviors. 

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