Picture this: You have fallen head over heels for a man you found on an online dating app. You’re in awe of his muscular frame, his bearded face, and his persona. You’re dying to meet him and are ecstatic when he asks you out for dinner. And then the D-day arrives, and woah! You are dumbfounded by how different he looks when you meet in person. The abs have given way to a round belly and his beard is gone too. “Those pics were from 3 years back,” he tells you! We hate to break it to you, this is just one of the many disadvantages of online dating. 

Yes, in this era of digital connections, online dating is here to stay. But are we ready for the disappointments, the hazards, the emotional setbacks, and the shocks associated with dating someone online? And the dangers of online dating? This may lead one to wonder, “Is online dating bad?” 

Well, not necessarily. But given the various online dating scams and other rampant issues like ghosting, catfishing, dating fatigue, one needs to be judicious about navigating virtual space in the search of love. That requires awareness about what you might be up against. We’re here to help you with that, with insights from psychotherapist Jui Pimple (MA in Psychology), a trained Rational Emotive Behavior therapist and A Bach Remedy practitioner, who specializes in online counseling. 

15 Key Disadvantages Of Online Dating

Have you spent days talking to a person you matched with on a dating app only to have them disappear on you without an explanation aka been ghosted? Or had creeps asking for explicit photos a few hours into connecting with you? Or invested emotionally in someone only to have them tell you they want to keep things casual? 

Heartbreaking as they’re, these experiences are all too common. Online dating statistics tell us that four in ten Americans described it as a negative experience. According to other studies, young women often experience harassment while using dating apps. Likewise, around 57% of female participants in the survey were contacted even after telling their online matches that they weren’t interested in continuing things.

Related Reading: 5 Reasons To Research Your Online Date Before You Meet

This is not to say that online dating is inherently bad or a flawed approach to finding love and relationships. However, you need to aware of the potential online dating dangers you may come across, along the way. To that end, here is a lowdown on the risks and disadvantages of online dating:

1. Security problems with online dating

What escapes most of us is the utter lack of security that online dating exposes us to. This is one of the main drawbacks of online dating. According to a study by Kaspersky, every 6th user on an online dating site has been the victim of some security issue. Jui agrees, as she says, “Online dating sounds exciting but comes with its fair share of disadvantages, one of them being lack of security.” Let’s look at 5 such security issues that can plague your online dating experience:

1. Fake profiles

Is online dating safe? According to online dating statistics, a majority of people feel that the details mentioned in a person’s online dating profile are false. Even if your prospective match’s heart is in the right place, that is no excuse for them to hide the fact that they used to be married, until the sixth date. 

Related Reading: 7 Hacks To Find Out If Someone Has A Tinder Profile

The ability to just “ghost” a person one fine day empowers people to sell a blown-up version of themselves, and this proves to be one of the cons of online dating. Here’s how people can fool you with fake information in online dating profiles and indulge in online dating scams:

• They can lie about their jobs. For instance, you may discover someone claimed to be an investment banker and is actually an accountant
• They can lie about their family (divorces, kids, etc.)
• They can misguide you about their health issues or hide a terminal illness

Jui says, “Trust is extremely important when it comes to dating. In online dating, if the person is a complete stranger, it is difficult to build enough trust. It’s also extremely easy to be fake online.”

2. Romance scammers

One of the worst dangers of online dating is the presence of romance scammers on dating apps/sites. The anonymity one enjoys behind a screen is exploited by romance scammers to fool people. Our reader Sutton Nesbitt, a drama teacher, had a similar harrowing experience. 

While relating her trauma, Susan said, “He said he was from Mexico and had been visiting New Jersey when we had matched. We spoke online for about six months, after which he tried asking me for money using his son’s illness as an excuse. This was just one of the red flags I had noticed in him. I ran a background check and learned that Andy Wescott, the name his dating profile showed, wasn’t even his real name.” 

That reminds us of the Netflix show The Tinder Swindler, which narrated the tale of a man who conned young women out of thousands of dollars by posing as a billionaire in trouble. 

3. Online sexual harassment 

Online harassment is one of the major disadvantages of online dating, and if someone knows a few good ways to divert their IP address (and is absolutely rotten in the head), they might just get addicted to it. 

Online dating statistics suggest that one in four women have been stalked online or have suffered some kind of harassment on dating apps. Then, there is the trauma of receiving a good deal of unwarranted explicit pics.This is one of the worst problems with online dating, which leaves many people wondering, “Is online dating safe?”

4. Blackmailing using explicit content

Another one of the serious online dating dangers is the ease with which people can use information you share with them to blackmail you. Jui says, “People have to be doubly cautious of what they share on chat, though this may dampen the experience of dating.”

Most of us have shared intimate photos, chats, or videos with our special someone over chat. But what happens when some of these photos, chats, or clips are misused or leaked by online scammers or, worse still, end up in the hands of hackers due to data breaches?

 Blackmailing using explicit photos or intimate clips (sex tapes, etc.) or sex chats can be a harrowing experience. Add to it the risk of ending up as a victim of revenge porn after rejecting a partner. Sharing such intimate content can also lead to more serious issues, such as identity theft. A Reddit user faced a similar situation and asked for help: “Someone is blackmailing my friend using her private photos, authorities can’t help atm because the FB account is a dummy. We wanted to track the location of the Facebook account that is being used, and please we need your help.”

5. Catfishing

Here is one of the disadvantages of online dating that we often take quite casually. Long-distance couples who have never met in real life may date each other for months, only to be surprised by what they actually look like in real life. So, be it enhanced or Photoshopped pictures online or just plain filters on Instagram or on dating apps, people now have the ability to change not just what they look like but also their entire persona online. Catfishing has got to be one of the worst online dating scams. And there’s also been extensive study on this phenomenon.

Here’s the first-hand account of a real-life catfish on Reddit, “I have been making fake accounts or now known as “catfish” accounts for 8 years of my life. I dedicated my entire day to the upkeep and use of these accounts. I have had many relationships with people who I have lied to, I honestly can’t remember all of them. I have dedicated 8 years of my life being someone else basically. I usually make fake profiles on Facebook, it’s easier to add friends and become “popular” in a sense. I have recently made the move to Instagram but that makes everything more risky. My life revolves around the girls who I steal photos from and preventing myself from getting caught.”

Related Reading: 11 Virtual Dating Mistakes Everyone Makes But YOU Can Avoid!

2. Negative effects of online dating on mental and emotional health

Is dating via apps safe when it comes to your mental health? More importantly, do dating sites work when it comes to bringing mental peace in relationships? The concern related to mental health among users of such apps is so grave that there have been studies trying to find a link between the use of dating apps and mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.

While the online dating success rate may vary from person to person, depending on their ability to live up to their online persona, there are a few negative effects on dating online that can scar people’s emotional and mental health forever. Below is a list of 5 such impactful effects of online dating dangers that lurk beneath the glossy dating profiles:

1. It feels like a loop 

One of the worst drawbacks of online dating is that it seems like a never-ending loop. A right swipe, some scintillating small talk, and it’s a date! But your chemistry on text won’t necessarily guarantee a spark in real life. This is why you run the risk of getting into an infinite loop of trial and error. This is one of the reasons why your online dating experience may seem repetitive—and also one of the most prominent negative effects of online dating.

My friend Carl, a lawyer, has been using Tinder for two years now. This is what he told me over a casual discussion on online dating, “I used to love it at first because it made dating as an introvert so much easier. Meeting a new woman every Friday used to be exhilarating. But slowly, the process became too exhausting. I’m tired of discussing hobbies and life goals. It’s time-consuming and just loses its charm after a point.”

Related Reading: Finding Real Friendship Online

2. The anxiety about money 

One of the most talked about disadvantages of online dating is that even if you split the bill and find a good way to decide who pays on a date, a lot of money is spent. And since you aren’t well acquainted with the person in real life, the money spent can go to waste, as there’s no guarantee of a connection. And that can cause you monetary anxiety.

Reagan, my cousin, took her online match Rodrigo out on their first date to one of the finest restaurants in D.C. She had insisted she would pay since the restaurant was her choice. But, a teetotaler herself, she did not expect Rodrigo to order himself a giant bottle of wine. What’s worse is that it cost Reagan about $300. What’s worse, they never met after that one date.

3. The idea of the perfect person plays with your mind 

One of the most prominent online dating dangers is how it messes with your mind and leads you to pin hopes on someone based on unrealistic expectations. Raising the bar is not such a bad thing, but expecting people to be the all-in-one version of your dream man or woman is quite illogical. Each one of us is already riddled with the drama and exhaustion of finding ‘the one’. One of the problems with online dating is that it only exacerbates the desperation of that search. 

“I like Joe but he’s not a vegetarian. Paul is a vegetarian but wants to move to Alabama. Danny loves me madly but isn’t looking for marriage. Why are none of these guys right for me?”asks Liam, our reader. Her questions are a telling case in point for what ails online dating. We have too many options, and that has made us believe that there is this one person who would be the embodiment of all our desires, be it looks, money, or manners. But that, unfortunately, is a misconception.

Related Reading: Leaving The One I Love For His Own Good

4. Self-esteem issues 

A 2018 CNN article explains how your online dating experience can make or break your self-worth. The biggest of myriad online dating risks is losing yourself in it. Online dating can quickly become addictive, almost like a game. And with things not working out, the algorithm being a disappointment, back-to-back rejections, or the plain old “Why doesn’t he like me back?”, the whole experience can leave you feeling very glum. This crazed cycle can affect your mental health adversely and lower your self-worth too. This is also one of the long-term online dating disadvantages. 

5. It makes you fickle and inconsiderate

Picture this: Arya is waiting for you to text her back when you’re on a date with Debbie. One of the negative effects of online dating is that you can quickly go from dating a player and getting your heart broken to becoming the player in somebody else’s story. And this is the dark reality, in spite of the online dating success rate that dating apps highlight.

With so many fish in the sea of online dating apps, you are always, consciously or subconsciously, looking forward to finding ‘someone better’, and may end up breaking some hearts in the process. 

3. Online dating disadvantages for relationship quality

How does online dating harm your notion of romantic relationships? Does a plethora of choices necessarily mean that you will find ‘the one’ with ease? More importantly, does ‘the one’ really exist? Let’s find out how internet dating can ruin our idea of relationships and thus also affect our relationship quality adversely.

1. The paradox of choice 

One of the glaring disadvantages of online relationships is the fake sense of choice it provides. Ask yourself, “Do dating sites work when it comes to improving relationship quality?” And then picture this: four amazing women are waiting for you to text them back as they patiently wait in your DMs and you still end up taking your high-school best friend to a music festival. Yeah, you know what I mean. This is perhaps what they call the ‘paradox of choice’, leaving you feeling flustered by dating anxiety. 

A poll, according to the latest online dating statistics, suggested that 32% of online daters felt much less willing to settle down and commit exclusively to a single partner, with so many options on their radar. So, online dating perhaps contributes to commitment phobia too.

2. The texting phase may be exciting but may not lead to anything substantial

One of the marked online dating disadvantages is the uncertainty that the texting phase will lead to something concrete. Whether you meet someone four hours or four months after matching with them, the prelude to that is the famous texting stage, but it may leave you high and dry after months, if it doesn’t lead to something substantial. Here’s why the texting phase of online dating may be a ‘bummer’:

• You still know nothing about the other person, really. He could actually be a serial killer. Or she could be a blackmailer
• A few good rounds of flirty texting should never be enough to get your hopes up and put your expectations into overdrive. They may not wish to commit to you yet
• You can never know what a person is really like just by texting them. They may hide their flaws or pretend to have similar interests just to be with you
• Texting is never an alternative to having authentic conversations in person, as the latter allows you to grasp a person’s tone and mood correctly

Related Reading: Metaverse Dating: The New Disruptive Trend And 5 Apps To Get With It

3. It feels like an artificial experience 

“What are your hobbies?”, “Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”, “Do you have a good relationship with your parents?”, and yes, the obvious, “YOU DON’T LIKE GAME OF THRONES?!” 

This is normally how a first date goes with someone you have been speaking to online for a while. And unlike the thrills and the chemistry of spending an evening with a stranger you saw reading your favorite book in the park, the whole experience here feels much more mechanical. Jui says, “Physical presence gives a lot of more information about the person you’re dating, which you may not get on calls or chats.”

There’s hardly ever a good burst of natural feelings. The banality of the same questions and conversations with each new date might make you feel like you’re going on endless rounds of interviews for the same job. This is also one of the online dating dangers that can ruin your dating experience.

4. There’s a LOT of scope for disappointment 

One of the many disadvantages of online relationships is that people fake a lot online. A guy’s ‘post-workout photo’ might be something he had clicked last year, just before his recent weight gain. Or was she wearing a gorgeous sundress in her photo but showed up in sweatpants on the date? 

Let’s be honest, we all want to look our absolute best on our dating app profiles. Whether that involves lying about your height or posing with your friend’s dog just to get a few “Your dog is so cute!” messages, the fact remains that a lot of people can lie on these apps. 

But as superficial as this might sound, a person’s photo on a dating app is the very first thing that determines whether one wants to initiate contact. So, the whole ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’ advice goes out the window. Jui says, “Often, the person who seems very compatible or attractive on online chats may not give off the same vibes when you meet them.”

Related Reading: The 8 Rules Of Dating Multiple People At One Time

5. The algorithm itself 

How does online dating work? Most apps rely on an algorithm to help users find potential matches. Now, who knew the very thing that was meant to find you the person of your dreams will indeed be the reason you eat that frozen pizza all by yourself on Friday night, sitting alone at your kitchen counter?

There’s a LOT more that goes into gauging and matching people than what the algorithms ‘think’ they know about us. Sexual compatibility, problem-solving skills, and style of conflict resolution are just some of the more crucial factors when trying to find the right person to date. The algorithm (even if it is backed by AI) knows none of this. It is doing what it does best, which is matching you based on some random keywords (interests, location, and so on and so forth). 

Jui says, “When you want to take things forward, it’s important to know how the person’s presence makes you feel, rather than what his favorite Netflix show is. So, algorithms don’t make much sense.”

Consider this: You both have probably mentioned your love for the Red Sox in your bios, which makes Tinder think you’re a match. But is that enough? What about the fact that you love to read and he thinks all readers are snobs? Or that you dislike overspending on vacations and he loves lavish trips? In fact, a study shows that algorithms don’t necessarily improve your chances of finding the right person.

Riley, our reader from Wisconsin, says, “One of the biggest cons of online dating is that the apps only show me profiles of people from my own race. I never filled out an ethnicity preference. So, why would these platforms assume what I’m looking for? The entire scenario put me off. I’m never opening those apps again.” 

Is Online Dating Bad For You? 

So, is online dating that toxic? How does online dating work if it’s so bad for you? This is a tricky question. In fact, it is a subjective thought. Each one of us may have a different answer, but nobody can deny that online dating has both advantages and disadvantages. So, how is online dating a good option for finding that special someone?

• It’s easy and quick to find people on dating apps
• The dating pool is huge, as it’s not limited by location or distance
• The option of filtering your potential matches based on criteria such as physical appearance, personality types, and interests

Related Reading: Is Online Dating Easier For Women?

But the same points that work in its favor can turn out to be extremely dangerous or toxic for you. For instance:

• The fact that it’s quick may lead you to go on dates without spending much time in assessing the person, leading to potential online dating dangers and risks
• The dating pool is almost like an infinity pool, boundless and massive, but you may be overwhelmed by the plethora of options and not end up settling at all
• The algorithms and filters can unnecessarily filter out potential matches in a clinical manner

The bottom line is that while there are plenty of disadvantages of online dating, how to use online dating to your benefit is up to you.

Final Thoughts

So, does online dating work? Well, online dating statistics have proven time and again that there are many hazards involved in online dating. While we don’t mean to dissuade you from meeting people online, we would also like you to understand that knowing about the disadvantages of online dating is a smart and sensible thing to do in order to play safe. So, if you are about to make a foray into this digital dating world, take it from us – you’ll do much better knowing what to look out for.

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