I am a hardware professional working in an Indian city for the last 8 years. I am writing this seeking counselling regarding my upcoming marriage this year. I am 29 and I am all set to get married in the next couple of months. I am getting married to a village girl who is an engineer but not highly academically inclined.
How Soon Is Too Soon To Marry Someone?
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I was in a two-month-long relationship with a girl before committing to this arranged marriage. I ditched her because she was too modern and I couldn’t accept the way she used to dress up. I am from a village background and brought up in the traditional and orthodox Brahmin community. It’s a long story and a big list of issues that finally made me decide I should move on. I did not want her to change herself only for me and my family. I felt it will be impossible for her to change herself as she was born and brought up in a liberal urban family. My parents had accepted her and verbally committed to her parents that we would be married.
But when I decided to quit this relationship her parents and my family members all turned against me since they felt I did not honour their commitment. I was in depression for almost one year after that thinking that I made a big mistake and it was my fault.
For three years I rejected every arranged match. My parents became very sad so I finally decided to say yes to this village girl. As she is from a core Brahmin community I was allowed to see the girl in front of all elders and my family members only. We were not allowed to talk. It was only when my sister insisted that they allowed us to talk for a few minutes.
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She is just 23 and I started the conversation like what are your hobbies, what are your goals and all and she replied smartly to whatever I asked. Then I asked her if she had any questions for me and she said no.
Now my confusion is how can I get married to a girl whom I don’t even know. Only by a 5-minute talk how can I decide she is the right person for me or if I am the right person for her? I am now regretting that I did not marry the modern lady despite knowing her well.
Can you please give a solution to this confusion? I said no to the first girl and now I am regretting and I am scared if I marry this village girl I will not be able to keep her happy.
I believe in arranged marriages and always wanted to have one but not knowing her at all is giving me nightmares. I am getting the jitters about marrying someone I barely know.
Please help.
Dear Confused Guy,
All the answers to your questions lie in you, not me. Let me rephrase all your worries to – do you want to get married?
Belief is everything
Human beings are amazing. Nothing is impossible. All you need is belief. Looking from your perspective you are scared if you can make your marriage work and if you want to you surely can.
Both of you are good people
The girl is simple and essentially so are you and you have a good heart that has honest intentions. Keeping in mind both the family and girl’s best interest, if you can ensure no one is harmed, you will have a good life.
I’m sure you will have a great life ahead. Go ahead, marry and create babies like bunnies…
Love
Joie Bose
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Hi you are having unnecessary worries. In all arranged marriages this only happens. Also couples are equally rather more happy in arranged marriages than love marriages as adjustments with respect to culture and traditions are already there. To survive and to be happy in a relationship fundamentals are honesty, trust and loyalty. Main thing couples should get connect emotionally. Once these are ensured relationship will survive all odds and spouses will be happy.
Moreover if u see the word, many girls from metropolit cities feels that women’s liberation, broadmindedness and feminism means to have affairs or onenightstands. At least girls from small cities and villages have values with them. Just trust her and nothing to worry. May God bless you.