A lot of people feel being single and 40-plus isn’t cool. Such people are seriously uncool! Age has nothing to do with the desire to seek a relationship. So dating in the 40s can be as charming, exciting and fun as dating in 20s or 30s. You know what they say… 40 is the new 20 and all that jazz.
However, there are some differences. The older you get, the more unsolicited advice you receive. There is a wide perception that the chances of finding new relationships in your 40s are rather dim as compared to earlier decades of your life. Even if you find a partner, you may suffer from new-relationship anxiety often because you’re constantly worrying about whether you’re handling things the right way.
You may also encounter some challenges and some amusing reactions when you enter or re-enter the dating ring after a hiatus. However, none of these reasons are good enough for giving up on love at 40. If you desire love and partnership, there is no reason to hold yourself back just on account of societal stereotypes. The bottom line is that all these limiting statements are just age-old beliefs and myths. If you play your cards right, you can find true love in your 40s and beyond, having a rocking, exciting love life.
What Are The Rules Of Dating After 40?
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While we believe there should be no rules or regulations when it comes to love, certain guidelines are worth bearing in mind when you are setting dating timelines in your 40s. The first one relates to setting expectations realistically in a relationship in your 40s as well as when you’re dating to find a partner.
You may feel your world begins at 40, but the world may not share your view. While dating a 40-year-old bachelor or even a divorcee or widow/er is no longer considered taboo, not everyone may be open to this experience. Even those who are may have their share of inhibitions. It would be best to bear that in mind when you set your expectations from this dating experience.
Secondly, society looks at men and women over 40 in the dating arena rather differently. It is believed that the chances of finding love after 40 are far higher for a man than for a woman. It is especially tougher for women who have baggage in terms of a bad divorce or children. But again, these are old notions and the sooner you embrace your emotional baggage, the easier it will be for you.
Most importantly, you should not be too hung up on what you want and how you want it. Agreed, after a certain age it becomes difficult to adjust, compromise and scale down expectations but being amenable to changes and keeping an open mind will increase your chances of finding Mr or Ms Right.
Above all, be positive and never let the age factor enter your thought process. Your friends may all be much-married men and women while you are wondering if you should make the first move with a guy/girl you fancy, but do not let others’ journey decide your own.
Normalize dating in the 40s, be cool about trying your luck again after a bad marriage or divorce, do not allow others to judge your actions and be patient with your times and efforts, and know what to expect when dating in your 40s. We’re here to help you with that.
Related Reading: Second Marriage After 40 – What to Expect
Dating In 40s – 15 Tips To Do It Right
The key to making dating in the 40s a success story lies in how you bring your vast life experience to the relationship arena. In the fourth decade of your life, you would be wiser, more mature, have a unique perspective on life and the ability to look at relationships through a different prism.
So if you find yourself suddenly in this situation, do not worry about how to start dating in your 40s. Instead, use these qualities to your advantage and make it the best decade of your romantic life:
1. Don’t be embarrassed
Whether you’re dating in your 40s after a divorce, losing a spouse or having been single for far too long, own your choice. It doesn’t matter whether you are single or have been married before. A lot of people think it’s embarrassing to be single at 40-plus because it shows their inability to commit. Never let societal judgments determine your needs or behavior. Be the architect of your story, enjoy being single while it lasts and embrace dating opportunities as they come your way.
Perhaps you were single all along because you were busy living the good life! Or perhaps your previous marriage didn’t work out because you didn’t believe in leading an unhappy life. Whatever be your situation, don’t be on the defensive when you find yourself at the receiving end of judgment about your decision of dating in the 40s.
2. Be candid about what you want
How to find love in your 40s? By being open and upfront about what you seek from dating in the 40s. This is not the age or time to beat around the bush. You need to be honest about your needs, expectations and desires to your date. Are you looking for just a casual relationship to keep loneliness at bay or are you finally thinking of settling down?
If you have children, would you want to introduce your date to them and vice versa in the long run? There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. But you definitely need to define your dating goals and be clear about what you want. It would also avoid confusion and heartache, should your relationship become serious.
3. Tread carefully with casual liaisons
If you are dating in your 40s after a divorce or losing a long-term partner, there might be temptation to get into meaningless one-night stands on the rebound. Sure, it sounds like a great idea. A no-strings-attached relationship might be the balm you think you require after a stressful period.
But these hot affairs will not fulfill you in any way, especially if you’re wondering how to find love in your 40s. There is no harm in a bit of casual dating but don’t make a habit of it. It is perfectly understandable that you may not fancy yourself getting into a committed relationship but by going on a dating spree you are only preventing yourself from a real, meaningful relationship entering your life.
Related Reading: 12 Things you need to know about one-night stands
4. Try online dating and dating apps
Is it too late to find love at 40? Absolutely not! This may have been a valid concern for the previous generations where the success of people’s dating life was solely dependent on the pool of available singles in their vicinity, and at 40, that pool can be remarkably small.
In this digital era, there is just no reason for giving up on love at 40. However, that means bracing yourself to sign up on dating apps and get swiping. So, brush up your skills, find the right app for your relationship goals, and put in the effort to set up a killer profile, and get in the thick of the online dating frenzy. .
Heed our online dating advice, and do not try to be “younger” or “cooler” just to be able to attract more matches. Let your online dating profile be as close a reflection of your real personality as possible. Also, these tools and the virtual dating space have a language of their own and using it may seem like a daunting task initially. However, online dating in the 40s is fun and has a lot of scope for seeking out like-minded men and women. Be open to it.
5. Do not hesitate to make the first move
When you are dating in your 40s or above, life blesses you with a certain amount of confidence. Use that to your advantage. If you find someone attractive, do not hesitate to make the first move. Initiate a conversation, ask them out and if that first date goes well, take that first step toward a kiss. But whatever you do, approach a potential romantic interest with the air of a person who knows what he/she wants.
As you age, you can handle rejection and acceptance (or at least you should be able to), so you have little to lose really. Over and above, be mature about it and do it with a certain flair that only experience and age can bring about. Knowing what to expect when dating in your 40s and defining your goals realistically can definitely help add that added hint of confidence and self-assured attitude to your personality.
6. Never badmouth your ex
So you have bagged a date and feel that there is a real chance of this budding romance turning into a real relationship. Do not blow your chances by venting your sob story about your past failed relationship/s. One of the most crucial dating in 40s tips is to not badmouth your ex, especially if you are a divorcee.
Nobody appreciates it when exes air their dirty laundry in public, much less a person you’re trying to woo and hoping to start a relationship with. You are not going to win any sympathy, rather you come across as a whiner. You may reveal these details at a later stage but do not overshare and spoil the mood early on.
Can a man find love after 40? Can a woman make a fresh start in her 40s? If you have been asking these questions after a few unsuccessful attempts have dashed your hopes of ever finding love again, it may be time for some stock-taking. What do you talk about with your dates? Do you tend to dish out too many details of your past? Do your first-date conversations border on a monologue about heartbreak, pain and angst? If so, it is time to shake things up a little and channelize the charmer in you to bowl over potential romantic partners.
7. Have an open mind for each date
When you have been single for a long time and begin dating in 40s, it is natural for a bit of cynicism to creep in. Perhaps you are a veteran of short-term relationships and feel that something long-term or stable is not just meant for you. You may even find yourself asking: “Is it too late to find love at 40? Can I find love in my 40s when I couldn’t make it happen in the prime of my life?”
However, this disparaging talk is only going to dent your confidence and hopes of finding love again. Try and shed these negative thoughts and begin each date on a clean slate. Give the new man or woman you meet the respect he or she deserves. They are not to blame for your past bad experiences if any, so keep a positive mindset when you re-enter the dating arena.
8. Don’t hesitate to experiment
One of the pitfalls of having a long dating history is that you develop a ‘type’. When you are dating in your 40s, it is difficult to go against that ‘type’, and as a result, you may end up making the same mistakes of the past. Your past relationships can offer many lessons about your patterns in choosing a partner.
So, scratch the surface, dig a little deeper to understand why you keep getting drawn to similar people and break that pattern. Treat this decade as one where you go against your set notions. If you have always fallen for the strong, silent type, try developing a relationship with the gregarious, loud personality. Look for someone who is living outside your city, follows a different faith or lifestyle or pursues a different career.
You will be surprised at how many people there are out there who can be a perfect match for you. If you’ve been wondering how to find love in your 40s, this might well be the answer you’ve been looking for all along.
9. Make the effort
Unfortunately, in this day and age, Cupid does not strike at first or even second glance. You have to make the effort to meet people, you need to make the connections and you need to put yourself out there. So take those initial steps. Join a club if you have to. Spread the word that you are on the lookout for a date and enlist your close friends. Learn the ropes of online dating if you have to.
Unless you make it happen, love won’t strike magically. And resolve to keep looking until you find someone who is just right for you. Whether you’re dating in your 40s after divorce or having lost the love of your life, you have to be prepared to pick up the pieces and start afresh, and give it your all. There is no alternative to finding love, be it in your 20s or 40s.
10. Learn to be patient
What to expect when dating in your 40s? A considerable wait for the right person to walk into your life. Agreed, patience might be a difficult virtue when you begin dating in your 40s as you may feel you have waited for enough for ‘the one’. But just because you have not found true love yet, does not mean you settle for anything less than true love even if you are looking for it at an unconventional age.
There might be a thrill in entering the dating ring after a long break (either due to a past marriage or committed relationship) but don’t rush it because you think you are in a hurry. Treat it like dating at any other age, gauge your compatibility well and develop the relationship step by step.
11. Don’t say ‘Yes’ too often
If you choose the route of online dating, things can get out of hand pretty soon. Be it a dating app or a website, you might be inundated with responses if you put up a good profile. Seeing so many people open to the idea of dating a 40-year-old bachelor or divorcee and matching with you can be overwhelming at first.
The temptation to swipe right or say yes to every new connection might be rife at this stage but you ought to learn to rein in those impulses. Meeting a plethora of prospects might give you an ego boost in the first few weeks but it soon can get exhausting and boring. Instead, choose to interact with profiles that truly speak to you, meet those who you genuinely find interesting and skip the random requests.
Related Reading: Top 15 Best Alternatives To Tinder – It’s 2020!!
12. Resolve to have fun
It’s a different matter if you have been active on the dating scene throughout your 30s and 40s but when you suddenly decide to start dating in 40s, you might be filled with self-doubts. The first rule of entering the dating pool, especially the online date pool is to not take things seriously.
So if you find yourself swiping left more than right, it’s perfectly okay. If your friend request on FB to a guy/girl you fancy is not reciprocated, it’s totally fine. Do not take it as a ‘rejection’. The idea should be to have fun and not set a timeline or deadline.
Don’t fixate on doubt-inducing questions like is it too late to find love at 40, can a man find love after 40, or can a woman in her 40s find a partner. Instead, make the most of the experience. Enjoy the journey you’ve embarked upon rather than just fixating on the destination.
13. Be in your best shape
Yes, this might sound shallow but it is not. When we say ‘best shape’, it means you take care of yourself physically and mentally. It is not necessary to be super sexy or compete with the 20 somethings with your ripped body or envious curves but you can certainly invest in looking your best, being well-groomed and pleasant.
Shower yourself with the same importance that you would want to give your date. Eat well, exercise and visit the spa or salon. It will not only add to your confidence but also make you more attractive to those who you wish to charm. Practising self-love is the first step to seeking new love.
14. You don’t have to force marriage
Some people may not be cut out for marriage. You may have learned this lesson the hard way (going through a divorce) or you may have realized this over the years, preferring to choose singledom over commitment. There is nothing to be embarrassed about your choice provided you are candid about it.
Sometimes, there might be indirect pressure from families or friends to commit just because you have started dating in 40s. Now, more than ever, you’re in a position to stand up for yourself and live life on your own terms. Be confident in your skin and clear in your communication.
Instead of giving up on love at 40 just because you don’t see marriage or long-term commitment as your life goals, recalibrate what it is you seek from a romantic partnership and find someone who wants the same things as you.
15. Be your true self
Finally, it’s the key that is the root of any relationship. In the dating scene when you step in at a slightly older age, the most important quality is authenticity. You can get away with fibbing or putting on a façade when you are young and restless but when you are older and mature, you will be expected to behave in a certain way.
Be your most authentic self and you will never regret it. Take it slow, be honest about your expectations and theirs, and most importantly, be prepared for any eventuality. Just because you have waited long, you may not find Prince or Princess Charming at first go but that’s no reason to give up either.
It is perhaps not fair to put people in an age bracket and expect things out of them. But what you can and should do after 40, is to acknowledge and accept the situation you are in. It doesn’t matter whether you have been unlucky in love all these years but remember you are unique just like your age and your experiences. So give it your all and wait for love to find you.
FAQs
Dating isn’t harder in your 40s but it may certainly be different. This is because your life experiences may bring in different expectations and challenges.
Relationships seem to move faster in your 40s because the age factor often plays on peoples’ minds. Having waited too long for a committed relationship, they may not have the patience to let it develop gradually.
The chances of finding love after 40 are quite good though it’s thought to be otherwise. By this age, you know what you are looking for, would have a settled career and are likely to be surer of yourself than before.
Absolutely not. It may be difficult to find too many single and available people at 40 but these days with internet dating opening up several avenues, it is not difficult at all to meet someone who is like-minded at 40 or above.
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