What is it like dating an engineer? Reminds me of the movie Love & Engineering. Atanas, a computer engineer, tries to develop a scientific formula for a perfect relationship. With these tips, he helps other engineers navigate the world of love, dating, and relationships. But are engineers as lonely and shy as shown in the movie? Does inventing and structuring things come easily to them but not conversations with the opposite sex? What are the tips to remember when hacking an engineer’s heart? Let’s find out.
11 Things To Know Before Dating An Engineer
Table of Contents
Sindhu Rajasekaran wrote in her book, So I Let It Be, “Dreams? Yours are skewed versions of your everyday reality. Of Java, Oracle and servers, greasy subway trains, and skyscrapers. You do fall off the precipice sometimes, naked, and fly into three-dimensional turquoise oceans. At times you see pixels around you. Sperms. Electrons and black holes, the matrix, 0’s and 1’s, polarized light.” A perfect reflection of an engineer’s personality and the workings of their mind, which can go in myriad different directions at the same time. What are some things you should know to keep your relationship with someone with such an eclectic mind flourishing? Let’s find out:
1. Communication isn’t their strong suit
Why are most engineers single? Since they’re academically driven, they tend to spend most of their high school and college years buried in books, which means they don’t get a chance to flirt around or date much. So, an engineer may not be a quintessential charmer or smooth with words. In fact, being with an engineer can mean dating an introvert. They might be awkward and communication may not be their strongest suit. You have to give them time to get comfortable around you and open up.
2. They might find it difficult to see things in gray
If you have been a student of humanities or arts, dating an engineer can challenge you in many ways. While your education may have trained you to grasp the layers and complexities of issues, engineers are trained to see the practical side of things. This often translates into a core aspect of an engineer’s personality—preferring clarity to ambiguity. If you’re an overthinker, it can seem like you’re dating your polar opposite. However, that can, in fact, prove to be one of the benefits of dating an engineer because they can offer you realistic, pragmatic solutions to issues. Your partner’s realism and rationality can perfectly balance out your romanticism.
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3. They’re adept at dealing with stressful situations
One surefire positive of having an engineer partner is that you can count on them to not overreact, no matter how unpleasant the situation. The years of training and hours of toiling over complex issues at work, day in and day out, prepare them to come up with logical solutions to any problem. In relationships, this can translate into an ability to resolve conflicts in a calm, mature manner. And you can count on your partner to be there to support and help you work through whatever challenges life throws your way.
4. You might have to take the lead
Remember the movie Social Network? Remember how Harvard undergrad and computer programming genius Mark Zuckerberg alienates his girlfriend in the movie? He makes condescending remarks toward her. He is so bad at opening up that she thinks conversing with him is like using the ‘Stairmaster’.
Dating engineers can be tricky because they may push love away without even realizing it, as Zuckerberg did. But you can circumvent the issue by taking the lead and showing your partner by example how to navigate relationship dynamics. So, ask them out. Flirt. Communicate. Be romantic. You might have to set a precedent.
5. When dating an engineer, get used to acronyms
“When will you be back?” EOD. “Are we going away this weekend?” TBD. “Did you happen to look at the picture I sent you?” Sry, AFK. Being with an engineer means that these acronyms are part of your lingo now. Lots of them ahead. So you might just have to get with it and embrace this new way of communication. By the way, EOD stands for ‘End Of Day’. TBD stands for ‘To Be Determined’. AFK stands for ‘Away From Keyboard’.
All these short forms are frequently found in chat rooms of massively multiplayer online games (MMOG). If your partner uses them as a native speaker, perhaps, it’d work well for you to dip your toes into the world of gaming. Such enriching and diverse experiences certainly count among the benefits of dating an engineer because they broaden your horizons. At the very least, you can count on getting an enriched vocabulary and a newfound proficiency at gaming out of this relationship.
6. You may have to drag them out
What is it like dating an engineer? Work, Code, Game, Sleep, Repeat. This is the cycle you’re stepping into and it can be a task to convince them to step outside of this comfort zone and try something new. If you’re an outgoing, party-loving, thrill-seeking extrovert, this can turn into a bit of a pain point in the relationship.
For dating an engineer successfully when you’ve mismatched interests, you have to either cultivate healthy space for you to pursue your individual interests or embrace some of their interests, like sci-fi movies, conventions, games, the works. When they see you making an effort to take an interest in their hobbies and passions, they’re likely to reciprocate by getting on board with doing things you like.
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7. Prepare to deal with passion or an existential crisis
There are two types of engineers—those who are truly passionate about what they do and those who are probably living their parents’ dreams. If the person you’re dating falls in the first category, you expect them to be deeply invested in their work, talking your ear off about whatever it is they’re working on or just the general developments in the field of science.
If they’re the second kind, you could be dealing with frequent existential crises and statements like, “What am I doing with my life?” or “I’m tempted to give it all up and move to a cabin in the woods.” One of the tips for dating an engineer in either of these situations is to find ways to be patient in a relationship. Lend a patient ear, hear them out, without letting it ruffle your feathers.
8. They don’t mind low-key
Dating an engineer is not that difficult. You can make them happy with pizza and beer. Be it dates or clothes, they are content with being low-key. Jeans and t-shirts or cargo shorts and neutrals, at-home date night or movie and dinner, their choices are simple and effortless. This means you don’t have to go the extra mile or constantly be on your toes, looking for novel ways to sweep your partner off your feet. As long as you show up, be there, and make an effort to connect with them, they’ll be content being with you. It’s not hard to make an engineer fall in love with you and that’s definitely a plus given how complex modern dating dynamics have become.
9. It’s cute to have a nerd in your life
What is the first word that comes to mind when you want to describe a typical engineer’s personality? Nerd, right? While there is no denying that engineers are really smart, they invariably also have a nerdy side to them. That can be adorable. They can talk passionately about ninjas, pirates, or zombies. Besides, their sarcastic comebacks, witty one-liners, and dry sense of humor can make conversations fun and light-hearted. This blend of wit and cuteness is definitely one of the perks of dating an engineer.
10. Their curiosity makes them keepers
Considering going out with an engineer? Be prepared to be with someone who asks questions about everything. This childlike curiosity is what makes them rare. As we grow up, we stop questioning things and start taking them at face value. Dating an engineer is bound to change that and bring back that innocent inquisitiveness in you as well, allowing you to evolve your perspective on even the most mundane things you’ve gotten used to taking for granted. This is one of the signs of a positive relationship.
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11. Technology comes easily to them
My engineer friend introduced me to the cracked version of Spotify long before Spotify was even a thing! Their expertise and technological know-how make it easier for you to navigate this tech-driven world, and that’s definitely one of the perks of dating an engineer, especially if you’re not savvy. Be it deciding which phone, laptop, or TV to buy, setting up new gadgets, installing tricky software updates, or troubleshooting, you have an expert to guide you through the often nerve-racking aspects of modern life.
Dos And Don’ts Of Dating An Engineer
Now that you know what to expect when going out with an engineer, let’s talk about how to date one successfully. Engineers are typically easy-going, pragmatic people, who don’t ask a lot of their partners—except, perhaps space, which they need copious amounts. So, if you’re the typical clingy girlfriend or boyfriend, expect turbulence in your romantic paradise. Other than that, navigating a relationship with an engineer is not hard. As long as you keep these simple dos and don’ts in mind, there is no reason why you can’t forge a deep, lasting connection with them:
Dos | Don’ts |
1. Be clear and direct: To facilitate healthy and open communication, you must be straightforward in expressing your thoughts or needs. Avoid being vague or overly emotional, as they may not quite know how to process it | 1. Don’t stereotype them: Don’t cast the person you’re dating in stereotypical molds—pragmatic, nerdy, emotionally unaware, to name a few. While engineers may be logic-driven, they’re capable of feeling emotions deeply. They may, however, express these emotions differently, and that’s okay |
2. Appreciate their analytical mindset: Engineers are natural problem-solvers and are proud of their ability to break down complex issues with their logical approach. Showing admiration toward this aspect of their personality can help cement your bond | 2. Don’t expect spontaneity all the time: Engineers are planners by training and may not always deal well with sudden changes and surprises. So, be prepared for the fact that spontaneity may not be at the forefront of your dating life |
3. Show interest in their projects: Take an interest in their hobbies, projects, or latest gadget obsession. This will make them feel understood and appreciated | 3. Don’t be intimated by their intelligence: Their naturally curious and analytical nature puts them on a path of lifelong learning. Embrace that aspect of their personality rather than feel insecure about it |
4. Be patient: Engineers can slip into a “flow state” where they are hyper-focused on their work. It can be helpful if you respect their need for concentration and space instead of getting frustrated | 4. Don’t be too critical of their work hours: Their work may demand focus and long hours. Don’t let it become a sore spot in your relationship. If it makes you feel ignored or neglected, communicate your needs without making them feel guilty |
5. Encourage curiosity: Evoke curiosity by engaging your engineer partner in mentally stimulating conversations that explore new ideas and concepts | 5. Don’t assume they’re bored if they’re quiet: They may recede into their shell to recharge and rejuvenate. While these spells of silence can be worrying when in the initial stages of a relationship, once you understand that it’s about them and not an expression of their lack of interest in you, navigating it can become easier |
6. Accept their pragmatism: Engineers are wired to think pragmatically. This may mean that if you share a problem with them, they may start offering practical solutions rather than recognizing that you may just need to vent. That’s something you will have to learn to accept | 6. Don’t overlook their effort: An engineer may express love through actions and acts of service. Don’t invalidate or dismiss this effort, it can mean a lot to them |
7. Enjoy their quirky humor: Engineers often have a unique sense of humor, sometimes involving puns or nerdy jokes. Laugh along and embrace it | 7. Don’t dismiss their attention to detail: This is another seemingly quirky aspect of their personality that most engineers are proud to possess. Acknowledge it as a strength instead of mocking or dismissing it |
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is it hard to date an engineer?
No, dating an engineer is not that difficult if you realize that they’re just as human as you and not a code that can be cracked. As long as you understand their personality, likes and dislikes, strengths, and limitations, and are accepting of who they are, there’s no reason why you can’t date an engineer successfully.
2. Who are engineers most likely to marry?
Since a person’s profession is not the sole criterion that determines their choice of spouse, it’s not possible to say conclusively who engineers are more likely to marry. That said, interesting research by Bloomberg Business indicates that female civil engineers are most likely to marry hairdressers, hairstylists, and cosmetologists. Male civil engineers are most likely to marry elementary- and middle-school teachers.
3. What do engineers look for in a partner?
Engineers look for someone who can balance their logic and rationality with empathy, compassion, expression, and communication—a partner who can respect their boundaries and at the same time draw them out of their shells.
Key Pointers
- Engineers are typically smart, logic-driven, pragmatic people, who may not be well-versed in the complexities of human interactions, especially in the romantic realm
- They are adept at handling stressful situations, are natural problem-solvers, and make for low-maintenance partners
- Their passions for their work, quest for knowledge, and nerdy characteristics add to their charm and appeal
- To date an engineer successfully, you must appreciate their strengths, make peace with their limitations, and not push them beyond their limits. As long as you’re kind, compassionate, and respectful of their boundaries, they will reciprocate and work with you to build a lasting connection
Final Thoughts
Finally, let’s remember that this list does not apply to every single engineer on the planet and exceptions might exist. Also, it’s not meant to stereotype and generalize. These are just tips that might or might not help you. Apply them and find out. Good luck with your engineer crush…
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