Imagine meeting someone who showers you with love, admiration, and compliments. Makes you feel wanted and desired. Acts like their entire life revolves around you. It can feel like a fairytale come true. Almost as if you’ve found the perfect partner. The idea of being swept off one’s feet has been idealized so much that such a whirlwind of romance can make you feel like the luckiest person on earth. Until, something starts feeling off or the heady pace of a relationship starts feeling too overwhelming. That’s where understanding the love bombing vs genuine interest difference becomes crucial for your emotional health. 

If you have recently started dating someone and think the entire process of meeting, dating, and falling in love is happening at a lightning speed and it’s left you feeling like you’re being manipulated or taken advantage of, you may already be in the thick of a love bomb cycle. To regain control of the situation, you need to understand what love bombing is, how it is different from a genuine connection or real love, and how you can deal with it without being subsumed by a partner. We’re here to offer you some clarity on the love bombing or genuine interest divide, in consultation with psychologist Jayant Sundaresan (Masters in Applied Psychology), who specializes in offering counseling for a range of relationship issues such as communication breakdown, expectation management, infidelity, separation and divorce. 

What Is Love Bombing? 

Love bombing is an overwhelming display of affection and attention, often used to gain control or manipulate someone in a relationship. Given that expressions of love and affection as well as attention and care are normal in a relationship, to be able to discern whether what you’re dealing with is love bombing or genuine connection, it’s important to address the question: what does love bombing look like? It can look like 

• Constant compliments
• Grand gestures
• Frequent texting
• Declarations of love early on
• Saying things like, “You’re my soulmate,” within just days of meeting

These words and actions might sound romantic, but they can also be red flags, especially when they don’t match the length or depth of the relationship. Describing it as “too much too soon”, Jayant says, “Love bombing entails bombarding a partner with lots of affection in the initial stages of a relationship. The receiver will undoubtedly feel loved and special in the beginning. But as the relationship progresses, they may start feeling uneasy about the intensity and pace at which things are progressing.” 

The psychology behind love bombing

While love bombing feels intoxicating and flattering at first, it often masks ulterior motives of exerting control or creating dependency. At its core, this tendency is rooted in emotional manipulation. Jayant says, “The target becomes hooked to the high of being adored, which makes it harder to recognize the manipulation later.” This is often a tactic used by—but not limited to—individuals with narcissistic tendencies, and is driven by: 

• Need for control: A person may resort to love bombing to gain influence over you, making you feel like you can’t live without their approval
• Insecurity: In many cases, the person bombarding you with love has deep-seated insecurities and uses the relationship to validate their worth
• Power dynamics: By idealizing you, they subtly position themselves as the one in control, so when the love bombing fades, you’re left chasing the connection you once had

Related Reading: Romantic Manipulation – 15 Things Disguised As Love

Why do people fall for love bombing?

Why is it so hard to discern the love bombing vs real love difference? Why do you get swept off your feet by someone bombarding you with love and attention? Why is it so hard to recognize red flags that may be staring you in the face? Well, it’s easy to fall for love bombing because it feeds into your natural desire for love, validation, and connection. You’re only human—who wouldn’t be drawn to someone who seems to get you and adore you so unconditionally? Here’s why:

• It feels like a fairytale: The whirlwind romance is intoxicating. When someone showers you with attention, it feels you’re finally getting the love story you’ve always dreamed of
• It’s a biological response: Psychologically, your brain is wired to respond to affection. When you’re love-bombed, your body releases dopamine and oxytocin, chemicals that make you feel euphoric and bonded to the other person
• Vulnerability plays a role: If you’re going through a rough phase in life—like a breakup—or struggle with issues like low self-esteem, all that love and attention can feel like a refreshing new lease on life that makes you feel good about yourself

Jayant says, “The early stages of love activate the reward centers in your brain, creating a feeling of addiction. When you’re being love bombed, the influx of those feel-good experiences is so high that it might just blind you to the red flags when you’re in the thick of a love bombing cycle.”

What Is Genuine Interest And Care? 

To be able to figure out the answer to, “Is it love bombing or genuine interest?”, you need to know what the latter looks like in a budding romantic connection, given that love, affection, and attention are integral to any intimate relationship between two people. However, the love bombing vs genuine interest difference shines through in the way these elements manifest. 

A genuine connection goes beyond grand gestures or romantic words. Here, a person’s feelings for you are reflected in the small, consistent actions that make you feel truly seen, valued, and supported. When someone truly cares for you, their actions align with their words. Here’s what it looks like:

• They listen actively: A caring partner doesn’t just hear you; they genuinely listen. They remember the little things you say, from your favorite coffee order to the details of your workday, and they bring these up later to show they were paying attention
• They support your growth: They’re not threatened by your ambitions or independence. Instead, they cheer for your successes and encourage you to pursue your goals, even if it means spending time apart. 
• They respect your boundaries: When a connection is genuine, you won’t feel smothered or overwhelmed. Instead, the person you’re with will understand that you are your own person with your own limits. They will honor your need for space, respect your opinions, and never pressure you into anything you’re uncomfortable with
• They’re consistent: A person who genuinely cares about you will show up when they say they will, keeps promises, and proves through their actions that you can depend on them. 
• There is emotional intimacy: One of the clearest signs of genuine interest is emotional intimacy. The person you’re dating or in a relationship with will take the time to understand your feelings, fears, and dreams, and create a safe space where you can share without fear of judgment or ridicule 

• They validate your feelings: When a person’s feelings for you are genuine, they won’t be dismissive of your emotions. Even if your feelings make them feel uncomfortable, they will acknowledge them by saying things like, “I understand why you feel that way,” or “It’s okay to be upset—let’s talk about it.”
• There is healthy conflict resolution: Every relationship has disagreements, but a caring partner will approach conflict with respect. Their focus is on resolving issues rather than winning arguments

Why genuine interest feels different

It’s easy to confuse fleeting excitement with genuine care, especially in the early stages of a relationship. But true interest has a unique quality—it feels steady, grounded, and secure. Here’s how you can tell the difference:

• They’re interested in you: A caring partner takes the time to learn about what truly makes you tick, your quirks, hobbies, and values—not just surface-level things
• They celebrate you for who you are: They don’t try to change you or mold you into someone else. Instead, they accept you with all your strengths and flaws.
• They make you feel safe: In a relationship rooted in a genuine connection between two people, there’s no fear of being judged, manipulated, or abandoned. Instead, you feel comfortable being your authentic self

Love Bombing Vs Genuine Interest: 8 Ways To Tell The Difference 

Now that we understand what love bombing and genuine care look like, let’s revisit the core question at hand: how can you tell whether you’re dealing with love bombing or genuine interest? There are many markers that can help you differentiate between the two but the most telling is that when you’re being love bombed, the relationship feels too good to be true yet leaves you feeling unsettled and ill-at-ease. 

Jayant explains, “The intent behind love bombing is to make the receiver feel indebted. The person bombarding you with love and attention wants you to pressure you into reciprocating their feelings.” This can manifest in the following behaviors that aren’t seen in healthy relationships built on a strong connection:

1. The pace of the relationship

Jayant says, “If you are wondering whether it’s love bombing or genuine interest, see if the relationship is moving too fast. In a healthy relationship, people take the time to nurture their connection and let things progress organically. However, when you’re being love bombed, it all feels heady and rushed. If a genuine relationship is a fine dining experience, where every course is savored before moving on to the next, love bombing is like any fast food. That’s one of the easiest ways to distinguish love bombing vs. genuine care.”

A person love bombs you because they want you to idealize them. They are creating a feeling of dependency inside you that leaves you feeling like you cannot function without them. Always trust your gut and intuition. If at any point you find yourself questioning, “What does love bombing look like?”, then take a moment to pause and reflect on how the relationship makes you feel about yourself. 

Related Reading: 15 Signs He Never Loved You – And How To Get Over It

2. The motivation behind the relationship

Jayant shares, “In a healthy relationship, your partner loves you without any ulterior motive or hidden agenda. They have no desire to control you, change the person you are, or gain power over you. However, love bombing is all about power struggle in a relationship. A love bomber has their own agenda. You are just their target.

“They have very clear ulterior motives—the first one is to own you and the second is to manipulate you for their gain or convenience for as long as they like. These experiences can leave you emotionally scarred and destroy your self-esteem and self-worth.”

3. Grand gestures vs consistent acts of care

Jayant says, “In healthy relationships, romantic gestures are sweet and warm, but a person who is love bombing you will resort to grand gestures to sweep you off your feet. That’s because they want you to feel indebted to them and create the impression that nobody has and nobody will ever give you what they can.” 

A simple difference between love bombing and genuine care is that when someone cares about you genuinely, their expression of how they feel about you may be small but they will always be consistent. For instance, they may make it a ritual to bring you coffee every morning or text to check in if you got home okay after a late night out, to a point that you can count on them to do these things for you.

On the other hand, a person love bombing you might show up outside your workplace with flowers, donuts, and coffee for a week straight and then suddenly stop. Or they may text you constantly through the day and late into the night for the first month or two, and then dial back to the point where you begin to wonder if they’re soft ghosting you or end up being the one who’s chasing them with repeated texts and calls in an effort to maintain the same level of communication as before.      

Related Reading: Are You A Standby Lover? 15 Signs You Are A Backup Boyfriend

4. Integrating lives vs cutting you off from others

When you start dating someone new, as the relationship progresses, you also integrate yourselves into each other’s lives. You meet their friends at some point and introduce them to yours. Then, come meeting the siblings, the parents. Becoming part of each other’s social circle. However, when you’re being love bombed in a romantic relationship, you will find yourself isolated—as if your entire world has shrunken to just one person. 

Jayant shares, “One of the obvious ways to determine if it is love bombing or genuine care is by noticing if the person you’re with has kept you in a glass chamber. Everyone can see you from the outside and you can see everyone from the inside. The glass is transparent but you are trapped in a relationship. They will cut you off from the outside world, from your friends and family.”

If your friends complain that you don’t hang out with them anymore or you feel like you can’t be there for your friends and family even when you want to be, it’s a glaring red flag. A person who really loves you won’t confine you in a cage. They would want you to have a life of your own. They would tell you to go out, meet your friends, and have a nice time, and not make you feel guilty about it. 

5. Space vs smothering

Wondering, “Is it love bombing or genuine feelings you’re dealing with?” The answer can be found in how much space you have to be your person. Jayant says, “A love bomber is usually a narcissist who wants everything to be centered around them. If you are dating a narcissist, you may find yourself being smothered by them and feeling overwhelmed by their need for attention, especially at the beginning of the relationship. 

“When you aren’t with them for a brief period, they will wonder what you are doing in their absence. They will check your phone, track your whereabouts, and interrogate you about your whereabouts. They will pull this off with such finesse that you won’t realize that they are keeping a check on you.” On the other hand, in a relationship built on genuine care and feelings, you have the space to be your own person, pursue your interests, without feeling guilty. That’s because such a relationship is built on the bedrock of trust and security.   

Related Reading: 11 Examples Of Unhealthy Boundaries In Relationships

6. Boundaries or lack thereof

Another key love bombing vs real love difference is that a love bomber has zero respect for privacy and boundaries. They will constantly invade your personal space and will get offended when you set boundaries and take time for yourself. Whereas a person who genuinely cares about you will respect your boundaries and limitations, be open to discussing what you are or aren’t comfortable with, and take those into consideration in determining how they behave with you. 

7. Trust vs using your vulnerability against you

To be able to discern the love bombing vs genuine interest difference, you need to look at the element of trust in a relationship. “Trust between partners stimulates vulnerability and empowers you to share your weaknesses, traumas, fears, and secrets because you know these won’t be used against you,” says Jayant. 

If you have a partner who uses your weaknesses against you, either to manipulate you or make you feel bad about yourself, then tell us: Is it love bombing or genuine care? Well, it’s a no-brainer. If they bring up things shared in moments of vulnerability without consent and then use that information to hurt you, it’s a cruel and vicious tactic to twist and control the narrative.

A genuine person will never do that. They respect the fact that you trusted them enough to open up to them and never bring up the things you’ve shared with them unless you want to have a conversation about it.

8. Love bombing vs genuine interest difference lies in the power dynamics

Jayant says, “An unhealthy relationship built on the foundation of love bombing is always characterized by skewed power dynamics. At the core of it, a love bomber looks at relationships like a game of chess. They want to checkmate their partner by gaining control of the relationship. Balance goes haywire as soon as the target of love bombing succumbs to the overtures.”

Of course, this is not the case when two people who genuinely care about each other come together to build a relationship based on mutual respect, love and understanding. In that case, the relationship is a partnership of equals. Sure, there may be moments when one partner gives more than the other. However, the dynamic is not set in stone and is rather reciprocal—where one partner shows up for the other when they need them to. 

But that’s not the case when you’re being love bombed. Once love bomber has reeled you in, they’re in total control of the relationship narrative and steer it as they see fit. You have no choice but to go along, for as long as you can—which is often way beyond your emotional capacity.  

Related Reading: Push Pull Relationship – 9 Ways To Overcome It

What To Do If You’re Being Love Bombed

Being love bombed can feel confusing and overwhelming. What starts as a flattering experience brimming with attention and affection can soon turn into a suffocating nightmare where your entire existence boils down to your relationship. Just when you get too invested in your partner, they begin to pull away, making you chase after their validation and feel as if you’re worthless without it. 

Recognizing the red flags before getting sucked in too deep into the love bombing cycle of  idealization, devaluation, and discard is your best bet at protecting yourself from lifelong emotional trauma. If the intensity of a relationship feels too good to be true, or you sense ulterior motives, you must take steps to protect your emotional well-being. Here’s how:

1. Recognize the signs of love bombing

The first step toward safeguarding yourself is to acknowledge that you might be experiencing love bombing. Here are some classic examples of love bombing that you need to treat as red flags of a toxic, emotionally draining relationship in the making: 

• Paying you excessive compliments 
• Premature declarations of love
• Talking about marriage, moving in together, or your “future” together before truly knowing each other
• Overwhelming communication—constant texts, calls, or showing up unannounced
• Emotional manipulation such as guilt-tripping you for asking for space

Jayant advises, “Love bombing always feels intense. If you feel swept off your feet too quickly, slow things down to see what’s really happening.” Most importantly, no matter how flattering it seems to get so much attention from someone you like, if your gut tells you something feels off, pay attention. 

Related Reading: How To Slow Down A Relationship If It Is Going Too Fast

2. Slow things down

What does love bombing look like? Like too much is happening too soon. When you begin to notice this pattern, it’s important that you take control of the situation and don’t let someone rush you into decisions or commitments you’re not ready for. Here’s how:

• Set boundaries about how often you communicate or how much time you spend together
• Politely decline conversations about serious commitments if it feels too soon
• Take a step back if you need to by saying something like, “I’m really enjoying getting to know you, but I prefer to take things at a pace where we can both be comfortable.”

Jayant says, “This isn’t about playing hard to get but about giving yourself time to assess compatibility without being overwhelmed. A healthy relationship builds over time, you cannot rush this process.”

3. Maintain your independence

Love bombers try to isolate you from friends, family, or your usual routines. If you feel like the person you’re with is eclipsing your entire existence, don’t give in. Protect your independence by staying connected to your support system and focusing on your personal goals.

Spend time with loved ones who can offer perspective on the situation. Engage in hobbies, work, and other activities that ground you in your identity outside the relationship. Above all, remember that genuine love doesn’t ask you to give up parts of yourself. 

Related Reading: 9 Dangers Of Falling In Love Too Fast And How To Stop

4. Protect yourself emotionally

Love bombing is so effective because it creates an emotional dependency, where you start craving the high of another person’s attention and affection. It is this dependency that the love bomber will later go on to exploit to manipulate you or exercise control over you. If you find yourself falling into unhealthy patterns like constantly checking your phone to see if they’ve texted or putting aside work or time with friends and family to be with them, or thinking about them obsessively, you need to take a step back and protect yourself emotionally. 

Remind yourself that healthy love isn’t about extremes; it’s about stability and consistency. Then, make a conscious effort to break the unhealthy patterns you may be falling into before they turn into a vicious cycle that’s hard to walk away from. 

If you’re struggling to find a way out, which is likely given that love bombing can feel like a drug—intoxicating and addictive, consider seeking the help of a mental health expert. A skilled therapist can help you recognize the unhealthy patterns, understand why you’re feeling drawn to them, and equip you with tools to protect yourself. If you’re in need of help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you. 

5. Be prepared to walk away

If the love bombing persists despite setting boundaries, or if the person becomes controlling, manipulative, or emotionally abusive, it’s time to consider leaving the relationship. Do not cling on to the perfect version of the early days of the relationship and put up with abuse or manipulation in the hope that your partner will go back to being the way they once were. It’s not going to happen. Remind yourself that you deserve to be with someone who not only genuinely loves you and cares about you but also respects you. 

Once you’ve made up your mind to end the relationship, communicate it to your partner calmly and clearly. Be prepared for the love bombing cycle to begin afresh when you decide to walk away. To not succumb to it all over again, you need to be mindful of all the red flags you may have missed or ignore the first time around and remind yourself that you already know how this script plays out, so there is no point in giving it another chance.  

Final Thoughts

Being love bombed can be disorienting, but by recognizing the behavior and taking steps to set boundaries, you can protect yourself from emotional harm. Jayant says, “Real love feels like calm waters, not a storm. If someone’s attention feels too much, it’s okay to take a step back.” Healthy love takes time to build—it’s about steady affection, not overwhelming intensity.

9 Signs Of Unhealthy Compromise In A Relationship

8 Expert Tips To Survive A Marriage Crisis

11 Things That Happen In Relationships Without Trust

Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.