Do Cheaters Miss Their Ex? Find Out

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There are few things in life that damage your self-esteem as much as betrayal does. You begin to question everything. From your partner’s love to their grand gestures to every word they uttered. You can’t help but wonder if it was all one big lie. Even if you choose to walk away from your cheating partner, the emotional wounds remain. At some point, you may even find yourself wondering, “Do cheaters miss their ex?”

Sadly, the answer may not always be what you’re hoping for. In some cases, people are gripped with cheaters’ remorse when they face the consequences of their actions and see their entire lives being upended because of their poor choices. For others, it may be water off a duck’s back. Irrespective of what the answer is, figuring out how a cheater feels about an ex is an important part of working through the trauma of being cheated on and healing from it. So, let’s try to help you find the answer to: do cheaters realize what they lost and miss their former partners?

Do Cheaters Miss Their Ex?

Table of Contents

Do cheaters miss their ex? How do cheaters feel after a breakup caused by their transgressions? When do they realize the magnitude of their actions? The answers to these questions depend on a myriad of factors, ranging from the personality of the cheater to the reasons behind cheating, the nature of their relationship with their former partner, and how their life turns out in the aftermath of infidelity. Let’s explore these facets to help you whether a cheating partner misses you when you end things because of their transgression.

cheaters remorse — A cheater’s response depends on a myriad of factors

6 common types of cheaters and how they feel about their exes

Do cheaters realize what they lost because they betrayed their partner’s trust? The answer to this question hinges on the personality of a cheater and how they view their actions. To find that answer, let’s explore 6 common types of cheaters and how they feel about their exes:

1. The serial cheater—”On to the next!”

For a serial cheater, their ex is just another name on the list of their conquests, and these people are hardly bothered about a former partner, even if the relationship has crashed and burned because of their actions. That’s because serial cheaters don’t cheat because they’re unhappy, they cheat because they crave novelty and don’t even consider their transgressions a mistake.

They can go about with their life as if nothing happened. They love the thrill of meeting new people and making them fall in love. It boosts their self-esteem. It validates their being. Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains, “For some people, monogamy feels like a cage, and the chase is what keeps them engaged.” They see their exes as part of their history but rarely dwell on them for too long.

Related Reading: The 8 Most Common Types Of Cheating In A Relationship

2. The revenge cheater— “I hope you felt that”

Do cheaters feel guilty about hurting their partners? If cheating is a deliberate means of retaliation, there is usually no remorse or guilt. In this case, the cheater wants their ex to exactly what they felt—hurt, betrayed, or replaced. This happens when a person has been deeply hurt by a partner or thinks they have been.

For instance, if your partner suspected you of cheating on them because they found some suspicious texts on your phone and then went ahead and cheated to get back at you, it’s unlikely that they will feel guilty about their actions or even regret losing you. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, states, “When resentment festers in a relationship, it manifests in destructive behaviors, including revenge cheating.”

3. The emotional cheater—”They just understood me”

serial cheater — Emotional cheating can leave a person feeling conflicted

Emotional cheaters don’t always set out to be unfaithful, but they develop deep, intimate bonds outside their relationship. Psychotherapist Esther Perel says, “Most affairs are less about looking for another person and more about looking for another version of yourself.”

In the case of emotional cheating, a person may feel conflicted and torn between their two partners. On the one hand, they may wrestle with thoughts like, “I cheated on my wife but I love her” or “I regret betraying my husband’s trust” or “I shouldn’t have put my partner through this emotional hell”, but at the same time, a part of still wonders what could’ve been with their affair partner. The result is a complicated mess of cheaters’ remorse and longing, which can leave them tormented.

4. The opportunistic cheater—“It just happened”

These are the people who don’t plan on cheating but end up being in the right (or wrong) place at the wrong time. Alcohol, business trips, or unexpected chemistry can push them over the edge. Dr. Tammy Nelson, author of The New Monogamy, says, “For some, fidelity is situational rather than a moral compass.”

They do exhibit a tinge of regret for their action and may even promise to never do it again, but only if they get caught. Here are some things you may hear them say:

It meant nothing to me
It was just a one-time thing
I was too drunk to think straight
It won’t happen again

Related Reading: Can A Cheater Change? This Is What Therapists Have To Say

5. The midlife crisis cheater—“I just needed to feel alive again”

These are cheaters who aren’t seeking a fling for gratification or thrill but as a means of seeking themselves again. Clinical psychologist Dr. Judith Sills says, “Midlife affairs aren’t just about sex; they’re about reclaiming lost youth and lost dreams.”

In this case, a person may regret the affair because they may love their partner but feel trapped in their routine, so they step outside it. If the affair leads to their marriage or relationship falling apart, they usually experience a mix of cheaters’ remorse as well as resentment toward their ex for “pushing them into” the affair.

6. The unhappy cheater—“I wasn’t getting what I needed”

Cheating stemming from unmet needs in a relationship seldom triggers feelings of regret or remorse. Instead, it invokes a mix of bitterness and justification. Marriage counselor Dr. Terri Orbuch says, “Many affairs happen not because the love is gone, but because the emotional needs aren’t being met.” When people cheat because they genuinely feel neglected, they often blame their partner for pushing them away, rather than fully owning their actions.

As you can see not everyone who cheats is an unthinking, unfeeling monster who isn’t affected by the consequences of their actions. Some people are truly remorseful, and you can spot in them the following signs they regret cheating:

They take accountability for their actions
They go out of their way to rectify their mistakes
They are willing to seek professional help
Their actions will speak louder than words
They cut ties with the person they cheated on you with
They are more caring, loving, and affectionate toward you
You can sense they are changing

Related Reading: How To Stop Overthinking After Being Cheated On – Expert Recommends 7 Tips

5 Scenarios where cheaters mix their ex

When I was betrayed by my former partner, he cheated and chose her. He went on about his life as if nothing happened. I won’t sugarcoat it. It was heartbreaking and I was furious. It made me question the very nature of love. There were so many questions to ask my ex,

Did he even love me?
Was everything a lie?
Did I and the relationship mean nothing?
How could he move on without a tinge of remorse or guilt?

In pursuit of these answers, I discovered some instances when cheaters begin to miss their ex and genuinely regret their actions:

1. When they regret cheating

A person may start missing their ex when they regret cheating. At some point, they are bound to look back. When they do, they might regret hurting you and that’s when they will miss you. This is especially true if you’ve not only walked away from the relationship but have also maintained no contact after being cheated on.

In that case, your cheating ex is bound to wonder if you are doing okay or if you are better off without them. If the relationship between you two fell apart because of a one-time transgression, like a one-night stand with another person, the loss is bound to sting even more because they lost a solid relationship for momentary pleasure.

2. When they are alone

When do cheaters miss their ex? When they are feeling lonely. Even if she/he cheated and chose her/him, they might miss you when they are alone. They might even think of ways to reach out to you, talk to you, and find out if you are still waiting for them.

Nathan, 36, a software engineer, says, “I cheated on my wife but I love her. However, when the affair came to light, she wanted nothing to do with me. She moved out the same day and we have been separated ever since. Every day, when I walk into my empty apartment, I feel sick to the stomach about what I did. I wish I could go back in time and undo it all.”

Related Reading: 11 Probable Reasons He Is Dating Someone Else – Even Though He Likes You

3. When they get cheated on

Cheaters do miss their ex when their current partner cheats on them. I saw the signs he regrets cheating in my ex only when his new girlfriend cheated on him with someone else. He would call me once a week to apologize and go on about what an enormous mistake he made. He even urged me to take him back.

As far as I was concerned, it was a classic case of a cheater getting their karma. Of course, their relationship couldn’t withstand this setback. And that’s hardly a surprise. According to a study, people who cheat are more likely to dump their partner if they do the same thing.

4. When they go to places that remind them of you

do cheaters realize what they lost — Memories can make a cheater miss their ex

Memories last when people don’t and erasing memories and saying goodbye after a relationship ends isn’t as easy as turning a page. When you’re in a relationship with someone, you make tons of memories with them. Happy memories, memories of pain, and memories where the two of you were madly in love. The restaurants you went to for date nights, the long walks on the beach, and dancing in clubs, all become part of these memories.

Will my cheating ex ever miss me, you wonder? If your ex ever revisits the places they have shared fond memories with you, they’re bound to miss you. They will also miss you when they come across the things you left behind. Or when they read your chats, look at your pictures, or come across the gifts you gave them.

5. When they see their ex with someone else

Do cheaters miss their ex? Yes, when they find out the ex has moved on and is dating someone new. Despite having cheated, it can be hard for them to get over you. When they see you moving on, it can feel like a punch to the gut. When I finally tried to move on and started dating a guy my friends set me up with, my ex felt a little thrown. It bruised his little ego.

He thought I would still be crying over him. I wanted no contact after being cheated on yet he would call and beg me to see him one last time. When I went to meet him, all he did was talk about this new man I was dating. He dug up everything about him and tried to prove he wasn’t good enough for me. I replied, “As if you were.” He never asked me to meet him again.

Related Reading: How To Emotionally Detach Yourself From Someone – 10 Ways

5 scenarios where cheaters don’t miss their ex

However, not all cheaters miss their ex once the relationship is over. You may not even see any signs he regrets cheating or she feels guilty about betraying your trust. They can just move on as if the betrayal, the end of the relationship was no big deal at all. This typically happens in the following scenarios:

1. When they’re thriving in a new relationship

If a cheater leaves their ex for an affair partner they genuinely connect with, they might not look back, miss their former partner, or even feel remorse over their actions. They feel validated in their decision, convinced they upgraded. No guilt, no regret—just excitement for their new romance. They may be out there, living their life to the fullest, posting vacation photos with their new partner, smiling like their past never existed. Meanwhile, you’re left to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.

Related Reading: The 9 Truths About Lifelong Extramarital Affairs

2. When they get away with it

Some cheaters don’t miss their ex because… they still have them. If you forgive your cheating partner easily or take them back without consequences, they may have no reason to reflect on their actions. If after their infidelity comes to light, all you do is send them a few angry texts or freeze them out for a few days, and then take them back after a half-hearted apology, and things between you both go back to normal without any real effort on their part to make amends, there won’t be any regret. If anything, they may feel relief or even a sense of entitlement.

3. When they were not emotionally invested in the relationship

do cheaters feel guilty — Lack of emotional investment can make a person not regret cheating

Some people cheat and move past it like it was nothing because they never saw their partner as the one. For example, a serial dater who cheats and gets caught, may just shrug it off and move on to planning their next date by the weekend. For them, the relationship was an outcome of convenience, routine, or just not wanting to be alone, but there was no real emotional investment. That’s why once the relationship ends, they move on without looking back—because they were never fully in it to begin with.

4. When they blame their ex for everything

If a person blames their ex for their choice to cheat, they will never truly reflect on their mistakes or realize what they’ve lost. Instead, they convince themselves that their ex was the problem—too emotionally distant, too controlling, too boring. They don’t miss their ex because, in their mind, their ex “made” them cheat.

Related Reading: 8 Ways Blame-Shifting In A Relationship Harms It

5. When they distract themselves from the loss

Do cheaters realize what they lost and miss their ex? Well, not if they’re working through the breakup by filling the void with distractions. If a person downs themselves in new flings, weekend trips, endless social events, or 14-hour workdays, it shows they’re doing all they can to avoid thinking about the past. Their ex is a closed chapter they have no interest in rereading. And if they’re busy enough, they genuinely don’t miss their ex at all.

Do Cheaters Usually Come Back?

Will your ex come back after they cheated on you and you decided to walk away from them? If they regret cheating, then yes. Below are some of the reasons why an ex comes back after having cheated on you:

They want both—a real relationship and a sidekick
It’s too difficult to move on. You’ve both shared a lot of ups and downs and they are not ready to lose it all because of their infidelity
Cheaters come back because they have fulfilled their fantasies. They had their fun and it’s time to get back to reality
They love you but not the person they cheated on you with
To use you again
They are honestly repentant and are trying to get their act together

Can A Cheater Love Their Partner?

There are many reasons why you cheat on someone. According to a study titled Motivations for Extradyadic Infidelity Revisited, cheating is motivated by various factors such as:

Lack of love and feeling neglected by a partner
Falling out of love with one’s partner
Low self-esteem
A desire to be more popular
Need for sexual variety
Inability to think rationally due to intoxication

None of the above-mentioned reasons can justify cheating, except maybe the last one. I realized something when I was trying to heal and learn how to survive betrayal. I think a person can love the way someone else makes THEM feel without actually caring about how the other person feels. They don’t love you but they love how you make them feel. They call that love but they don’t actually know what love is. They are in love with how THEY feel and can cheat to experience that feeling. The feeling of being wanted, of being desired by as many people as they want gets their blood pumping.

When they say that they love you and can’t live without you, they may even mean it, but what they really mean is that they can’t live without how you make them feel. When they get caught cheating, they feel shame and fear at the prospect of losing you because you are their main source of love and validation. So, they may stop with their delinquent shenanigans temporarily. However, most cheaters are fundamentally broken people, so they may end up falling into their old patterns again.

FAQs

1. Is cheating a mistake or a choice?

It’s a choice. You can call it a mistake if they were drunk or weren’t in control of their senses. But it’s a conscious choice when they have been cheating on you for a long time. You can’t call that a mistake ever. It’s an act of cowardice and has nothing to do with you. It speaks about their nature and the fact that they need validation from more than one person.

2. How do cheaters feel after cheating?

They feel guilty. However, the degree of guilt varies from person to person. The guilt could either be so high that they would mend their ways and never cheat on their partner. Or they are way too selfish to care about their partner and ignore the feeling of guilt that is nibbling at their rationality.

3. How do you know if he is truly sorry for cheating?

When he is sincerely sorry for what he did and wants to take responsibility for causing you pain. His actions will align with his words and he will prove to you that he is a changed man.

Key Pointers

Whether or not a cheater misses their ex depends on a lot of factors—the nature of their transgressions, the state of the relationship, their personality, to name a few
While some cheaters genuinely regret their actions and make earnest efforts to make amends, others may not care much
Cheaters miss their ex when they regret cheating, feel alone, get cheated on, take a trip down memory lane, or see their former partner moving on
On the other hand, a cheater may consider the chapter of their ex closed and spare them no thought when they’re thriving in their new relationship, get away with cheating, were not emotionally invested in the relationship, blame their ex for everything, or drown out their feelings using distractions

Final Thoughts

Irrespective of whether or not your ex regrets cheating on you and misses you, the onus of healing the emotional wounds and moving on from the hurt and pain is on you. Focus on that, prioritize your emotional well-being and mental health, and find healthy ways to cope with this setback.

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The Awkwardness In Rebuilding A Relationship After Cheating And How To Navigate It

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