I Am Suffering Terribly From Empty Nest Syndrome

Finding Comfort and Guidance Through Empty Nest Syndrome

My Questions and Answers | September 24, 2019 | Expert Author Neha Anand , Pshycotherapist & Life Coach
Updated On: October 8, 2024

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I am a 43-year-old married woman, fairly healthy, financially dependent (though secure) on my husband of 20 years, with a son who’s 18 years old and shifted base to another place for studies. I am suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome.

Empty Nest Syndrome Is Driving Me Crazy

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Can your expert Ms Neha Anand please help me out? For the past three years, ever since my son flew out, I’ve had severe stress, which has started affecting my health, especially my mental health.

It started with me worrying about how he would be, his safety in a big city, whether he’d eaten well or not, etc. I would even cry about what I would do with my life now, as he’s gone and I have no one or nothing to look forward to. I live in a small town where there is no recreation or opportunity for me, to do something in my ample free time.

Related Reading: how to cope with the empty nest syndrome

The Mother-In-Law Doesn’t Let Me Breathe

I grew up abroad, which is why I can speak and write well, but now I hate living here in this small town with a very negative mother-in-law who won’t let me breathe freely. My husband is a great guy, but due to work and the fact that he is the only son in a small family, we both have 4 elders to take care of now. So we both can’t think of moving out with our son. It’s a circus here, with each elder trying to outdo the other in playing spoilsport to our plans, put us down, make us feel guilty about anything possible. My mother-in-law is a typical one, trying to instigate fights and problems between me and my husband.

A young couple sitting on a couch, holding hands and supporting each other, with an older woman sitting in the foreground, looking thoughtful. — A poignant moment of family support, highlighting the importance of togetherness and empathy during challenging times.

I Worry for My Son

My health is affected by mental stress. I can’t stop worrying that my son is sometimes breaking rules where he stays, fearing his removal from the hostel or even worse, fearing that he will stop respecting people.

My Body Is Also Changing

Now my problem is, I’m at an age when my body is changing my body has started bloating and PMS hits me like crazy. I completely feel disoriented, like I can’t even bring myself to do simple tasks too. They feel like giant responsibilities.

I Want My Own Space

It’s affecting my relationships. I feel like running away. I pray that my husband decides to shift me to the city where I can stay with my son and bring him back to being connected with us. I want my own time to follow my dream of being a writer, but demanding in-laws won’t let me be.

I feel, that if I get to shift out, I’ll have my own life while taking care of my son, who will start valuing me more if he sees me happy. But that is a distant possibility. What do I do? How do I cope with this stress? My only lifeline is the internet, due to which I’m active on Bonobology. Nothing else to look forward to.

Please help.

Thank you

Dear Lady,

First of all, let me congratulate you for your first step towards self-love which certainly starts from self-awareness. When we understand the problem well then only we move in a direction to solve it.

Now, I come to your concern. It seems you are trapped in an Empty Nest Syndrome. You are experiencing a void and a sense of loneliness as your son moves out of the house. It mostly happens with full-time parents who embrace the identity of rearing, caring, and nurturing their children. This is the nucleus of their life. It’s time to reinvent your identity and reinvest in self-care and self-love. Here are a few tips that might help you out.

1. Start Accepting That Change Is a Universal Law

It’s okay to feel low at this time when you and your son are in a major transition in your life. Your love should not be a shackle or a negative force to create barriers in the ladder of success. Take it in a positive manner that you have been a great parent. Not everyone gets this opportunity to go out and pursue their dreams and aspirations. You made it happen for your son. It’s a proud moment to celebrate!

2. Remember Missing Someone Is Not a Negative Emotion

These emotions are a part of us. Since you are ruminating negative and irrational thoughts are making you feel scared. It’s the time when you have to work on your cognition and challenge your irrational thoughts. Trust your son that he dares to handle his problems and after all, it’s a learning phase for him where he will learn to equip himself with problem-solving skills.

3. Start Investing Time and Energy in Yourself

Start looking for your comfort zone and do something for yourself every day as a ritual. Learn a new course, gift yourself a spa trip, go to a parlor, dine out, etc. Your me-time is very important.

A woman balancing various activities including exercising, reading, painting, gardening, and working on a computer. — This illustration represents a balanced lifestyle encompassing physical fitness, intellectual pursuits, artistic creativity, and relaxation in a harmonious setting.

4. Share Your Emotions and Concerns With Your Husband

Let him know what you have been going through or how you are feeling.

Related Reading: Ways Midlife Crisis Affects Your Marriage

5. You Need To Be Assertive

If things are bothering you at home it’s high time you confront and speak about it. Being passive or passive-aggressive would not help you out rather you will be suffocated. You can stop that feeling if you start making your own decisions by acting more assertively.

6. Stop Looking for Emotional Backup From Your Son or Husband

Shift your focus from them towards yourself. Take care of your health and make it a priority. You can practice yoga and meditation. Also, I believe you need to seek professional help. Nowadays online sessions are available too. You can reach me for a one-on-one session if and when required.

God Bless!

courtship began 23 years after we got married

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Tags: Empty nest, Loneliness, Marriage and Children, Relationship Counseling, Self-love

About The Author

Neha Anand

Neha Anand is Founder Director, Bodhitree India- a one stop center for Mental health and Wellbeing., Psychotherapist, Psychological Counsellor, Parent coach, NLP and Hypnotherapy Master practitioner, Advanced life coach, practitioner Transactional Analysis, Mindfullness Meditation trainer, Emotional Intelligence Practitioner and Social activist with over 18 years of practice. She is the Chief Consultant advisor at Sexual Harassment Committee at SPORTS AUTHORITY OF INDIA,STATE MENTAL HEALTH ADVICATE BY U.P Government and Unicef. She has also been a prominent U.P police trainer and trained thousands of Gazetted officers across 72 districts of Uttar Pradesh. Being a Psychologist and a successful entrepreneur Neha felt that there is a dire need of psychological help in rural areas for which started her NGO Meri Pehchaan Society and as President of “Meri Pehchaan Society” she and her team is majorly working on women and child and adolescent Mental/Psychological wellbeing. She has bagged various Awards which can’t be counted on fingers. Just in 2018 she has bagged more than 12 Awards .She Is Felicitated by Women Achievers Award By FICCI FLO 2018 and also Felicitated by Dr.Rita Bahuguna Joshi,Cabinet Minister Women and child welfare, In SWAYAMSIDHHA Award 2018 for her extensive work on Mental and psychological health. Also bagged Shan-e-Hindustan Award in Kanpur and Awarded by Shri Brajendra Pathak Cabinet Minister, as Legends 2018 Award in October 2018.She has been Felicitated at various places from schools to Universities from time to time. Recent Awards and Felicitations are as follows- 1.Ficci Flo Women Achievers Award 2018 felicitated by Mr.Madhur Bhandarkar famous Bollywood director. 2.Shan-e-Hindustan Award 3.Swayamsidhha Finalist 2018 felicited by Dr.Rita Bahuguna 4.Women of Substance 2018 Lucknow Ladies Association 5.Iconic personality Award 2018 6.Women of excellence 2019 by Nutriwell India and All ladies league 7.Iconic Personality Award 2019 by mallika-e-Awadh 8.Execellence Award 2019 felicitated by Mrs.Swati singh,Cabinet Minister 9.Awadh Ratna Award 2019 10. Stri Award 2016 11. I - Inspiration Award 2021 felicitated by Cabinet Minister Swati Singh. 12.Nari Shakti Samman by District Administration 13. Shakti Sewa Samman by State MENTAL Health Helpline U.P 14.Womania – ChangeMaker 2021 15. Awadh Ratna Samman 2022 by TV bhumika Gurung 16.National Achievement Award 2023 felicitated by TV actress Deepika Singh. 17.I- Inspiration Award 2023 by Amar Ujala and We care Foundation, felicitated by Baby Rani Maurya Minister of Child development and Nutrition, Uttar Pradesh. 18. Woman Icon Award by Radio City and Dainik Jagaran, July 2023. 19.Awadh Ratna Samman 2024 by Garv Foundation, Mallika-e-Awadh. 1.Organised first Walkathon on Mental health and children with special needs in Lucknow. Her extensive clientele considers her to be much more than that. Her unique and extraordinary approach to modify human behaviour has redefined. Its practice as a powerful form of spiritual teaching, Emotional and cognitive healing, and Behaviour modification. She has been trained under the legendary Dr. David (UK) and Dr.A. Doris (Germany) in the field of NLP and Emotional Intelligence. She completed her Mindfulness Training from Internationally prestigious British Mindfullness Society. She has worked with all ages groups in order to give them adequate psychological guidance as a facilitator. She has been taking behaviour trainings and providing adequate training support to UP police and Dial100.She has practiced Hypnotherapy full-time, incorporating her considerable background in hypnosis, Transactional Analysis Mindfulness based stress reduction meditation, spirituality, healing, mind/body exploration, psychological counselling and life coaching. She has trained more than 5000 police personnel across 75 districts of UP including Anti Romeo squad and trained more than 3000 students and youth. She is a regular face on Door darshan, Etv, India watch, Live Today etc. For television live talks, panel discussions and life style events. She has written several articles in leading newspapers and given regular talks on Radio city, Fever FM and AIR. In recognition of her significant and strong leadership in psychology as a consultant, Trainer practitioner, mentor, and Activist Neha Anand has demonstrated a strong commitment towards our society. She has made noteworthy contributions in order to create a Society which is free from psychological issues/ailments. Neha’s career is highlighted by being the first in many roles and her work on promoting and creating awareness for Mental wellbeing and behavioural health in Uttar Pradesh; her advocacy and community work promoting Women and emotional wellbeing; along with her mentoring and professional interactions are widely acclaimed. She has always been a strong pillar for women power line 1090 since the day of its conception. She is the only female who has trained over 5000 police personnel across 75 districts of Uttar Pradesh single handed and provided Behavioural training to Anti Romeo Squad introduced by Honourable Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh Shri Adityanath Yogi .Being a Feminist she has conducted awareness sessions for over 2500 young girls in order to empower them and trained power Angels of 1090.She has been awarded and praised by DGP and ADJLO and ADG Neera Rawat and shri Navniet sekera for her major contribution for her trainings and consultancy to victims. She is an outstanding advocate with a record of impressive accomplishments. She is the epitome of an emerging and young leader for women.