Insecurity in a partner can manifest in subtle ways at first, but over time, it can significantly impact the dynamics of a relationship. From excessive jealousy to controlling behavior, these signs can leave you feeling emotionally drained and questioning your self-worth. Recognizing the habits and signs of insecure men is essential, not only to safeguard your well-being but also to address the challenges that come with such relationships. In this article, we’ll explore 16 common signs of insecurity in men and provide practical tips on how to navigate these behaviors effectively, whether you’re already in a relationship or deciding to move forward.

16 Signs Of An Insecure Man

Male insecurity can surface due to a negative perception of themselves, their physical traits, background, identity, sexuality, and their financial and professional success. An in-depth study proves this. The study examined the influence of a romantic partner’s success or failure on one’s self-esteem.

The results were unfortunately not surprising at all. While women’s self-esteem was unaffected by their partner’s performance, men’s self-esteem plummeted. The findings indicate that the chances of a male partner demonstrating signs of relationship insecurity are higher than a female counterpart. So, how do you know a man is insecure?

An insecure man finds it hard to trust the love and good intentions of others and may compensate for it or cope with it in different ways. Instead of tolerating such a partner, isn’t it better to equip yourself with the right knowledge and learn to recognize insecure men traits before it’s too late? Here are 10 signs of jealousy in men to watch out for:

1. He tries to keep up a “macho man” image

If your guy is constantly trying to assert his masculinity, he most probably is extremely unsure of himself and has a poor self-image. He might seem too preoccupied with proving his manhood in some of the most stereotypical ways or low self-esteem behaviors:

• Rash driving. Not letting a passerby takeover
• Aggressive demeanor around other people
• Gulping down drinks in an undeclared competition about who finishes first
• Boasting about that time when he saved the day wherever he goesShowing off his physical assets or material things in an obnoxious way

Confident men do not feel the need to show off. If the guy you are dating shows no humility, watch out for other signs of an insecure man we discuss ahead.

2. He is a Mr. Know-it-all

Have you often caught your man mansplaining shamelessly at a party? Does he always correct you? Or follows up all your ideas with a sentence of his own? Does he find it hard to let anyone else have the last word?

Only an unsure person feels the need to insert himself everywhere and assert his opinions. Deep down, he does not have faith that his opinions matter to other people. He compensates for it by showing off his knowledge and being an annoying Mr. Know-it-all.

Related Reading: Why Do Men Mansplain? Reasons And Ways To Address It

3. He feels jealous of your male friends

This is surely one of those predictable insecure men traits. You can spot insecure boyfriend signs such as jealousy if you notice how he reacts to your male friends or coworkers. It may look like, but is not limited to, any of these:

• He sets a curfew time for your socialization with unrelated males
• He tries to monitor your phone calls or texts with them
• You are dating a stalker that sneaks up on you or when you have a plan with another male friend
• He complains or fights with you if you spent too much time with another guy
• He threatens your friends and shows passive or active aggression

4. He is even jealous of your friends and family

One of the insecure man red flags is that neither your friends nor your family would be spared of the throes of his jealousy. No, he isn’t just jealous of your male coworker, he is also competing with your mother for your attention.

A Reddit user on r/AskWomen complained, “I got married very young and my mother died of cancer shortly before our first anniversary. My now ex-husband stated that I chose my mother over him since I spent so much time with her while she was dying. He also would get upset with me for grieving and crying in the year after she died.”

Related Reading: Husband Has Trust Issues – A Wife’s Open Letter To Her Husband

5. He needs constant reassurance from you

He asks, “Do you love me?”, all the time. No matter how many times you tell him you do, he doesn’t seem satisfied with your answer, not quite ready to believe he is good enough for you. Maybe, at first, you found it cute, but over time it can become frustrating to always have to convince him that you love him.

If it is his looks a man is insecure about, he will fish for compliments and crave flattery. If he is unsure of his intellect or ability to handle problems, he would keep checking with you to make sure he hasn’t done anything wrong.

Sexual performance, virility and infertility in a relationship are other issues that may easily trigger male insecurity. Unfortunately, societal gender tropes have ensured that most men, irrespective of how secure they are otherwise, deal with some sort of insecurity when it comes to pleasing their partners in bed. These are sure shot signs a guy is sexually insecure:

• You feel pressured to fake orgasm to soothe his ego
• He takes offense when you tell him what you would like him to do
• He obsesses over your body count being higher than his

6. He resists equality in the relationship and wants to be superior to you

A Reddit user says, “When I was 20, I was dating a man for about 4 or 5 months. We were going out to a Halloween party with a bunch of his friends. He and I were roughly the same height. Not thinking about it, I wore heels…He wouldn’t talk to me the entire night and when we got back to his place, he screamed at me for an hour that I was an embarrassment. All because he was insecure about his height.”

Insecure men suffering from a god complex obsess with forcing their superiority over the girl they are dating. The misogynistic obsession over being superior to their female partner is not confined to height. They must not only be taller but also richer, wiser and more successful than their significant other.

Related Reading: Living with a Narcissist Husband? 21 Signs & Ways to Deal

7. He holds sexist views

This study titled, Delusions Of Gender: Men’s Insecurities May Lead To Sexist Views Of Women, suggests exactly what the title says. 400 heterosexual men were asked questions about their attachment styles, sexism, and romance. It was inferred that personality traits such as insecurity in men may predispose them to have sexist attitudes toward women.

So, consider these questions:

• Has your new insecure lover lately put you off by his views on abortion or women’s rights? 
• Does he expect you two to divide daily chores based on traditional gender roles? 
• Does it hurt his pride if you offer to pick up the check? 

If he seems to have vowed to serve the patriarchy, it would be safe to assume that he might be suffering from poor self-esteem.

8. He overcompensates by being overly dominant

Insecure man red flags also include overcompensating for his own doubts by becoming excessively controlling or dominant in the relationship. He might want to dictate every decision, from what you wear to who you spend time with. His need for control stems from his fear of losing power or being seen as weak. In relationships, dominance often comes at the cost of mutual respect and equality.

9. He struggles to handle criticism or feedback

An insecure man will often take constructive criticism as a personal attack, responding with defensiveness, anger, or withdrawal. He has a fragile ego and cannot process any negative feedback without feeling inadequate. Instead of seeking to improve, he is prone to blame-shifting and making excuses to avoid confronting his weaknesses.

A Reddit user, sharing what they consider signs of an insecure man, posted, “[An insecure man] goes into defense mode at the slightest hint of confrontation. Or really, goes into defense mode as a default and will see nothing wrong with it.”

Related Reading: Your Guide To Getting The Fourth Date Right

10. He compares himself to other men constantly

If your partner constantly measures himself against other men, it’s a sign of deep insecurity in a relationship. Whether it’s comparing salaries, social status, physical appearance, or achievements, he is often anxious about not measuring up. This constant comparison can create a competitive or confrontational environment, even when it’s unnecessary.

11. He avoids emotional vulnerability

An emotionally insecure man often refuses to open up out of fear of being judged or rejected. Such men may act distant or emotionally unavailable, keeping their feelings hidden behind a tough exterior. This prevents them from forming genuine connections and can strain the relationship. Emotional intimacy is often met with discomfort or even avoidance.

Related Reading: What Leo Man Dislikes In A Woman And What He Likes

12. He seeks validation from others excessively

Validation-seeking behavior is a clear sign of insecurity. Keep a look out for these behaviors:

• Does your partner constantly seek attention, compliments, or approval from others? 
• Does he not feel confident in himself without external validation?
• Does he downplay your compliments or dismiss your affirmations? 

All these behaviors indicate a low self-esteem and a constant need for reassurance.

13. He becomes distant after intimacy

An insecure man might become emotionally distant after intimate moments, especially if he fears that he doesn’t live up to expectations. This could manifest as:

• Pulling away physically
• Becoming indifferent and going silent
• Or even acting cold

For him, intimacy may feel like a vulnerability that makes him unsure of his worthiness, prompting him to emotionally detach as a form of self-protection.

14. He uses humor to mask his insecurities

Humor can be a coping mechanism for men who feel insecure about their self-image. If he makes jokes at his own expense or uses humor to deflect serious conversations, it might be because he’s uncomfortable confronting his own inadequacies. Humor may serve to mask deeper feelings of vulnerability or fear of being judged.

Sabrina, a 25-year-old shared with us how her last relationship ended. “In the beginning, I started liking the guy for his sense of humor. He was the life of the party and would sometimes crack self-depreciating jokes, which was cute. But as time went by and we grew close, these jokes became more frequent and less funny, to the point that there were no punchlines but only negative comments about himself. I was surprised to see that a guy with such confidence on the outside could be so insecure in the relationship.”

15. He struggles with being alone

An insecure man may constantly seek company because being alone makes him face his own insecurities. He may avoid solitude because it forces him to confront feelings of inadequacy or abandonment issues. This dependency can make the relationship feel more like an emotional crutch rather than a partnership built on mutual respect.

16. He has a fear of commitment

Insecure men often have commitment issues because it makes them feel exposed and vulnerable. They worry that their partner might eventually discover their perceived flaws, leading to rejection. This fear can manifest in the form of:

• Avoidance of serious discussions about the future
• Reluctance to define the relationship
• Hesitation in putting any labels 

This is because commitment forces them to confront their deepest insecurities.

How To Deal With An Insecure Man

We are all insecure in our relationships at times. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend more time with your partner, feeling worried about them, and looking for little pick-me-ups. But life with a partner who has an insecure personality type can get suffocating

If you can’t seem to overlook the anxiousness and neediness in the guy you are seeing but would like to see him anyway, you might be wondering what you can do to help him. And help yourself. If you have realized that you have an under-confident man in your life, who is otherwise charming and worth spending your love on, here are a few things that may help you learn how to deal with an insecure man:

1. Try to get to the root of the issue

There is a difference between feeling insecure in a relationship and being a person who suffers from an insecure attachment style. In either case, reaching the root of the problem will help you figure out what to do about it.

Insecurity in adulthood is often seen in people who were brought up by unreliable parents – parents who were sometimes there and sometimes not. Such children with abandonment issues grow up to have an anxious-insecure attachment style in their adult relationships. If you are with such a man, depending on how invested you are in the relationship, you can nudge them to seek therapy and offer support in his healing journey.

Related Reading: 15 Things to Consider Before Making a Relationship Official

2. Talk to your partner about their insecurity

Have an open discussion with this guy about what has been bothering you. Ask him why he does not believe you love him when you say you do. But approach the subject with sensitivity. You might have to ask him to set time aside for a conversation or be tactful in figuring out the best time for this talk.

You might discover that he worries so much because he has been dumped several times in the past and his past is affecting his present. Or that he was always bullied as a child for his short height. Maybe he has been facing sexual issues and does not know how to talk to you about it. This conversation will not only help you empathize with him and do a little more to give him your reassurance but it might also help him heal from his traumas.

3. Ask him what he needs

If you are set on helping him out, instead of assuming his needs, you must ask him what will make him feel better. He should be able to come up with things that will help him ease his nerves while he works on his issues.

Do remember that he must acknowledge his issues and show intent to work on being a better partner for this to be a healthy arrangement. You cannot commit to accommodating his emotional needs rooted in insecurity all your life. If you do, the unfairness of it will only lead to you bursting out when the frustration has accumulated enough.

Related Reading: The Idea Of Solo Travel For Women To Assert Freedom

4. Establish clear boundaries

Having to support an emotionally insecure man is unfair business. After all, you would be giving more than you receive in the relationship. This can take a toll on your mental health. You must not let yourself be consumed in the process and need to take time out for yourself. You need to introspect about your own needs from the relationship, the things you cannot compromise on.

Lay them out to establish healthy relationship boundaries with your insecure partner. Be empathetic and offer reassurance when you do. Your partner should be willing to give you that space knowing that you are going out of your way to support him. The boundaries can look something like this:

• I need to visit my family once in two weeks, and once I do, I need to be alone with them, but I will keep you posted
• I will need to meet my coworkers over the weekends sometimes, but you will know where we are
• I like going for a cup of coffee by myself sometimes. I need to clear my head. We can go together the next day
• Please don’t read my journal. I won’t be able to take it if you do. In fact, you too should keep a journal

5. Be ready to let go of a toxic relationship

Insecure men can make life hard for their partners. Your jealous partner can resort to extremely unhealthy and abusive ways of dealing with their feelings. They may manipulate you, play mind games, and threaten you with passive or active violent behavior.

If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1. For anonymous, confidential help, 24/7, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or  1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Even though it may be hard for your partner, they should be willing to acknowledge their problems and sort them out. On the contrary, some insecure men refuse to admit to their insecurities altogether, nipping all possibilities of change in the bud.

You need to understand that you cannot help a person who refuses to accept help. You must ready yourself to let such a relationship go. Letting go of someone you love is not easy when you have stayed long enough, overlooking red flags. To be able to make a clean break, you can do the following:

• Try to focus on yourself by taking up old hobbies
• Develop other relationships in your life that you can depend on
• Seek support from family or friends
• Seek professional support from a trained therapist

Final Thoughts

Remember, the onus of finding a solution to your partner’s insecurities rests solely on him. Do approach this advice with this clarity. Dealing with an insecure partner is anyway an exhausting struggle. As much as is coping with complex insecurities. But neither you nor your partner has to undertake this task alone.

Should you need support from a professional or should you want to recommend therapy to the insecure man in your life, Bonobology’s panel of experienced counselors is here to help you.

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