Partner is sexually abusing her daughter - Her story

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Lack of compatibility, spark fizzling out, being cheated upon…among the many things we worry about in romantic relationships, the fear of a partner turning out to be the perpetrator of child sexual abuse rarely makes the list. It’s a possibility so grim that we don’t even want to imagine it as a worst-case scenario of how a relationship might play out.

What happens if this scarring truth not only comes to pass but claims your own child as its victim? Myesha’s story has the answer.

Myesha was head-over-heels in love with Neil and went against all odds to marry him when she was just a teenager. Later, she found out her husband was a womanizer as well as an alcoholic. Things started turning sour between the two of them, and added to that was the responsibility of two young toddlers.

She had suffered a lot of misfortunes in her life, but she had no idea what was coming for her. Not only did her marriage came crumbling, and she went on to enter a relationship where she unwittingly became a witness to childhood sexual abuse.

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A Story of Child Sexual Abuse Rooted In A Mother’s Struggle With Bad Relationships

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With the excessive drinking issues of her husband, she decided to separate and stay with her parents along with her children. The firm she worked at was small, the salary low and finances proved to be a perpetual struggle. With an ailing mother who was suffering from cancer and two children to feed and educate, life was becoming tougher each day.

She met another man

Then, came the winter and so she decided to take her kids for an outing because they desperately needed a change. It was a beautiful destination and there she met a pleasant man with whom she felt an instant connection. Having survived betrayal once in a relationship, she decided it should be just friendship between the two.

Years passed by, the two developed stronger feelings for each other and decided to take the relationship to the next level. Now, it was time she wanted her children to meet the man she thought could be a good father to them.

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The kids loved him

The day came when her kids met the man. They were ecstatic to be with him and without a second’s hesitation they accepted him. His genuinely loving behavior made the children feel secure and happy.

Every weekend turned out to be a happy occasion when he would come to meet the children. Gradually, he started coming over on Fridays and stayed the weekends.

They enjoyed picnics and vacations together. He would take them for ice-cream, cycle rides, and would spoil them with love and attention.

They got into a live-in relationship

Myesha felt she had finally found love. Her man was extremely supportive and was ready to do anything for her. She was blindly in love with him. That’s why she never noticed that things had started to change between her daughter and her new partner.

Early signs of sexual abuse — Her kids loved him

The son was in boarding school but the daughter was home and she started feeling extremely uncomfortable in the way this man started touching her. On two occasions she even shouted at him when she felt his touch was inappropriate but she could never tell her mother what was happening.

She was in shock and didn’t know how to react. She went on the internet to see if there were people who were facing the same thing as her. She came across a study by the National Children’s Alliance that 700,000 children are abused in the US each year. 7% of the victims are sexually abused, and 2.3% are psychologically maltreated.

Myesha’s daughter became a victim of child sexual abuse

She kept suffering silently. She could not tell her mom what the love of her life was doing to her. She could see the signs of sexual abuse but didn’t know how to confide in anyone about it. He, in turn, unable to find a way with her, started dominating her.

Slowly her daughter started to feel neglected and insecure when he was around. She would try to avoid coming out of her room at all costs and she would even come home later in the evenings.

But she never brought it up with her mother. The daughter felt that her mother trusted him so blindly that she would never believe her if she told her about his inappropriate behavior. Her studies deteriorated and she started suffering. The verbal, sexual and emotional abuse was taking a toll on her.

She did not want her mother to lose another man whom she loved so much so she decided to go through the mental trauma of being tortured by the two-faced man. This was the worst decision she could take. She knew this was childhood sexual abuse, but she was too scared to admit it openly.

The daughter overcame scars of sexual abuse and found love

Years passed by, and Myesha’s daughter found love in a man who was double her age. She decided to move in with him. She introduced him to her mom. Although Myesha found her daughter’s love interest to be totally unlike her, she supported her because she could see how happy he made her daughter.

Like any other doting parent, she wanted to see her child settled and happy. Myesha’s partner created a huge ruckus about the marriage but she went ahead and got them married. Perhaps this was the only time she went against her partner.

Related Reading: Older Man Younger Woman: 9 Reasons Why Dating With Age Gap Works

Myesha’s relationship went on the downswing

Months went by. One fine day, Myesha called her daughter and finally disclosed to her that things between her and her partner were not good. She had found that her partner was cheating on her with a younger woman who turned out to be a common friend.

When she confronted him, he decided to leave Myesha and move on. He didn’t want to salvage their relationship, because he didn’t think it was worth surviving anymore. Myesha was heartbroken and lost, and she didn’t know how to react to the situation.

Myesha’s daughter is her biggest support

Myesha still has her job and her son has graduated and found a job too. But she is mentally broken and her daughter is her biggest emotional support now. Her daughter has still not told her how she suffered at the hands of her mother’s partner. She doesn’t want to add to her agony. She knows pain too well and she wants her mother to be happy.

She decided to take the high road and be mature. She sacrificed the pain she felt as a victim of child sexual abuse at the cost of her mother’s happiness.

FAQ’s

1. Watch out for these early signs of child sexual abuse…

If an older man/woman is touching your child in an uncomfortable way, or if they talk and act weirdly and in an over-friendly manner around your child- it is among the first warning signs of child sexual abuse and you must report any such behavior immediately.

2, Where do I reach out for help?

You can reach out for help to social workers or trained counselors who specialize in handling matters of child sexual abuse. Reaching out to people who have had similar experiences may also help. If you and your child are mentally prepared for it, seeking help from the police is strongly recommended.

3. What conversation should I have with my child?

Talk to your child, reassuring them that you’re on their side, and ask them if they have been touched or spoken to inappropriately. Don’t intimidate them, but make them feel comfortable around you. You need to get the details of their experiences before you can take any further action.

4. Childhood sexual abuse and its consequences

Experiencing abuse as a child can permanently scar your kid. They may face trauma, deal with repressed mental illnesses, and will have trust issues going forward in their life with an inability to get into a serious relationship.

5. Preventive steps to child sexual abuse

First and foremost, ensure that your child is comfortable in the space they are in. If they seem uncomfortable or act differently around an adult, even if it is a trusted friend or member of the family, don’t brush it aside as a temper tantrum. At the same time, pay attention to any sudden changes in their behavior – becoming moody or withdrawn, loss of appetite, and so on. These could all be signs of sexual abuse.

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