Love can feel elusive in the age of dating apps and ghosting. Swiping and screen time have made meeting people harder. After all, dating is trickier today when most folks are hunched over their phones, ghosting common, and burnout from dating very real. You may be wondering how to find love when the odds seem against you. Even so, a meaningful connection is still possible.
By focusing on what truly matters and taking action, love can find you. We bring you 21 expert-backed ways to attract and nurture meaningful love, in consultation with relationship and intimacy coach Shivanya Yogmayaa, who is internationally certified in the therapeutic modalities of EFT, NLP, CBT, and REBT.
21 Unrevealed Tips To Help You Find Love
Table of Contents
Being in a relationship or finding your forever partner is not the be-all and end-all of life. But your life can become a sordid mess if you’re actively trying to find love without success. When love remains elusive, it can leave you overwhelmed with a sense of inadequacy and dent your sense of self-worth, too.
The first order of business is to avoid falling into that trap consciously. Shivanya explains what might go wrong when you’re letting the quest of how to find love consume you: “We need to understand that the number of potential partners is more than you can imagine and that one rejection is not the end of the world. We give out the wrong vibes, and we’re playing the dating game wrong. We’re not approaching each other from a very conscious or compassionate level, since we get so desperate to hit the jackpot from the get-go. It causes chaos and wreaks havoc on a person’s mind.”
Whether you’re figuring out how to find love online, gearing up for your very first date, or wondering how to find your soulmate, these 21 unrevealed tips will guide you in the right direction. From building self-love and confidence to putting yourself out there and saying yes to more opportunities, we’ll help you understand how to meet the love of your life by being proactive and open to new connections. In a nutshell, finding love involves knowing yourself, reaching out, and then making your move when the time feels right. These tips will broaden your horizons on how to find true love and meaningful connections, so go out there and give your love life the best shot.
Related Reading: 13 Things To Practice To Attract Love Into Your Life
Build A Strong Foundation—Love Starts With You
You must be your best self first. Reflect on who you are and what you want before searching for a partner. This means understanding your values, passions, and goals, and building self-respect.
1. Know yourself before you know someone else
Spend time in self-reflection and get clear about what you want. Identify your values, life goals, and the type of relationship you desire. For example, do you want intense romance or steady companionship? Being honest with yourself helps you pursue the right people. Shivanya emphasizes, “Determining what matters to you will guide where you want to go.”
- Ask yourself, “Do I want passion or partnership?” Defining this, as Shivanya advises, helps steer your search
- List your priorities, be it career, family, or health, and look for someone who shares your basics
- Engage in introspection through journaling or personality quizzes) to clarify your strengths and what you truly want
Related Reading: How To Find The One: 13 Tried and Tested Tips
2. Practice self-love and self-worth
Make self-love your priority. Treat yourself with kindness and respect so that you won’t settle for less. Nurture your well-being through exercise, hobbies, or therapy. Remember, when you feel good about yourself, others are drawn to that confidence. In fact, people with higher self-esteem report happier relationships.
“The only route to finding true love and to find compatible harmonious relationships is by loving yourself first. Most of the time, we don’t know what we want or who we are. If you don’t learn to love yourself, it’s very hard to find an equal, loving, compatible and respectful relationship. If your relationship with yourself isn’t good, you’ll attract someone who’s not too favorable. You’ll attract a dysfunctional relationship and you’ll experience complications in the future.”
—Shivanya Yogmayaa, relationship and intimacy coach
3. Focus on growth, not perfection
Think of your life as an ongoing journey of growth. Rather than aiming for a fantasy version of a perfect you or a perfect partner, focus on realistic progress. It can help to create a “love CV”, where you highlight your genuine interests, achievements, and strengths, and update it as you grow. Keep learning and adding new skills. For example:
- Continue personal development: take classes or learn skills to become more well-rounded
- Build an honest dating profile instead of fabricating a perfect image
- Set growth goals through volunteer activities, fitness challenges, or anything else that motivates you, to constantly work toward a more confident and attractive you
4. Remember, you attract what you are
Your mindset sets the tone for the love you attract. A positive, confident person tends to draw similarly optimistic people, while carrying self-doubt can attract others who mirror that anxiety. Pay attention to your emotional well-being. Fix any unresolved issues so they don’t seep into your dating life. To apply this,
- Cultivate positivity: Engage in activities that make you happy and confident. This will stir up good energy that proves to be contagious
- Address insecurities: Consider therapy or support groups to heal past wounds. When you improve internally, you naturally stop attracting negative patterns
- Project confidence: Work on posture, body language, and self-presentation. Small changes like eye contact, smiling help others see that you are ready and open
Related Reading: 60 Affirmations To Attract Love, Romance, And Relationship In 2023
Be Intentional And Proactive In Your Search
Love rarely comes from just waiting. Create opportunities and be active in meeting people. Expand your horizons and keep an open mind as you go after love.
5. Play the numbers game
Finding the right partner can require meeting many people. Treat dating like job hunting. Just like in a job hunt, the more interviews you go on, the better your chances of landing one. Likewise, in dating, the more people you meet, the better your odds of finding the right one. Don’t be discouraged by a few rejections. Shivanya advises, “Giving yourself as many chances as you get.” So,
- Say “yes” to more dates. Each new person is a new possibility
- Accept and learn from rejections
- Use dating apps and social events to increase options, but take breaks so you don’t burn out
Related Reading: What Is Love In A Relationship? 15 Explanations
6. Don’t leave love to fate
Actively look for romance instead of assuming it will happen by chance. Join environments where you and a like-minded partner might meet. For example, if spirituality is important to you, attend meditation or yoga retreats. It increases your chances of finding a spiritual connection with someone because you both believe in it and are more likely to attract it. The bottom line is,
- Pursue your interests. Join clubs or classes that you are excited by, so you meet people with common passions
- Try new experiences. Sign up for workshops, travel groups, or community events where single people gather
- Don’t just rely on serendipity. Say yes to invitations. The more you put yourself out there, the more chances love has to find you
7. Put away your phone and be present
Phone addiction and technoference can sabotage romance. Statistics show that about half of people say their partner often gets distracted by their phone during conversations. To really connect:
- Focus fully on the person in front of you: silence notifications and keep your device out of sight during dates
- Practice mindful listening. Make eye contact, ask follow-up questions, and respond thoughtfully
- When you’re fully present, sparks can fly naturally without digital interference
8. Ask for help from friends and family
You don’t have to do this alone. Let your friends and family assist in your search. A supportive friend can play wingman or introduce you to someone they know. They can also help polish your dating profile or give honest feedback. You can do this by,
- Asking friends to introduce you to singles they think you might click with. They know you well and may see good matches
- Have a friend help you improve your profile by picking or clicking your photos or polishing your dating profile bio
- Heed their advice. Friends can often detect warning red flags that you might overlook
Related Reading: The 12 Secrets To Finding True Love
9. Expand your social circles with intention
Widen your net beyond your usual crowd. This boosts your chances of meeting someone compatible. Consciously put yourself in new social settings:
- Join local interest groups or meetups. This can prove far more effective than just swiping on apps
- Explore community events or volunteer opportunities. These are great for meeting people who share your values
- Accept invitations to gatherings where you might not usually go, and let people know you’re interested in meeting someone
10. Use humor as a love language
A genuine sense of humor can be magnetic. Shared laughter breaks the ice and builds rapport. Keep conversations light and sprinkle in wit or funny anecdotes to put your date at ease. However, use humor wisely:
- Smile and laugh often. It makes you more attractive
- Avoid overly sarcastic, cynical jokes or a dry sense of humor, as these can come off wrong
- Use gentle teasing or shared inside jokes. Laughing together helps form a quick bond and makes you memorable
Related Reading: 100 Funny Conversation Starters To Try With Anyone
Keep Your Standards, But Stay Realistic
Clarity about what you need is great, but inflexible ideals can backfire. Aim for a balance between your non-negotiables and open-mindedness.
11. Know what you want
Revisit your priorities. If you’re seeking true love, decide whether excitement or a stable partnership matters more. Are you dreaming of fairy-tale romance, or do you value long-term commitment? Being clear helps target your search. You can do this by:
- Defining desired qualities: Is having a passionate affair the top priority, or do you want someone to build a life with?
- List must-haves vs. nice-to-haves: For example, “must want kids” and “nice if they love hiking”. Use this list to filter your options.
- Keep it current: Life changes, and with it, your relationship goals might, too. Adapt what you look for as you grow
Summary of YouTube transcript
This talk explores why modern relationships feel more difficult than in the past. The speaker explains that traditional societies once provided clear roles and rules, while today’s “network societies” rely on constant negotiation and shifting expectations. We now look to love and work for identity, meaning, and fulfillment, which raises the pressure on both. They highlight that lasting relationships require calibrating expectations, not relying on one partner for everything, and bringing in new shared experiences. The conversation also stresses that self-growth happens through relationships, not in isolation, and that choosing a partner is about building a life story together, not just chasing a love story. Watch until the end for insights on what to focus on when seeking the right partner.
12. Seek partnership, not just passion
True love blends attraction with friendship and support. Look for someone who adds stability and understanding to your life, not just excitement. Shivanya explains, “Genuine love shows harmony, peace, and respect beyond the initial spark.” To make sure you have that with someone you’re with or getting romantically involved with, you must:
- Check compatibility: Beyond attraction, do you share core values like communication style, financial habits, or family goals?
- Imagine the future: Can you see you both being happy together in everyday life, not just on honeymoon?
- Value emotional support: Respect and mutual care often predict lasting love more than constant fireworks
13. Set healthy standards
Standards keep you from settling, but having idealized expectations can set you up for disappointment. It’s important to acknowledge that all relationships face challenges.
“The expectations get out of hand because we never get a realistic point of view of what relationships are supposed to look like. When people step into them, they do not know how low the relationships might sink during times of crisis. You need to harness realistic expectations from yourself, as well as the partner. That allows you to hold on to the relationship during difficult times, rather than quitting every now and then.”
—Shivanya Yogmayaa, relationship and intimacy coach
For that, you must:
- Focus on core values: Insist on mutual respect, honesty, and kindness. These are non-negotiables that make a relationship healthy
- Accept imperfection: Understand that neither you nor anyone else is flawless. Set flexible standards for minor traits
- Be prepared to nurture: Remember, relationships grow through effort. Having reasonable expectations helps you work through rough patches instead of walking away
Related Reading: 5 Signs You Need To Raise Your Dating Standards
14. Watch out for unrealistic myths
Popular notions about love often oversimplify reality. The idea that “opposites attract” is great for movies, but in real life, too much difference can cause conflict. Stable relationships usually thrive on similarities, whereas fundamental differences often become friction. If you’re wondering how to find love, you need to,
- Seek common ground. Shared hobbies, backgrounds, or life goals help partnerships last
- Be wary of “instant spark” myths. Quick chemistry is fun, but enduring love is built on understanding over time
- Focus on genuine connection, not some fairy-tale checklist
Avoid Pitfalls That Block Love
Certain mindsets and habits will repel potential partners. Watch out for desperation, fear, and artificial timelines. They can impede your efforts to find true love.
15. Don’t be desperate
Desperation is unattractive. If you obsess over being single, you can come across as needy and anxious, which is off-putting.
“When someone is desperate in their quest of finding true love, they become needy, overly attached, and display classic clingy behavior. Desperation also shows a lack of confidence. When you lack confidence, you become unsexy and undesirable. To avoid this, you must know that you’re worthy. Even if you’re rejected, it’s not the end of the world. Do not ever latch on to a person because you fear you won’t find anyone else.:
—Shivanya Yogmayaa, relationship and intimacy coach
Now, you may be wondering how exactly you can avoid all these negative patterns. Here are a few tips:
- Focus on yourself. Pursue hobbies and friends so your happiness isn’t entirely tied to finding a partner
- If worry creeps in, remind yourself that you have options and that life isn’t a race to couple up
- Pursue your ambitions. Investing energy in your goals and hobbies makes you more confident and less desperate, which in turn makes you more appealing to others
Related Reading: Will I Be Alone Forever? How It Feels And Ways To Get Over It
16. Don’t seek love out of fear or loneliness
Dating out of anxiety, whether it’s stemming from a fear of being alone or a ticking clock, often leads to poor choices. Shivanya cautions, “Searching for someone out of fear might lead you to making hasty decisions.” Instead of fretting on how to find love or losing sleep over questions like, “Will I ever find love?”,
- Cultivate self-contentment: Be comfortable being single and value your independence. Love will be a bonus, not a necessity
- Take it slow: Don’t leap into relationships just to fill a void. The right person will be worth the wait
- Keep perspective: Remind yourself that panic leads to regret. Wait for someone who truly fits
17. Don’t tie love to milestones
Life goals such as marriage by 30, kids by 32, can cause you to settle too soon. Chasing arbitrary deadlines might trap you in the wrong relationship. Remember,
- Everyone’s timeline is different. Your path to love doesn’t have to match anyone else’s
- Continue leading a full life. Pursue career, travel, and personal growth even while looking for love. These enrich your life and may even help you meet someone special
- Stay open. Love often appears when you least expect it, so don’t worry if milestones pass you by
18. Guard against online scams and red flags
Be savvy and aware of the dangers of online dating. Protect yourself from scams and pay attention to warning signs in any potential partner. Here are a few things to be mindful of:
- Be cautious online: Never send money, share personal details, or intimate photos with someone you’ve just met online. Always verify identity before taking things forward
- Spot red flags: Be wary of warning signs such as double standards, inconsistent communication, disrespect for boundaries, negatively talking about an ex, and love-bombing or moving too fast. These are all harbingers of trouble down the line
- Listen to your instincts: If something feels too good to be true or if someone acts controlling, take a step back. A healthy relationship requires honesty and respect
Related Reading: Am I Ready For A Relationship? 13 Signs You’re Ready To Embrace Love
Embrace Love When It Arrives
When you finally find that special someone, nurture the connection. These tips on finding love help you recognize true chemistry and build a lasting bond.
19. Trust your instincts when you find the one
Sometimes, you just know. When a person is truly right for you, you’ll feel a natural fit in your gut. Shivanya says, “When the right person comes along in your life, they just fit in. You can feel it in your gut. If you do, learn to trust your instincts.” If you’ve been wondering how to know if you found your soulmate, often your intuition answers that before logic does. So,
- Notice comfort and ease. You can imagine life together without forcing it
- Look beyond excitement. True connection often feels calm and right, not just adrenaline-filled
- If your inner voice and friends agree that this person clicks, don’t overthink it. When it feels right, be willing to take the leap
20. Embrace imperfection
Nobody is perfect. You, your partner, no one. Embrace this reality:
- Share vulnerabilities: Stimulate vulnerability by admitting your quirks, like a crooked smile or awkward laug,h can make your partner feel safe to do the same
- Focus on strengths: Instead of obsessing over little flaws, appreciate each other’s good qualities
- Practice compassion: If you’re tolerant of your own imperfections, you’ll be more forgiving of your partner’s
21. Be ready to invest in love
Meaningful relationships take work. If you want love to last, be prepared to invest yourself. Your time, your emotions, and a part of yourself. The answer to how to make love last or how to find love that lasts lies in:
- Making time for your partner. Prioritize dates, thoughtful gestures, and checking in on each other regularly
- Communicating openly. Share your feelings, listen carefully, and resolve conflicts in a healthy, mature manner. Strong communication strengthens love
- Putting in the effort. Be reliable and caring. Small daily investments like texts, hugs, and help with tasks build trust and intimacy
FAQs
Finding love after years of being single starts with self-awareness. Work on building confidence, expand your social circles, and say yes to new opportunities. Don’t dwell on the time that’s passed. Focus on growth, hobbies, and activities that make you happy. Love often appears when you’re living fully, not when you’re anxiously waiting for it.
You’ll usually feel a sense of comfort and ease, not just excitement. A soulmate feels like home. You can be yourself without fear of judgment. Look for signs like mutual respect, emotional safety, and shared values. If you both inspire each other to grow while accepting flaws, chances are you’ve found a lasting bond worth nurturing.
It may feel harder because social circles shrink with age, and people often carry more responsibilities. But many people find more meaningful connections later in life because they know themselves better. Focus on authenticity, clarity about your goals, and environments where like-minded individuals gather. Remember, maturity often creates stronger, healthier, and more intentional relationships.
Compatibility isn’t about perfection but about alignment. Start by knowing your non-negotiables, from your values to life goals and lifestyle preferences. Look for someone who adds value to your life and vice versa. Small differences are fine, but if your core beliefs clash, long-term harmony may be tough. Choose someone who complements your journey, not just excites you in the moment.
Avoid desperation, fear-based decisions, and rushing to meet milestones like marriage by a certain age. Don’t settle for someone just to escape loneliness. Also, watch out for red flags like inconsistent behavior, double standards, or controlling attitudes. The biggest mistake is pausing your own growth while searching. Keep living fully; love should add to your life, not replace it.
Key Pointers
- Love starts with you. Nurture your self-esteem first. Studies show it leads to happier relationships
- Expand social circles, say yes to dates, and enlist friends or groups to meet like-minded people
- Know what you want and hold out for shared values. This is key in figuring out how to find a compatible partner
- Avoid desperation, fear, or deadlines. Keep living fully and trust the journey of how to meet the love of your life
- If it feels right and natural, give love a chance. Your gut feelings and comfort are powerful guides
- If you’re still asking “how to find love”, remember that love often finds those living their best lives. Start with self-love and stay proactive.
Final Thoughts
Remember, finding love is a journey. If it ever feels overwhelming, help is available. Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can guide you through dating challenges and address any anxiety you feel. You may even find yourself wondering how to find your soulmate or how to find true love – with the right support and these practical tips, you can turn that question into your reality. You don’t have to navigate this alone. For anyone still asking “how do I find love”, remember that taking these steps and staying true to yourself is the path forward to the love you deserve.
How To Start Dating: Tips For Beginners & Those Starting Again
Starting A New Relationship? Here are 21 Do’s and Don’ts To Help
Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.
