It is not uncommon to wrestle with the thought of how to get your ex-boyfriend back in the wake of a breakup, which puts you on a roller coaster of emotions. The emotional baggage, pain, and heartache can become suffocating when you’re dealing with the void your boyfriend left. And you may find yourself consumed by thoughts like, “I still love my ex-boyfriend and I want him back”, or “I’d give anything to figure out how to win your boyfriend back”.

Perhaps he was the one to pull the plug on your relationship, and you’re wondering how to get your man back when he broke up with you. Or maybe you’re still hung up on your ex and want to make him yours again. Whatever the specifics of your situation, first and foremost, you need to stop wallowing and start taking action. You need to develop an ex-recovery plan that will not only make him want to be with you again but also not want to leave. We’re here to help you with this detailed guide on how to win an ex back forever.

I Want My Ex Back: Is It A Good Idea?

Most people ask, “Will my ex-boyfriend come back after dumping me?” whereas the question they should be asking is, “Is it a good idea to get back with my ex?” To truly know if winning back your ex is a good idea, ask yourself, 

• Why didn’t it work the first time?
• What has changed?
• Would it be enough?

And remember, this won’t be the same as starting over in a new relationship. Not only will you go in with some set expectations, but also a lot of emotional baggage from your previous innings as a couple. If you keep following the same pattern again and again, you’re likely to enter an on-again-off-again relationship.

A study shows that people who get into on-again-off-again relationships are twice as likely to report physical or emotional abuse in their relationships. Such a pattern is also likely to increase symptoms of psychological distress, as suggested by this study. I’m not saying that all renewed relationships are doomed, but you have to be careful or you might end up more heartbroken.

Related Reading: 13 Genuine And Honest Ways To Get Back With Your Ex

Your emotionally driven brain may ask you to jump right away, but you need to introspect whether you and your ex can work through your issues, turn things around, and replace unhealthy patterns with healthy ones. Without it, there is no way you will be able to get back your ex and have a happy relationship with him.

Also, getting back together may not be a good idea if you can relate to even one of the following statements:

• My relationship with my ex exhibited abusive symptoms, either emotionally, physically, or mentally
• My ex is a passive-aggressive person and this has made me walk on eggshells in the relationship
• I have a codependent relationship with my ex
• I don’t feel fulfilled in the relationship
• My ex keeps exhibiting the same patterns and doesn’t show any signs of personal growth
• My ex says he misses me but makes no effort to sustain the relationship
• Nothing would have changed in our relationship if we get back together

20 Tips And Tricks On How To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back For Good

If you’re still intent on figuring out how to get him back after a breakup, brace yourself because you have your task cut out for you. Whether you’re trying to ascertain how to get your man back when he broke up with you or get back together with an ex you dumped, you will need to put in some work to mend the bridges and rebuild your connection. The good news is, it isn’t impossible either. Here are 20 practical tips on how to win an ex back for good:

1. Ask yourself why you want him back

The first tip on how to get your man back is to look for answers within. Even if your breakup was amicable and mutual, it makes sense that you would pine for him. However, the rules for getting back together with an ex say that you must do some retrospection. 

• According to research by renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher, being in love is similar to being high on drugs. Thus, a breakup could induce dopamine withdrawal, leading to thoughts of misery, gloom, and lethargy. Ask yourself if what you’re feeling is longing for your ex or just signs of rejection. Are you just trying to prove a point to someone?
• Do you want to get back with them because of any utilitarian needs? Did they take care of you financially, and now you’re worried about the bills? Do you need a date to a wedding?
• Would you feel as bad if you were the one who dumped him?

The answers to these questions will offer you clarity on whether it’s even worth your while to invest your time and energy in understanding how to attract your ex-boyfriend.

2. To get your ex back, start looking for answers

When relationships end, it’s human nature to focus on what went wrong. But a relationship isn’t always ruined by big mistakes. There are so many small slip-ups and hurtful moments that we choose to ignore or overlook but they stay in the back of our minds. To be able to revive the relationship, you need to pinpoint at what stage things took a turn for the worse. Objectively assess what went wrong and how you and your ex contributed to the relationship falling apart, without blame-shifting, hurling accusations, or being too overly critical of yourself.

3. Don’t try too hard to win your ex back

This may sound counterintuitive given that you’re trying to figure out how to attract him back, but trust me when I tell you, you need to take it easy. When he is ignoring you, don’t give him any kind of reaction. Don’t pursue him after the split. This constant chasing may just push him further away from you. 

A better way is to give him space to work through his emotions and understand what he wants. This way, he won’t feel as if you’re pestering him to reconsider the relationship or begging him to take you back and he decides to come back, it’d be of his own volition. He will be more committed to the idea of making the relationship work. This is just how male psychology works and this is how you get a man to chase you. 

Related Reading: 18 Definite Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back

4. To make him want you back, hold off on contact

Another solution to your quandary of how to attract your ex-boyfriend again is to hold off on contact. Often when you are looking for answers, you might find yourself surrounded by hundreds of other questions too. This can make you go into a spiral of conversations about what went awry and other aspects of your relationship. Trust us, this can trap you and your ex into an endless loop of confrontational conversations, and the goal to get your man back fades out of focus.

• How to make him want you back, you ask? Know that the no-contact rule works more effectively than being constantly in touch. It will also give him enough time to introspect about your relationship and make him miss your presence in his life
• To make him yours again, you need to fan his curiosity. There is no better way of taking it slow with an ex than by exiting his life for a while
• Use this time to focus on your growth rather than counting the days till you can contact him again

5. Contact your ex when you feel ready

If you’re wondering how to get your boyfriend to love you again, not rushing into things is the key. As you go through the no-contact stages, use the time and space to clear your head, work through your emotions, focus on your growth as an individual. Only when you have moved past the pain and angst and are in a constructive and healthy headspace, re-establish contact casually. 

Let him see the new and improved you, and take things forward from there. Now, in all likelihood, it would be a while before either of you can even broach the topic of reconciliation. Until then, keep your interactions with him light and breezy, making sure that he can see what he is missing out on by not being with you. 

6. Stop blaming him for what happened

If you’re constantly trying to figure out how to win your boyfriend back, not blaming him for whatever it is that went wrong with the relationship is a good place to start. A relationship is never a one-way street. Maturity lies in understanding that you both made some mistakes that cumulatively ruined your relationship, to the extent that parting ways seemed like the best way out. So, you must put the blame game to rest.

He too must be going through a tough time after the breakup. Considering all you want is to get your ex back, know that guilt-tripping and blaming him isn’t going to help. Instead, 

• Practice forgiveness
• Focus on positive experiences
• Make things right again by letting go of the negativity

7. Work on self-improvement

Before you look for tips on how to get your ex-boyfriend back fast, you need to focus on self-improvement to boost your sense of self-worth. Here’s how:

• Maybe, you made the relationship your life and inadvertently started being a clingy girlfriend. If that’s the case, you need to work on yourself before you even begin to make sense of how to get your boyfriend back
• Relationships should be a part of your life, not vice versa. Don’t make him the center of your universe. Stay strong. Seek support from your loved ones. Grieving is okay but it’s also important that you try not to spend time wallowing and not taking care of all other aspects of your life
• Don’t get so fixated on how to get your ex-boyfriend back when he broke up with you that you forget to love yourself. Meet new people. Have new experiences. You have to evolve into a truly self-respecting and confident person who knows what they deserve in life

Related Reading: My Boyfriend Still Talks To His Ex, What Should I Do?

8. Try rebound dating

This suggestion may appear counter-intuitive, but rebound relationships do work in blunting the pain of the breakup. According to a study, people who got involved in rebound dating showed better signs of well-being than people who remained single after a breakup. Not only do these people show higher signs of confidence and desirability, but they also “had more resolution over their ex-partner”

• The purpose of a rebound relationship is to help a person gain their confidence back after a breakup. Rebound relationships rarely get serious, and the majority of people get into one to keep it casual
• Remember, a rebound is not a way of getting back at your ex. It may feel great to use your rebound to incite jealousy in your ex. This may work in the short term, but if you intend to use your rebound to just ‘score one’ over him, you’re limiting the chances of either relationship succeeding

9. Show him that you have evolved

Another tip on how to get back with your ex-boyfriend is to be a happy and content woman, and genuinely so. Finding answers to how to get your ex-boyfriend back can be a self-reflective journey that focuses not just on your relationship but also on you as a person. 

• If he sees you as a happy and evolved person, it might make him miss you. It will remind him of the good things about you and the good times both of you spent together. 
• Don’t put up an act just to get him back. Instead, embrace the fact that you deserve to be happy with or without him

10. Get your ex-boyfriend back by making him miss you

How to get your ex-boyfriend back, you wonder? After you are done arousing curiosity and intrigue and have started talking to him again, you can start setting the stage for reconciliation by subtly reminding him of what he is missing out on by not being you. 

• Send him some texts, try to keep in touch to maintain a strong connection, and make him your friend again
• Remember, you can talk about anything and everything under the sun, except your past at this point. Talking about the past may bring back bad memories. You must make him miss you by making him remember the great times you shared
• The answer to how to get back together after a breakup naturally lies in making him miss the friend in you. You don’t need to have romantic conversations, but you can talk like good friends, say kind words, and share details about your life. Don’t hurry things. Keep it uncomplicated till he realizes that he too wants to be with you again

11. Assess if he still wants you

Ex-partners can be friends. Therefore, if you’ve become friends with him again, don’t consider it a sign that he’s interested in you. It’s very much possible that his feelings for you are purely platonic. Therefore, you must look for signs that he’s interested in you in a romantic way.

• See how he reacts to your rebound relationship. Is he happy, sad, or jealous? Does he get along with your new guy? When a man lets you go easily, you know he’s not interested
• Look for signs of male body language attraction. Does his face light up every time he spots you in a crowded room? Does he talk to you with his entire body facing you? Does his nose flare when he looks at you?
• Notice if you think your ex is friendly but distant. Check how he prioritizes you in his life. This would be a deciding factor in this recovery plan

Related Reading: 17 Powerful Signs From The Universe Your Ex Is Coming Back

12. See if he has changed 

As we’ve already mentioned, the only way you can get your ex back and make sure he stays in a happy and fulfilling relationship with you is if both of you have changed and evolved as mature human beings. You can’t expect to have a new relationship if you’re still the same people. So, before you decide to fight the odds stacked against you in getting your ex-boyfriend back when he has moved on, take some time to assess if he has grown and evolved since the breakup.

• Observe how he reacts in the situations that created issues between you earlier. Are his reactions any different?
• Do you see him actively trying to be a better person every day?
• Does he just say that he will change but fall back into the same patterns?

If he is still the same person as before, you either need to wait some more or simply move on. Even if you two get back together, you’re bound to fall into the same patterns that drove you apart in the first place.

13. Remind him of your bond

Another tip on how to get him back after a breakup is to remind him of the bond that you once shared. If you were a friend to him before being a girlfriend, be that friend again. If not, then work on developing a genuine friendship with him. Figure out ways to become friends but be aware of maintaining your distance and don’t overstep any boundaries. 

• Do not be clingy or behave as if you’re back together. He should not doubt your motives and be comfortable with you

• Use memories from the quality time you spent to remind him of the great things you had together
• Don’t let his new girlfriend dishearten you. Focus on spending time with him, leaving romance and sex out of the equation. Work on the friendship for the time being and the rest will follow

14. Once you become friends, initiate serious conversations

Figuring out how to attract him back can be tricky, even more so if he’s already dating someone or seems to have moved on from the relationship. This is where your newfound equation can work to your advantage. When you see a healthy relationship blooming, start teasing him about his girlfriend or joking about setting him up with someone and whether she would be better than you or not. And see how he reacts. If his reactions give you hope that even he is secretly hoping for a reconciliation, here’s what you can do:

• You can start thinking about the things to say to your ex to get them back. You can try something along these lines, “Why don’t you go out with her, I’m sure she would not irritate you with her habits as I did” or you can even say, “Does she cook a mean spaghetti like me?” 
• This will eventually initiate a conversation about the past that is undeniably going to come up no matter what you do. Remember to hold off on this conversation until the two of you are comfortable enough in your new-found friendship

15. Ask him if he still has feelings for you

Before you figure out how to get back with your ex-boyfriend, it’s important to understand that having feelings and being willing to acknowledge them are two different things. You might wonder, “If he loves me, will he come back?”, but if he isn’t willing to acknowledge it, then he probably has more issues than you thought. Let him make this choice on his own.

• If you realize that he doesn’t have feelings for you or that he doesn’t want to get back into a relationship with you, drop your ex-partner recovery plan and move on with your life. This whole point is lost if he is not on the same page as you
• If he has made it clear that he loves his new girl or is over you completely, it might be time to work toward closure and start a new chapter in life
• The only way you can be sure to get your man back is if he can acknowledge it without any external influence

Related Reading: Ignoring Someone You Are Attracted To? Do It With Finesse

16. Talk to his friends to understand how he feels about you

Your ex-boyfriend must have someone he turns to in times of distress, his shoulder to cry on, his support system. You too should turn to the same place to understand how to get your ex-boyfriend back even if it seems impossible and rekindle your romance. You should know the probability of you getting a second chance with him before you go all-out in your efforts to get your man back.

• Talk to his friends and confidants about whether he is open to giving you another chance or regrets the breakup
• Also, ask their input on what aspects of your personality bothered him, how hurt he was by the breakup, and what are your chances of getting him back in your life

17. Admit your feelings for him and apologize for your part in the breakup

Fix a date and don’t make it another simple or friendly hangout. You are past that phase now. Admit your feelings honestly to him and talk to your boyfriend about the possibility of a fresh start. This is one of the final steps in your journey of figuring out how to get your ex-boyfriend back. Brace yourself for what’s to follow and keep an open mind.

• Do not beg for another chance, do not plead, but spill your heart out and let him know that if he lets go of you, he might lose someone who really loves him and cares for his well-being
• Remember, you can never repair a relationship unless you take accountability for your mistakes. So, apologize for everything that you did to bring the relationship to its breaking point
• This may or may not take him by surprise, but either way, don’t just tell him that you love him; also tell him why it will work this time. This is what is more likely to make them say yes to getting back together

Related Reading: 7 Stages Of Getting Back Together With An Ex

18. Work on not repeating the old patterns after you get back

By now, you know that it is possible to get back together with an ex. The important thing is to make sure he stays once he is back, otherwise, you risk getting caught in a dangerous pattern where you break up and get back together again and again. And that’s where most efforts to get an ex back fail. Here are some ways you can break this pattern:

• Make a conscious effort to communicate better with your partner. Ask him if he needs to talk or if there is something that is bothering him
• Be mindful of your behavior. Do not take him for granted. Don’t give him a hard time about the breakup. And most of all, remember the effort it took to get him back
• Do not be shy about seeking professional help if you need it. Couples counseling can help you understand your behavior patterns, equip you with tools to replace unhealthy patterns with healthier ones, and build a harmonious relationship 

19. Remember that this is your second chance

Be aware that this is your second chance to have a long-lasting relationship with your ex. Your boyfriend has proved that he is capable of getting out of an unhealthy relationship, but that shouldn’t be the only reason why you pay attention to the relationship. A loving relationship can be sustained only with perpetual effort. So, you must strive to make things better

• Every time you’re tempted to do something that created a rift earlier, open your text messages and scroll to the times when there was no contact between you two. Can you go through something like that again?
• As already mentioned, there is evidence for the presence of mental distress in relationships that go through multiple breakups. So even if a voice in your head says that you’ll get them back even if they leave, think of all the distress both of you will go through anyway. Consider the impact of that on your mental health

20. Move on if he’s not interested

There is a possibility of your boyfriend not wanting to get back. This could be because of several reasons; for example, he’s moving to a different city and doesn’t want a long-distance relationship or he has moved on emotionally and just doesn’t want to rekindle the romance. In that case, be prepared to say goodbye.

• This will inevitably be painful but you have to find a way to accept it and move on
• You can choose to stay friends with him or stay away after you break up. Whatever you decide, make sure to communicate it to him. This clarity will help you gain the closure you need to move forward
• Take your time to bounce back. It will hurt, and it will take time, but remember one thing, there’ll be new opportunities for love in life

Related Reading: 11 Things That Make A Man Come Back After A Breakup

Final Thoughts

It’s not uncommon for couples to get back together again after a breakup. If you’ve ended things with your boyfriend but want him back now, know that it is possible as long as you still have feelings for one another. So, don’t give up hope. You can make him want you back again. But you have to be patient through it all. And make sure that when he comes back, you make sure he never wants to leave. Because it takes less time to break up, but lots more when you’ve got to mend the broken relationship.

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