It’s likely you thought your marriage or relationship would be a happily-ever-after, where you would love each other forever and be fiercely and completely loyal to each other. Unfortunately, even the most loving marriages can falter, and one or both partners can end up straying and having an affair. As a wife, it’s a painful scenario when you realize you’re not the only woman in your husband’s life. Before you know it, your life may revolve around how to make the other woman go away.
It’s never easy figuring out how to tell a girl to back off your man nicely. You might be consumed by extreme jealousy or thoughts of revenge, or get into messy scenarios of making the other woman suffer. Now, you’re entitled to these feelings and we don’t want to disregard your emotions. But there are ways to make the other woman go away and keep your dignity intact, too. If you are serious about bringing your married life back on track, these actionable tips will help.
11 Tried And Tested Tips To Make The Other Woman Go Away On Her Own
Table of Contents
Let’s begin by stating the obvious yet painful fact: there’s no point wishing away your partner’s affair or the other woman’s presence in your life. There is only so much you can do to get your man to leave the other woman. That will only happen if your spouse is truly willing to give up on the other woman in his life and end the affair. So, the real solution to how to make the other woman go away actually lies in your husband’s hands.
If you’re convinced that your spouse wants to make amends, that you can forgive your partner, and that you both want to make your marriage work, you’ll need to take proactive steps to figure out what to do when another woman is after your man. Salvaging a relationship from this crucial junction is doable, but not easy.
We’ve rounded up some tips, if you’re often left googling how to make the other woman go away, without harming your marriage or getting into a confrontation that gets ugly. Hopefully, these tips will help you acknowledge your partner’s infidelity and lead you to figure out how to make him forget the other woman. So, here we go:
1. Be honest about your feelings
If you’re wondering what to do when another woman is after your husband and you realize that your husband has been cheating on you, well, be honest. Here’s what can happen and what you can do to address the scenario:
- When you first find out about a partner cheating on you, your initial response is overwhelming anger, pain, and disbelief. Let yourself process the feelings
- The second reaction is possibly a cold denial that such a thing is possible, a choking down of your feelings. This step can actually prove to be disastrous. So, don’t lie to yourself
- Acknowledge that this is an emotional punch to the gut and there’s no need to pretend you’re not affected
- Have a heart-to-heart with your partner at some point. You may not be up for it right away, but don’t wait for him to tell you, or hope that things will resolve themselves
You cannot get your husband back by simply ignoring the elephant in the room and wishfully thinking that all will be well in your marital paradise once the affair runs its course. Your feelings are still valid.
Zoe, a reader, says: “My husband Ryan was in an extramarital affair, and I knew about it. Initially, I didn’t want to talk to him about it and didn’t even want to acknowledge that it was real. I went on like before, as though nothing was wrong. And it was killing me on the inside. Eventually, I had to confront him and tell him what this was doing to me and that I wouldn’t stand by silently and take it!”
Related Reading: I Can’t Forget My Husband’s Affair And I Feel Tormented
2. Do not be his emotional vessel
A conversation with your cheating spouse is imperative in case you’re wondering how to make the other woman go away. But you do not need to become a willing vessel for his emotional outpourings or act like his confidante in this situation.
It’s possible that when confronted, he will become defensive or start reeling off a list of reasons why he’s having an affair, become angry, or even cry about all that’s going wrong in his life that drove him to take this step. He might even blame-shift in the relationship and say it’s your fault, trying to make you feel guilty. But you don’t wish to get lost in his web of lies, do you? So, here’s what you can do instead:
- You don’t need to take this: Your partner is in the wrong here, and while you could hear him out if you want to, you don’t need to become a receptacle for his assurances or anger or profound declarations of love and loyalty to you
- Don’t let him dismiss your emotions: Don’t let him walk all over you or invalidate your emotions
- Be direct and curt, if needed: You get to have your say, and then leave. Until he has actively ended the affair and is putting effort into repairing your relationship, you don’t owe him the gift of listening
If you’re still clueless about what to do when another woman is after your man, well, get your feelings out there. Let him process what you’ve said and then figure out how he wants to handle it. The ball is squarely in his court – leave it there! This is one of the most effective ways to address the ‘how to win your husband back’ dilemma.
Related Reading: The 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs, And How To Recognize Them
3. Be yourself
“I’d seen photographs of the other woman my husband was cheating on me with,” says Nichole, a 28-year-old reader from Texas. She adds: “She was very athletic – there were pictures of her at several marathons, surfing, hiking – she always seemed to be on the move. I, on the other hand, am a couch potato and I love it. But I knew my husband was seeing this woman and it made me feel inadequate. I decided I should become a little like her and then maybe he would come back to me. Of course, all it did was make me miserable, because it’s not who I am at all!”
So, you see, while wondering how to stop another woman from getting your man, your mind may often think, “Let me become like her, as that’s obviously what he wants.” But trust us, there is no guarantee that this will help you win your husband back. If you’re serious about understanding how to make him forget his mistress, being her is not going to help. In the process, you’ll actually be giving all your power away.
Remember who you are and be that person for him, no matter what. You are his partner, the one he shares living space with and the person he fell in love with. Don’t sacrifice your authenticity on your quest of how to make him forget the other woman. Even if you’re all set to forgive him and fix your marriage, it’s not your problem if he can’t love you for who you are. Remind him of exactly who you are and why he fell in love with you.
4. Mend your relationship with your husband
If you’re constantly wondering how to make the other woman go away, well, why don’t you stop thinking along those lines and mend your bond with your husband instead? Stop furiously pondering over the thought, “The other woman keeps contacting my husband and I feel helpless”, and focus on your relationship with your partner. How to get your husband back is a consideration that takes a lot of introspection from your side. Here’s what you can do:
- Dig deeper: Introspect as to what your relationship has been like of late
- Find out if your relationship goals align: Ask yourself if it’s going the way you both want it to or if both of you have let your love fall by the wayside as you’ve started building a life and chasing other dreams
- Find out the underlying issues: Be a bit more specific and find out the real problem/s. Have there been too many date nights postponed? Have you two been fighting more lately, but you can’t even remember what it was all about?
- Remember there is no excuse for cheating: There’s no good excuse for cheating on your spouse or partner. No amount of missed date nights or forgotten scheduled intimacy gives either partner the right to betray the other. But it’s possible that the cracks in your relationship were already present and the other woman was just one symptom of deeper issues in your married life
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Fix A Broken Relationship With Your Boyfriend
5. Confront her with grace instead of finding sneaky ways to get back at her
Confronting the other woman is a minefield you need to navigate with great care when figuring out how to make the other woman go away and leave your marriage for good. Here’s how to tell a girl to back off your man nicely:
- Acknowledge that she’s a person and not just an archetype of the evil femme fatale out to steal your man
- Don’t plan on how to get revenge on the other woman or be spiteful
- Don’t plan to make the other woman suffer. You’re better than that
- Be firm and dignified in your approach when speaking with her
- Keep your emotional outbursts to yourself. Don’t threaten her with dire consequences (even if you’re aware of legal ways to get revenge on the other woman) or indulge in name-calling
- Tell her directly that you know what’s going on and that it needs to stop immediately. Also, let her know you’re serious and that you’re willing to fight to save your relationship
Ultimately, be kind to yourself and preserve your own peace of mind. Self-love is where it’s at! If you think confronting the other woman is going to mess up with your headspace, maybe the best thing would be to put it off for now (or entirely).
6. Be decisive
This is where you need to think hard about how you want to handle your partner’s cheating ways and the other woman. How to make him forget the other woman is a complex puzzle to solve and you need to figure out just how you hope to do it. Ask yourself what you want:
- Do you want to confront the other woman, or just stalk her a bit online to know who she is?
- Are you still consumed by thoughts of how to get revenge on the other woman?
- Do you want to talk to your partner first?
- Are you in the right frame of mind to handle these conversations?
- Can you forgive your cheating partner and start afresh?
Related Reading: He Loves Me So Why Does He Have Sex With The Other Woman
You’re not going to be able to handle much if you’re still in two minds about what you want to do. Make your decisions and stand firm on them. This is a painful situation no matter what you decide to do and you need to be as clear as possible in your own mind.
7. Have patience
Yes, this may sound ridiculous at first. How are you supposed to keep patience when your entire relationship is falling apart? But the truth is, a relationship in crisis can only be saved with patience.
Here’s what you can expect in such scenarios:
- Don’t expect the affair to stop overnight or your partner to come back to you with an apology immediately
- Even if they do apologize, the betrayal will have left you shattered and with major trust issues. It will take a while to rebuild that trust
- You could still be left wondering if it’s better to confront the other woman
- If you’ve already confronted her, you could be thinking about revenge or wondering what she thought of you
These thoughts will remain for a while. In fact, they might remain at the back of your mind forever. Be patient with yourself and with the whole situation. If you’re certain it’s worth it, and you’re fighting to save your marriage or relationship, then know that it’s going to take some time.
8. See the affair for what it is
An affair is just that, an affair. Yes, it has wrecked your trust. Yes, your relationship has a fault line it might not fully recover from. But if you can manage a little perspective, it becomes easier to decide how you want to handle the affair and the other woman involved. Instead of losing sleep over it or wondering, “Can I sue the other woman for emotional distress?”, consider this:
- The affair doesn’t spell the end of your relationship: You have your place in your partner’s life and you have created a relationship with them. So, while you clearly have things to work on, remind yourself that an affair doesn’t have to mean the end of everything you’ve built
- You matter: No matter what happens with the other woman or in your relationship, the affair cannot and should not take away your sense of self. Even though you’re left wondering how to stop the other woman from contacting my husband, do not get swept away in this process and lose yourself
- You or your contribution can’t be replaced: The other woman is not about to replace you and the extramarital affair your partner is having is not going to define you. When the thoughts of how to make him forget the other woman or what to do to make the other woman suffer consume you, remind yourself that she is perhaps just a chapter in the story of your life. And that you are meant to be part of his life in the long run
Related Reading: Is Indifference Or Disrespect Equivalent To Cheating On Spouse?
9. Do not blame yourself
“I have no clue how to stop the other woman from contacting my husband. His phone is always flashing around me. Lately, I’ve also noticed that he’s been spending more time at work almost every day and I’m convinced he’s out somewhere with her. It has been tough to come around to the fact that my husband is cheating on me and I can’t help but think it’s my fault. Had I been better in bed, or just a better wife overall, he would have not gone out looking for someone else,” says Naomi, an art director based in D.C.
We cannot stress this enough for Naomi and for you. The other woman is not your fault, and your partner’s affair is not because you did something wrong. Sure, there are always things to work on in a relationship, and there’s no harm in working on yourself either. But don’t blame yourself, or sit around thinking that if you’d been different, the affair wouldn’t have happened.
Playing the blame game isn’t healthy for any relationship, but let’s face it, the partner who cheated needs to shoulder the responsibility for what they did. And it’s not your responsibility to safeguard your husband from the other woman. He is an adult perfectly capable of making his choices. Cheating is always a choice, and it is not on you.
10. Gather enough evidence
While you’re still wondering, “Can I sue the other woman for emotional distress?”, be sure that it’s in fact her. Are you absolutely sure you aren’t going after the wrong woman or about to accuse someone of being the ‘other woman’ just because of a loose hunch? Are you sure you’re not targeting someone innocent while trying to make the other woman suffer?
Here’s what you can do to make sure you aren’t going after an innocent woman:
- Instead of relying on rumors or your assumptions, gather hard proof, be it photos, videos, or evidence through tracking apps, or hidden cameras
- Don’t raise hell before you have proof, as that can make you look foolish
- Be sure you’re confronting her for the right reasons. If it’s just to get revenge or to give her a dressing down or a moral lecture, don’t do it. It makes you look like the proverbial woman scorned
Related Reading: My Husband Cheated On Me But I Decided To Stay Together For The Kids
11. Make sure the other woman knows about you
Still wondering how to tell a girl to back off your man nicely? In case you don’t wish to confront the other woman directly and aren’t sure if she is aware of you or your bond with your husband either, why not try making it clear to her that you and your husband have been in a successful and strong marriage for years? Make it evident that a mere affair is not going to rattle you or the marriage, but do it wisely and subtly. Here’s how:
- Show off: Put up cozy photos of your husband and you on social media. Let people comment and like your posts. Show off the romance you once had. It’s likely the other woman too stalks you every day if she’s aware of your existence
- Tell your common friends about your concern: In case the woman is part of the same circle (a friend of a friend), let your common friends or acquaintances know that you’re the main woman in your man’s life and will be. That way, word will spread that nobody can probably replace you, and she will get the hint
- Insist on being seen with your husband at social gatherings: So, you want to be filmed or clicked with your husband by your side, so that it’s evident that your marriage can’t be rocked so easily! Why not make sure you’re always his “plus one” at social gatherings? And this will work best if she too is part of such gatherings. For instance, if the other woman is a coworker, make sure you attend all your husband’s office parties
Key Pointers
- Dealing with a third person in a marriage is never easy and is bound to rattle you up
- It’s not impossible to salvage your marriage from the clutches of the other woman
- Some tips on getting married men back on track are: being honest about what you feel, being yourself, gathering enough evidence, and coming face-to-face with the other woman with grace
Affairs can break a relationship, but they can also be the wake-up call that makes you realize the relationship is worth fighting for. There are always ways and means that help you solve the issue of how to make the other woman go away, but ultimately, it’s all about how much you want to save your marriage and your own sense of dignity and self-worth. But is he going to come back to you for good? Only God can tell you! We can only help you with some tried and tested tips to get your husband back on track. And if you still feel lost, get some professional help and opt for marriage counseling. We wish you all the best!
FAQs
If you think you need to talk to the other woman directly and that it’ll help you handle things more clearly, you can confront her. But make sure you have your facts in place before you go accusing her of anything, and don’t confront her if all you want is revenge or to deliver a lecture on the evils of infidelity.
Be clear about what you say. Don’t issue threats or get overly emotional with the other woman. Just say what you need to say clearly and firmly. Let her know you mean business and that you’re going to fight for your relationship.
Acknowledge your feelings and have a heart-to-heart with your partner, without letting them off the hook. Let them know you won’t stand for what they’re doing. Be decisive in your own mind and don’t blame yourself for any of it. If needed, confront the other woman for a conversation. This is how to make the other woman go away.
Don’t change a thing about your most basic self. Continue to be the woman that you are. What you can change though is how your marriage is going. Maybe you two should start spending more time together and consider taking more initiative in the relationship. Once he sees why he fell in love with you first, he will choose you over her, any day.
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