Are you struggling to figure out what to do when your husband is talking to another woman? Well, if you are, you probably already have trouble brewing in paradise. Your husband may have come to depend on another woman for his emotional or sexual needs or for basic advice on matters big and small. Even if he swears that the relationship is platonic, it’s bound to irk you on some level.
So, if there is a woman who has your husband’s attention or if you find your husband texting another woman or talking to her often, your feelings of jealousy and restlessness are totally justified. But any of it doesn’t necessarily point at signs your husband has a crush on another woman or that he’s disloyal to you.
You cannot make your next move with the presumption that they’re romantically involved or that he’s having an emotional affair. He could be suffering from miserable husband syndrome, for all you know. To help you make sense of what’s going on and how it impacts your marriage, we have collated possible reasons behind this situation and 12 actionable tips to deal with it.
5 Possible Reasons Behind Your Husband Talking To Another Woman
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When you see your husband texting another woman or talking to her often, you may very well ask yourself, “Why would a married man talk to another woman in the first place?” I’ll share what a close friend of mine, Ashley, faced in her marriage.
Ashley says, “I have often found my husband talking to another woman. He keeps saying that it’s regarding the new project he has taken up. I have tried to be extremely patient for months. But to see him go out with her even on weekends is getting more difficult with each passing day. I would hate to transform into one of those suspicious women who stalk their husbands but he is leaving me with no choice. I really wish to know what to do when your husband is talking to another woman or looking at another female online.”
You see, a minor misjudgment on her part could shatter the foundation of their marriage. But we cannot entirely give him the benefit of the doubt. It’s important to handle things delicately even if you find your husband talking to another woman frequently. Well, to help you further, we have listed 5 possible reasons you husband is talking to another woman:
Related Reading: When Is Texting Cheating? 11 Different Scenarios And How To Deal
1. They’re just friends
When you notice that your husband confides in another woman, they could very well be just friends. And we don’t mean the ‘just a friend’ trap that many marriages and relationships fall into. It’s quite possible she may be:
- A harmless ex who reconnected with him years later
- An old female friend who’s in town after years of being abroad
- A platonic crush or friend he made at the gym or the church
2. They’re coworkers
If you see your husband texting another woman or speaking to her on the phone often before you start assuming he’s romantically or sexually interested in her (or no longer sexually interested in you), consider this: she could just be a coworker. Here are some possible scenarios:
- She’s a newly hired intern who needs to be given detailed instructions over the phone or email
- She’s a new boss your husband is reporting to
- She’s a coworker stationed in another city or country who’s recently been put on the same project as your husband’s
Related Reading: Gut Feeling He’s Cheating, No Proof? 31 Signs Your Instincts Are On Point
3. It’s an emotional affair
Now, here is where the trouble begins and you can be sure they’re not just friends. Your husband could actually be talking to a former lover or leaning on a new acquaintance for his emotional needs. And this could actually end up in them having an emotional affair behind your back.
They could be sharing each other’s hopes, desires, life goals, or just details of the daily grind. These are signs your husband is emotionally cheating. Here are a few possible scenarios that may have pushed your man toward an emotional affair with another woman:
- You neglected him when he tried to speak to you about his day
- He doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you anymore
- He feels both of you aren’t aligned in terms of life goals and doesn’t feel the need to share his thoughts with you
- He is bored of the relationship and the talk of the chores and the kids every day and feels more connected to the other woman
4. It’s a sexual affair
Many a time, people hide sexual affairs by not interacting with their affair partners. But there can be instances when a man may be overly attached to his affair partner for the sexual compatibility they share. Here’s why he can’t help talking to her:
- She sexts him like you once used to
- She loves experimenting in bed and you stick to the mundane
- You and your husband have kept sex on the back burner and focused on more practical things in your marriage
Related Reading: Confession Story: Emotional Cheating Vs Friendship – The Blurry Line
5. He just likes some innocent attention
Often, men just want to be desirable to other women. It is an ego boost or a ‘feel good’ factor and nothing more. So, it’s quite possible he just goes the extra mile solving problems for women around him, without any intention of cheating on you or ruining the relationship. He could very well be suffering from low self-esteem too and may need the attention to feel better about himself.
Here’s a similar situation a Reddit user faced: “He tends to get along with women a lot better than guys. He in no way pursues them, but he’s just not really the “bro” type. He has a few guy friends he sees every now and then but for the most part his best friends are a few women he hangs out with a lot. It in no way concerns me because he treats them like sisters and is always respectful, protective, and kind to them.” So, in this case, the man is just a nice person who treats women well.
“My Husband Is Talking To Another Woman”: What It Means For Your Marriage
Well, not all interactions with another woman mean your husband is cheating on you. But if you feel it in your gut that he’s trying to get an emotional or sexual respite through these interactions, it’s high time you look at the shortcomings in your marriage.
Here’s what a Reddit user shared: “I just found out that my husband has been talking and texting another woman. This woman was obsessed with him in high school. She’s now married, and has kids, but spends time talking to my husband for hours. She would send him clips of love songs, and talk about her memories. To me, it seemed like they were flirting in their texts, and it really hurt. Their phone calls last about 1-2 hours.” Now this is bordering on dangerous and needs to be checked or, at least, investigated. Here’s what such scenarios can mean for your marriage:
- Your marriage is about to be rocked: When your husband is talking to another woman, it could very well mean that your marriage is headed for troubled waters. It also means it’s time for you to find out what’s causing him to do this
- Your sex life is boring or non-existent: It could also hint at a lack of sexual satisfaction in your marriage or that you have a sexless marriage that needs to be looked into
- His needs aren’t being met: Apart from sex, a man may need his partner to stimulate his intellectual or emotional needs. If he is talking to another woman, it could mean your marriage isn’t providing him with what he needs, such as an intellectually stimulating conversation about books or TV shows or a different perspective on life. And so, you may notice signs your husband is emotionally cheating
- Your marriage needs more attention from you: A marriage need not be a checklist of dos and don’ts. At times, we need to take a pause and pay attention to our partners too. If your husband is talking to another woman, both he and your marriage may need some more attention from you
12 Things To Do When Your Husband Is Talking To Another Woman
No matter how harmless their association, the presence of another woman in your husband’s life can have lasting repercussions on your marriage. When your husband is talking to another woman in front of you or keeping you in the loop about meeting her, there is a good chance that you have nothing to worry about. If they are not sneaking behind your back, you can rest assured that the relationship is platonic.
But when you find your husband talking to another woman, your feelings of jealousy or insecurity are justified because, in a marriage, spouses are expected to be each other’s go-to person for all their needs. The fact that your husband has given a part of that role to someone else is bound to be disconcerting.
In extreme cases, such interactions may also lead to emotional or sexual affairs. So, yes, it may be a big deal after all! We are here to help you handle the situation with the sensitivity it warrants. Here are 12 things to do when your husband is talking to another woman:
Related Reading: Top 15 Signs Of A Selfish Husband And Why Is He Like That?
1. Learn as much as you can about this other woman
Whether it’s the case of a married man texting another woman or going out to meet her in person, as his wife, you need to find out all you can about her. Here’s what you can do:
- If it’s someone you already know – an old female friend of your husband’s, a colleague, your friend, or a friend’s wife — try to get to know her better by talking to her directly or asking around (but subtly)
- If you do not know her at all, the best approach is to ask your husband about her directly
- While you’re at it, pay close attention to how he reacts. He’ll be comfortable answering your questions if he has nothing to hide. If he loses his temper and lashes out at you, it could be one of the signs your husband is playing dirty behind your back
- Notice his body language too. If his jaw tightens and his face turns pale, your husband could be trying to hide something
Edith, a homemaker in her late 30s, shares her experience: “Not knowing why my husband pursued another woman kept me awake for many nights. Finally, as I confronted him, he told me a story about running into an old batchmate recently. He tried to convince me that it was harmless and nothing but two friends catching up. But he could barely look into my eyes. Being cornered by my queries, he had to admit that he went on a few dates with this woman. We are trying to recover from this setback, but it’s very hard since he is still in two minds.”
2. Try to see things from his perspective
No, we’re not saying “men will be men” and that you have to just put up with it when your husband is talking to another woman. But before you start doubting him or accusing him of being unfaithful to you, consider this:
- He may be just talking to a friend
- There’s a possibility that the woman may be interested in your husband and he may be oblivious to her feelings
Related Reading: Should I Confront The Other Woman? 6 Expert Tips To Help You Decide
A reader, Maya, wrote to us about a similar situation. She could see that her fiancé’s childhood best friend clearly had feelings for him. However, he just didn’t seem to catch the signs despite her territorial attitude toward Maya. Even after their marriage, the friendship continued and Maya began wondering, “What to do when your husband is talking to another woman?”
It was only when the woman started making frantic calls demanding that she needed him by her side because she was feeling lonely in her marriage that Maya’s husband began to see the writing on the wall. Together, they were able to tide over this stumbling block in the relationship.
3. Understand the context of the conversation
Before you let the monster of insecurity consume you, make an effort to understand the dynamics of their equation. Is it a colleague that your husband sends text messages to or talks to on the phone often? Removing the gender dynamics from the equation and seeing them as two coworkers indulging in some healthy banter can be helpful. Here’s what else you can do:
- You need to rein in your fears about losing him to her or build up ill will. This will only make you look insecure
- Focus on ways to improve communication in your marriage, so that you share even those aspects of your life that you or your spouse are not actively involved in. So, if it’s a coworker he talks to, he should make it clear to you without you having to snoop around
Let’s hear it from my friend Dorothy about how indulging in open dialogues improved her relationship with her husband after 20 years of their marriage. She says, “I am a teacher and my husband works in construction. I never took much interest in the technicalities of his job. So, when he started meeting a young female engineer three times a week for site visits, I felt threatened. After a series of ugly fights, we got into a heart-to-heart, and he made me realize I am still ‘the one’ for him.”
4. Don’t blame yourself
When your husband confides in another woman, it is bound to leave you grappling with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. You might spend hours on end finding flaws in yourself. Here’s what you can do instead:
- Please remember, irrespective of the nature and depth of their connection, you’re not to blame for any of it
- Instead of wallowing in self-deprecating thoughts, focus on improving your relationship with him
- Introspect about what’s lacking in your relationship. Then, work on fostering those elements and bridging the gaps
- Don’t do anything with the objective of pushing the other woman out of the picture but do it because you genuinely want to build a wholesome relationship
5. Get to the bottom of the situation
If you cannot help but see the signs your husband has a crush on another woman or feel like his association with this woman is threatening your marriage, try to get to the bottom of things. You see, if your husband is talking to another woman, you should be able to see the bigger picture. And for that, you need clarity on how your husband came in contact with her, how often they talk, and so on and so forth. This understanding will either help assuage your concerns or make you realize the gravity of the situation.
If you discover that they share a genuine man-woman friendship, it will help put your mind at ease. On the other hand, if you find out that there are, in fact, deeper feelings at play, you will be in a better position to address the problem pragmatically. For all you know, he could be suffering from miserable husband syndrome.
Related Reading: 8 Reasons Husbands Lose Interest In Their Wives
6. Don’t lead with accusations
Hannah, a coworker of mine, discovered that her husband, Stewart, spoke to another woman regularly. She chanced upon a chat and later found it deleted. When she confronted him, he denied having any such woman in his life. She was convinced, “My husband lied about talking to another woman. He must be cheating on me.”
A year later, she found out that her husband was, in fact, in touch with his ex. But it was to help her get out of her abusive marriage. Even though Stewart hadn’t cheated on Hannah, the trust between them had taken a hit by then, because Hannah had assumed Stewart was cheating on her.
On this, counseling psychologist Nandita Rambhia says, “It’s important to be sure that something is genuinely going on and your partner has cheated on you in some way or the other, before accusing him or the other woman.” This is what you can do differently:
- It’s imperative that when you talk to your husband about this other woman that he is getting close to, you must approach the matter sensitively
- Don’t start hurling accusations of cheating. It will only alienate him
- If he does not have any romantic feelings or emotional attachment toward this woman, you risk hurting him immensely if you accuse either him or the other woman of having an affair
7. Tell your husband how you feel
Wondering what to do when your husband is talking to another woman and you’re uncomfortable with it? Now that you’re addressing the issue head-on, tell your husband that his connection with another woman makes you feel uncomfortable and turns you into a jealous person. Tell him you see their interaction as one of the signs your husband has a crush on another woman.
Take a step ahead to resolve the issue by facing your true emotions. It is okay to be vulnerable in front of the man you love so dearly. If there is nothing cooking between them and your husband sees how deeply affected you are by it all, he may take a step back on his own.
Related Reading: 15 Shocking Things Cheaters Say When Confronted
8. Take the wait-and-watch approach
After you’ve had the talk, don’t expect a miracle to happen overnight. When you find your husband talking to another woman, he likely values her as a friend or confidante (even if he isn’t interested in her romantically or sexually). He may not be able to snap that chord instantly. Here’s what you should do:
- You should neither expect nor pressure him to cut ties with her instantaneously
- If he stops talking to her owing to pressure from you, he may start resenting you for it, leading to other marital problems
- Be patient and give him the time to come around
9. Ask to be involved
If your married man is texting another woman or meeting her regularly, she must have an important place in his life. As his life partner, it is absolutely justified for you to want to build a connection with someone so important to him. Float the idea of inviting this woman home for drinks or going out for dinner together. Here’s what can happen next:
- If your husband has nothing to hide, he should be on board with it
- If this suggestion makes him uncomfortable, you can read it as one of the signs your husband is having an affair and is not just friends with her
In case your husband agrees to introduce you to her or is open to the idea of you socializing with her, leave the jealousy and insecurity at the door and make an earnest attempt to establish a rapport with her. And if he dismisses your suggestion outright, it’s time you have a serious conversation about this woman’s place in his life.
10. Give him a chance to explain
If you’re still wondering what to do when your husband is talking to another woman, well, don’t make up your own assumptions about their equation without hearing your husband out. Don’t take it as one of the signs your husband has a crush on another woman either. Try to find out what pushed him to seek attention and comfort in a woman who is not his wife. Here’s what you can do:
- No matter how convinced you are of the fact that these are signs your husband is emotionally cheating or having a full-blown affair, give him a chance to tell you his side of the story
- Lend him a listening ear without judgment or prejudice
- Try your best to not lose your temper or get into an argument
You have a problem at hand, and the objective should be to find a solution to this problem and not complicate it further.
Related Reading: 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic
11. Explore the flaws in your marriage
Nandita says, “The other woman is only part of the problem, but not the root.” If you find your husband texting another woman or talking to her, the reason could be that there are some chinks and cracks in your marital bond. While it is easy to indulge in blame-shifting and be infuriated by constantly thinking, “My husband is nicer to the other woman”, what you really need to do is focus on the underlying issues in your marriage and see if he is showing signs of miserable husband syndrome. Ask yourself these questions:
- Have you drifted apart over time?
- Are these unresolved feelings of hurt or anger looming over your marriage?
- Is there an issue of lack of intimacy or of understanding at play here?
You have to look within to weed out this external problem threatening your marriage.
Related Reading: Is The 7-Year Relationship Itch Real?
12. Opt for therapy
When your man gives another woman attention, it can cause you both to become alienated. This, coupled with any underlying issues, can be detrimental to your future together. To save your marriage, consider going into couples therapy. A trained professional can help you navigate your issues a lot more effectively than you can on your own. If you still don’t know how to get started, Bonobology’s experts and counselors are here for you.
Key Pointers
- There can be a wide range of reasons why your husband is talking to another woman. They could be just friends or coworkers, he may be having an emotional or sexual affair, or he just likes attention
- It could mean that your marriage is about to be rocked and that it needs more attention
- To deal with your husband talking to another woman, you can try to find out more about her, consider his perspective, tell him how you feel, and consider opting for therapy
When your man gives another woman attention, it may or may not be alarming. Explore all the different facets of their connection, keep calm, and approach the problem as pragmatically as possible. With a little maturity and sensitivity, you can emerge from it unscathed as a couple. And if you feel things are beyond repair, don’t hesitate to get yourself out of the tricky situation.
FAQs
There can be a host of reasons behind this, ranging from a genuine friendship to a strong emotional or sexual bond. You may have to delve deeper to understand the real reason behind it.
If your husband isn’t forthcoming about the details of his interaction with this other woman, tries to avoid talking to her in front of you, or is not keen on making you two meet, it indicates that your husband is interested sexually or emotionally in this other woman.
Flirting can be harmless and completely inconsequential. However, if your husband has developed a strong emotional bond with this woman, you have a reason to be concerned.
If he prioritizes this other person over you, he definitely likes her.
He may just be defending himself and trying to make you see that he’s not cheating on you. Or it could be a sign of his emotional attachment to her. You will know the truth only after having a real conversation with your husband about this issue.
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