You think you’ve been together long enough for her to know that you like to do things with her, like watching movies. But your idea of a good movie is not hers, so most times you watch your movies alone or you feel unloved because he never appreciates your work but when you talk to him you find out that he thinks the morning cuddle said it all!
Communication Is Missing In Relationships Lately
Table of Contents
I know we all can give dozens of big and small examples where we feel something’s amiss in our relationship. Most of the time it all boils down to one simple word – Communication.
Sounds familiar?
I know of one couple who decided to spend a day every month doing what one of them wanted.
Just one day a month, every alternate month. It changed their whole perception of what the other wanted and they were ready to give
By prioritizing open communication, embracing vulnerability, and making time for connection, you can rebuild and strengthen your relationship even when communication feels strained.
- Communication is a Two-Way Street: Both partners need to be willing to put in the effort to improve communication.
- It Takes Time and Practice: Building healthy communication patterns takes time and practice. Be patient with each other and celebrate small victories along the way.
- Small Gestures Matter: Even small acts of kindness and consideration can go a long way in improving communication and fostering a loving connection.
- Couples Counseling: If communication challenges persist, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and tools to improve communication and strengthen the relationship.
So how do you make sure that your love gesture is understood and reciprocated, anyway?
Related reading: 5 reasons why Indian men find it difficult to communicate!
1. He says potatoh you say patatoe!
Yes, it’s true we all speak different languages of love.
Some people think a walk in the park is love and some believe a bunch of roses is love. And there’s more…
According to The Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman, there are actually five love languages. They are:
- Words of affirmation – complimenting or praising your partner, verbal PDA
- Quality time – time spent in the together zone
- Receiving gifts – surprising each other with gifts or tokens of love
- Acts of service – helping without being asked
- Physical touch – hand holding and snuggling more
Once you realise that your idea of sharing love is completely different from the way your partner expresses love, you win half the battle.
Because whether you say it or not, this whole relationship thing feels like a battle with both of you on either side…
But now, you realise that both of you are actually on the same side. What a relief!
TIP: You can try Gary Chapman’s website for quizzes to know what language you and your partner speak.
Related reading: 15 most common reasons for divorce
2. Listen in vs. listening
Natasha, 36 (not her real name) gives an embarrassed laugh, “While we were dating while studying in a small town, he travelled a long way to get me pastries. I hate pastries and couldn’t stop myself from blurting it out. I guess receiving gifts is not my language of love. Actually, I prefer his help while I am saddled with work at home and office.”
Arvind, Natasha’s husband and a busy professional, just like his wife, cribs about how he keeps waiting to spend quality time with his wife, but she is always deep into her own things. He likes to surprise her with gifts to get her to relax, but the gifts don’t impress her much.
Irritating or plain exasperating, this love tangle needs to be fully understood to be solved. To do this, both need to step back and understand how the other person wants to be loved.
Or as Gary Chapman opines in his book, “Love can be expressed and received in all five languages. However, if you don’t speak a person’s primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four. Once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.”
The foundation of a good relationship is to be able to talk to someone, about anything and everything – without being judged.
And the more you talk and listen the more common points you can rediscover – even after 10 years. Only then can you move on to the next step.
3. Positivate not just communicate
So how do you start telling them that you can’t hear what they say?
Say it positively – start by appreciating their way. Sounds sneaky?
It’s just plain common sense…
Because you see, you can’t start a conversation with a ‘No’. So, smile at the effort and thought they have put in for you and respond positively.
“We are open with each other and tell each other everything,” you counter.
That’s great. But it doesn’t mean shutting the door on the other’s face.
A relationship is like a long conversation with the boring bits, I-love-you bits, I-don’t care bits and the let’s-work-it-out bits all thrown in, in a heady mishmash of emotions, opinions, thoughts and general banter.
It all stays together when it’s surrounded by the stickiness of love.
To do that, you need to sugar coat some things, sometimes, so that the conversation continues without any one feeling judged or hurt.
Communicating love is a two-way street. Start by appreciating their way, communicate your ideas and enjoy the differences. After all, the differences are what brought you together in the first place.
FAQs
1. How can I understand my partner’s love language?
Observe how they express love to you and others. Pay attention to what makes them feel loved and appreciated. You can also have open conversations about love languages and take online quizzes together.
2. Can nonverbal communication also express love?
Holding hands, hugging, kissing, and even a warm smile can convey love and affection. Be mindful of your body language and use it to reinforce your verbal expressions.
3. What are some examples of gestures of love that might be misunderstood?
Giving expensive gifts when your partner values quality time, or being overly affectionate when they prefer words of affirmation. It’s crucial to tailor your gestures to their specific needs.
4. What if my love language is different from my partner’s?
In the realm of love, where emotions run deep and connections are forged, ensuring your gestures are understood is paramount. It’s not just about expressing affection but making sure those expressions resonate with your partner, fostering a deeper bond built on mutual understanding and appreciation.The key is to be willing to learn and adapt. Express love in their language, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you, and encourage them to do the same for you.
Final Thoughts
In the realm of love, where emotions run deep and connections are forged, ensuring your gestures are understood is paramount. It’s not just about expressing affection but making sure those expressions resonate with your partner, fostering a deeper bond built on mutual understanding and appreciation.
Open and honest communication, personalized expressions of love, consistent actions, attentiveness, and regular check-ins all play a crucial role in this endeavor. By prioritizing these elements, you can bridge any gaps in understanding and create a love language that speaks volumes to your partner.
Love is a journey of continuous discovery and growth. By striving to understand and be understood, you lay the foundation for a lasting and fulfilling relationship where love flourishes and gestures speak louder than words.
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Lots of times in relationships we get emotionally triggered and we just react, instead of taking the time to name how we really feel and get clear on what we need.
Truly said, communication is the key!
Oh wow! What a lovely and insightful write up. How important it is just to realize that every one speaks a language of love that might not necessarily fit into ours, but it’s the language of love anyway! This is a life altering insight if you ask me! Thank you so much.
You know this line got to me…So how do you start telling them that you can’t hear what they say?
Say it positively – start by appreciating their way. Sounds sneaky?
Made sense. Tried it! Thanks…waiting for more pieces from you!