Have you had a tiff with your man and don’t know if he still loves you after a fight? A fiery argument has taken place and now you can’t seem to reach out to him or understand what’s running through his head. Even though it may seem distressing to you currently, no contact after arguments is all too common.
You must be full of questions like “How do I talk to him about the fight now that he is ignoring me?” or “My boyfriend is ignoring me what do I do?” Well, we are here to help you get to the bottom of it. Let’s find out a bit more about why a guy ignores you after an argument.
‘My Boyfriend Is Ignoring Me After A Fight’: 9 Possible Reasons
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Once you realize that a sufficient amount of time has passed ever since you two argued and your guy is still ignoring you, you must analyze the situation closely. You may even wonder if he is ignoring you for someone else, but that shouldn’t generally be the case. Understanding the reason behind his behavior and his idea of the no-contact rule after an argument will also give you a better idea of how to approach the situation and mend your relationship with him. Here are some reasons why a guy ignores you after an argument:
1. He is completely preoccupied with other commitments
Maybe it’s not you, it’s him. Understanding the timing of the fight and the silent treatment is crucial. It is possible that your big fight coincided with an important work deadline or family commitment and your man simply does not have the time to spend hours texting you or talking to you to resolve your fight. Some probable reasons can be:
- He is busy: If he has stopped talking after a fight, he may have extremely pressing commitments to attend to
- He wants to resolve other things first: All jokes aside, it may be possible that he’s just trying to get a grip on crucial work commitments so that he can get back to texting/calling you with a clear mind even though it may appear like mixed signals
- He wants to give you the effort you deserve: It takes a lot of effort to resolve a fight, and it is possible that he just does not want to do it shabbily
Related Reading: The Role of Trust in Relationships: How to Build and Maintain It
2. He needs some time to reflect and observe the current situation
After an argument, it is obvious that you both will be angry with each other and things might take an ugly turn if you are not careful. In this context, to avoid the nastiness associated with fights among couples, your husband or boyfriend might think that it is necessary to ignore you to cool down and understand the current circumstances better. Consider it the no-contact rule male psychology when he ignores you.
Tom from Ohio wrote to us and spoke about the time his girlfriend lied to him about a family emergency and went bar-hopping with her friends to avoid spending time with him. In this case, the guy retreated completely and stopped communicating with her. It is not because he wanted to dump her, but because he was too angry to navigate a conversation healthily.
3. You did something to upset him
When the concern “My boyfriend is ignoring me, what do I do?” is weighing on your mind, ask yourself what is it that you have done before that could’ve led to this. Fights are never pleasant but did you unknowingly cross a line? This may include:
- Using hurtful language/making personal attacks
- Bringing up a topic he is sensitive about
- Taking advantage of his vulnerability/fears
- Mocking his feelings
- Showing physical aggression
- Being passive aggressive
You need to take a step back and reflect on the things you said and did during the argument, and apologize if you happened to cross a line.
Perhaps, some common relationship problems were already festering between you two, or you have unknowingly said something hurtful or behaved in a manner that has triggered said issue. If that’s the case, you have a bigger problem to resolve than just the fight.
Related Reading: 8 Ways to Reconnect After a Big Fight
4. Maybe he is clueless about the situation
Perhaps he did not understand the problem in the first place. This is the biggest reason that men give when one probes into why they indulge in no contact after argument with a girlfriend. Women tend to be more attentive and sensitive to matters, and it is possible that your man has not realized the seriousness of the fight. Or he might not know what to do or how to tackle such a situation and is therefore choosing to avoid it altogether in the hopes that it will resolve itself. In such situations, you can try:
- Considering his personality type: Does he have a dismissive avoidant attachment style? This may be a red flag
- Taking over the reins: Since the issue won’t resolve itself, you’ll need to knock some sense into your man, and that’s where good communication strategies come into play
- Being assertive: We know this is difficult while he’s ignoring you and refusing to talk to you straight. So, give him the space he has carved out for himself, but make sure you let him know that’s not the way to deal with any issues
Who knows, when you’re out there saying “We had a fight and he’s ignoring me”, he might not even realize you’ve had a serious fight. Yeah, this sounds bizarre, but it happens more often than you think.
Related Reading: 15 Ways To Solve Relationship Problems Without Breaking Up
5. The lurking fear of making it worse
When a guy neglects you after an argument or even decides to make it a 3-day relationship break by just not reaching out to you, he may be afraid of making things worse than they already are. So, chances are:
- He is afraid: He may not be the most confident in his conflict-resolution abilities, and in hopes of avoiding being blocked on every platform that ever existed, he’s trying to give you time to cool off before he texts you
- He is unable to communicate: So, it’s clear that he loves and wants you, but he just does not communicate effectively
- He needs time to reflect: His reasoning behind this could also be that the issue will only be resolved when you have both had enough time to think and can collectively sit down and discuss it once you feel comfortable
- He fears losing you: He might also have a fear of losing you by saying hurtful things unintentionally, and this could be why he hasn’t been reaching out. Trust us when we tell you, time and space do solve everything after a while. This is his way of avoiding conflict
6. The issues/misunderstandings seem trivial to him
It’s also possible that he just does not see this argument in the same light as you do. For you, it might mean the end of the world, and for him, it does not matter that much. He probably thinks it is better to keep such trivial matters at bay by ignoring you for the time being.
Usually, this happens because men tend to understate the importance of the little things in a relationship. What seemed like a complete act of disrespect might’ve just seemed like a regular day in the office for him. In such a case, you need to communicate better with your partner and make your feelings known.
7. He expects you to apologize
Maybe it is time to sit down and be real with yourself about what happened. Are you in the wrong here?
Some men can indeed be stubborn that way, and it is not necessarily a bad thing. He might be pushing you away because he wants you to apologize and realize your mistake. This is him holding his ground, trying to tell you that he cannot be ill-treated and wants you to make it up to him.
Related Reading: 9 Signs He Regrets Hurting You
8. Testing boundaries
Sometimes, men are indeed so hurt that they will only be placated if you give your best efforts to make them feel loved again. So, they may be testing boundaries to just see how far you will go to make it up to them. Here are some possibilities:
- He may be waiting for you to make a move: When he ignores you, he might just be waiting for you to prove your love to him. The more you don’t reach out to them, the worse it gets
- He’s testing how long it takes you to come back: He may be essentially assessing how long you can be without him and how long it takes for you to come back and realize your mistake
- He’s using this time to think wisely: When he is tugging at your emotional boundaries this way, don’t get too rattled but be patient instead. Ponder upon the heated argument you two had and what may have hurt him. Sometimes, it is worth being the bigger person in the relationship so you can both be out of your misery
9. He is pondering a break from you
This possible answer to your burning question, “Why is my boyfriend ignoring me?”, is going to be a tough one to bear. You might have to accept that you have arrived at the breaking point in your relationship. He may be having mixed feelings about you now.On the one hand, he loves and cares for you, but on the other, he just can’t shake off the fact that you have too many problems or misunderstandings.
11 Things You Can Do When Your Guy Ignores You After A Fight
I know it is scary when he goes silent after an argument, but you need to approach the situation tactfully and ensure that you not only mitigate the fight but also maintain the emotional intimacy in your relationship.Every fight has the potential of actually bringing a couple closer together. Below are some tips you can use in situations like these:
Related Reading: 8 Ways To Reconnect After A Big Fight And Feel Close Again
1. Have an honest conversation with him
Be strategic about giving him time to think things over. When you feel like you are both in the right headspace and are willing to discuss the situation like mature adults, initiate an honest conversation.
- You can start by letting him know what you wish you did differently in the fight
- You can then let him know how his actions have hurt you, instead of being accusatory or blame-shifting
- For example, instead of saying he doesn’t make time to video call you, you can let him know that you feel like you are not important to him when he forgets to call you.
2. Accept your fault and apologize, if necessary
Analyze the situation and try to figure out what you might have done wrong. There is no shame in accepting your mistake and apologizing for the same. This will make your partner value your maturity and honesty and will prevent the back-and-forth of the toxic blame game.
Related Reading: 12 Sincere Ways To Apologize To Someone You Hurt
3. Try to rekindle the love with dates and outings
You don’t always need a relationship coach to help you through a rough patch. Sometimes, sharing a bottle of wine at home together can do the trick! Sometimes it is important to create new happy memories to forget the old bad ones.
- Look for ways to plan dates and outings together with your guy to forget about the past fights and enjoy each other’s company to the fullest
- Rekindling the spark and spicing things up will take both your minds off the fight and the hurt caused by it
- Start a new activity together to uncover a new side to one another. Take him for bowling or for paintball.
Spending quality time with one another is the only thing that will keep the relationship going through these testing times.
4. Do the things he likes
It is time for you to make it up to him. Do things for him that will make him happy and will help you both forget about the fight. You can try the following:
- Cooking his favorite meal
- Buying his favorite piece of clothing
- Dressing up, especially for him
This will make him realize that you are making an effort to mend your relationship. This is the answer to “What do you do when your boyfriend ignores you?”
Related Reading: 7 Ways Fighting In A Relationship Sustains It
5. Show him the importance he has in your life
Expressing your love and showing affection consistently without any inhibitions will show him that he is a top priority. Eventually, it will melt his heart. He will realize he has been ignoring you, the one most important person in his life, and he will confront you directly to resolve the matter.
6. Try the 3-day rule
If it seems to be a major issue that cannot be fixed with a simple date, we’d advise you to take some time apart. Try a 3-day relationship break. Now, this break does not mean that you have a free pass to ignore your relationship and do what you please. The purpose here is the opposite and has to do with putting the right effort into the relationship.
You’re probably still unsure and wondering, “What is the 3-day rule after argument?” Well, here it goes. This rule refers to backing off from the relationship and the fight and investing that time in yourself. Use it to:
- Work on your hobbies
- Work
- Confide in your friends and family
- Find other healthy outlets for your feelings
The common agenda here is finding the time and putting efforts into processing the fight and the relationship.
Related Reading: Relationship Goals: Meaning, Examples, And How To Set Them
7. Send him a care package
Are you wondering what to do when your long-distance boyfriend ignores you? Show him that even though you two are not speaking, you continue to care for him and love him immensely.
It’s been a week after a fight and he still hasn’t reached out? Well, in that case, FedEx a care package to his house with tons of self-care goodies! Your long-distance relationship gifts can include:
- Coffee beans
- A new coaster
- Some fun magazines
- And other things he likes
He may be cross right now but he will get your message loud and clear.
Related Reading: How Long Does It Take To Fall In Love?
8. Set up a call with a relationship coach
If this issue comes up often or you both struggle with conflict resolution, couples therapy may be on the cards for you There’s nothing wrong with taking some external help for your relationship.
Perhaps you two are at a stage where you need a little bit of guidance and have just not been able to mend things. In a long-distance relationship, especially, it can be helpful to bring in an expert to walk you through this possible breaking point of your relationship. Lucky for you, Bonobology’s counseling services are only a click away!
9. Don’t push him
To do away with those messy feelings of “My boyfriend is ignoring me, how do I fix things?”, consider that maybe it will be best if you just back off for some time and try to nurture space in your relationship. If lately, he has been really curt and completely unwilling to talk to you or fix things, it is not healthy for you to devote every hour of your day wondering about him. Don’t ghost him back though and do keep the line of communication open. But do not barrage him with texts or memes when he is shutting the door in your face. It might just be best to wait it out for a little longer.
Related Reading: My Boyfriend Is Grieving And Pushing Me Away: Tips To Cope And Comfort Your Man
10. Focus on your own life
Remember all your close friends that have been dying to go out for a drink with you? Maybe it is time to reconnect with other people and fill up your social space, so you are not left overthinking about the last big fight with your partner that left you shattered. Maybe opening up to somebody new and spending time with friends will also give you a different perspective on what all these things could mean.
Also, engage in other activities that may boost your self-esteem. Try a new dance class or enroll in baking lessons. He will come around when he can, but you cannot keep waiting for him.
11. Finally, give him a period to get back to you
So you’ve spent the last couple of weeks doing it all. You’ve reached out a million times, given him his space, and even ignored him for a few days to test if he comes back. But what do you do if someone ignores you even after all that time and effort? It’s time to tell him to stop with this ruse.
You two are still in a relationship and he does hold some degree of accountability to you. This is why, you need to tell him that you can give him another week or so, and then he needs to talk to you and figure things out. If he doesn’t, then you might have to consider this a final breakup. Whatever your fault may be, you can’t tolerate being neglected like this for so long. So, let him know that you will love him and will wait for him, but not forever.
| Reason He Ignores You After a Fight | What to Do About It (Actionable Response) |
| 1. He’s completely preoccupied with other commitments | Respect his schedule; give space and suggest a calm time to reconnect. Confirm a time to talk so he doesn’t feel pressured. |
| 2. He needs time to reflect and observe the situation | Allow space for cooling off, then reach out gently with a compassionate message that invites dialogue rather than blame. |
| 3. You did something that upset him | Reflect on your role; offer a sincere apology if warranted and ask what he needs to feel heard before discussing the issue further. |
| 4. He’s clueless about the situation | Communicate clearly what the fight was about in a non-accusatory way so he understands your perspective and can engage. |
| 5. He fears making things worse | Acknowledge his feelings; reassure him you want a constructive conversation and suggest a time when both feel calm. |
| 6. The issue seems trivial to him | Explain why it mattered to you and invite his view without dismissing his perspective; find common ground on importance. |
| 7. He expects you to apologize | If you recognise your part, offer a thoughtful apology. Ask him to share his feelings so you can address them together. |
| 8. He’s testing boundaries | Set healthy communication expectations (e.g., timeline to reconnect). Don’t chase; show consistency and respect for space and limits. |
| 9. He’s pondering a break from the relationship | Ask for clarity in a respectful way. If he needs space to decide, establish a clear period for reflection and agree on next steps. |
When To Consider Boundaries Or Red Flags
Ignoring after a fight shifts from “needing space” to a red flag when it becomes a repeated or prolonged pattern that replaces healthy communication. Research in relationship psychology shows that consistent withdrawal erodes trust and emotional safety, especially when one partner is left confused or anxious.
Consider setting clear boundaries if:
- He ignores you for days without explanation after conflicts
- Communication resumes only when he is ready, without accountability
- You are consistently expected to “wait it out” without reassurance
- Attempts to discuss the issue are dismissed, mocked, or shut down
- The pattern leaves you feeling anxious, powerless, or emotionally unsafe
Relationship researcher John Gottman identifies chronic emotional withdrawal, or stonewalling, as one of the “Four Horsemen” that predict relationship breakdown.
“Stonewalling occurs when one partner shuts down, withdraws, or stops responding during conflict, leaving the other feeling rejected and overwhelmed.”
— John Gottman, The Gottman Institute
When Ignoring Signals Deeper Issues
Ignoring after a fight can signal deeper emotional or relational problems when it functions as avoidance, control, or emotional punishment rather than self-regulation.
Ignoring may point to deeper issues such as:
- Avoidant attachment style: Discomfort with emotional closeness and conflict
- Emotional regulation issues: Shutting down to escape distress
- Passive-aggressive behavior: Using silence to regain power or control.
- Fear of vulnerability: Avoiding conversations that require emotional exposure
- Low conflict-resolution skills: No learned tools to handle disagreements
“Avoidance coping strategies, such as withdrawal or silence, are associated with increased stress and poorer relationship outcomes over time.”
— American Psychological Association
FAQs
It is generally normal for a guy to take a few hours to one or two days of space after a fight if he has communicated the need to cool off. Many people withdraw temporarily to regulate emotions and avoid saying something hurtful. However, ignoring you for several days without explanation often signals avoidance rather than healthy space.
Ignoring after an argument does not automatically mean he wants to end the relationship. In many cases, it reflects emotional overwhelm, conflict avoidance, or a need for time to process. However, if ignoring becomes frequent, prolonged, or accompanied by emotional distancing, it may indicate declining investment or unresolved resentment.
Ignoring after a fight can become silent treatment if it is used intentionally to punish, control, or shut down communication. Silent treatment differs from taking space because it lacks clarity, reassurance, or a timeline for reconnecting. Research shows that prolonged social withdrawal in relationships increases emotional distress and insecurity.
When a man ignores you after every argument, it is important to address the pattern directly rather than focusing on individual fights.
Calmly express how the silence affects you and set clear expectations for communication during conflict
If the behavior continues despite discussion, it may indicate poor conflict-resolution skills or emotional avoidance
At that point, consider boundaries, counseling, or reassessing compatibility to protect your emotional well-being
Key Pointers
- Your boyfriend might not be communicating after a fight because he is deeply upset and hurt and wants you to apologize
- Instead of thinking “Why is my boyfriend ignoring me?”, communicate with him and ask him what is going on. Do also give him some time to think first
- Try to meet him if possible and make him feel comfortable with your body language and words instead of blaming him
- If he still does not talk to you, tell him that you will only wait till a certain point and that he needs to try to resolve this argument either with the help of a counselor or not
Final Thoughts
Do not lose heart when you notice your boyfriend/husband ignoring you after a fight. Instead, be proactive and try to resolve it effectively. And also make sure you give yourself enough time to think about what has happened, instead of just being preoccupied with his feelings. The no-contact after arguments isn’t always as menacing as your anxious mind makes it out to be. He might just be taking his time to fight the stress he has, and things might get better soon. Keep fighting, if you truly believe in your relationship!
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My bf and I had an argument yesterday and now he is not reading my messages. I will just give him some space but still I’m worried he won’t come back to me again. Thank you for this article.
Hey Marichu, We understand how you feel. Giving him some space is a good idea. If you need any help please mail us at [email protected]
Really appreciated this.. it made me realise that not everything is about my feelings. Men & women are built differently & its articles like this that allow us to remember we have different responses & different needs. Thank you x
Hello Cassie, We are really glad that this article helped you!
Hello Cassie, We are really glad that you found this article helpful!
Wow no words, ignoring someone is flat out emotional abuse. Instead let’s just cater to the abuser. Smdh