A relationship can come to an end, but feelings can linger on. These lingering feelings can be the gateway to a reconciliation. The question is how do you know if your ex is still harboring feelings for you and wants to get back together? If that is, in fact, the case, there will be clear signs your ex wants you back. You just need to know where to look and how to interpret their behavior correctly.
15 Easy To Read Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
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Dana, a 24-year-old fashion retail executive, who has been struggling to make sense of her ex’s behavior, says, “When my ex decided to break up with me, I was shattered. I loved him deeply and thought it was unfortunate that a misunderstanding drove us apart. However, a few months after the breakup, I started feeling a shift in his behavior. The anger and hostility was gone.
“He started texting me again. We ran into each other once and the way he held me definitely felt like a meaningful romantic hug. We’ve been talking a lot recently but he hasn’t brought up getting back together. I think my ex wants me back. Why isn’t he saying anything?”
This kind of confusion and mixed signals are not uncommon when two people are trying to find their way back to each other after having parted ways. After all, a lot of water has flown under the bridge, there is baggage; all of which can make acting on one’s feelings that much harder. That said, when your ex wants you back, it will certainly reflect in their words and actions. You will begin to see most, if not all, of the following signs your ex wants you back:
1. They often call you “by mistake”
Once can be an accident. Twice is understandable too. But more than two times? That makes it very obvious that your ex still thinks about you and is looking for a way to re-open the communication channels. If your ex has been texting or calling you “by mistake” often, it’s a clear sign they want to get talking again.
They may say they were trying to call someone else but dialed your number instead, or that they meant to text another person with the same name as yours, but you know it in your heart that it’s all a ruse. In all likelihood, they are anxious about resuming the conversation with a straightforward “hey”, and this accidental contact may seem like a good way to test the waters. How you respond will determine where the conversation goes from here.
Related Reading: 12 Tips To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back And Keep Him
2. Finding excuses to talk to you
When your ex still has feelings for you, they will long for contact with you. However, they also know that you may not respond to generic questions like “How are you?”, which is why they may come up with new ways to start a conversation with you. For instance, they may ask the name of the restaurant you both once went to, ask for your input for a work project, or randomly wish you on a festival that you don’t even celebrate.
If you see that he is grappling to hold on to a conversation but is still not giving up, it is definitely one of the signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it just yet. You can choose to act indifferent or deeply interested, depending on how you feel about getting back together.
3. They respond to your texts swiftly
If, for some reason, you are the one who has to text them, they will take no more than just a few minutes to reply. It is almost as if they were waiting for you to reach out. This is another one of the clear signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it. You still hold an important place in their life and being proactive in their replies is just one subtle way of letting you know that. Your ex is always free to chat with you because they’re hoping that it’ll lead to a longer conversation that paves the way for the two of you getting back together.
4. They stay updated about your relationship status
Irrespective of whether you’re in contact or not, if your ex knows all about your current relationship status and dating history since the breakup, it’s because they’re secretly harboring the hope that you will rekindle your old relationship with them at some point. Perhaps, they’ve been stalking your social media to see if there are any romantic prospects in the picture, asking your mutual friends about it, or casually asking you about it directly. Whatever their approach, this interest in your love life indicates that your ex hasn’t moved on.
5. They can’t look into your eyes
Wondering how to know if your ex wants you back? Pay attention to their body language. Your ex’s mannerisms around you can tell you a lot about their feelings for you. You may notice that your ex avoids making eye contact with you because they don’t want their eyes to give away their hidden feelings for you.
Your ex will rarely look into your eyes and when they do, they will hold your gaze in a deep, intentional manner, and their eyes will betray the pain of having lost someone precious. These are all signs your ex regrets the break up and is hoping for a second chance.
Related Reading: Why Are Breakups So Hard And How To Cope
6. You bump into them surprisingly frequently
Unless you’re in the same college/workplace, it is unlikely that you would bump into them regularly. If that’s been happening far too often for you to brush it off as a coincidence, it’s possible that these “accidental run-ins” are planned. Perhaps, they’ve been checking in with your mutual friends about the places you frequent or following your social media activity to get a sense of whereabouts. Now, this can come across as creepy stalker behavior or an adorable way to win you back, depending on how you feel about your ex.
7. They’re not their normal self around you
What are the signs my ex wants me back, you ask? To find the answer, take a closer look at his demeanor in your presence and see if something feels off. Have you noticed your ex being weird around you? Do they talk less than they normally would? Is their body language fidgety? These are all signs of nervousness stemming from their underlying feelings for you.
If they were over you, they’d act casual around you—maybe even go out of their way to let you know how okay they are without you in their life. On the other hand, this nervousness your ex is exhibiting stems from an uncertainty about whether they still have a shot with you.
8. Jealousy is one of the signs your ex wants you back
Some emotions are difficult to hide, and jealousy is certainly one of them. You can be sure your ex wants you back if they turn into a green-eyed monster every time they come to know that you are considering moving on or have people hitting on you.
When your ex wants you back, they may not even try to hide this jealousy because it’s the only way they can show you that they still care and would like another chance to be with you. In this way, they are slowly tip-toeing toward you and that’s what makes this one of the unmissable signs your ex wants you back.
Related Reading: When her ex-boyfriend came back after eight years she almost divorced her husband
9. They try to make you jealous
You know your ex in and out. You know that they’re not the kind to casually date many people or flirt around like it’s nobody’s business. Yet, that’s all you’ve been picking up about them lately, be it through their social media activity or the chatter of your mutuals. If this behavior is uncharacteristic of them, they may be doing it just to make you jealous and see how you respond. Your reaction will help him gauge the possibility of you getting back together.
10. They stay in touch with your friends
Talking to you could be difficult, but talking to your friends? That is easy. That’s why they may be periodically messaging your close friends to “just check in”, only to casually bring you up. If you’re wondering, “What are the signs my ex wants me back?”, it may be time to get your friends to weigh in. If your ex has been reaching out or bumping into them, know that they’re doing it purposefully to make you realize that you’re always on their mind and they will take any way back into your life.
11. They reminisce about the past a lot
If walks down memory lane are pretty frequent in the conversations with your ex, it clearly shows that they are nostalgic about the beautiful moments you spent together, hoping that it might rekindle the spark between you both. If you respond favorably, they may even veer the conversation into the sensitive water of talking about what went wrong. This is one of the strong indicators that your ex wants to address the issue that drove you apart so that you can find a way back to one another.
12. They apologize
If your ex regularly talks about their part in the breakup, owns up to their mistakes, apologizes to you, and shows an earnest desire to make amends, they’re not merely doing it for closure or healing. On the contrary, they’re looking for an opportunity to mend their broken relationship with you and turn over a new leaf.
13. You’re the first person they drunk dial
Wondering how to know if your ex wants you back? One of the most obvious signs your ex wants to get back together is that they drunk dial or drunk text you often. You see, it is easy to control the impulse to reach out when a person is sober. However, with alcohol lowering inhibitions, all that self-control goes right out the window. If your ex reaches out to you (and is often emotional) when they’re drunk, it’s clear as day that you’re always on their mind and they’re miserable without you and want you back in his life.
14. Their friends contacting you is one of the signs your ex wants you back
It is understandable if your ex tries to contact you, but why are their friends trying to talk to you? If your ex is certain that you will not respond to their messages or that you will walk past them on the street, they may enlist their friends’ help. They may use their friends to get across the message that your ex is a changed person who is willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work this time around.
Related Reading: 13 Steps To Get Your Life Together After A Breakup
15. They’re focused on self-improvement
A person working hard to mend their flaws is a person seeking to make a change in their life, hoping you would notice their effort and take them back. If you’ve been wondering, “What are the signs my ex wants me back?”, a sure-shot indicator is your ex trying to fix the things you used to complain about when you were with them. This focus on self-growth and improvement is backed by a desire to impress you with the results so that you would take notice and get back together with them.
Should You Get Back Together With Your Ex?
All these subtle and overt signs your ex wants you back can give you a lot to think about. You may feel torn about what to do when your ex wants you back. There is no one-size-fits-all answer here. In some cases, reconciliation between exes works out beautifully, and couples are able to build stronger relationships the second time around. In others, getting back together leads to an even more catastrophic outcome, leaving both partners riddled with deeper emotional trauma and pain.
When you’re wondering what to do when your ex wants you back, take some time to reflect on the nature of your relationship and the circumstances leading to the breakup, and then assess whether getting back together would be a good idea. Here are a few factors to consider to make a sound, pragmatic choice, and not just an emotional one:
- The dynamics of the relationship: Whether the relationship was largely healthy and wholesome, or riddled with toxicity and unhealthy behaviors such as gaslighting, name-calling, emotional or verbal abuse
- The reason for the breakup: Was the breakup influenced by external factors such as a misunderstanding, diverging life goals at the time, or academic/professional pressures, or was it triggered by unhealthy relationship dynamics such as infidelity, trust issues, insecurities, etc? If it was the former, a reconciliation could be successful
- The post-breakup behavior: Have you each taken the time to reflect on the relationship, understand where you went wrong, and done the work to overcome those issues? If yes, getting back together with your ex may work out. If not, then you’re just kicking the can of heartbreak further down the road
FAQs
1. How do you know if your ex is still attracted to you?
You know your ex is still attracted to you if they are calling you repeatedly “by mistake”, are drunk texting you, apologizing to you for the breakup, or asking common friends a lot about you to find out if you are in a new relationship.
2. How do you know if your ex isn’t over you?
You know your ex isn’t over you when he keeps stalking you on social media, bumps into you at common places, and even shows signs of jealousy if he spots you with another guy.
3. How do you know if your ex secretly misses you?
If your ex drunk texts you all kinds of lovey-dovey messages, then he secretly misses you and chances are he wants you back but is not ready to admit it.
4. How do you tell if you and your ex will get back together?
You could be having a gut feeling your ex will come back. If there was love and the breakup didn’t leave you with an extreme sense of resentment and bitterness, and if the reason for the breakup wasn’t cheating, then chances are you and your ex will get back together.
Key Pointers
- Lingering feelings after a breakup can open the door to reconciliation, but recognizing your ex’s intentions can be tricky
- Your ex’s behavior and actions—such as frequent accidental calls, reminiscing, or making efforts to stay in touch—can signal that they want you back
- Signs of unresolved emotions include jealousy, nervousness around you, or even efforts to improve themselves based on past relationship issues
- Deciding whether to reconcile requires careful consideration of past dynamics, reasons for the breakup, and personal growth before making an informed choice
Final Thoughts
There is no limit to what an ex can do when he wants you back. Chances are you might be overwhelmed with these signs your ex wants you back and make a wrong decision. It is wise to ponder over the reasons for your breakup and identify if getting back together with your ex is a sensible decision. Ignore all advances if you absolutely cannot see yourself with your ex again, but also know that if you do wish to give it another chance, that is okay too. All you need to do is make sure to not conclude anything in haste.
5 Things That Indicate That You Are Almost Begging To Be With Your Ex
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Women should unblock their exes to see if they have changed.
Women should check out the men they’ve dumped to see if they’ve changed.
Also, Matthew 7:12 and Luke 6:31 is the golden rule – Do unto others as you would have them do to you. In other words, A man should treat his ex they way he wants her to treat him – that means not stalking her. But also, a woman should do unto her ex what she would have him to do her, that means avoiding breaking his heart at all costs, does it not?
Women should feel their ex’s heartache and be sensitive to their wounded souls.