A committed relationship or marriage comes with the promise of loyalty and is built on the foundations of trust, transparency, and honesty. Unless you’re in a non-monogamous relationship, the expectation is that your partner will remain faithful. Yet we live in a world where cheating is all too common. When a person you love deeply and know so closely strays, there are bound to be warning signs of cheating. In fact, there can be as many as 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else.
At first, these signs may manifest as a gut feeling that your partner is betraying your trust. You may find yourself battling the ominous question, “Is my partner sleeping with someone else?” Don’t be too quick to dismiss these fears or suspicions; there is a good chance that this intuition could be a result of subtle changes in your partner’s behavior that your mind is picking up on. While infidelity is an issue as old as time itself, the incidence of cheating in marriages and committed relationships has certainly seen a spate in recent times.
There has been an immense shift in the way we think as a society. Many feel that life is too short to deny oneself the temptation of the forbidden fruit. Some get bored with their partners and cheat to spice up their lives. Others just want to explore and score. In a scenario like this, how can you tell if your husband has slept with another woman or your wife has been cheating on you or a long-term partner has been unfaithful? We’re here to help you address that conundrum with these 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else.
15 Signs Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else
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Though adultery is common, this fact should not become a reason for you to constantly doubt your partner. Trust issues can be just as harmful to a relationship as a breach of trust. But, if you have strong reason to suspect that your husband is sleeping with another woman or your wife is being unfaithful to you or a long-term partner has been betraying your trust, looking for subtle or tell-tale signs of infidelity is the first step toward determining your future course of action.
That begins with exploring questions and dilemmas such as:
How to know if your husband is having sex outside the marriage
What are the signs there is someone else in your partner’s life?
What are the physical signs he just slept with someone else?
What are the indicators that your partner has been unfaithful?
Are there any physical signs she just slept with someone else?
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If you have noticed your partner/spouse acting strangely, being emotionally distant, or picking fights with you over non-issues, your fears about being cheated on may not be unfounded. If you think your husband or wife has been cheating, take a pause. Before accusing your partner of sleeping with someone else, make sure you evaluate all facets of the situation.
Their uncharacteristic behavior could be a result of stress, some issues you may not be aware of, or being hurt by something you did or said. Considering the magnitude of an accusation of cheating, it’s always wise to be doubly sure before you make a suggestion to that effect. To make sure you’ve crossed your t’s and dotted your i’s, here are 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else:
This could be one of the clues that your partner is having an extramarital affair. The busy schedule is because they’d need to carve out the time for clandestine meetings with the other person in their life. If your partner has always prioritized spending time with you but, of late, you find them acting busy, you have good reason to wonder, “Is my partner sleeping with someone else?”
Sudden work trips, weekend getaways with friends, overtime at the office, and working on presentations late nights are all perfect, but predictable, excuses for sex outside of marriage. Also, you may notice that your partner shows no excitement, joy, or passion when they see you after long periods of time. Sex outside of marriage can lead to a physical and emotional distance. These are sure signs there is someone else coming into the marriage.
2. Frequent nights out
For Claire, a sudden spike in her husband’s social life was a dead giveaway that he was cheating on her. “For nearly six months, I had been wrestling with the dilemma, “Is my partner sleeping with someone else?” I couldn’t put a finger on what was bringing on this doubt but I couldn’t shake it off. Then, over the last couple of months, he started going out frequently. He’d even have plans on weeknights. That’s when I knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was someone else in his life.
“When I confided in my best friend about it, her instinctive reaction was, “How can you tell if your husband is having sex outside with so much certainty just because he has been going out more often?” Well, that’s the thing about familiarity, I told her, it just leaves you with no room to hide.” Well, if like Claire’s husband, your partner, too, isn’t typically a social person but has suddenly developed a taste for clubbing and partying three times a week, there could be something fishy going on.
If your partner comes home late every day and tells you they were out with friends, it’s worth finding out who these friends are. If they take different names every time and never introduce you to them, then it is a sign that your partner may be spending their time with another special someone in their life.
Your partner becomes secretive when cheating and it can cause so much stress
Secrecy is one of the most telling of the 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else. If your partner is hiding things, lying, being secretive, or not talking much, it could well be because they’re trying to cover their tracks. If your partner or husband or wife is cheating on you, they may no longer feel the need to confide in you about things they normally share with you. This is more worrying because it indicates that their emotional needs are being taken care of in the other relationship.
4. Your partner is in a relationship with their phone
In this day and age when online affairs are becoming more and more rampant, a change in phone usage patterns could be one of the signs of cheating. You constantly find them texting and are suddenly oddly protective of their devices. Secretly checking your partner’s phone is a gross violation of their privacy. But, if you’re desperate for answers, you could consider checking their messages and call history for concrete evidence of cheating. Don’t get your hopes up though; if your partner is smart, they may be sanitizing their phone regularly, wiping it clean of any traces of their interaction with their affair partner.
5. A marked change in demeanor
Spring in their step. A whistle on their lips. All smiles and blushes. When you look at your partner, it almost feels like love is in the air. Well, it may well be, just not with you. There are plenty of physical signs she just slept with someone else or he is having an affair, including:
Sudden secrecy
Obvious white lies
Changes in body language
Lack of physical contact with you
Emotional distance
If he is sleeping with someone else or she has someone else in her life besides you, he/she may come home in a jovial mood and you may catch them humming a song or two. When you ask your partner what they’re so happy about, they may instantly become nervous and won’t give a definite answer.
Want to know how to identify signs there is someone else? Well, look at the way your partner handles their phone around you. You may notice that they step away from you to make certain phone calls in private and suddenly hang up if you walk into the room. If this has been a pattern of late, you don’t even need to look for 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else, just this one is enough of a red flag.
But, a one-off incident where your partner steps out to make a phone call doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re cheating on you. It could be an unpleasant conversation with their boss, a surprise for you, etc. However, if stepping out to answer/make calls has been a pattern, that’s a problem. A Reddit user says “They start texting more (and more privately) when you’re together and seem to be in a better mood after checking their phone.”
7. Smelling different
One of the most telling physical signs of sex outside the relationship is that your partner comes smelling fresh as a daisy after a long day at work. There is a chance that they were with someone and took a bath to get the other person’s scent off. Given that there can be physical signs he just slept with someone else or she is sleeping with someone else, it’s no surprise that your partner would be very vigilant to avoid getting caught.
8. Your partner seems aloof and distant
“Is my partner sleeping with someone else?” The signs may not always be obvious, but if you look closely, you’ll see the glaring indications in the way they behave with you. If your partner is sleeping with someone else, they may refrain from physical intimacy with you, especially when they return home after a hot encounter with this other person. They also avoid eye contact as much as possible. The lingering sense of cheating guilt may be pushing them away from you, making them act all distant and aloof.
On discovering sex outside the relationship, a Reddit user says, “He didn’t start yelling at me or become abusive, but he disconnected from me. He would become annoyed easily by me, he didn’t seem happy to see me when he got home and he was much more quiet. He disengaged with me because he was more engaged with her. I had NO idea what was going on but when I found out, his behavior made sense. He had left me before we split and there I was, stupidly trying to make that connection again, wondering what I did wrong.”
9. Trying new things in bed
“My husband wants to try new positions and experiment with toys and has even suggested role-playing. This sudden change got me wondering, “Is my partner sleeping with someone else?” Stephanie confided in her friend. A few months later, her worst fears were confirmed when her husband took the other woman’s name in bed.
If your partner has been trying to do things differently in bed and is showing an uncharacteristically high sex drive, there is a chance that this change is stemming from their intimate experiences with someone else. Your partner may pass it all off as an effort to spice up your sex life, and it could well be true. On its own, this may not be the strongest sign of infidelity but if you notice a majority of the 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else, coupled with this one, then there is an obvious cause for concern.
If your partner has been having an affair, there will be glaring gaps in their monetary transactions. Carrying out an affair costs money — hotels, weekend trips, gifts, lunches, dinners. And your partner will have to cough up at least half of that cost. This will translate into unexplained cash withdrawals or credit card spending. Keep an eye on the bills and take a printout as evidence of cheating. It will come in handy when you confront your partner. But, make sure you wait to observe a pattern.
11. Unexplained time gaps in the schedule
It is not hard to know if your husband is engaging in sex outside of marriage or if your wife has been cheating on you. All you need to do is become super observant. If your partner is sly about their transgressions, uncovering their illicit liaisons may be a lot harder. In that case, it helps to go over their schedule with a fine-tooth comb.
You may find a lot of unexplained time gaps in their schedule. Perhaps, they don’t want to give you a reason to be suspicious and so, instead of spending a lot of time with this other person in their life, they’ve been meeting them for an hour or two, once or twice a week.
Pay attention to whether there has been a pattern to these unexplained delays in their schedules. For instance, if your partner invariably gets stuck in traffic on Wednesdays and Fridays, ask them which route they took that day and then do a quick internet search to see if there was, in fact, a significant jam on that route to have caused an hour’s delay. By paying attention to detail, you can catch them in a lie and get to the truth.
12. Taking too much care of themselves
How can you tell if your husband has slept with another woman or your wife has slept with another man? A newfound interest in fitness and self-care could also be among the signs of infidelity. Of course, there is nothing wrong with self-care and everyone should prioritize it. However, if your erstwhile couch potato of a partner has suddenly made it their life’s mission to get lean and fit — and there has been no significant event to prompt that change — it could be because they’re trying to impress someone new.
A sudden change in hairstyle, going from a clean-shaven to a bearded look or vice versa, overhauling the wardrobe/new clothes, shopping more frequently, and dressing impeccably every time they go out could all be indicators that there is a new special someone in your partner’s life whose socks they want to knock off.
As we grow older, we become more set in our ways and it’s harder for us to change our habits or open ourselves to new experiences. At the same time, when two people are intimately involved, their ways tend to rub off on each other. So, if your partner suddenly has new habits and interests or has started using certain words or speaking a certain way, it could be because they’re spending quality time with someone else. Signs of sex outside of marriage may be hidden in mundane things like the way they take their coffee or the brand of beer they order at a restaurant.
14. They seem distant even in your most intimate moments
A cheating partner can become less intimate or interested in the act
Even in your most intimate moments, your partner may seem distant. The act seems mechanical and the love and affection you felt in the past have now dissipated from your equation. Interestingly, this could also be one of the physical signs he just slept with someone else or signs there is another man in your wife’s life.
It may even feel as if you’re going backward in your relationship timeline and have gone from making love to simply having sex to satisfy your carnal urges. After every encounter, you can’t help but feel the loss of interest in intimacy. For all you know, your partner may be fantasizing about being with someone else while being intimate with you.
15. The affection has gone out of your relationship
The most glaring and heartbreaking of the 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else is the loss of affection in your relationship. While passion and desire begin to simmer down when a couple has been together a long time, as long as there is love in the equation, affection only grows stronger with time. A hug here, a peck of the cheek for no reason, cuddling up and watching television, or playfully touching each other — these are all heartwarming gestures of affection that boost intimacy and bring two partners closer.
If your partner is cheating, these gestures of affection may not come as naturally to him/her. The reasons for this could vary from having checked out of the relationship emotionally to the guilt of cheating. Whatever the reason maybe, you will notice a palpable change in your partner’s behavior toward you. They will spend less time with you and look for other ways to fill their time when around you. Even if all seems well in theory, you may feel as if an invisible wall has been erected between you two, and no matter how hard you try, you just cannot get through to them.
What To Do If You See The Signs Your Partner Is Sleeping With Someone Else
It’s heartbreaking to know that someone you love is cheating on you. For most people, the first reaction would be anger and confrontation. But that may not yield the best results. Consider doing the following instead.
Keep calm: If you find your partner is hiding something, expect a wide range of emotions. But keep your cool and avoid reacting impulsively
Assess the evidence: Signs of sex outside may not always be tangible. Before you go accusing your partner of cheating, make sure you have substantive evidence to back that claims
Open honest communication: Talk about what you have noticed — like physical signs she just slept with someone else or he is sleeping around — in a calm manner. Express your fears and apprehensions and give your partner a chance to put forth their side of the story. Honest communication also means listening to the other person’s perspective without judgment
Go with your gut instinct: Cheaters know how to play mind games and can manipulate you into believing them. Even if you find physical signs he just slept with someone else or she has someone else in life, your cheating partner could make you believe otherwise. Listen to your gut instincts but also base your final decision on the evidence you have gathered
Lean on your support system: Dealing with infidelity is tough. Spending time with your support system can help with processing your feelings in a safe environment
Seek professional help: Seeking advice from a relationship counselor or going into therapy can help provide clarity, thus enabling better decision-making. If you’re unsure about how to deal with signs of infidelity in your relationship and are considering getting help, Bonobology’s counseling services are here for you
Key Pointers
In most cases, classic signs of sex outside the relationship include secrecy, emotional distance, and lack of intimacy
Not all signs of cheating are surefire indicators that something is amiss. Your partner may be going through something else entirely and may not know how to tell you. Unless you know for sure, give them the benefit of the doubt
If you suspect your partner is hiding something, consider honest communication to find out the truth instead of going straight into accusations
Seeking professional help can help you make sense of the overwhelming emotions you’re likely to experience once you realize your partner is having sex outside your marriage/relationship
These 15 signs your partner is sleeping with someone else will definitely give you something to go on if your partner is, in fact, unfaithful. Even if you can identify with most of these signs, it is wise to spend some time evaluating whether your suspicion is right or not. Once you have enough certainty, confront your partner but keep an open mind. For most people, cheating can be a near-fatal blow to a relationship. So, take your time to decide how exactly you want to deal with this situation before you bring it up with your partner.
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I am Swati S, a budding writer. Apart from writing i also love trying and cooking different cuisines and travelling.
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