What Is Love Bombing? 12 Signs You Are Being Love Bombed

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The beginning of any romantic connection is all about butterflies in the stomach, rose-tinted eyes, and a heady rush of feelings that can make everything seem perfect. When your romantic interest showers you with endless attention, lavishes you with extravagant gifts and can’t stop gushing about how perfect you are, that feeling of being swept off your feet can put you on cloud nine. You’re so taken, so smitten that you don’t even stop to think that this sweeping wave of romance washing you over could be the insidious, manipulative act of love bombing.

You begin to think of this person as your one true love. However, when you find out that you were being love bombed, you’re left shattered and heartbroken, primarily because, by then, you’re in too deep and may struggle to break the attachment you’ve formed. The hope of bringing back the good old days when your partner’s entire world revolved around you keeps you trapped in what often turn out to be abusive relationships.

The sad reality is that pinning your hopes on those days is akin to chasing a mirage. The only way to safeguard yourself is to learn how to identify and deal with the manipulative tactics of a love bomber. In this article, we explore the love bombing psychology, signs, and ways to heal from it, with insights from psychologist Juhi Pandey (M.A. Psychology), who specializes in dating, premarital, and breakup counseling, to help you recognise the red flags and protect yourself.

What Is Love Bombing?

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Love bombing is an intense form of manipulation where someone overwhelms you with excessive affection, attention, and grand gestures to create emotional dependence. It often starts with idealization but eventually shifts to control, where the person love bombing you withdraws affection to keep you seeking their approval. It’s a tactic commonly used by narcissists and emotional manipulators to gain power in relationships.

Love bombing can be termed as a conditioning tool or a tool of abuse that is used by a person to gain, maintain, and assert control in the relationship. While anyone can indulge in love bombing, this manipulative tactic is usually a narcissist’s weapon of choice to establish control in a relationship. The first-ever study to examine love bombing found a connection between narcissists and love bombers. It is said that love bombing is a logical and potentially necessary strategy for romantic relationships among individuals with high displays of narcissism and low levels of self-esteem.

The love bombing definition boils down to an overdose of attention and compliments to blindside the person at the receiving end. That’s why it’s always crucial to question the “too good to be true” gut feeling you get when someone showers you too much with admiration, wants to spend all their time with you, buys you expensive gifts, and makes you the center of their universe within days or weeks of meeting you.

Juhi says, “There is nothing wrong with showering your love on someone. It’s only natural to want to spend time with someone you are falling in love with. However, when the sole intent behind these gestures is to make one’s partner feel guilty, emotionally dependent, and indebted, then it’s outright abuse.”

Psychology behind love bombing

Now that we’ve touched upon what does love bombing mean, let’s turn our attention to why this manipulative technique works so effectively and why it’s hard for most people to see it for what it is. That’s because the love bombing psychology revolves around lifting someone up before knocking them down.

The affection, grand gestures, and constant attention feel so intoxicating that it’s easy to get hooked. Once that happens, the stage is set for manipulation and control. A closer look at the different aspects of love bombing psychology offer a clear insight into why it proves so effective:

Dopamine rush: Your brain gets hooked on the high of intense affection, much like an addiction. According to a 2017 study publishing in Frontiers in Psychology, the brain’s reward system lights up similarly in love and addiction, making it hard to recognize the romantic manipulation
Intermittent reinforcement: After the initial flood of love, the abuser starts withdrawing affection unpredictably. Juhi explains, “This keeps the victim in a cycle of craving approval, making them more susceptible to control.”
Identity erosion: By overwhelming you with attention, a love bomber discourages independence. Over time, you may start prioritizing their needs over your own, losing sight of personal boundaries. A 2016 study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that excessive praise and validation can lead to reduced self-concept clarity
Power imbalance: Love bombing often leads to emotional debt—you feel obligated to reciprocate, making it easier for them to manipulate and guilt-trip you later. Juhi notes, “It’s not about love. It’s about conditioning you to need them.”

Understanding these psychological tactics can help you recognize love bombing early and set healthy boundaries. Real love builds over time; it doesn’t come in an overwhelming tidal wave meant to pull you under.

Why do some people love bomb others?

Some people love bomb others as a way to gain control, boost their own self-worth, or mask deep-seated insecurities. While it might seem like pure affection on the surface, the underlying motivations are often more complex and, in some cases, manipulative. These include:

Narcissistic tendencies: Individuals with narcissistic personality traits use love bombing to create admiration and dependency. They crave validation and control, and by making you feel special, they ensure your loyalty. According to a 2018 study in The Journal of Personality Disorders, narcissists often use excessive flattery and attention as tools to manipulate relationships
Fear of abandonment: Some people love bomb because they have an intense fear of being alone. They believe that overwhelming their partner with affection will secure their place in their life. Juhi says, “For some, love bombing is an unconscious defense mechanism against rejection.”
Learned behavior: If someone grew up in an environment where affection was given in extremes—either all or nothing—they may replicate this pattern in adult relationships. A 2020 study in Attachment & Human Development found that individuals with anxious attachment styles were more likely to engage in love bombing due to their fear of losing connections
Control and manipulation: In more toxic cases, love bombing is a deliberate tactic used to create emotional dependence. Juhi, “It’s about making the other person feel so special that they ignore red flags.” Once trust is gained, the love bomber may start exerting control, withdrawing affection to keep their partner in a cycle of seeking approval.

Not everyone who showers their partner with affection has bad intentions, but when love feels like a whirlwind, it’s important to take a step back and assess whether it’s healthy and mutual.

Love bombing stages

Love bombing happens in stages. While it feels like a fairytale at first but eventually leads to emotional turmoil. Here’s how the love bombing stages typically unfold:

1. Idealization: The honeymoon phase on steroids

During the honeymoon phase, the love bomber sweeps you off your feet with over-the-top affection. They’ll shower you with compliments, text you constantly, buy you expensive gifts, and make declarations of love way too soon. It feels magical, but the intensity is a red flag. Juhi says, “Love bombers create a fantasy, making you believe you’ve found your soulmate overnight.”

2. Dependency: The emotional hook

Once you’re hooked on their attention, a love bomber subtly starts making themselves the center of your world. They may push for commitment early, isolate you from friends, or make you feel like no one else understands you the way they do. A 2017 study in The Journal of Social and personal Relationships found that rapid relationship escalation often leads to emotional enmeshment, making it harder to recognize manipulation.

3. Devaluation: The switch flips

After building you up, the love bomber knocks you down by pulling away—becoming distant, critical, or even passive-aggressive. They may suddenly withdraw affection, blame you for small things, or make you feel like you’re not enough. Juhi explains, “This stage keeps you craving their approval, making you work harder to regain their love.”

4. Control: The emotional rollercoaster

By this point, the love bomber has conditioned you to seek their validation. They’ll alternate between warmth and coldness, keeping you emotionally off-balance. You may find yourself justifying their behavior, apologizing for things you didn’t do, or feeling anxious about losing their love.

5. Discard or hoovering: The final blow

Some love bombers eventually discard their partner once they feel secure in their control, others engage in “hoovering”—sucking you back in with grand apologies, promises to change, or another round of intense affection. This cycle can repeat multiple times, making it hard to break free.

18 Signs You Are Being Love-Bombed

As you can see, the emotional whirlwind created by love bombing can make it extremely hard for you to recognize it. Even if you rationally know and understand what is love bombing, when you’re in the thick of it, you may develop certain blind spots to the red flags in the relationship. To protect yourself, you need to be able to differentiate between love bombing and genuine care and affection. Here are the tell-tale love bombing signs to watch out for:

1. The relationship is moving at an unbelievable pace

When the relationship goes a mile a minute, it’s one of the obvious signs of love bombing. You met them three weeks ago, had sex three dates later, and in the fourth week, you moved in together. It’s as ridiculous as it sounds and the signs your relationship is moving too fast is one of the biggest red flags to watch out for. The entire process of falling in love will seem too dramatic. It’s not just you who’s taken aback by the pace of the relationship. Your close friends and loved ones will be surprised and concerned too.

When there is genuine love between two people, the relationship progresses at a steady pace and with the consent of both partners. Be it moving in together or getting engaged, you discuss these relationship milestones before taking the plunge. On the other hand, in case of love bombing, one partner pressures and the other feels compelled or obligated to comply.

2. They will spend lavishly on you

Am I being love bombed, you ask? The answer may be hidden in the gifts your partner has been buying you. If they seem too extravagant and over-the-top, it’s a red flag. Love bombers are all about gaining control because they want an upper hand in the relationship. Winning your trust and affection with gifts is just one of the many tricks in their book.

Juhi says, “A love bomber loves to buy gifts that will make their partner feel indebted to them. All of this may seem harmless when you have rose-colored glasses on. But in reality, this act of gift-giving is done with the intent of making you feel like you owe them something.”

3. They will shower you with praises and compliments

This is one of the signs of love bombing I couldn’t see in my previous relationship. At the onset of our relationship, my former partner, a narcissist, would constantly compliment me. And those weren’t your basic compliments “You’re beautiful” or “You’re so cute”, but very specific like “You have such slender fingers” or “I like how you raise your eyebrows when you talk about literature.”

He knew what would sweep me off my feet and he used it to make me fall in love with him. In retrospect, I don’t see anything charming about him except his innumerable ways of praising me and buying me expensive things. He made sure that my self-worth and self-esteem were linked to his opinions and judgments. That’s why love bombers have compliments stacked up their sleeves. They will tell you exactly what you want to hear.

Related Reading: 13 Signs She Is A High-Maintenance Girl

4. They will bombard you with messages and calls

One of the major signs of love bombing is that your partner will constantly text and call you. You may have been dating them for just two weeks yet they’d spend every waking hour texting you. That’s unnatural because it takes time for two people to develop such an intense emotional connection. But for love bombers, it’s one of the tactics to make you feel like you are important to them.

It’s not unusual to want to know everything about the person you’ve been seeing. However, it’s a red flag when all this attention and over-the-top conversations begin to overwhelm you and you feel like you are being trapped.

5. They pride themselves on their intensity

Real love is about giving each other space but love bombers insist on breathing down your neck. At times, their intensity—as can be seen in the case of narcissistic love bombing—can get quite overwhelming. When someone is constantly behind your back, tailing your movements, questioning you and expecting you to respond every single time, it can get rather overbearing
and intense.

What’s worse, they think this way of “showing affection” is valid, since they’re proving to you that they love you so much—without ever considering how you might be feeling. This can quickly make you feel suffocated in the relationship.

6. They gaslight you

Often love bombing is all about complimenting too much, but at other times, a love bomber may make you question your thoughts and sanity by denying your version or reality or dismissing your feelings. Gaslighting in a relationship means when someone plays off your feelings and emotions to suit their needs and is often achieved with phrases like “You’re crazy, stop overreacting” or “No, you’re making it up, that didn’t happen”. It’s a tool of love bombing manipulation and abuse.

If you’re looking for love bombing vs infatuation difference, gaslighting is definitely the one to watch out for because someone who’s infatuated with you won’t drive you crazy by gaslighting you. A love bomber most likely will.

7. They will mold themselves into something they are not to make you like them

Juhi says, “A love bomber who is a serial dater will know how to change their personality based on who they are talking to. They will perfectly morph themselves into someone they are not. Why? Because they want you to see them as someone you would fancy and admire. It’s one of the common signs of fake relationships.”

You need to be on alert when a romantic interest or the person you’re dating seems to have far too much in common with you, almost as if they’re your mirror image. “Oh, you’re a vegetarian? So am I”. “I know you love Van Gogh. I, too, am a huge fan of all things art.” Of course, you can have commonalities with the person you’re attracted to, but if these seem excessive, don’t ignore it. This person might have researched all about you in order to make you fall in love with them.

8. They drop the ‘L’ word way too soon

Falling in love is a gradual process. Attraction is what brings two people together, infatuation stirs up the passionate romance of those early days, but real, deep enduring love takes time to flourish. It stems from emotional intimacy and embracing vulnerability. It’s about knowing who your partner is—quirks, flaws and all—and still choosing them every day, through thick and thin.

A person who is love bombing you doesn’t have the patience or the intention to go through these stages of falling in love. That’s why they almost always end up saying “I love you” too soon. If you’ve been together only a few weeks or months and they’re already making declarations of undying love for you, if you feel like they don’t even know the real you but they’re intent on convincing you they’re in love, it’s a sign you’re being love bombed.

9. They don’t understand healthy boundaries

Even when you are in love or in a relationship with some, you are entitled to your privacy. However, a love bomber doesn’t understand this concept and feels offended when you bring up the need for healthy boundaries and privacy. In fact, they will make you feel guilty about wanting space and independence in the relationship. That’s because an abuser doesn’t want you to have any sort of freedom.

For example, if you tell them you want some alone time for yourself, they may guilt-trip you by saying things like, “I thought you liked spending time with me” or “You are driving me away”. This constant pushback will leave you feeling you confused and conflicted that you will surrender to their demands and let them walk all over you.

10. They keep tabs on you

Since love bombing manipulation is all about control, a person perpetuating it would want to keep tabs on your every move. A lover bomber will be interested in knowing what you are doing 24×7. Not just that, they will make it a point to track your whereabouts and every activity. What you are doing, where you are partying, and who you are partying with—they will know it all without you ever telling them about these things.

It might not be out of suspicion but a rather strange sense of possessiveness. In the beginning, it may appear as though they’re extremely interested in getting to know you, but with time, these incessant FBI-esque questions will begin to bother you.

Juhi says, “They will be in continuous contact with you as means to keep tabs on you. This could look like care and showing concern but nothing could be further from the truth. This is their tactic to manipulate you to win your affection.”

11. They talk about commitment too early and too often

A basic rule of any relationship is not to rush things. The faster you move, the harder you will crash and burn. But with a love bomber, rushing into things is the norm. They will move through the different stages of a relationship at a meteoric pace. They will pressure you into making a decision.

Genuine relationships take time to form. You have to foster a great deal of emotional and physical closeness to build a healthy relationship with someone. It’s a constant effort you put in to make something last. But when you are being smothered by a love bomber, they wouldn’t want to slow down or take things forward at a pace you’re both comfortable with.

12. They make unreasonable demands

A person who is love bombing you will expect your entire existence to revolve around them. They will sulk, they will pick fights, or even exhibit unreasonable anger to get their way. The problem is, once you give in to their tantrums, it sets a precedent. They will keep pushing the boundaries with more and more unreasonable demands.

For instance, if you cancel a night out with your friends because your partner is sulking about how they expected to spend time with you, they will do it every single time and won’t stop until you give up on the idea of having a social life outside of the relationship. Likewise, they may expect you to talk to them late into the night even if they know full well that you have an early morning start the next day. Or ask you to cancel plans with your family because they miss you.

If you’re wondering, “Am I being love bombed?”, notice the kind of demands your partner makes of you. If their demands and expectations seem unrealistic but they don’t see it that way at all and instead gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting, you’re in the thick of a narcissistic love bombing cycle.

13. You are expected to love them the way they want to be loved

Apart from wanting your attention and depending on you for their happiness, they also expect you to love them a certain way. If you fail to measure up to their expectations, they will retort by freezing you out, guilt-tripping you, lashing out, or even getting abusive. Even something as small as you taking a little longer than usual to reply to their texts can be enough to set them off.

If you want to understand how to differentiate love bombing and genuine care, start paying attention to how the person you’re with reacts when things don’t go their way. A person who cares about you will not look for ways to get back at you for every perceived slight or disappointment. A love bomber will.

Juhi says, “They want you to be perfect because a narcissist love bomber thinks they are perfect. They believe everything needs to be flawless and must be carried out just as they want and expect. When things don’t go their way, they will wreak havoc in your life.”

Related Reading: 11 Signs Your Partner Is Not Right For You

14. Others warn you about your partner

As a result of being love bombed, you may not be able to see your partner’s true colors (not at first anyway). But there might be people close to you who recognize their intentions and warn you. You must pay heed to those warnings to save yourself in time.

A love bomber will have the most charming personality at the beginning, but as the relationship unravels, they might prove to be a control freak or an emotional abuser. So if your friends and family members are trying to drop hints or warn you, pay attention.

15. There will be too many emotions in the relationship

Dating a love bomber is never a smooth ride. Being with them, you will swing from one extreme end of the emotional spectrum to the other. From the highs of being wooed incessantly to the lows of being ignored, criticized, or discarded, you will experience extremes as you go through the different stages of a love bombing cycle, making it a classic toxic relationship that leaves you significant emotional trauma.

16. They may prey on your insecurities

Love bombers detect low self-esteem pretty quickly, possibly because they suffer from it themselves, and prey on it to create an emotional dependence and make you feel as if you cannot function with their validation and approval.

For instance, if you struggle with body image issues, they may make comments about your appearance or take subtle digs at the way a dress makes you look to fan your insecurities further. Or if you share a painful memory or embarrassing experience in a moment of vulnerability, they may use it to pick on you.

17. You walk on eggshells around them

If you feel like you can’t speak your heart out or you can’t openly share what’s on your mind with your partner, then it’s one of the classic love bombing signs in a relationship. Juhi says, “You aren’t just walking on eggshells around them but you also don’t feel safe. You will feel like if things don’t go according to the love bomber’s expectations, you will have to bear the brunt of it. You will be punished if things don’t go a certain way. You will be left feeling iffy mentally and physically. This is your cue to take action against them or you risk being trapped in the narcissistic love bombing cycle forever.”

18. They put themselves at the center of everything

Love bombers love to make everything that happens around them about themselves. If you try to set boundaries, they perceive it as you pushing them away. If you try to address the issues that have been bothering you, they lash out because their feelings have been hurt. If you try to take a break from the relationship, their ego won’t accept rejection and once again, they will make it about their emotions and how they have been shortchanged despite all their efforts to love you.

How To Heal From Being Love Bombed

Healing from love bombing isn’t just about moving on—it’s about reclaiming your sense of self and learning to trust your instincts again. Being caught in a cycle of extreme affection and withdrawal can leave you emotionally drained and your self-esteem dented. But with time and self-awareness, you can break free and rebuild your confidence. Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge what happened

It’s easy to blame yourself or question if the love bombing was real, but the first step to healing is recognizing it for what it was—manipulation, not love. Juhi says, “Once you name the experience, you can start separating the illusion from reality.” So, don’t shy away from accepting that you fell prey to love bombing, without blaming yourself or resorting to self-deprecating talk like “I’m so stupid. How did I not see this?” or “How could I have been naive enough to fall for this?”

2. Go no contact or set firm boundaries

If possible, cut ties with the person love bombing you and adhere to the no-contact rule. Love bombers thrive on emotional control, so blocking them on social media and avoiding contact is the best way to detox from their influence and get a grip on reality, especially if you’re dealing with narcissistic love bombing. However, if cutting them out of your life completely is not possible because of shared responsibilities like co-parenting, you need to establish strict boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.

3. Rebuild your self-esteem

Love bombing often leaves you questioning your worth, especially after the devaluation phase. To heal, you need to focus on activities that make you feel strong and independent. A 2018 study in Self and Identity found that engaging in self-affirming activities, like journaling or setting personal goals, can help restore self-concept clarity.

4. Seek support from trusted people

Abusive relationships, including those involving love bombing, can be isolating. To heal from the effect of being love bombed you need to find a way back to your inner circle of people—friends and family who remind you of who you were before the manipulation and love you for who you are. Juhi explains, “Surrounding yourself with people who see you clearly can counteract the distorted version of yourself the love bomber created.”

5. Work with a therapist

Healing from emotional manipulation takes time, and professional guidance can help you process your experience and rebuild healthier relationship patterns. Therapy, especially cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), has been shown to help victims of emotional abuse regain their sense of self and establish stronger boundaries.

6. Learn to trust again—slowly

It’s natural to be wary of new relationships after being love bombed. Take things slow, watch for red flags, and trust your gut. Love should feel safe, steady, and mutual—not like an emotional rollercoaster. Healing isn’t linear, and some days will be harder than others but each step you take toward self-awareness and emotional independence brings you closer to the healthy, fulfilling love you deserve.

FAQs

1. How can you tell when you’re the victim of a love bomb?

Lack of space, constant hovering around you, not being given enough of a say in matters and being gaslighted every now and then are all signs of being love bombed in a relationship.

2. Why is love bombing so dangerous?

Love bombing can wreck your self-esteem. Also, it can make you feel suffocated as you may feel manipulated and emotionally drained. You may also feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells around your partner.

3. Is love bombing a red flag?

Yes, love bombing is a red flag because it makes a relationship feel like a whirlwind that consumes you, leaving you overwhelmed and drained.

2. How long does the love bombing stage last?

Love bombing usually lasts till the person perpetuating it doesn’t gain total control over you. Their gestures of love will remain intense and overt till they’ve reeled you in. Once that’s been achieved, they will knock you down by acting distant, being critical, or making you feel as if your existence depends on their validation. That’s when love bombing comes full circle and the person you’re with is in total control. After this, they may either discard you and move on or start hoovering, to perpetuate the cycle all over again.

3. What happens when you reject love bombing?

When you reject love bombing, the love bomber’s reaction can range from desperate attempts to win you back to outright hostility. They may double down on grand gestures, guilt-trip you, or even resort to anger and manipulation. Some may quickly lose interest and move on to a new target.

4. Can you love bomb a narcissist?

Technically, you could try to love bomb a narcissist, but it likely wouldn’t have the same effect. Narcissists thrive on admiration and control, so if you shower them with excessive affection, they might enjoy it at first—but they won’t become emotionally dependent like a typical love bombing target. Instead, they may see it as validation of their superiority or lose interest once they feel they’ve “won” you over.

Final Thoughts

Love blinds you when you feel flattered and impressed every step of the way, and that is the first warning sign of love bombing. The true feelings of love are about equal respect, affection, healthy boundaries, and compromise. Whereas, love bombing feels sudden and mismatched. A relationship should make you feel empowered, enriched and happy. Anything that makes you feel the contrary – even if it is disguised as love and concern—should be something you run away from.

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