So It’s finally happened: You are now in a relationship. After months of casual dating, a stressful undefined status, and always hearing a “let’s see where this goes,” you’ve finally put a label on what you’re to each other. It’s so EXCITING to finally be on the same page and in a romantic relationship. But you’re still getting adjusted to this massive life change. As you move ahead in this new relationship, your brain can’t help but ask, “Is this relationship moving too fast? Are we handling this correctly?”
If you’re feeling this way, then I’m actually quite happy for you because I see this as a good sign. You’re smart and aren’t blinded by your feelings in the early stages of this romantic interest. It’s important to have fun and express love, but not get carried away.
Therefore, there is no need to feel guilty about asking these questions. With this new person in your life, you might feel overwhelmed by a lot of feelings and simply want to protect yourself. If you are confused about the pace of this emotional connection, then you’ve come to the right place today. Just sit back and let us help you through these doubts. We’ve got your back.
How Fast Is Too Fast In A Relationship?
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If you’ve just gotten out of a serious relationship with someone else and found yourself pursuing a whirlwind romance two weeks after, then that might be a little fast to get into something new. It’s possible that in this case, you’ve just entered a rebound relationship because you still have not emotionally dealt with the consequences of your past one.
Another scenario: You’ve just started seeing someone a few weeks ago and are convinced that they are your soulmate. You want to be in a long-term relationship with them. This too might suggest that you are falling in love too quickly. While there is no confirmed timeline on the progression of love and relationships, it is easy to rush things when you are in the throes of love.
We’re not saying that you should not have fun or meet people. We are just saying that it is important to pace a relationship for the long haul, and fully get to know the person before making any wild promises. To make sure that you are not getting into a relationship too fast and are pursuing this connection at the right pace, read on ahead.
Related Reading: Confused About A Guy? 18 Tips To Help You
13 Signs You Are Moving Too Fast In A Relationship
Many people feel that a relationship can’t be fast or slow. It’s about emotions and you have to do what comes naturally to you when you’re in a relationship. But this is only half right.
You should do what comes naturally to you but if at any point you feel overwhelmed by your relationship, it’s a sign that you aren’t as comfortable as you think you are. The feeling that things are moving too fast is natural in a relationship, and you shouldn’t be afraid of it. On the other hand, you might know that your relationship is moving fast but feels right to you in that moment. This needs to be avoided as well since it can have long-term repercussions.
Relationships that move fast are more likely to fail but if you make the necessary changes, then there’s nothing to worry about. Keeping this in mind, here are 13 signs that your relationship is moving too fast:
1. You think that your partner is perfect
Let’s start with a small exercise; try listing 5 things about your love interest that you don’t like. Were you able to come up with anything? If you weren’t, then you’re in trouble.
Every person has things that they don’t like about their partner. Even if you’ve just started seeing one another, there will always be things that you can’t stand about them. Even a first date is enough for you to dislike something a little, it could be as simple as the way they sit or eat. If you think your partner is perfect, then you’re not seeing them as a human, and you have not put in the proper time to get to know them properly.
2. You influence each other’s decisions too much
What is considered moving too fast in a relationship? If you started seeing each other just a few weeks ago and they are already the center of your universe, then that is your answer. My friend, Dayna, is a hopeless romantic and she has a way of moving too fast in her relationships. No matter what absurd demand is put in front of her, she’ll do it. Once her girlfriend wanted to meet her on a Sunday morning. She lied to her family about being sick to get out of the church, just so that she could do what her girlfriend asked.
This isn’t what a healthy relationship looks like, no matter how long you’ve been dating. If your entire routine is shifting to cater to your partner’s wishes, then you’re too serious about your relationship. You need to balance your life with your relationship needs. Remember, your new partner isn’t your entire life.
Related Reading: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships – 10 Characteristics
3. Relationship milestones are getting crossed too quickly
You wonder, “Are we moving too fast?” Well, let’s go by the book in this case and look at the various relationship milestones. These usually mean the first date, first kiss, first fight, saying I love you, moving in together, etc. Once you start dating someone, these milestones are supposed to be crossed gradually as you get to know each other better. It’s like going a level up in a video game because you’re getting better at it. You don’t expect to tell someone you love them after only a few dates.
If you’re reaching these key moments in the initial months, then this is a sign that your relationship progress is running at top speed. For example, moving in together in the first month or having sex in the first week itself.
4. Signs you’re moving too fast in a relationship: Smooth sailing and no fights
This point may seem odd, but trust me, it’s very important. Think back on your relationship so far. How long has it been? A few months. During this initial phase, have you two already had your first fight? Did you have any misunderstandings? If no, then this means that you have been so absorbed in your relationship that you’ve been letting things go too much.
There is a chance that you might have found yourself thinking that your relationship is moving fast but feels right to you in the moment. In that case, you might have been ignoring the problems that exist already. But they will certainly rear their ugly head soon.
5. No space and no boundaries
When you’ve just started a relationship, it’s pretty normal to want to spend every second with your partner. People in new relationships have a way of giving all their time to their relationship. Women and men who move too fast in relationships get serious too quickly as well. Even though this is normal, it isn’t very healthy. It is important that you set realistic expectations from one another.
Getting too invested can lead to your relationship becoming one-sided. While you may want to spend quality time together, your partner may feel differently. Balancing between spending time together and giving each other space in a relationship is very important.
Another problem with new relationships is that there are no boundaries. When everything is on the table, then the bond can escalate in any direction. “He is moving too fast physically” or “She is getting too clingy” will start existing because you haven’t set any limits to your relationship. Boundaries don’t decrease the romance; they allow you to grow along with each other. Healthy boundaries will look something like this:
- Meeting twice a week, not more than that
- Having at least three dates in a month
- To never leave fights unresolved
- Talk on the phone at a specific time during the day
- No sex till the sixth date
Related Reading: How Do You Set Emotional Boundaries In Relationships?
6. You don’t ‘think’ about your relationship
Starting a relationship requires you to feel attracted to the person. Emotions matter but once the relationship takes off, you need to think pragmatically as well. Your heart and brain are both a part of who you are, so they both need to be in your relationship equally.
The brain tends to lag while the heart goes and falls in love too fast. This is why many relationships don’t always “feel right.” Thinking is very important; it is the only way you’ll be able to understand the emotions that you’re feeling, not to mention understand your partner. If you’re not using your head in the relationship, then it’s a sign that your relationship is going too fast.
You need to take a breath and evaluate your bond. This is the only way you’ll understand where your relationship is going, whether you’re willing to commit and what your next step should be.
7. Having a lot of sex but not talking about it is a sign your relationship is rushing ahead
What is considered moving too fast in a relationship? The answer is, skipping all the bases and jumping right to sex. Sex is the final stage of physical intimacy in a relationship. It is a sign that you and your partner trust each other but this won’t be the case if you’ve rushed into it.
Sexual chemistry may mean very different things to both of you. There is a chance that the only reason you’ve had sex is that he is moving too fast physically and you didn’t want to “mess things up by saying no.” There is also the possibility that the sex is good for you, but not for them. Sometimes, you may not even be aware of how you really feel about having sex. If you fall under any of these categories, then it’s a red flag. Don’t ignore it.
The best way to understand if your physical relationship is going too fast is by noticing your partner’s behavior toward sex. Are they open to talking about it? Do you both discuss your likes and dislikes in bed? If you’re avoiding these conversations, then you’re afraid to confront the possibility that your relationship isn’t ready for this level of intimacy.
8. Your relationship is always on social media
Dating these days has developed a dual aspect. One is physical and the other is virtual. From online dating apps to video chats to texting, things have gotten a lot easier since the internet came into existence.
Your social media profile is the place where you can flaunt your relationship, but this should only happen once your relationship is serious and has crossed the honeymoon phase. If you’ve just started dating and your feed is full of posts about your “boo,” then you’re moving too fast.
When you post your relationship on your Instagram or Facebook, you’re telling the world about it. If things don’t pan out the way you had hoped, erasing your relationship from your virtual existence in full public glare can be excruciatingly painful. Always be sure about your feelings before letting the world know of your relationship.
Related Reading: Online Dating Advice – 23 Important Tips
9. You trust your partner without caution
If you’re one of those women or men who move too fast in relationships, then you probably trust your partner too much. Ask yourself what makes you trust them. Just because they’re nice to you doesn’t make them trustworthy.
Have you already told them your life story, all your ‘secrets’ and ‘shames’? If yes, then you need to hit the brakes on this connection. While trust is important, it needs to be developed over time. Don’t forget that they are still a stranger and you’ve only known them for a few months. Get to know them well first. Most relationships fail when partners realize they’ve given away too much of themselves to someone they weren’t even sure about.
10. Overwhelming romance is a signal for you both to slow down
Doing cute romantic things on a date night or an anniversary is expected. But if you’ve only been together for a month, then you haven’t had too many of these occasions yet. If you’re showering your partner with gifts and flowers every day, then your relationship is moving too fast.
Moreover, have you already met your partner’s friends and extended family friends? Do you barely even know all about their first dog but you’ve already been introduced to their family as the new girlfriend? If this is true, then it is possible that you’ve started dating your partner too early.
11. Your goals have changed
This one is a bit concerning but is the perfect explanation of how going too fast ruins relationships. If you’ve just started dating and you notice yourself changing your future for your partner, then it’s a sign that you’re getting too serious about your relationship. If you observe this in your partner as well, then you need to rethink your couple dynamic.
Everyone has plans. You set goals to steer your career and life in a certain direction, but these are always you-centric. When you have a serious relationship, it’s normal to think about your partner’s place in your future plan. But this usually happens once you’ve at least been in a six-month relationship.
You might say, “My relationship is moving fast but feels right, so what’s the harm?” The answer is that your future is the part of your life that belongs to you. If you start making plans with your relationship in mind and things don’t work out, then you’ll lose the present and your future. It will be emotionally damaging. So, stop yourself the moment you start imagining white picket fences and suburban houses. Let the future take its course. If you’re worried about losing your partner, then that’s a fear you can’t work around by merging your goals with theirs.
12. You’re losing your identity
If you’re in the beginning stage of your relationship and you’re already agreeing with everything they say, then you’re both running like a bullet train. This is one of the reasons that relationships that move fast fail. So, don’t start wearing contacts that irritate your eyes just because your partner likes you better without your glasses. You don’t have to stop having a PB&J because they hate peanut butter.
These may seem like little instances, but they go a long way in building your identity within this dynamic. You cannot sacrifice yourself in a relationship just to please your partner. Losing your identity in a relationship, especially one that has just started, is very dangerous.
13. Are you always making compromises?
When you get extremely invested in a relationship, you tend to go with whatever your partner wants. She wants to go shopping? Done. He wants to Netflix and chill every day? Done. This is seen as compromising behavior but that’s not what it really is.
A compromise is considered when both people meet halfway. For example, if you’re dating an introvert, then they’re going to want to avoid going to a public place every time. They’ll prefer staying indoors and having a quiet night. You, on the other hand, might want to go out to a party and enjoy the music most of the time. So, a compromise will be that you go out on a long drive. Instead of one person abiding by the other, it’s about finding a middle ground that suits you both.
Do you always accompany your boyfriend on double dates with his brother and his wife even though you do not enjoy it? Are you always the one waking up early to take the trash out? Don’t let this relationship bulldoze all over your needs and wants in a relationship. If you do, you clearly haven’t established a solid footing in this connection and are moving too fast.
Related Reading: Secure Relationships – What Are They And What Do They Look Like?
How To Slow Down A Relationship That Is Moving Too Fast?
If you’ve come to the realization that you have indeed stepped into this commitment too quickly and are afraid things might topple, then we are here to help you. Plenty of people get attached too quickly and rush into a relationship. And while that is not ideal, there are some ways to slow down a relationship moving too fast.
1. Set healthy boundaries
A healthy way to set the brakes on a relationship is by underlining important boundaries for a stronger bond. Don’t drastically change things up by taking away your house key from them or seeing them only once a week from what used to be every day. You can slowly and steadily indicate to your partner how things should be slowed down:
- Communicate less: Don’t text and call them throughout the day anymore. Slow it down, and make more effort to work or see your friends. Stay in touch with your partner and check in on them, but reduce the frequency
- Keep your friends separate: For some time, do not hang out with your partner’s friends and do not invite your partner to meet up with yours
2. If you want to take things slow, stop bailing on your friends
We all tend to stop giving importance to our friends when we get into a relationship. It’s a natural progression and it happens in every relationship. All the gossip you used to tell your best friend is now told to your partner, simply because you see them so often.
A big part of detachment from your partner involves cultivating your other emotional relationships, by spending time with your friends. When you feel loved and admired by others around you, you will feel your support system grow. This way, you feel less dependent on your partner and won’t be inclined to make them your everything.
3. Avoid sacrificing personal time
Remember when you used to love going to the movies all by yourself? Or how you used to meet up for coffee with this one friend every Saturday? If that has all changed ever since you started dating someone new, it is time to get those habits back on track. One of the consequences of moving too fast in a relationship is losing track of who you are. But if you want to slow it down, you must get yourself to be your past self again:
- Work on your hobbies: Go and sign up for the painting classes you stopped going to or the pottery workshop you skipped out on last Saturday because you grabbed brunch with your partner instead
- Create a routine: Work out, journal, and spend time in nature. Do all the things that can help you improve your true self
Related Reading: How To Love Yourself In A Relationship – 21 Practical Tips
4. Do not make spontaneous decisions
Say, she’s asked you to accompany her to her sister’s wedding as a date. You don’t have to jump at the idea of spending time with your partner in a hotel room for two nights and take up the offer. Think things through instead. Are you even ready for this kind of commitment? Are you ready to be somebody’s partner in public at this stage of your relationship?
Based on your experiences with previous partners and how you feel at this stage, evaluate how ready you may or may not be to do certain things in your relationship. You don’t have to meet the parents because you think it will make your partner happy. Try not to get carried away; make decisions based on your own level of comfort.
5. Speak to your partner about slowing down the relationship
The only way to address the problem of a relationship moving too quickly, is by engaging in honest conversations with your partner. You cannot set the pace alone and need them to understand the problem in your relationship as well.
How to tell someone the relationship is moving too fast? Sit them down and tell them how overwhelmed you feel. Do not play the blame game and start pointing fingers at who is jumping the gun.
- Express your concern clearly: Express to them that you care about them but you are worried that rushing into things might only harm your connection
- Consider their feelings: And listen actively to their opinion too when they tell you how they feel. It’s natural for them to feel upset for a bit; make room for that
- Make a plan of action: Figure out how to take things forward. Set new rules for your relationship together
6. Be in the moment; don’t fixate on the future
A big part of slowing down a relationship is enjoying each moment for what it is. Look into your partner’s eyes, get to know them, laugh with them, and spend time with them because you enjoy it, not because you are making long-term future plans with them. Don’t discuss houses or babies, or what your next ten years will look like as a couple. Just be together and take things one day at a time.
7. Work on understanding your own feelings
Did you rush into this relationship because of some kind of unresolved trauma? Is your attachment style making you obsessed with this person? Simply texting them less or joining the gym won’t entirely help you improve this relationship. A lot of self-work and healing will be required to understand why you feel this way in the first place. Plenty of us feel the need for love and affection, and thus dramatically put people on a pedestal.
It is important that you work through the reasons you get attached to people so quickly. Consequently, bring a balance into your life so that you are able to put in genuine love and effort in the relationship. It’s no surprise when a relationship moves too fast leading to a breakup between two people who could have actually been great for each other. Now that you have identified the causes behind the rush, all you have to do is slow things down. You got this!
Key Pointers
- If within a few weeks of dating, you are flaunting your relationship online or joined at the hip with your partner, you might be moving too fast
- If your partner is making decisions for you and you are constantly making compromises for them, it is possible that you have rushed things
- Slow down your relationship by being in the moment with your partner, but also make personal time for yourself
If your partner is one of those women or men who move too fast in relationships, then sit with them and tell them how you feel. They may be a little hurt but tell them how much they matter to you. It will make them feel better. On the other hand, if you’re the one who is moving too fast, then you need to take a beat and pace yourself. Analyze your relationship and try looking at the bigger picture. We sincerely hope that things work out for you.
This article was updated in August 2023.
FAQs
A relationship is moving too fast when you get too emotionally invested in the relationship in a short amount of time. Relationship milestones get crossed too quickly and neither of you gets the chance to understand mutual compatibility.
If your relationship is moving too fast, then you need to slow things down. The best way to do this is by spending less time together. But don’t just go cold turkey on your partner. Talk to them about how you feel and make this decision together.
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