In a world where love stories often begin with chance encounters and shared spaces, theirs unfolded in the digital realm. They’ve never met in person, their connection forged through screens and whispered words across miles. Yet, despite the physical distance, their bond is undeniable, their love story a testament to the power of connection in the modern age.
(As told to Ashley Gomes)
It is a rare thing in this day and age to have a long-distance affair without the convenience of video chat, or have ever met.
“Hi, do we know each other?” was the first question my first ever crush, Joe asked me in November 2015.
He Was My First Crush
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Though he hadn’t noticed me, I had a crush on him from the first time I saw him in church, years ago, when I was in school. He had a hypnotic charm and I was drawn to his ‘swag’ like a magnet. His beautiful, smooth voice was part of his addictive charisma.
I chanced upon his profile on Facebook several years after school and sent him a friend request. Joe accepted it immediately. I used to like all his posts, and he wanted to know who this new girl was, ‘liking’ all his posts.
It was also the time when I was recovering from my breakup.
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We share a great understanding
We’ve been in touch for almost two years now and share the same passions; we both love to read and write. Joe loves to read non-fiction and works on his daily journal/diary. His thirst for knowledge intrigues me.
We have a great understanding of each other and can sense each other’s moods just from the tone of voice.
Joe says that he finds me ‘exceptional’ compared to other girls he has known. He says, “You are very down to earth, homely, loving, caring and your ability to understand my moods is very good.” I am truly blessed to have him in my life.
“Our long-distance relationship has taught me the importance of trust, communication, and patience.”
Joe knows of my breakup with the only other man in my life, my ex, where I put my life in jeopardy; I’d tried to take my own life. He was also rather upset that I didn’t complete my Masters and at his insistence, I’m completing my Master’s degree in Mumbai.
We don’t do video calls
I would call our love, ‘blind’ because though he has never seen me, he cares for me deeply. He’s working in the Middle East, and though I’ve seen him in the flesh, he has never met me in person. He has only seen me in the photographs that I send him from time to time. While other long-distance couples can converse with each other over the video, we’ve never done that. This is because my ex broke my phone and I can’t use the video-calling feature on it. I’m doing an expensive course away from home so it’s not possible for me to buy a new handset at the moment.
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Such a caring man
He cares for me a lot and calls every weekend. We often speak for hours. I just love talking to him, laughing with him and driving him crazy over all my uncertainties. I fear that like the only other relationship I was in, before this, this one too will fail! But he says no matter what happens, he will not let me go. If I don’t message him during the day, he calls to ask after my wellbeing that night. He takes time from his very busy schedule to keep the relationship ticking.
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He promises to stand by me
Yes, we’ve had our share of arguments. We argue for two reasons – first, my fear that our relationship will not work out and second, that his family will not accept me as he belongs to a conservative south Indian family and I am a Bengali. Joe assures me that he will stand by me, even if it means going against his family.
We’ve decided to give ourselves a year. So when he comes back to India we’re going to meet and plan a future together. He’s my inspiration, my strength and stress-buster, my life. Joe is unique – he’s an old soul in a young body; my soul mate.
What Are Some Common Challenges They Face?
Long-distance relationships, even the seemingly successful ones, come with their own set of unique challenges
- Time zone differences: Finding mutually convenient times to connect can be tricky, leading to missed calls and delayed responses.
- Misunderstandings: Without non-verbal cues, it’s easier to misinterpret messages or tone, leading to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict.
- Lack of spontaneity: Casual, everyday interactions are limited, making it harder to maintain a natural flow of communication.
- Planning visits: Coordinating schedules, travel arrangements, and finances for visits can be stressful and expensive.
- Maintaining intimacy: Finding creative ways to stay connected and maintain a sense of closeness can require effort and planning.
- Dealing with major life events: Being physically absent for important events or during difficult times can be emotionally taxing for both partners.
- Uncertainty about the future: Not knowing when or if the distance will close can create anxiety and doubt about the long-term viability of the relationship. Lack of shared experiences: Missing out on everyday moments and shared experiences can create a feeling of disconnect and make it difficult to fully integrate into each other’s lives.
FAQs
1. How do they maintain a strong connection despite the distance?
Successful long-distance couples prioritize regular communication through various means like video calls, phone calls, and texts. They also find creative ways to share experiences and stay connected, such as watching movies together online or playing games virtually.
2. How do they manage trust and avoid feelings of insecurity?
Open and honest communication is essential. They prioritize transparency and share details of their daily lives to maintain a sense of involvement. Establishing mutual trust and addressing any concerns promptly helps to minimize insecurity.
3. How often do they visit each other?
The frequency of visits depends on various factors, including distance, finances, and individual schedules. However, successful long-distance couples make a concerted effort to see each other regularly, planning visits in advance and making them a priority.
Final Thoughts
This story serves as a poignant reminder that online connections, while exciting and full of potential, can often mask the complexities and realities of human interaction. The protagonist’s pursuit of an affair, fueled by loneliness and dissatisfaction in his marriage, ultimately leads to a humbling realization about the gap between virtual fantasy and the often messy and unpredictable nature of real-life encounters If you’re feeling unfulfilled, seek healthy ways to address those needs, whether through our couples therapy, honest conversations with your partner, or individual self-reflection.
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