Have you ever experienced a married man flirting with you? Many men do tend to randomly flirt, which could be harmless without any intentions of taking things to the next level. Or he could be flirting because he is unhappy with his spouse or because it is in his nature to be sweet and pleasant or because he wants a sexual relationship with you. He might even be in a polyamorous set-up with his spouse and thus, sees no harm in flirting with you. But if he’s in a monogamous relationship, then it’s a sign of trouble. 

It’s natural to get flustered thinking, “Why is a married man flirting with me?”. Handling married men who flirt with you can be tricky and there is a possibility that with enough attention and constant pursuit, you may feel drawn to him as well. But remember, no good comes out of a relationship with a married man where you’re constantly playing second fiddle to his wife. So it’s best to nip his advances in the bud. How? Read on to find out!

Why Do Married Men Flirt?

Most married men flirt in order to bring back the thrill and excitement that they probably miss in their marriage. As we know, passion and romance tend to fade sometimes when responsibilities take over a couple’s life. If you see the signs a married man is attracted to you, it could be because he is bored with his routine, is going through some sort of a mid-life crisis, or is stuck in a sexless marriage. This is when married men typically start looking for excitement and try to find solace in flirting with other women. 

“Infidelity is not the cause of a troubled relationship; it’s often a symptom of deeper issues.”

– Dr. Shirley Glass, Psychologist and author of “Not Just Friends”

Sana remembers a married man, her senior by many years, making passes at her when she was interning at a digital marketing agency. “I remember mentioning to a friend at the time that he flirts but mentions his wife. His approach got more direct overtime and he used the same “stuck in a dead marriage” sob story to win me over and almost succeeded. Had it not been for the friend who chided me and knocked some sense into my head, I would have totally fallen for his charm,” says Sana.

Is flirting cheating? Not all married men flirt with the intent to start an extramarital affair. Some flirt just to see whether they still have the power to attract a woman. The flirting could, of course, be a sign that a married man wants to sleep with you. Then there might be a small percentage of married men who genuinely fall for another woman and try to develop a relationship with her by flirting. The reasons why a married man flirts can be summed up as:

• For his ego: Why do married men flirt? The simplest explanation for this seemingly confusing phenomenon is his ego. By flirting with you, he is trying to massage his ego and show his friends that he’s got it
• Looking for a connection: He may want to have a full-fledged affair – emotional, physical, and more. Perhaps, he is genuinely unhappy in his marriage, feels trapped, and is looking to fill the void through subtle flirting with other girls
• Power play: Why would a married man flirt with a married woman? The flirting could be a way for him to feel a sense of power. Perhaps, the power dynamics in his relationship are skewed and he is trying to feel better about himself by exercising power and control over you. This could be the intent behind his flirting if you can relate to the “married man likes me but avoids me” feeling. He is blowing hot and cold in an attempt to exercise control over your feelings and emotions
• He is polyamorous: He might be polyamorous, in which case there’s nothing wrong in him wanting to be with you. The question is, are you? If not, then this could be an equation too complicated for you to navigate
• A distraction: He might be flirting with you to blow off some steam or could be using it as a stepping stone to a full-blown affair to distract himself from a difficult situation in his life like financial issues, loss of a loved one, etc.
• He is a natural flirt: Some (wrongfully) feel that wanting an attractive person is natural, which is why flirting comes naturally to them
• He may not be flirting at all: He could be an extrovert who is just being friendly but it is mistaken as flirting. While you are rolling your eyes at the married guy flirting, he may be totally unaware of the fact that his friendliness is coming across as flirting

Related Reading: Navigating The Complexities Of Consent In Modern Relationships

A deep desire to feel wanted and loved could be another reason behind married men who flirt with you. It might sound weird but, besides the thrill of the chase, some married men flirt because they know it’s risky. They know what they are doing is wrong and that their actions could have major consequences. But they still go ahead and do it because they want to break the rules, as that is what excites and arouses them.

“When a married person seeks emotional validation outside their relationship, they are often trying to fill a void that can only be truly filled within their partnership.”

– Dr. Harville Hendrix, Therapist and author of “Getting the Love You Want”

Signs A Married Man Is Flirting With You

When a guy jokingly calls you his wife or shows interest in you, the following may happen: at first, you try to avoid him, but he is persistent. He is pleasant and sweet, so you engage in some harmless flirting, or so it seems. Eventually, you think that you can see the signs a married man wants you and you give in. You enjoy flirting with him as well. But the married man hitting on you may just back off if you take the flirting seriously.

It is really difficult to know whether the married guy flirting with you wants to be just friends or is sincerely interested in starting a relationship with you. So, you must be able to spot the signs he’s into you. This is why we’re here, to tell you all about the signs a married man likes you and is, therefore, flirting with you. 

1. He watches you but tries to hide it

When you’re around, he can’t help but keep an eye on you, showing his interest. However, the moment you catch him looking, he pretends not to notice or quickly looks away. This is one of the signs a married man wants you but is hesitant to openly show it, possibly due to his circumstances or shyness.

2. His body leans in your direction

Whether standing or sitting, his body language speaks volumes. You might notice that he often leans toward you, even unconsciously. This subtle action reflects his interest and desire to be closer to you, a common sign of attraction and attention.

3. He tries to stay connected through calls or texts

Despite being married, he goes out of his way to keep in touch with you, whether through frequent calls or messages. This effort to maintain a connection indicates that he values communication with you beyond what might be expected in a casual friendship.

4. He highlights your common interests

He often brings up things that you both have in common, whether it’s shared hobbies, favorite movies, or similar experiences. This tactic is aimed at creating a stronger connection, making you feel closer, and reinforcing a bond based on shared similarities.

Related Reading: How Important Are Common Interests In Relationships?

5. He remembers the details you share

From your favorite coffee order to your latest work project, he remembers even the small details you’ve mentioned. His attentiveness shows that he is genuinely listening to you and values what you share, using it as a way to show how much he pays attention to you.

6. Compliments and gifts are his go-to moves

Showering you with compliments is his way of expressing admiration and affection, and gifts are a tangible sign of his attention and appreciation. These gestures are designed to make you feel special and noticed, reinforcing his attraction and desire to impress.

7. He looks for chances to hang out

He actively seeks opportunities to spend time with you, be it group gatherings, casual coffee breaks, or offering to help with something. By finding ways to be near you, he shows that he enjoys your company and wants to deepen the connection.

8. Your love life gets his attention

He takes an interest in your romantic relationships and may even display jealousy when he sees you with someone else. This reaction suggests that he sees you as more than a friend and is emotionally invested in who you’re with.

9. He reveals his unhappiness in his marriage

He may confide in you about the issues or dissatisfaction in his marriage. This openness could be a way to elicit sympathy or hint that he is emotionally available, possibly to justify his interest in you.

Related Reading: Are You Unknowingly Flirting? How To Know?

10. He switches between sweetness and playing hard to get

One moment, he’s incredibly sweet, showering you with attention, while at other times, he may pull back or act distant. This fluctuation can be a strategic move to keep you intrigued and wondering about his true feelings, adding an element of mystery and tension to your interactions.

11. He changes his appearance to impress

You notice that he puts more effort into his appearance, from his clothing style to grooming, especially when he knows he will see you. This change is an attempt to align with what he thinks you might find attractive, subtly signaling his interest and desire to catch your eye.

These are all tell-tale signs of male attraction and are enough to tell you that a married man is flirting with you. There is no need to freak out, thinking, “I can relate to all of the signs of a married man hitting on me. Should I ignore him and stop talking to him so that he gets that I’m not interested?” In all likelihood, you may not need to take such drastic steps for handling his overtures. Just be vigilant and make a wise decision when you are faced with such a situation. We’re here to help you with that.

How To Handle A Married Man Flirting With You

When you are dealing with a married man flirting with you, do not obsess over whether he is really flirting or being friendly with you. You may also notice signs a married man is sexually attracted to you, leaving you wondering, “Why is a married man flirting with me?” But there are ways to deal with this situation. The most important thing is to understand how you feel about him. Are you interested in him in case it develops into something substantial or do you see him as a friend, colleague, or acquaintance? Based on your answer, here are some ways to handle the situation when you see the signs a married man is sexually attracted to you and is flirting with you to get your attention:

1. Reciprocate his feelings

Is flirting cheating? It depends on the relationship. But it is safe to say that choosing to reciprocate will bring serious challenges to your life because you’d be the other woman in his life and feel guilty about having an affair with a married man. If his wife gets to know, she will badmouth you and trash your reputation. Besides, you will be judged by your friends and family and may lose a few valuable relationships too. More importantly, you might be giving up on your chance at a real relationship with another man who does not come with this baggage. 

If a married man is flirting with a married woman, and she falls for him, then they mess up both their lives. The mud-slinging and heartache that might follow, will take away all your peace leaving you feeling that the relationship is not worth the drama and humiliation. Besides, there’s no guarantee that the married man will support you through this. So, only choose this option if you know for sure there’s a future with him, or if he’s polyamorous (and his wife knows about it) and you are too.

Related Reading: A Beautiful Love Story: She Is A Widow In Love With A Married Man

2. Let your feelings pass

The second option is to let the crush or love, whatever you choose to call it, pass. Yes, it can be easier said than done when you can clearly see the subtle flirting and feel the same way about him. Even so, it is a much wiser option than getting involved with a married man. It may be tough in the short term to resist the flirty meetings, but you will be able to get over the married man sooner than later.

Married men usually do not really intend to make you fall in love with them, they just want to seduce you, perhaps have some fun, and go on with their married life too! Reciprocating the feelings of a married man flirting with you can have serious consequences that sometimes last a lifetime.

Related Reading: How Do I Make My Coworker Stop Flirting With Me? — A True Story

3. Be honest and straightforward about your intentions

Everyone loves attention, and it’s okay to get carried away by his gestures and words. He might be a gorgeous charmer but you have to know that getting into a relationship with him will land you in a sticky position. Here’s how to reject a married man: make it clear to him that you are not really interested in having an affair with a married man. 

Tell him that you are not available, that you are with someone else, or you just got out of a bad relationship and cannot really think of entering into a new one at this point. It’s infuriating and unfortunate, the hoops we have to jump through in order to safeguard ourselves from an aggressive or bothersome reaction from a man who can’t handle a ‘no’.

4. Focus your attention elsewhere

To stop a married man from hitting on you, you can show your interest in someone else. Healthy flirting is a great idea and good for the soul. You are probably looking and feeling your best, so why not focus your attention on someone who is available? That will help you spice up your life and also stop the married man flirting with you. 

You can even try catching up with friends for movies and outings, not staying alone in your free hours, hitting the gym, traveling, or practicing a hobby. Who knows, you might meet someone new! Speak to yourself in the right language. Don’t tell yourself that this is beyond your control, tell yourself that you deserve much better.

Related Reading: How To Seduce A Woman With Words?

5. Look for his flaws

Struggling with dilemmas like, “How do I handle a married man hitting on me?” or “What do I do if a married man is falling in love with me” Looking for flaws in him is one way to stop. Anything that he may have said or done that does not go well with you, focus on it. Do you align with one political party, and he with the other? Focus. You love animals, and he can’t stand them? Focus. Look for those things in him that you like and he dislikes, or he likes and you dislike. 

A married man hitting on you would hate it if you keep telling him how different you are. Think about it. If he is in a committed relationship and flirting with you so much, he is probably not such a nice guy, right? And remember, the one who cheats on his spouse with you, can cheat on you too. Isn’t that a big enough flaw?

6. Snap all contact

This is one of the best and most effective ways to deal with a married man flirting with you if you’re struggling with how to reject a married man. Cut off all communication with him so that he gets your signal loud and clear. Block him on your phone, social media channels, and try avoiding places where you might bump into him.  

If you do bump into him somewhere, have an exit strategy ready. Make it clear to him that you are ignoring him and that you do not want to get involved with a married man. When you do this, he may respond by throwing a few mind games of his own into the mix. For instance, he may go completely incommunicado, leaving you wondering if you read the signs a married man is attracted to you all wrong. When this happens, don’t let the why and how of “married man likes me but avoids me” consume you. Remind yourself: good riddance to bad rubbish.

7. Resist the urge to respond

How do you handle a married man flirting at work? Well, it takes two to tango. Avoid the temptation to respond to anything that he says – over email, texts, or phone calls. If you have to, stick to a formal, impersonal behavior and resist giving or sharing any personal information. If he responds to the cold shoulder you’re giving him by acting like you don’t even exist, don’t let it bother you. He could well be doing this to get in your head.

Stick to your distant, disinterested approach if cutting him out is not an option. Trust us, it will turn him off and you will be saved. The thing about crushes is that most of the time, they don’t last that long. If you can resist the urge to respond, then you are all set. You have avoided future misery too. Take responsibility for yourself and the part you play in this interaction. Do not reciprocate by flirting with him.

Related Reading: A Rundown On The No-Contact Rule Female Psychology

8. Mention his wife

Another way to handle married man flirting signs is to keep mentioning his wife in your conversation with him. If he does not stop, be cool and ask him about his wife, where she works, how they met, etc. Initially, avoid letting his wife know about it because he might be either joking or might have unintentionally crossed the line. But if his behavior persists, you can threaten him by saying that you will tell his wife.

It will send the message that you will not hesitate to approach his wife if he doesn’t mend his ways. This is the best way to deal with a married man flirting with you. You could also meet his wife casually without mentioning anything. When he gets to know about this, it might put things in perspective for him. If you still find it hard to resist, keep a picture of him with his family in your top drawer.

Related Reading: Questions To Ask Yourself When You Are Falling For A Married Man

9. Do not seek validation

A lot of us seek validation from men. When the man giving you validation turns out to be married, we feel we must be more desirable than his wife and that gives us a high. Do not fall for this! It’s a trap and it rarely has a happy ending. Maybe go and flirt with a stranger at a bar to create an outlet for your feelings. Seek validation elsewhere, from your single male friends, your cousins, your girlfriends, and most importantly, from yourself.

To be honest, you don’t need validation from anyone for anything that you do, or the choices that you make, or for who you are. And definitely not from a married man who would happily comply just so he gets to flirt or have sex with you.

Related Reading: What He Really Thinks When He Realizes You Blocked Him

10. Make the right choice

To be a happy woman, you do not need a man next to you. In fact, you can be happier when you’re single than when you get into a complicated affair with a married man. You might be thinking, “Why do I attract married men?” But let us tell you this: Married men who want to cheat will hit on women. Whether you’re single or married, it does not matter.

It is your choice whether to get involved with a married man or not. Remember, the only possible romantic future you have with a married man will be a dramatic and miserable one. There are several reasons that you should never have an affair with a married man. It will cause hurt, not just to you, but also to him, his wife, and his children. 

Related Reading: I Am Dating A Married Woman, Is It A Wrong Thing To Do?

11. Keep conversations neutral

Keep all interactions, whether in person or over messages, neutral and to the point. Avoid deep personal discussions or any topics that could be interpreted as emotionally intimate such as:

• How are things at home?
• What did you do on the weekend?
• What did you do on a vacation?

Giving a brief and to-the-point answer is okay but avoid sharing your personal life in detail to ensure that your communication remains appropriate.

12. Redirect conversations to safe topics

If the conversation starts to lean toward a flirty or personal tone, redirect it to safer topics, such as:

• Work-related queries
• Small talk about the weather and such
• Industry trends 
• Pop culture

 Keeping the discussion light and impersonal prevents any misunderstanding.

Related Reading: What I Learned From My Affair With A Married Man

13. Avoid one-on-one situations

Try not to spend time alone with him, especially in situations that could create a more personal or intimate setting. This may look like

• Going on an outing: While group outings are fine, you two going alone will be a recipe for flirty meetings
• Meeting/texting at late hours: Both of you are more likely to lower your guards at night, which may lead to developing unwarranted feelings
• Collaborating on a project: Whether you have a married man flirting at work or at the art class you take as a hobby, avoid projects where you would have to interact one-on-one with him for long periods

My friend Kaitlyn once shared a similar situation with me. She had a married coworker who wouldn’t stop pursuing her. She says, “He would keep asking me to get drinks after work, no matter how many times I said no. Also, he would try to get our manager to make us collaborate on projects. Ultimately, I had to make a complaint to HR to make him stop.

14. Respectfully decline gifts or favors

If he tries to give you gifts, favors, or offers that seem more than friendly, decline politely but firmly. Accepting such things can lead to feelings of obligation or misunderstandings about your relationship. Similarly, if he offers personal favors, such as giving you a ride home, helping with a task, or doing something extra for you that goes beyond basic courtesy, it’s best to kindly decline.

15. Distance yourself gradually

If the situation persists or makes you uncomfortable, start distancing yourself. Reduce the frequency of interactions, avoid initiating conversations, and limit social engagements where he might be present. Or just straight up implement a no contact rule. If need be, get other people involved and ask for help. You can:

• If in a work setting, make a complaint to HR
• Let his spouse know
• File a police complaint if things escalate

Final Thoughts

Do yourself a favor and do not reciprocate a married man’s advances. A married man flirting with you can lead to unpleasant consequences. You play an equal role in breaking the eternal promise of love and betraying his wife and family. Therefore, you must not become a partner in crime but preserve your dignity by taking the morally right decision.

How Do Introverts Flirt? 10 Ways They Try To Get Your Attention

Surviving An Affair – 12 Steps To Reinstate Love And Trust In A Marriage

25 Reasons You Should Never Have An Affair With A Married Man

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