“You don’t know who is important to you until you actually lose them.” – Mahatma Gandhi. Does your boyfriend ignore you and take you for granted? Do you feel more like a trophy girlfriend than an actual partner? After the honeymoon period wears off, your boyfriend may start taking you for granted, leaving you wondering how to make him realize your worth.
You begin to take up the lion’s share of responsibility to keep the connection alive and soon begin to feel that you are in a one-sided relationship. Your boyfriend doesn’t value you and mocks you for no reason. You feel like the housewife whose husband bickers with her, belittling her about sitting at home doing nothing. You stay silent, hoping that it will get better one day and your boyfriend will appreciate you for what you are, but it only gets worse.
I speak from experience when I say that’s not going to happen. You have to take concrete, mindful measures to get your boyfriend to chase you and appreciate you more. My boyfriend would depend on me for everything and it felt like he was extracting everything out of me but I was not getting anything in return. All the efforts were one-sided, and in doing so, I was losing myself.
It took me a while to understand that I need to make him realize he should be with me because he wants to and not because it is comfortable and familiar. If he wants to, then he needs to show that by investing equally in the relationship. If you too can relate to my story, you need to make him realize your worth before it’s too late. But how to increase your importance in a relationship, you ask? That’s exactly what we’re here to tell you. Brace yourself, as we take you on this journey of understanding how to make your boyfriend realize your importance and give your relationship a new lease on life.
13 Ways To Make Him Realize Your Worth
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“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions.” – Will Smith. These words ring especially true in the context of romantic relationships. Effort in a relationship needs to be two-sided. It takes two people to make things work. If you’re the one putting in all the effort while your boyfriend is just taking advantage of your silence, it is time to make him realize your worth.
If he doesn’t value you, it is bound to hurt. Perhaps, you want him to see you as the one but all his actions point to the fact that he treats the relationship as anything more than a casual fling. Now, if you’ve both explicility agreed on keeping things casual, that’s a different story. But if you’re in a committed relationship and have been together a long time, his attitude is bound to leave you wondering how to make someone realize your worth.
With good reason too. After all, it is not possible to keep a relationship going only when one is making the effort. So, how to make him value you more? How to make your boyfriend realize your importance? How to make him work for you again? We address all of these questions swarming your mind with these 13 ways that will tell you how to make him realize your worth.
Related Reading: 20 Signs He Is Not Into You
1. Keep yourself busy
How to make someone realize your importance in their life? If you’re grappling with this question, chances are that someone has been taking you for granted for far too long. To reverse the course, you need to take some concrete steps. First and foremost among these is to stop being available for your boyfriend all the time.
Take time out for yourself and do the things that you were procrastinating on for so long. Make him value you again by letting him feel your absence. When he sees that you aren’t there when he needs you, he will come to you to see what is wrong. You need to make him miss you in order to make him understand how much you matter to him.
Sadly, most boyfriends don’t understand these things on their own. They need a little push from their partners to see what the relationship means to them. Only then will he realize he made a mistake. Yes, sometimes the answer to how to make him appreciate you and value you can be as simple as carving out some space for yourself.
2. To make him realize your worth, stop texting and calling him
Do you call and text your boyfriend first? Does he never text you first, though you’d say he replies? Do you keep asking him if he’s okay and say “I love you” first, most of the time? If the answer is yes, you need to stop immediately. Always texting and calling your boyfriend first makes them feel that you are always available for him. Moreover, he won’t feel like texting you first because he’ll get used to the idea of his girlfriend always calling and texting him.
If you want him to realize your worth, make him call and text you instead. You can take the thing a step further and ignore him enough to make him think he has lost you. This can be especially effective if you’re trying to figure out how to make him value you after a fight where he was in the wrong or did/said something to hurt your feelings.
Once he notices that you’re always readily accessible, he will put in every effort to win you back if he really cares. And if he doesn’t, then what is the point of being such a relationship? The bottom line is that to get your boyfriend to chase you and appreciate you more you need to create enough space between you two for him to miss you and long for you.
3. Forget to do some of his chores
Girlfriends take care of their boyfriends in so many ways without them even realizing it. Boyfriends take their girlfriends for granted because they don’t even realize how much they do for them. It is time to make him realize how big a role you play in his life.
Forget to do some of his chores like his laundry, giving him reminders, getting stuff for him, etc. Make it sound like an honest mistake and say, “I’m sorry, it really slipped my mind. I thought you were going to do it yourself.” This will make him realize how much he is dependent on you for his day-to-day activities.
If you want to make someone realize your importance in their life, then you need to take some steps like this. Pull back a little on doing your part and he will suddenly feel a gaping void in his life. That ought to make him realize how valuable you’re to him. That right there is the secret to how to make your boyfriend realize your worth.
Related Reading: 6 Signs You Are in a One-Sided Relationship
4. Express your feelings through your actions
You are obviously frustrated because your boyfriend takes you for granted. The question of how to make your boyfriend realize your worth may be keeping you up at nights. Why feel bad about it silently when you can take out your frustration? Show your frustration through your actions. If he’s asking you to do something, stall a little to let him know that you’re not okay with being at his beck and call when he isn’t putting in any effort in the relationship.
From facial expressions to body language and being distant from him, there are so many ways you can make him value you again without even uttering a single word. This will grab your boyfriend’s attention and he will ask you what is wrong. As they say, actions speak louder than words. If you haven’t been able to get your point across to him through honest communication, it is time to give him a taste of his own medicine.
5. Stop being a pushover
A pushover is someone who can easily be controlled and backs down easily. Perhaps, your boyfriend doesn’t realize your worth because he thinks that you’re a pushover and will do anything he says. So, if you’re trying to figure out how to make a man value you, the first order of business is finding your voice and learning to put your foot down for the things that matter to you.
You need to take a stand for yourself and show resistance to things you don’t like. Voice your opinion rather than doing whatever he tells you to do. If you are tired after work and he wants to call his friends over, make it clear that you are up for it only on the weekend and you will not be a part of his plans because he has to prioritize you.
Now, we’re not asking that you become a stubborn, inflexible partner. Of course, compromises are essential to keep a relationship working like a well-oiled machine. However, the very fact that you’re here trying to figure out how to make someone realize your worth indicates that compromise may not be a two-way street in yours. And putting your foot down when it matters may just be what you need to get your partner to see that.
6. Go out with your friends
You need to have a life outside your relationship, not just to show your boyfriend but for yourself as well. Connect with your girl gang and have fun with them every once in a while. Go out with your friends and reconnect with them. Seeing you have a life outside your relationship will make your boyfriend realize that you’re not dependent on him and he will feel a bit afraid of losing you.
He will also feel a bit jealous that you’re not spending time with him and will start paying more attention to you. When he doesn’t value you, make him see you as the one and that should be your strategy. This approach can also work if things seem to have reached a dead-end and as a last-ditch effort you’re trying to make him think you are seeing someone else in order to grab his attention and revive his interest in the relationship.
When you spend more time out socializing than bickering with him over the importance of quality time in a relationship, he’s bound to get jittery about losing you. Besides, spending time with people who do love and value you will take your mind off how to increase your importance in relationship and lift your spirits. When you feel rejuvenated, you will be in a better headspace to tackle your relationship problems the right way.
Related Reading: 13 Traits Of A Toxic Boyfriend – And 3 Steps You Can Take
7. Pamper yourself
After getting into a relationship, women tend to take lesser care of themselves because they are more focused on their relationship than themselves. You need to realize your self-worth and pamper yourself. Go to salons for a full-body spa or a mani-pedi. Give yourself the care that you deserve. Practice self-love and revel in it.
Moreover, when your boyfriend starts seeing you are taking care of yourself like you used to, he won’t be able to keep his hands off you. “My boyfriend was being distant and emotionally unavailable, and our relationship was stuck in the rut for a long time. I wanted to make him realize he should be with me but didn’t know how.
“Then, I looked at myself in the mirror one day and realized even I wouldn’t want to be with the slob I had turned into. The constant unpleasantness in the relationship had taken a toll on me and I had stopped investing in self-care. My nails, hair, skin all cried for some attention. This was a wake-up call.
“I began paying more attention to myself and realized I was irritable and would snap at people over little things. That’s why I decided to prioritize myself and let destiny decide the course of my relationship. To my surprise, when I stopped clinging on to my relationship, things between us began to improve drastically,” says Naomi, who has now been living with her boyfriend for 5 years.
8. Start saying no
Women who say yes to everything are more likely to be taken for granted by their boyfriends. This is because boyfriends know that their girlfriend will say yes to everything and they don’t value their opinions. So, when a man ignores your value, say this to him: NO.
Yes, a simple no could be the answer to how to make your boyfriend realize your importance. Saying no from time to time won’t do any harm. The next time he asks you to do his laundry say, “I’m really caught up with something. Could you please do it this time and do mine too?”, politely tell him, “I can’t today, I too have got my plate full.”
With some well-timed nos thrown in the mix, you will have cracked the code of how to make him appreciate you. It will show your boyfriend that you know how to take a stand and he’ll realize your worth and respect you more. You need to make a guy realize your value and for that the power of no is important.
9. Make decisions for yourself
Are you one of those girlfriends whose boyfriend orders her meals at restaurants without even asking her? What if you wanted to have a pizza and your boyfriend ordered you a salad instead? These things might seem small but it begins with small things and before you know it, your boyfriend is making all the decisions for you.
This also sends out a message that your boyfriend doesn’t value your opinions too much or doesn’t think you’re capable of making sound choices. In such a scenario, knowing how to make a man value you becomes a pressing concern. The good news is that you don’t need to take drastic steps to change his perception and make him value you again.
How to increase your importance in relationship? Start with small steps like making decisions for yourself and don’t let your boyfriend control you. Next time you go to a restaurant, pick out the dish you want to have instead of asking for his reccommedations or settling for whatever he suggests. say Shat you want to have a pizza when your boyfriend orders the salad for you. Boosting your self-worth is the key to how to make your boyfriend realize your worth.
Related Reading: 15 Top Signs Of A Selfish Boyfriend
10. Stop doing things together
How to make your boyfriend realize your importance? By giving him a glimpse of what his life would look like without you. A simple way of doing this is dialing back on your couple’s activities and rituals. All couples have a list of things that they do together. This, though cute, is also harmful because it becomes routine and you no longer treat it as something special.
When such activities become routine, you don’t give them the importance you used to. Say, if your boyfriend and you watch a movie together every Sunday afternoon, make an excuse and do something without him instead. This will make him miss your presence and he will put in more effort to do things with you. Being less available to your boyfriend is the only way of making him understand your importance in your life.
11. Ignore him for sometime
Often, men don’t realize their partner’s worth because they’re always there for them. On the flip side, if you make him think he has lost you, he will do everything in his power to win you over again and make you feel loved and valued in the relationship. To this end, you need to ignore him for some time and see how he reacts.
Even if it kills you to ignore him, you need to know that this is something that will help in the future. Let him come to you first. Once he sees that you aren’t there, it will make him feel left out. He might even think he has lost you. He will do things to seek your attention and will give you more importance. This may also help tone down the arguments and constant bickering that may have been stemming from his lack of appreciation and effort in the relationship.
Remember that incessant fights can suck the joy out of any relationship, driving you and your partner further and further apart. So, take some time off, put that phone of silent mode, and focus on doing something that brings you joy. Your boyfriend will make the effort to reach out. And you will no longer have to fret about how to make him appreciate you.
12. To make him realize your worth, first know your worth
“Remember, you are beautiful.” Many times, girlfriends wish to stay silent rather than let their boyfriends know that they are taking them for granted because they feel that it is what they deserve. They undermine themselves because of which their partners undermine them too.
You need to know your worth and your importance in your boyfriend’s life. That’s the only way to make him value you again. Reflect on all the things you do for him and the things you get back in return. Any guy would be more than lucky to have someone like you and you need to know that.
Often, the way others look at us and treat us is a reflection of the way we look at ourselves. That’s why, our recommendation for how to make your boyfriend realize your worth is to practice self-love, in copius amounts. Know that you’re enough as you are, believe it with all your heart, and your partner will begin to see it too.
Related Reading: 13 Signs He Disrespects You And Does Not Deserve You
13. Talk to him
Boyfriends need a push at times. They need to be told things that they don’t realize. Having an open line of communication is always a sign of a healthy relationship. That’s why one of the simplest answers to how to make him value you after a fight, or in general, is to talk it out. Tell your boyfriend that you feel left out and taken for granted. Tell him about the different instances where you felt this way.
When a man ignores your value, say this to him: “You make me feel left out. You don’t appreciate my efforts. I want you to acknowledge me once in a while.” You may be surprised to learn that all this while he had no clue how his actions were making you feel. Once you spell it out to him, he will keep these things in mind and pay more attention to you in the future.
In a relationship, one partner puts in more effort than the other, but it is always a two-sided effort. If you feel that the relationship is one-sided, you need to do something about it to make it a two-sided one. Not doing anything about it will build a wall between your boyfriend and you and it will eventually turn things sour between the two of you. Making him realize your worth will help you both work together in the relationship and make your foundation stronger.
FAQs
Use the power of “no”. Do not say “yes” to everything. Put your foot down when necessary and sometimes voice your opinions and feelings to let your partner know that you feel undervalued.
You focus on your own life. Do your salon visits, do retail therapy, be out with the girls. Do not call or text him too often and give him the impression you are happy on your own. Chances are he would start worrying about losing you.
Stop doing the things you did for them. If you play the chauffeur to your girl, tell her you are busy for a week and can’t do it. If he is used to you doing the chores, then tell him you have been away at an aunt’s place for a week. These are great ways of making someone realize your absence.
Don’t do the things you have always done, have your own life and let him know you feel unappreciated. Be less available and let him know you are doing great without him. He would realize his mistake.
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I’ll let him do his things , I’ll ignore him as you said. But what if he starts to enjoy it. Like what if he doesn’t even realise that I’m ignoring him, then what will I do. I’m doing all this ignorance just for his attendance that he value me, but what if he just ignores me that I’m ignoring him and starts to live happily.
Hey Srishti! Being in a relationship is a tricky situation sometimes isn’t it? Please mail us at counselling@bonobology.com and we would love to help you!
I’m so glad that I read this article, me and my boyfriend are together for 4years and in my country, families don’t accept so many thing that happen in a relationship, for 4 years I’ve been lying to my family, and 4 years is enough to make a decision whether we want to get married or not. I’m just so tired of being like this. I’ve talked to him about doing something for our marriage and make our relationship official but he always has his own excuses, I just can’t keep going like this. I want him to realize my value
Hey! We completely understand where you are coming from. Relationships are not easy but every individual in the relationship has to be valued. Please mail us at counselling@bonobology.come and we would love to help you out!
For real though, all of these is just me in a summary. A relationship of almost 5years seems like we’re just getting to know each other. Am glad for this article and will definitely put to work all of these. Though, I’ve tried talking to him but, he makes me think am being selfish and inconsiderate too. Can you imagine that?
Hello Jovita! We are really glad that you found this article helpful. Please don’t think less of yourself. One needs immense love within themselves to love someone whole heartedly. We are sure he will understand your value very soon. If you have any relationship queries and need help please write to us at counselling@bonobology.com