Breakup: Meaning, Reasons, Effects And Advice

Have you ever been in a relationship? Yes? Are you still in that relationship? No? Well then, you probably know what a breakup is! It is like an abrupt break in your romantic life that feels like a dead end. Everything around you seems to be moving on, except you. There are many reasons for a breakup, but no matter how it happened, you still experience wretched heartache in its wake.

If you are emotional and sensitive, then healing the heartbreak is a big, mammoth task. Yes, the pain is real and grieving a breakup is not just a dramatized version of a sob story. Apart from depression, loss of appetite and physical exhaustion, a breakup can also lead you to suffer through serious withdrawal symptoms, as you are addicted to love.

But worry not. The breakup turf may look difficult but it also has the ability to help you evolve as a person. So many people around the world not only go through and survive breakups but also emerge from it stronger than before. You too can make a comeback by healing your broken heart. But before that, let us first ponder over a relationship breakup and probable reasons for heartbreak.

What Is A Breakup: Breakup Meaning

A relationship breakup is a process to put an end to a romantic affair, courtship or committed relationship Simply put, a breakup is the difference between ‘in a relationship’ and ‘being single’! Apart from a few extremely lucky people, most young adults have experienced the effects of breakup in their lives.

Whether it happens because of lack of compatibility, infidelity or anything else, breakups have become an extremely frequent occurrence in today’s world. But why is our generation so prone to it? Are they commitment-phobic or do they want different things in life?

To understand the psychology behind this, we need to first understand why we fall in love. We all are wired to find the love of our lives. Since childhood, the stories of Prince Charming or Dream Girl nurture our desire to love and be loved. One of our adulthood challenges, besides a stable career, is to find the love of our life to give a new meaning to our lives.

In this pursuit, we hold on to a relationship to the point of being consumed. When the reality hits in the form of heartache, it becomes difficult for many people to accept it. How to deal with heartbreak becomes a constant nagging question weighing on our minds. It becomes unbearably tough to face the cluster of difficult feelings, including rejection.

Now, we as humans can’t handle rejection well, unless we’re prepared for it. And a breakup is rejection in its most extreme form that affects our existence on the whole. Sometimes, the question of how a partner could reject you brings out the egoistic side, making it difficult to accept separation and move on.

Sadness And Grief After A Breakup

So, what happens when you go through a breakup? Do you feel happy for your newly found singlehood, or do you isolate yourself from the rest of the world and cry your heart out? If you’re looking for real breakup advice, the answer depends on what kind of a person you are.

It also depends on how invested you were in the relationship. Was it a casual relationship or did you think it would last forever? Another important factor to consider is who broke up with whom. Did you dump your partner or get dumped?

Different people handle a breakup in different ways. For many, it takes considerable time to get over grieving, no matter the reasons for the breakup. The hurt caused by heartbreak might trigger you to get back together with your ex in an attempt to reconcile and salvage the relationship.

However, that rarely ever works out in the long run. So, a better option is to treat a breakup as a phase and deal with it. Acceptance is the only way in which you can successfully conquer the grieving after a split.

Related Reading: How To Break Up With Someone You Live With

Reasons For Breakup, Effects of Breakup, Breakup Advice

If it’s all so complicated, why do people break up in the first place? Again the reasons vary widely from couple to couple. Couples may break up due to lack of compatibility or because they’ve fallen out of love and drifted apart. There are other valid and straightforward reasons that result in ending a relationship permanently. Let us try and understand some of the most reasonable grounds quoted while breaking up with someone.

5 most probable reasons for breakups in couples

Now that we’ve understood the breakup meaning, let’s take a look at some of most probable reasons for breakup among couples:

1. Not on the same page: You and your partner want different things in life. One of you wants to prioritize their career while the other is looking for marriage. Perhaps your partner seems certain about the future of your relationship but you are unsure about a lifelong commitment. Now, what will you do if your idea of commitment varies and you are not both on the same page? Even talking about these mismatched priorities is not going to help you both. In such a situation, a breakup is probably the toughest but realistic call any couple would take instead of dealing with years of uncertainty
2. Relationship abuse: Identifying abuse in relationships is often hard. Especially when someone trusts their partner and lives in constant denial. To help them, there are different signs of abusive relationships that help identify different forms of emotional, psychological, sexual abuse and can prompt them to take appropriate steps to exit an unhealthy relationship
3. Constant fights: If you also believe that a couple who fights a lot loves each other, then you are likely to write off constant fights as a probable reason for a relationship breakup. Well, we too agree with this tricky premise, provided that the arguments are constructive and healthy. There are couples who do not hold grudges and resolve their differences mutually. Even two different personalities with different ideas and ideologies can find mutual harmony in a love-based relationship. On the other hand, if the constant bickering, escalating arguments and inability to resolve differences have become a common theme in a partnership, then you are in a destructive relationship. This is a valid premise to break up with your partner/spouse
4. Not happy in a relationship: Happiness is the basic criterion of being in a fulfilling relationship. Yes, you can’t be happy all the time and there will be ups and downs in your love life, which can be managed well if you are content with each other. But if your relationship is draining you every day and you feel you are not happy, then this is the perfect time to convey your disappointment to your partner and walk away
5. One-sided effort: Couples who thrive well work together and invest mutual efforts for their health and happiness. There is a reason they say ‘two to tango’ for the couples who enjoy their roller-coaster ride together in a balanced way. If you find yourself investing disproportionate effort to nurture the relationship, whereas your partner is not willing to reciprocate, it is a signal to call it quits and break up

Related Reading: 13 Compelling Signs You Should Not Break Up… Even If You Feel So

How do I get over a breakup?

Recovering from a breakup may take its own course of time. However, sound breakup advice can help you bounce back in life stronger than ever. Accept the emptiness from within, share your feelings with a friend, or pour your heart out in a journal.

Feel your feelings; give them an outlet to move past the breakup. Cut off all contact- stop stalking your ex on social media, or sending texts and emails. You will need this ‘me-time’ for emotional clarity. Challenge your negative thoughts and divert your energies by keeping yourself busy at work. Spend your weekends volunteering for a social cause.

Your heart will thank you for the healing. Break the cycle of pain and worries and use this breakup as an opportunity to set out on your own. Work on your hobbies and interests to feel better and more confident. Travel. Go places. Participate in adventure sports to feel alive and free. Look out for a promising future and as time goes by, you will feel better, and eventually, you will get over the dreaded breakup soon.

Breaking up with someone you love

Now, this is not an easy task. The effects of a breakup are overwhelming and can be long-lasting if not handled well, especially for those who strongly believe that ‘love will conquer all the odds.’ But many times, love and affection alone are not enough to sustain a relationship.

You need other reasons like happiness, compatibility, peace of mind, comfort and mutual understanding to be in a longstanding relationship. When these facets of quality life go missing, a conscious call to overcome this so-called gloom of life is to break up and move on.

Related Reading: Does The No Contact Rule After Break Up Work?

When you are breaking up with someone you love, it is better to discuss changing priorities face-to-face. Instead of blaming them, tell them you want your own time and space. Or that you need to think about your future. First, there would be denial, shock and disbelief that they didn’t see a breakup coming their way. But remember, this decision will be in both of your best interests and your ex will eventually thank you for this hard step.

Help them accept the truth through an open and honest conversation. Your reasons for breakup are valid. Maybe your priorities are different, or you were feeling miserable because of this relationship. Maybe this courtship will not lead anywhere. Talking openly will help you both move on and break up more amicably.

Having received a newfound perspective and clarity about breakups, we hope now you will be able to deal with it in a clear and mature way. But still, if you are finding it difficult to move on, do not hesitate to contact our Bonobology counselors for personalized guidance on how to handle and overcome a breakup.

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