What do men want in a woman? Has a streak of bad dates or relationships that blow up in your face left you pondering this question? Or maybe you’re discovering that red lipstick, a cute sundress, and those high heels may be enough to attract a man, but they seem to want something more when it comes to forging a deep, meaningful relationship.

What is that something more? Love? Care? Affection? Sexual attraction? Well, what makes a woman special to a man can be subjective. However, a close analysis of male psychology and what they really want reveals that there are some common traits men seek in their potential partners. With the help of dating coach Geetarsh Kaur, founder of The Skill School, let’s try to unravel the mystery behind the needs of the male mind.

21 Things Men Want In A Woman 

What do guys look for in a woman they want to marry? The answer may vary for every man you ask this question to, but there are still a few things that are worth knowing if you’re trying to lock things down with a man you’ve caught feelings for or want to position yourself as a high-value woman for your dating prospects. In her experience as a dating coach, Geetarsh tells us all she has it straight from the horse’s…errr, men’s mouths, about things they don’t let out but still secretly want: 

1. Someone who doesn’t cling to them

“The biggest complaint of guys in relationships is that their “freedom” is snatched away once they’re in a relationship,” says Geetarsh, “They feel their partners act too clingy, constantly hovering around, and sometimes, the constant questions can end up feeling like the relationship is plagued with trust issues.”  

So, the next time your man tells you he’s spending Saturday night with “the boys,” try not to ask him for an itinerary. Personal space in a relationship is important for the health of your bond. Some time away will give you a chance to catch up on that show he hates watching anyway. 

Related Reading: The 18 Signs Of A Confident Man That Women Look For

2. Trust and security 

A relationship with no trust and security will constantly keep you on edge. You may even end up overthinking what that text from their “coworker” at 9 pm is saying because you’re so worried. “Perhaps the biggest thing men want in a woman is someone they can feel secure with, someone they can trust. When there’s a balance of faith, trust, and security, you’re able to maneuver freely in your relationship without ever facing a communication problem,” says Geetarsh.

“When there’s mistrust, the first casualty is always communication. And since that’s one of the most important aspects of the bond you share, the whole thing can go awry,” she adds. The biggest factor would probably be how comfortable and secure he feels with you. If it seems like either of you is walking on eggshells, something isn’t right.

3. Men love to be babied 

While men may put up a strong exterior because of years of social conditioning, they also crave being showered with love and affection, and being spoiled silly. When it’s just you and him, we bet all he wants is for you to cuddle the night away with him. When asked if men like to be coddled, Geetarsh responded without a moment’s delay, “Oh yes, they love it. It’s also a natural human emotion, to want to be pampered and cared for.”

“Men love to be mothered. It doesn’t mean you’re dating a man child, they like the care, the intimacy, the comfort, and the way it makes them feel about the relationship. Everyone wants to feel important. It’s not like he aspires to be a stoic ‘man’ of the house; you both have to be equal in your relationship, and the way you care for each other can be a great way to show that,” she adds.  

If this point has made you think that the answer to the question, “What do men want in a woman?” is someone who is like his literal mother, you’ve taken it too far. No, you don’t have to ask him if he ate well and is full after every meal; just showing that you care about him is all it takes. 

4. Men can often need a little more reassurance than you’d think

If you were to make a list of the things guys want in a relationship, a need for constant reassurance may even occur to you. Well, surprise, surprise. Men do need and desire reassurance from their partners. “Want to know the easiest way to make his day? Just text him, “I love you and you’re the only man for me. Since some men don’t talk about their emotions unless prompted, they want someone who reassures them of the faith and love they share. 

“Social conditioning makes men believe that they don’t need words of affirmation and that asking for it isn’t something they should do. He may not even be seeking validation, but a few kind words never hurt anybody. What men want in a woman is someone who can tell them with confidence that theirs is the only relationship that matters,” says Geetarsh.

5. Some who is easy going

Men admire, appreciate, and desire easygoing women. Now, when we say easygoing, we don’t mean easy to land, but someone who doesn’t make too much of a fuss about everything, from her looks to picking a restaurant for a date night. A woman is prepared to go with the flow, experience life as it comes, and is open to embracing new experiences with her partner by her side is like a breath of fresh air to most men.

Related Reading: What Women Want From Men: 10 Things That Can Change the Intimacy Game

6. Men want someone who looks after themselves 

Sure, the things a man looks for in a woman don’t completely rely on the physical aspect of things, but they do make a difference. You wouldn’t judge your first date too highly if they showed up in their PJs, without even making an effort to look presentable, right? 

“One of the most important things guys want in a woman is someone who works on improving themselves. Both halves of the relationship need to be their presentable selves, to be courteous, and to have a zest for life. Your partner should feel proud when they introduce you to friends and family. A relationship only progresses when they’re both trying to be better partners to each other,” says Geetarsh. The importance of the superficial tends to fade with time, but the zest for life is what continues to add excitement. 

7. Someone they can express their emotions with is what men want in a woman

What do guys look for in a woman they want to marry? They look for a person they feel comfortable sharing absolutely anything with, without the fear of being perceived as weak. “I asked one of my clients when was the last time he cried. He replied, ‘I don’t remember, it has been years since I cried.’ It was quite heartbreaking to know that he hadn’t even felt that comfortable with his peers and family. Often, men have a hard time expressing their emotions,” says Geetarsh.

So, they appreciate having someone in their life who helps them get past these inhibitions that have been so deeply hard-wired. Let him know his emotions are normal and natural, and that he isn’t being judged for accepting that some things might be troubling him. A simple “I know, that must have been so hard to go through,” may well be all he needs from you. As you can probably tell by now, the things guys want in a relationship aren’t too complicated. Sometimes, all he wants is just someone to be himself with. Honestly, it’s one of the essentials of a relationship.

8. Men want someone who’s bold and fearless, but not overpowering

“What men want in a woman is boldness without a need to overpower. When it comes to taking on the role of a boyfriend or a husband, a large percentage of men would want their women to be rather submissive. Due to the societal conditioning, most men want this without even realizing it,” says Geetarsh. Just because he might want someone who’s a bit submissive doesn’t mean you have to be. Plus, let’s not forget that the qualities of a good woman can be largely subjective. 

Related Reading: 15 Best Places To Meet Men (Out Of Dating Apps)

9. Being empathetic is an absolute need in every relationship

Being more empathetic in your relationship can be the difference between having a loving and understanding dynamic or one that’s constantly on the cusp of disaster. Though they may not say it much, empathy ranks high on the list of what makes a woman special to a man.

“I’ve often seen that when there’s a communication gap in the relationship, the woman might end up saying things like, “You don’t talk to me, you don’t communicate properly.” It might not be that the communication is suffering, it’s just also entirely possible that she’s truly unable to understand what he’s saying. Being able to understand what he’s saying and relate to it is the best communication tactic you can deploy. Instead of arriving at your own conclusions, be a bit more empathetic and accountable,” says Geetarsh.

10. What men want in a woman: Someone who makes them laugh

What guys want in a woman is a sense of humor. Now, you don’t have to be his “bro”, talking about the hilarious sports blunder that his favorite team made in the last match. A few inside jokes, a few instances of shared laughter, and a few lame puns can make him feel connected to you. What’s a relationship without a bit of playful banter, after all?

Related Reading: 17 Signs Of Sexual Tension You Cannot Ignore — And What To Do

11. Someone who matches his libido

If we were to pick the top 3 things guys want in a relationship, sexual compatibility would definitely make the cut. While it is incredibly important for any healthy relationship, it does not mean that the answer to “What do guys look for in a woman they want to marry?” always has to be someone who is incredibly sexually charged. Finding a balance between your libido and his is key. Hopefully, this is something that will fall into place on its own, but when there’s a visible difference between his needs and yours, it can impact the relationship quality significantly. 

12. Emotional intelligence

What do guys like in a girl? To the surprise of many, emotional intelligence. Men desire a partner who can understand their feelings and approach situations with empathy and maturity. For instance, any man would appreciate a partner who recognizes his need for space if he’s had a hard day at work. Someone who will give him time to come to her and open up about his struggles, and then offer support and care. That’s what emotional intelligence is all about. That, and knowing when to listen and when to give advice.

13. Respect for their independence

An understanding that needing space doesn’t mean pulling away is what every man wants in a woman. If he enjoys shooting hoops with his friends on weekends and his partner encourages him to pursue that interest instead of feeling insecure about him wanting to spend time away from her can be a breath of fresh air for a man. If he finds a woman like that, he’ll do everything in his power to make sure he doesn’t lose her. 

Related Reading: How To Balance Independence In A Relationship?

14. Shared values and life goals

“If a man is looking for a long-term relationship, he will seek more than just passion and chemistry. Being on the same page about values and life goals is a big part of what men seek in a potential partner,” says Geetarsh. Whether it’s views on family, finances, or career, having common ground helps build a solid foundation for the future, and that’s why it’s a strong contender for the top 3 things guys want in a relationship.

15. A sense of adventure

Men often crave fun and spontaneity and they seek a partner who is up for new experiences. Someone who will eagerly pack her bags when he suggests going away for the weekend to explore a new city or hiking, instead of giving him a laundry list of why that’s not a good idea or saying, “Let’s just stay home.”

16. Confidence

“Confidence is incredibly attractive. Men appreciate a woman who knows her worth and doesn’t seek constant validation from them,” says Geetarsh. This is one of the qualities of a good woman that most men will unequivocally agree on because it helps foster mutual respect in the relationship. So, they seek a woman who can walk into a room like she owns it, irrespective of whether she is dressed to the nines or in a messy bun and sweats. Someone who can rise to the challenges of life and navigate them almost single-handedly.  

17. Loyalty and commitment

Men also need to feel secure in a relationship, especially when they’re in it for the long haul, and that’s why loyalty and commitment are important to them. “Loyalty isn’t just about not betraying or cheating on one’s partner, it’s also about being each other’s rock and sticking together through thick and thin,” says Geetarsh. 

18. Intellectual compatibility

Imagine how boring life would be if you ended up with a partner you just cannot have stimulating conversations with! All the spark, sexual attraction, and romance can nosedive pretty quickly when your time together is filled with painful silences. That’s why men seek women who they can build intellectual intimacy with, someone who can challenge their ideas, offer a fresh perspective on things, and dive deep into conversations. 

Related Reading: 7 Ways To Build Loyalty In A Relationship

19. Playfulness

When life takes you through its hard or even mundane patches, playfulness helps you get through. That’s why a playful attitude and banter are among the things that men want in their partners. A woman who doesn’t take herself or life too seriously and laughs things off can bring joy into everyday moments, and that can be immensely attractive to a man. 

20. Support for their ambitions

If he’s thinking about switching careers, she listens to his perspective and encourages him to pursue his dreams. If he’s struggling at a toxic workplace, she eggs him on to make a switch. If he’s pursuing a new fitness goal, she becomes his biggest cheerleader. That’s the kind of woman every man dreams of having in his life—someone who offers him wholehearted support in a relationship as he pursues his ambitions and dreams. 

Related Reading: The 8 Commandants Of Open Communication In A Relationship

21. Honesty and open communication

I know what you may be thinking, “Men and communication? Haha!” While it’s true that most men are not adept at expressing emotions, they do value a woman who’s upfront about her needs, desires, and intentions. If something’s bothering her, she doesn’t bottle it up and let resentment fester but initiates a dialogue about it, explaining her feelings, without anger, blame-shifting, or accusations. This kind of openness makes him feel secure and understood. When he receives that, he may just surprise you with how well communicates.

Final Thoughts

So, there you have it. If you were racking your brain about just what the guys are looking for, hopefully, this list of what men want in a relationship has given you a fair idea. Even so, we hope you’re not going to change yourself too much in an attempt to cater to what he might be looking for. At the end of the day, things will fall into place organically.

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