Nivedita, my childhood friend, called me in the midst of a hectic workday, sounding pretty excited. “Guess who I found?” she gushed. I wasn’t in the mood to play the guessing game. But not wanting to play spoilsport, I reeled off some names.
“It’s Parth,” she said, still excited, “Do you remember him?” How could I forget? Parth was her ex-boyfriend who had broken her heart. Nivi’s parents were eager to get her married, but Parth wasn’t ready to commit till he got a job. He had let her go without a fight. She was now married for more than 8 years with a 7-year-old daughter.
Facebook flirting
Table of Contents
“Don’t you want to know the juicy bits?” she asked, surprised by my silence. “Of course,” I said, “Fill me in.” Whether I wanted to know or not, I knew she’d give me the details anyway!
“Parth found me on Facebook! He was so happy to be back in touch! And you know what he said? That I look hot! And,” she continued, “He was sorry he let me go. He’s been flirting with me since,” she giggled.
“Curiosity about an ex isn’t betrayal; it’s an opportunity to reflect on how far you’ve come.”
“How can you be excited about this?” I fumed. She had been a mess after the heartbreak. “Thinking of it now, maybe I never got over him.” She sounded quite sad as she said that.
Related reading: 9 things about the female orgasm you didn’t know that you didn’t know
A stifling marriage
I knew Nivi and her husband Karthik were going through a rough patch in their marriage. Her mother-in-law had refused to let Nivi have a career. Karthik was a workaholic. While she craved time alone with Karthik, her daughter’s playground was her only outing. To me, this involvement with Parth seemed like a rebound relationship. “See, I know you and Karthik are having issues…” She cut me off.
“An ex returning is a test of commitment, but also a chance to deepen love and trust.”
“C’mon, I’m not going to run away with Parth. It’s harmless.” “As long you are friends, I guess, it’s fine,” I said. “Parth’s so lonely, his wife is working onsite in Philadelphia,” she added as an afterthought. The audacity of the man! How could Nivi be so naïve not to see through his intentions? I put my thoughts into words this time but it only made her angrier.
Related reading: 5 signs that your partner may be cheating on you – warning signs we all ignore
It’s not like that!
“You don’t understand,” she said, “I’m sure Parth still likes me. He listens to me when I speak and notices what I wear. He supports his wife’s career decisions. Has Karthik ever supported me? Does he ever notice how I look? He wouldn’t realise if I had a face transplant.”
Her ex-boyfriend was giving her the attention she craved. But he had also broken her heart once and I was afraid he would do it again. I tried to assure her it wasn’t true, and that Karthik did care about her. I wanted to talk her out of this relationship she was building with Parth again. But she laughed away my concern. I wondered if I was being judgmental.
Related reading: 6 reasons why women have an affair
Temptation knocks
A few weeks later, she called me again.
“I need your advice,” she said. “Parth says he loves me. He says we should give our relationship another chance.”
Exactly what I had been dreading! “What do you want to do?” I asked her. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be asking you.” “Why don’t you ask him to get a divorce? That way you can be sure he’s committed this time.” She seemed to agree. “So, should I get a divorce too?” “Do you want to?” I asked. I hoped she’d say no. “I’m not sure,” she said. “I don’t hate Karthik, though I hate the way he treats me. But I can’t stop thinking if I would have been happier with Parth.” After a longish conversation, I was happy she wasn’t contemplating divorce.
“Nivi, you have known Karthik for much longer than you have known Parth, haven’t you? Karthik may not say it the way Parth does, but doesn’t your heart know who loves you more?” “But what if Parth does too?” “Check it out, then.”
The same old story
A day later, she called me again.
“I was such a fool!” she cried. “I asked Parth to get a divorce from his wife and do you know what he said?” she gasped. “He said, ‘Whoever said anything about getting married? Let’s stay this way. No strings attached.’ Can you believe it?” “Yes, I do,” I said sympathising with her. “All he wanted was an affair!” I let her vent all she wanted.
But I was glad she had gotten over this initial hurdle, making the right decision at last. She still had to work it out with Karthik, but I was sure she’d tide over some day.
FAQs
1. Is it common for old feelings to resurface when an ex reappears?
Yes, it’s natural for unresolved emotions to surface, especially when an ex reenters your life. Those feelings often reflect nostalgia or curiosity rather than a desire to rekindle a relationship.
2. Should I tell my spouse if I feel affected by an ex coming back?
Open communication is crucial in a marriage. Sharing these feelings in an honest but sensitive way can help build trust and provide reassurance. If handled maturely, it can strengthen the relationship rather than harm it.
3. How can someone tell the difference between nostalgia and genuine feelings?
Nostalgia often idealizes the past, focusing on selective, often positive memories. Genuine feelings consider the realities of the relationship, including why it ended and the growth that has occurred since then.
Final Thoughts
Love and relationships can be complicated, especially when the past unexpectedly comes knocking. When an ex reappears, it’s common to experience a mix of emotions – curiosity, nostalgia, or even a bit of doubt. However, these feelings don’t necessarily undermine a marriage; they can be an opportunity for reflection and growth.
If you or your partner are struggling with unresolved feelings, consider seeking relationship counseling to work through emotions healthily and productively. Our professional counselors are here to guide you through these complex experiences and help you rebuild trust and connection.
I Had An Affair With A Married Man And I Hoped For An Ever After…
Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.
Ask Our Expert
You must be Logged in to ask a question.
The author has narrated the nuances so well. Online flings will never work.
Yea..i missed out one important point.. It is not necessary that one gets that comforting shoulder to lean and to vent on every single time ..