If you’ve been struggling with dating, making romantic connections, or keeping a relationship, it’s only natural to wonder if something about you drives romantic prospects away. Consumed by self-doubt, you may find yourself spending a lot of time mulling over the question, “Why don’t girls like me?” 

Well, if this has been a pattern with you, some reflection and introspection can be helpful. After all, it’s not easy to deal with feeling rejected. Identifying if there’s something you’ve been doing to push women away might just help you embark on a journey of self-growth and improvement, and ultimately, break free from this painful cycle of loneliness and isolation. Let’s take a look at some possible reasons why women may not be attracted to you and what you can do to remedy the situation. 

9 Common Reasons Why Girls Don’t Like You

Dating is hard as it is, and this emotional rollercoaster can turn brutal when it seems like you’re reliving the exact same experience over and over again—women you’re interested in not vibing with you. It can crush your self-esteem and leave you feeling like you’re not good enough, which can, in turn, make you more desperate for a romantic connection. 

Remember, Howard Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory, who kept hitting on any woman who cared to give him a second glance and also kept striking out. Needy, desperate, sexually frustrated, and crass, he was the quintessential walking talking red flag in the early days of the show—and also miserably alone. But when he met the right woman, he changed his ways to win her over and went on to have a successful, lasting relationship, culminating in marriage, two kids, and a trip to space. Talk about character growth!    

Apart from the fact that I am a TBBT nerd, what does this little story tell you? That there might be things you’re doing (or not doing) that could be turn-offs for girls you’re trying to win over. But here’s the good news: identifying these patterns is the first step toward breaking them. Let’s dive in:

1. You’re too self-centered

Sharing a bad first-date experience, Sarah, 23, says, “I went out with a guy who kept talking about his workout routine for 30 minutes straight and didn’t let me get a word in edgewise. I was so bored that I bailed claiming I was too tired.” Has something similar happened to you, where your date left mid-way, leaving you once again grappling with the question, “What did I do wrong now? Why don’t women like me?”

Well, if you tend to hog the conversation, turning it into a long-winding monologue instead of an effort to get to know your date better, it may make you come across as self-centered. While I get that when you’re dealing with first-date nerves, it can be easy to settle on a conversation topic that feels comfortable, you cannot talk endlessly about your achievements, hobbies, and opinions and not ask your date a single question that makes her want to engage with you. 

Dr. Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and relationship expert, explains, “Mutual interest is essential for building connection. When one person dominates the conversation, it feels less like a dialogue and more like a monologue.” The next time, instead of saying something like, “Let me tell you the best way to optimize your workout routine,” try asking, “What’s a song that always puts you in a great mood?” 

2. You come across as arrogant

Confidence is attractive, arrogance is not. If you’re constantly bragging or putting others down to make yourself look better, it’s a major red flag and can put your date off. Relationship coach Matthew Hussey points out, “True confidence isn’t about showing off; it’s about showing you’re secure enough to lift others up.”

For instance, telling the woman you’re with that you’ve “never met someone as interesting as you” makes you come across as confident. But if you express the same sentiment as “Most women are so boring, you’re a refreshing change,” it’s a classic example of negging that makes you come across as arrogant. If you’ve been trying to get out of the rut of bad dating experiences, it’s important to know the difference. 

3. Poor hygiene or grooming

Not paying attention to basic hygiene and grooming can also be why women don’t seem to like you. No one wants to sit across the table from someone who smells like they’ve skipped deodorant for three days or showed up in a wrinkled shirt and flip-flops because they’re trying to play it cool. 

According to a study published in the Social Behavior and Personality journal, good grooming signals respect for oneself and others, which plays a big role in attraction. No matter how interesting or accomplished you are, your personality alone will not carry you through. You need to pay attention to the basics—clean nails, fresh breath, a good scent, and a well-put-together outfit.

4. You lack ambition or direction

Now, by lack of ambition or direction, I don’t mean that unless you’re a CEO or consumed by the hustle culture, you cannot find yourself a romantic partner. However, not having clear goals and a drive, makes it seem like you’re drifting through life aimlessly. This lack of purpose can make you unattractive, despite your accomplishments. 

The next time you’re thinking about first-date conversation topics, talk about the things you’re passionate about or working toward—it could be a class you’re taking to upskill or a project at work. But circling back to my first point, remember when to stop. Don’t monopolize the conversation by going on and on about these things just to showcase your zeal and drive. 

Related Reading: How Being Clingy In A Relationship Can Sabotage It

5. You’re overly clingy or needy

My friend, Liam, who’s been having a bit of a rough go at dating, recently asked, “Can you tell me what attracts a woman to a man? Because I’ve tried and tried but things just don’t progress beyond the talking stage or a couple of dates. Have the women set the bar too high or is it me?” When I inquired what brought this on, he shared, “Just another girl ghosting me,” and then proceeded to show me their text exchange. He had messaged this girl he has been talking to,  “Good morning, beautiful,” and followed it up an hour later with, “Are you ignoring me?” She promptly blocked him.

Does that sound like you? Do you end up double texting or worse, inundating her inbox with a barrage of messages if she doesn’t respond to one text? Do you constantly fish for reassurance that she likes you? Well, this neediness screams insecurity and could be the reason why girls don’t seem to like you. Clinical psychologist Dr. Andrea Bonior says, “Healthy relationships thrive when there’s a balance between closeness and individuality. Being overly clingy disrupts that balance.” So, give her space to miss you. It shows that you’re secure in your skin and know your worth. 

6. You don’t respect boundaries

Another possible reason behind your lack of dating success could be a disregard for boundaries. Whether it’s invading a woman’s personal space, oversharing too soon, or pushing her into decisions she’s not ready for, crossing boundaries is a surefire way to make her lose interest.

For instance, if the woman you’re dating says she’s not ready to meet your friends yet, respect it. Pushing her to “prove she’s serious” will only backfire, resulting in her dumping you and you wallowing in self-pity and wondering, “Why don’t girls like me?”

7. You lack emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence—understanding and managing emotions—is a key aspect of intimate relationships. If you struggle on that front, you may inadvertently end up dismissing or invalidating a woman’s feelings, making her take a step back and leaving you wondering, “Why don’t girls talk to me?”

For instance, if a woman you’re dating or have been talking to confides in you about being nervous ahead of a big presentation at work, and you make light of her situation, saying something like, “It’s no big deal,” she may feel hurt and invalidated. Naturally, she wouldn’t feel comfortable opening up to you and may start taking a step back. This can make the connection erode even before it has been firmly established. 

8. You don’t take initiative

A lack of initiative in taking a romantic connection forward or indecisiveness about how you want to connect with a romantic prospect makes you come across as either uninterested or passive, and neither is an attractive quality in a man. “Taking initiative shows confidence and a willingness to invest in the relationship,” says dating coach Maria Avgitidis. So, the next time when planning a date, instead of saying, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”, try, “How about dinner at that new Italian place at 7? Sounds good?”

Related Reading: The 10 Biggest Turn-Offs For Women

9. You’re too negative

Yes, I get it. The world is going to sh*t. Rising intolerance. Doomed planet. Wars. Conflict. Ugh! Is complaining going to fix any of that? But being cynical or focusing on what’s wrong with everything can, surely, suck the energy out of the room and leave your date planning her exit strategy. Positivity, on the other hand, is infectious.

Why not treat the prospect of finding love and companionship in a world full of toxic jobs, nasty exes, and terrible weather as a ray of hope and nurture it with whatever ounce of positivity you can muster? Or at least not sabotage it with your negative take on everything between the earth and the sun?

7 Simple Tips On How To Get Girls To Like You

I hope, by now, you’ve found the answer/s to your quandary of, “Why don’t women like me?” The next order of business is to help you figure out how to get a girl to like you. When you’ve been stuck in an endless loop of failed attempts at romantic connections, this can feel like decoding a mystery novel. However, it’s really not that complicated. The key lies in being genuine, respectful, and confident in your skin. Allow me to simplify it for you with these seven tips to get women to like you back:

Related Reading: The 18 Signs Of A Confident Man That Women Look For

1. Be confident, not cocky

Confidence is attractive because it reflects self-assuredness and shows that you’re comfortable in your skin whereas cockiness stems from a place of insecurity and a need to try too hard to impress. If you want to get women to like you, you need to work on cultivating the former.  

“Women are drawn to men who project confidence because it signals emotional strength and stability,” says Hussey. Now, confidence doesn’t mean having all the answers. It’s about owning who you are. A simple smile, good posture, engaging conversation, and steady eye contact go a long way in making you come across as confident. If you don’t spend all your time blowing your trumpet or mansplaining, that’s a cherry on top. 

2. Listen and be present

If you want to learn how to connect with women, master the art of active listening. Women appreciate when you genuinely listen instead of just waiting for your turn to speak. Renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Being an attentive listener builds emotional intimacy and trust.”

And how do you do that? By giving a woman your undivided attention when she’s talking to you and taking a genuine interest in what she has to say. For instance, if she’s sharing a story about her day, don’t interrupt or zone out. Nod, ask follow-up questions, and validate her feelings.

3. Have a sense of humor

If you want to build a genuine connection with a woman, make her laugh. Relationship expert Esther Perel explains, “Humor creates a sense of playfulness and can help diffuse awkward moments.” So, laughter can be your most potent tool when you’re trying to figure out how to attract women. Now, this doesn’t mean rolling out punchlines and jokes all the time. You’re not a stand-up comedian performing for an audience.

Just let your natural wit shine through and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. Mike, 26, shares a story of how he turned around an awkward situation on a first date with a girl he really liked, “I was nervous about the date because I really liked her and ended up spilling coffee on my shirt. But instead of getting flustered, I just laughed and said, “Eh, that’s more my color anyway.” I laughed, she laughed, the ice was broken, and we went on to chat for 4 hours after that.” 

Related Reading: How Often Should I Text Her To Keep Her Interested?

4. Take a genuine interest in your date 

If you want to avoid the “she’s not into you” vibe, be into her. Take a genuine interest in getting to know her. Ask questions about her passions, dreams, and opinions. Shows her you value who she is as a person, not just how she looks. For instance, instead of generic questions like, “What do you do for work?”, ask something specific like, “What’s the best part of your job?” This opens the door for deeper conversations. Explaining why this is important, Dr. Orbuch says, “Interest and curiosity about someone else are forms of validation. They show you care,” 

5. Respect boundaries

Ethan, a graphics designer, shares, “On my second date with my current girlfriend, I assumed she’d be open to sharing a dessert, causally grabbed a spoon, and dug in. But she told me she wasn’t comfortable sharing food. I apologized earnestly and ordered her a new one.” Two years in, they’re still together and Ethan’s girlfriend considers his willingness to listen and adjust as one of his best qualities that strengthen the relationship.

Now just imagined what would’ve happened if Ethan had disregarded her discomfort as trivial or irrational and proceeded to enjoy the dessert. It would have been the end of their dating story. This is just one example that shows respect is non-negotiable. Whether it’s physical, emotional, or conversational boundaries, showing you respect her space and decisions will earn her trust.

6. Focus on personal growth

Instead of wondering how to attract a woman physically or beating yourself up about not being able to date successfully, refocus on yourself. Find your passion, be it toward your hobbies, work, fitness, or other life goals, and dedicate yourself to it. This doesn’t mean that you need to put your dating life on hold. 

Sure, go out with people, date, meet new women, talk, text. But when you focus on becoming a better version of yourself at something you’re passionate about, your dating experience will shift as well. You will notice that you no longer try too hard to impress the women you go out with, and yet, they seem drawn to you more than ever. 

7. Be kind and respectful to everyone

How you treat others says a lot about who you are. Women notice the way you interact with waiters, strangers, and even animals. Small gestures—holding the door, saying “thank you,” or showing patience—can leave a lasting impression. One of the easiest ways to get girls to like you is to become an empathic and kind person, who is respectful toward everyone around, irrespective of who they are or what they do for a living. Kindness and respect are universally appealing. 

Final Thoughts

Nobody’s perfect, and that’s okay! The fact that you’re aware that there may be certain aspects of your personality that could be pushing women away is the first step toward building stronger connections. At the end of the day, being authentic, respectful, and confident is your best bet for making any girl see what a great guy you are. So, keep doing the work necessary to break away from notions of mind games and manipulation as well as unhealthy behavior patterns, and learn to show up as your authentic self, there’s no reason why you can’t get past this stumbling block in your dating life. 

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