During my journey as a web blogger, I have had the opportunity of editing several articles that speak of extramarital relationships liberally. People often talk about falling in love with someone other than their spouse with ease. Yet, the traditional and orthodox norms of monogamy tend to pull them back to the folds of marriage. One the one hand they are tempted by the thrill of pursuing pleasure with a new person, on the other, they’re tethered to the security of a stable relationship.
Even so, the incidence of extramarital affairs is on the rise. Or people have become of vocal about it today. So what has brought on this change? Is adultery no more a crime? Are the societal norms on extramarital affairs are changing? Or is there love in extramarital affairs?
Societal Norms on Extramarital Affairs are Changing?
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Well, queries and confessions surrounding extramarital relationships are not a novel concept. They have been prevalent in society for decades now. Segments on infidelity documenting personal problems relating to extramarital affairs have enjoyed prized popularity in magazines and newspapers. However, queries, confessions, or counselling posts were primarily published as anonymous or with a changed name. Things are changing now; the shame and secrecy surrounding affairs are diminishing. Could this mean societal norms on extramarital affairs are changing, or is it simply that people are more honest these days?
There are five major reasons for the increased acceptance of extramarital affairs in Indian society.
Related Reading: The secret behind how extramarital affairs start and how they end
1. We’re surer of our desires
People nowadays are more in touch with their inherent desires, and thus, willing to reject the social constructs which obstruct their pursuit of these desires, both emotional and physical. With adages like YoLo (You Only Live Once) becoming the mantras to live by, people no longer want to lead a life of unfulfilled desires sacrificed at the altar of matrimonial harmony and parental duties. Thus, an infatuation or attraction can lead to an affair with less hesitation and fear about the consequences.
2. A search for love and emotional connect
With hectic routines and busy lifestyles, more and more couples experience a distance creep into the relationship, leaving them feeling lonely in a marriage. The need for emotional connection and validation can be as compelling a reason to follow through on that compelling attraction one’s feelings for a person outside their marriage.
So, is there love in extramarital affairs? Yes, love or emotional attachment is an element as common as lust in extramarital affairs. A renowned therapist and author Esther Perel described the key constituents of infidelity as: “An affair brings together three key elements: a secretive relationship, which is the core structure of an affair; an emotional connection to one degree or another; and sexual alchemy.”
3. Adultery is no longer a crime
Is adultery no more a crime? Yes, in 2018, the Supreme Court of India, in a landmark judgment, suck down a colonial law dating back 158 years that treated adultery as a criminal offence. The old law viewed a man engaging in sex with a married woman – without her husband’s consent – as the abettor of a crime and the woman, a victim.
“Affairs often start not with lust, but with the need for understanding, validation, and attention.”
A five-judge bench of the apex court ruled that law as unconstitutional, arbitrary and archaic. The judgment stated that women should be treated as an equal in a marriage and a husband cannot be seen as the wife’s master, which renders the perpetrator and victim dynamics redundant.
This not only reflects a change in societal norms on extramarital affairs but also emboldens that desires of anyone looking for sexual or emotional gratification outside their marriage.
4. An opportunity to spice things up
When people talk about reasons for extramarital affairs, the desire to spice things up and experience something new features as a common theme. This desire, coupled with the ease to connect with people socially, is an underlying reason behind extramarital affairs becoming more commonplace today.
- Try New Activities Together: Explore new hobbies like dancing, cooking classes, hiking, or even a new sport to bring excitement and shared experiences to your relationship.
- Surprise Each Other Regularly: Small surprises like a handwritten note, an impromptu date night, or a favorite meal can add an element of fun and thoughtfulness to the routine.
- Plan Spontaneous Getaways: A last-minute weekend trip or even a staycation can provide a change of scenery and the chance to reconnect away from everyday life.
- Engage in Playful Flirting: Rekindle the spark by sending flirty texts, compliments, or teasing each other playfully, just like you did when you first started dating.
You can re-connect with a high-school sweetheart or an old crush on social media, or meet a like-minded stranger through work or in a bar. Things just take off from there. The privacy accorded by mobile phones and text messages makes it possible to pursue an affair from the comfort of one’s home, even sitting next to one’s spouse.
Related Reading: 10 Common Marriage Reconciliation Mistakes To Avoid After Infidelity
5. Lifestyle changes
Changing lifestyles are also a big factor fuelling the rising incidence of extramarital affairs. Being away from one’s partner for long durations due to work is now more common than ever. Add social outings and partying to the mix, and the likelihood of acting on impulses or releasing pent up sexual energies with a night of passionate indulgences increases manifold.
Related Reading: Surviving An Affair – 12 Steps To Reinstate Love And Trust In A Marriage
Can Extramarital Affairs be Beneficial?
Considering the growing acceptance around these liaisons in society, it is only natural for one to wonder – Can extramarital affairs be beneficial? Most relationship experts and therapists specializing in couple’s therapy would agree that extramarital affairs can deal a near-fatal blow to marriages, many of which fail to bounce back from this abyss of broken trust.
However, if your partner is not rigid about the notions of monogamy or you can keep you’re the affair concealed for the long haul, an extramarital affair bring some surprising benefits to your marriage.
FAQs
1. Why are extramarital affairs becoming more common?
“I had a friend who often felt lonely despite being married. With busy work schedules and a lack of emotional support, she found herself confiding in a colleague. It started as friendship but grew into something more, filling a void she felt in her marriage.”
The rise in affairs can be attributed to emotional disconnect, unmet needs, stress, and the ease of connection through social media. As life becomes busier and couples struggle to maintain intimacy, some turn to outside relationships for fulfillment.
2. Are all extramarital affairs purely physical?
Not all affairs are physical; many are emotional. Emotional affairs can be just as damaging, as they involve sharing intimate thoughts, emotions, and secrets with someone other than a spouse, often leading to deeper feelings of betrayal.
3. How do I know if my marriage is at risk of an affair?
If there is emotional disconnect, lack of intimacy, constant fighting, or feeling unappreciated, your marriage might be at risk. Early signs include growing secrecy, reduced communication, and an emotional distance between partners.
Final Thought
Extramarital affairs often stem from deeper issues within the relationship—be it emotional disconnect, unmet needs, or the search for validation. While affairs can cause immense hurt and betrayal, they can also serve as a wake-up call for couples to address unresolved issues. Rebuilding after an affair is difficult, but not impossible, and with honest communication, commitment to change, and sometimes professional help, couples can work toward healing and strengthening their relationship. Book a session with our therapists and begin the journey to a healthier relationship.
Confession Story: How I Dealt With Having An Affair With My Boss
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This is true more so due to changed lifestyle and people tend to look out ways to come out of monotonus life and trying to capture the opportunities that gadgets and social atmosphere allows two induviduals to get connected matching the choice and lkings.