Leo Tolstoy once said, “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.” And not just marriage, compatibility plays a crucial part in cementing the bond between partners at every stage of a romantic relationship. It’d make sense that we attach just as much importance to compatibility as we do to that heady rush of feelings, right from the get-go. To that end, we have compiled 7 early signs of a highly compatible relationship that are pivotal in determining whether or not two people in love can build a stable, enduring bond. 

We’re not the only ones making this claim. Research has proved that compatibility is key to the success of long-term relationships. This is, perhaps, why every couple finds themselves toying with the question, “How compatible are we?”, at some point or the other. Well, the sooner you have an answer, the better. Right? 

To find the answers and understand the things to look for in a relationship to ensure compatibility, we have collaborated with our expert counselor Dhriti Bhavsar (Master’s in Psychology, specializing in Clinical Psychology), who deals in counseling for relationships, pre-marital issues, LGBTQ issues, and breakups.

What Is Compatibility In A Relationship?

Everyone’s understanding what is compatibility in a relationship can be different. For some, compatibility can be about shared interests and goals. To others, it can be about similar likes and dislikes. Others still may attribute it to understanding and empathy. In fact, a study on compatibility indicates that different couples have different ideas of stability and it may actually be a combination of “super-cooperation among partners,” “convenience,” and “constriction”.

While compatibility can mean different things to different people, there are some yardsticks that ascertain how compatible two people can be together. According to a study, adults look for 24 dimensions of long-term compatibility—some of them being intellectual compatibility, emotional compatibility, compatibility of morals, and lifestyle compatibility—while searching for a partner. 

Related Reading: 15 Characteristics Of A Healthy Relationship

Dhriti explains, “Compatibility most often shows up in relationships in the form of shared values, enjoying your partner’s company, and the feeling that you relate to them – like they understand you and you understand them. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to share hobbies and interests. Being compatible with your partner means you have enough in common to be comfortable with each other and work through problems together.” 

She cites honesty as an example. Now, this trait is quite important when it comes to conflict resolution. When one partner shares their feelings honestly about a conflict, the other partner needs to provide a safe space to hold that honesty. A few other such qualities are shared values, communication, and mutual respect. For more clarity on whether you are compatible with your partner, you can take our relationship compatibility test:

7 Early Signs Of A Highly Compatible Relationship

A Reddit user had a very interesting take on compatibility. Here’s what they said: “Communication. Similar goals, morals, and sexual desires are important, but being able to discuss these things with your partner is just as important. Every couple hits bumps, has arguments, and runs into issues. The ones that stay together are the ones who work together to solve the problems and make compromises to ensure that both sets of needs are met.”

There’s more to compatibility than being a dog person or a cat person, or loving the beaches or the mountains. More importantly, when two people decide to be with each other, they need to look for some relationship compatibility beyond the flimsy or superficial signs. 

Related Reading: Am I Sexually Compatible With My Fiancé?

And the earlier you find out whether you’re compatible or not, the easier it is for you to decide whether you’re in it for the long run. Below, we have listed 7 early signs of a highly compatible relationship. So, read on and thank us later:

1. Shared values

One of the early signs of a good relationship is when you share the same values. When a whole generation thinks compatibility is all about which Netflix series you both like, it perhaps takes a little more than that to be able to continue a successful relationship. Dhriti says, “Partners need to have shared values on major things in life.” She lists out a few such factors: 

• Views on marriage
• Perspectives on how to raise kids
• Views on what’s most important in a relationship (commitment, trust, vulnerability, or compassion)

Casey, a 24-year-old writer, thought she found her match when she met Damien, a 30-year-old travel influencer, on Instagram. But soon, she found out that though they both loved travel and photography, Damien wanted to find someone and settle down, while Casey wanted to explore the world and not have kids anytime soon. This compatibility gap made them split, though they’re still friends now.

2. Mutual respect

Another extremely important of the 7 early signs of a highly compatible relationship is mutual respect. Dhriti says, “Having a positive regard for your partner and their experiences instead of feeling the need to judge, doubt, or demean them is a huge sign of compatibility.” This means that though you like sushi and your partner is vegan, you don’t need to demean or ridicule them for their choice. At the same time, you don’t need to change your food habits to suit theirs all the time. 

Related Reading: Importance of Respect In A Relationship

3. Similar long-term goals

The best test of relationship compatibility is when couples share the same long-term relationship and life goals. Similar life goals would mean:

• The timeline for settling down and having a family
• The priorities in life, that is, whether you wish to own a house or invest in a side hustle
• Whether both of you are fine with relocating to another city

4. A feeling of trust, safety, and being understood

Another of the 7 early signs of a highly compatible relationship is the feeling of safety. Dhriti says, “There is a lot of emotional security in being with someone who is compatible with you. You’ll also notice yourself feeling less insecure and anxious.” 

Explaining what compatibility in a relationship can feel like, Ray, a 35-year-old accountant from Texas, says, “Even though we have only started dating exclusively, I feel that my girlfriend is so compatible with me. I don’t just mean her taste in music or food. We have very similar life goals. She wants to launch a café in the hills, and I hate the life of hustle too and wish to live amid nature. With her, I have never felt the need to ponder over, “How compatible are we?” I am sure things will work out.” 

Related Reading: 8 Ways To Cultivate Emotional Safety In Your Relationship

5. Effective communication

Open communication is one of the early signs of a good relationship. In fact, a study calls communication “the heart of a relationship.” Dhriti says, “Communication is effective only where both sides feel heard and understood.” And what exactly is effective communication? Here are some instances:

• Both of you don’t blame or shame each other when it comes to conflicts and differences of opinion. You sit together and decide on a common solution
• You don’t resort to sarcasm or ridicule when you point out something that you don’t like in your partner. You tell them what’s bothering you, and vice versa, in a mature manner
• You ask questions to understand your partner’s point of view, and they do the same. You don’t assume or judge

6. You make each other feel supported

What is compatibility in a relationship? It’s the feeling of being supported. Support comes in many forms in relationships. And it’s not just about the support your partner offers when you’re going through emotional lows. Support can be a daily habit, just to let them know you respect their choices.

Dhriti says, “Healthy and compatible partners often become each other’s biggest cheerleaders, even if they may not share the same interests. If you and your partner are compatible, you don’t need to like everything they like, but you also understand when they are excited about something and share in their excitement.” Here are some instances:

• Your partner is super-excited about a soccer match. You are not interested in soccer, but you end up accompanying them to the match
• You’re a fitness freak and visit the gym religiously every morning. Your partner isn’t into fitness much but makes sure they remind you about your protein shake and pre-workout meals
• Your partner is a professional dancer and you’re a data scientist. You make sure you ask each other about each other’s professions, just to get to know each other. This shows both curiosity and support

7. You accept each other

The greatest test of compatibility is when you and your partner accept each other. Now, accepting doesn’t mean you end up ignoring each other’s flaws and don’t encourage each other to work on those flaws. 

Dhriti explains, “Acceptance in love is when you don’t feel the need to change everything about your partner. Sure, they may have certain annoying traits, but you love them just the same.”

Janice, a 40-year-old teacher, found her boyfriend’s dress sense quite loud. Every time they went out on a date, she would end up decked in pastel shades, while he would be in his gaudy oranges and neon greens. It annoyed her to bits, but the love was so deep that she didn’t feel the need to change his style. “Who am I to ask him to change his dress sense? Would I have liked it had he asked me to deck up in neons? I don’t think so. This is all about acceptance,” she wrote to us.

Infographic On Things To Look For In A Relationship

Now that you’ve had an overview of the 7 early signs of a highly compatible relationship, let’s give you a low-down on what to look for in a relationship to make sure it’s healthy. 

Final Thoughts

Here’s hoping that our list of the 7 early signs of a highly compatible relationship has helped you immensely in ascertaining whether or not you should be with your bae. 

The best bet, in case you’re still asking yourself, “How compatible are we?”, is to go for a relationship compatibility test to make sure you end up with the right one. After all, you should only invest your time and energy into something that is substantial and has potential for the long run.

17 Signs You Are In An Incompatible Relationship

How To Choose A Life Partner – 12 Expert Tips To Find The Best Mate

10 Ways To Build Your Relation After Getting Engaged And Before Marriage

Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.

See Our Editorial Process

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

What is your feedback?

×

Helpful Report an Error Other

Submit