It’s a reflection of deeper societal issues, including entitlement, toxic masculinity, and misconceptions around consent. Understanding and addressing these dynamics is essential for building healthier, more respectful relationships where consent is always prioritized, and mutual respect is non-negotiable.
The only things we teach our boys are persistence, ambition and determination
Table of Contents
You can’t discount or dis-acknowledge the fact that sex is the most primordial of experiences of human existence. And it’s the most basic, the most natural process of seeking satisfaction, reward and pleasure. And the mind, while it grows with the body, identifies desire without even understanding it. Purely because the mind has not gone through its own developmental stages to understand desire. Basically there is no need to understand desire per se. We begin to acknowledge desire as right and wrong much later, when the society and parents tell us how it is appropriate or inappropriate to express desire. So, if we, from the very beginning, teach our sons to approach everything they do with persistence, ambition and determination, how can the most basic of their experiences be devoid of it? It becomes a reward for them. And every ‘no’ is seen as another challenge that they must fight, conquer and persevere until they turn it into a ‘yes’.
Related Reading: Why And When A Man Avoids Eye Contact With A Woman – 5 Reasons And 13 Meanings
It’s got less to do with sex and more to do with power
Have you observed or felt how honking loudly on the road (even when there are no vehicles ahead) is nothing but a blatant display of sexual prowess? That’s what has to do with power. Being a man is almost always synonymous with being powerful. Even as parents we tend to make our children aware of this idea of power: Be a Man! Have some balls! Boys don’t cry!
Everything is about the idea of power. So, to take NO is to accept defeat.
And in a society like ours, friends and peers only condemn such defeats. That is exactly the reason why men have no concept of virginity, while women do!
“It’s not about persistence; it’s about respect. True intimacy begins with understanding.”
Related Reading: Emotional Abandonment In Marriage: Signs, Causes, And Ways To Cope
No means Yes
A lot of men would also like to believe that every ‘no’ by a girl in bed is coming out of a sense of arousal. No wonder so many men suffer from rape fantasies, because they feel that the woman says no under the pretext of wanting it more, and wanting it with coercion and roughness. Their own idea of being alpha and rough, finds projection in the ‘no’s of their women. And hence, the sick joke: she likes it rough, man!
Hierarchy in sex
For a lot of Indian men, the idea of role-playing is the only idea they have of kink! Where the man must be dominant and the woman must be a slave by default. This again emerges from what these men learn about being men from the society. The mere existence of physical strength, when it comes to men, is not enough. A display of that strength through ways of domination is more necessary – to identify as a man. Therefore, for a man to be anything other than the dominant one is nothing but pure shame. The woman automatically is considered hierarchically low! Sickening as it sounds, taking a ‘no’ in that case is being a chicken!
- Consent as the Foundation: At the base of any sexual interaction is mutual consent. Without clear, enthusiastic consent, no activity should proceed.
- Emotional Connection and Trust: Emotional intimacy and trust often precede healthy sexual relationships. Building this connection ensures that both partners feel safe and respected.
- Mutual Respect and Boundaries: Every individual has different boundaries and comfort levels in sexual activity. These boundaries must be discussed openly and respected without question.
- Communication is Key: Open dialogue about desires, limits, and preferences is crucial for a fulfilling sexual relationship. Miscommunication can lead to discomfort or misunderstandings.
- Mutual Pleasure and Satisfaction: Sexual relationships should prioritize the pleasure and satisfaction of both partners. It should not be one-sided; both parties’ desires matter equally.
Related reading: Why men can’t take ‘no’ for an answer
Romanticising persistence
Be it television or be it our novels. Every medium teaches men to be persistent, because it is believed that if they are, then the woman will give in someday and the universe will conspire to make her go to him. Which is absolute rubbish! It’s nothing but romanticising the whole idea of harassing a woman till she says yes. That attitude also finds expression in bed. When women say no, men only take it as a signal to boost their hollow self-confidence and tell themselves to keep at it, till she lets him in!
FAQs
1. What does ‘No means No’ actually mean?
It means that when someone says “no” to any form of physical or sexual activity, it must be respected immediately and without question. Consent must be clear, ongoing, and enthusiastic.
“Priya and Rahul had been dating for a few months when they decided to take their relationship to a more intimate level. But Priya was nervous about expressing her boundaries. One evening, Rahul sensed her hesitation and paused, asking her if she was comfortable with moving forward. That simple question opened the door to an honest conversation about their desires, limits, and what they both felt comfortable with. It strengthened their connection and made Priya feel safe, knowing that her boundaries were not only respected but prioritized. From that point, they maintained an open dialogue, making their relationship emotionally and physically fulfilling.”
2. Why do some men have trouble accepting ‘no’ in bed?
This often stems from societal conditioning, toxic masculinity, and misguided beliefs about entitlement in relationships. Some men may struggle with rejection, feel entitled to their partner’s body, or misunderstand the nature of consent.
3. How does society play a role in this issue?
Cultural narratives often glorify male persistence and dominance, while downplaying or invalidating women’s autonomy. These harmful stereotypes can lead some men to believe that “no” is negotiable or a challenge, rather than a firm boundary.
Final Thoughts
It’s a boundary that needs to be respected immediately and without question. Addressing these issues requires ongoing conversations about consent, gender dynamics, and how we can all work toward creating a culture of mutual respect in intimate relationships.
Men who struggle to accept “no” should take the opportunity to reflect on their beliefs around entitlement and intimacy. By understanding the importance of boundaries and learning to handle rejection with maturity, they can build stronger, more respectful connections. Book a session with our experts today to gain clarity, improve communication, and foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships.”
The girl said NO while making out…you will be amazed to know what the guy did next!
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No is a complete sentence.