A bad breakup has left me wary of dating again. How do I snap out of it?

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I’m a 35-year-old man. I went through a bad breakup a couple of months ago. I am in a state of look-the-other-way when I see a girl now. How do I snap out of this? How do I get back to normal life?

Deepak Kashyap says:

Normal is one word, which when expressed as a desire, can become a single most [restrict]important reason to feel inadequate and hence face a bit of low self-esteem, stress and confusion. You haven’t mentioned how long you had been with her, I’d imagine that it was long enough and you invested enough, for it to have the profound effect that it did, on you. So right off the bat, I would say it is normal for you to lament the loss of something that was so dear to you.

Now let’s talk about a possible plan for you to move on and restructure your romantic life. Normal as it is to experience sadness, one can easily spiral into a dysfunctional state that could have been avoided after the necessary time devoted to grieving and healing. In your case, you seem to have developed an irrational fear of dating again.

Related reading: 10 ways to deal with heartbreak

Learn to accept

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You will have to ask yourself a few questions after you have fully accepted your emotional and behavioural condition. By that I mean — going from ‘why is it me?’ and ‘why is it the way it is?’ to ‘it is me.’ And ‘that’s how I am feeling at the moment’. Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement or lack of desire to change things that are not working for you. For that change to happen, ask yourself the following questions, but please remember the non-judgemental and compassionate tone of the question is as important as the questions, if not more.

Am I still waiting and hoping she will come back?

If yes, what are the chances of that happening and is it even a wise choice given the reasons for a breakup?

Are you afraid of being single and want to get back with her or the next girl that comes around for wrong reasons?

Related reading: 11 Tips To Deal With Loneliness After Breakup And Find Support

Are you afraid of dating again and repeating the same fate of a painfully hard breakup?

All these questions have to be answered, and I can’t repeat enough, with a compassionate and non-judgemental tone in the privacy of your heart. If needed, do talk to someone you can trust or a counsellor you find a therapeutic relationship with.

All the best!
Deepak Kashyap

FAQs

1. Is it normal to feel scared of dating again after a bad breakup?

A bad breakup can leave deep emotional scars, making it natural to feel hesitant or even fearful about entering the dating scene again. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and give yourself time to heal.

2. How long should I wait before dating again?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends on your individual healing process. Some people need weeks or months, while others might take longer. Focus on rebuilding your self-esteem and emotional well-being before jumping back into dating.

3. What if I keep comparing potential partners to my ex?

Comparisons are common after a breakup, but they can hinder your ability to move on. If you find yourself constantly comparing, gently remind yourself that each person is unique and that your past relationship is over.

4. How can I overcome trust issues after being hurt?

Rebuilding trust takes time and effort. Start by focusing on self-trust and establishing healthy boundaries in new relationships. Communicate openly with potential partners about your past experiences and vulnerabilities.

Final Thoughts

Healing from a bad breakup and overcoming the fear of dating again is a process that requires patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to take risks. Remember that you deserve love and happiness, and that there are good people out there waiting to connect with you.

By focusing on self-love, reframing your perspective, and building a strong support system, you can gradually overcome your fears and open yourself up to the possibility of new and fulfilling relationships. Don’t let a past heartbreak dictate your future. Embrace the journey of healing and rediscover the joy of love. Our Experienced Therapists Offer Counseling book Your Session.

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