Blame it on the movies. Fed on a constant diet of romantic films, books, and TV shows, most people have a rather skewed idea of how the stages in a relationship work. You see, the path from one stage of the relationship to another runs smooth in such make-believe fantasies, and life is showcased to exist mostly without any hiccups. And even if problems crop up between the couples, rom-coms always have happy endings—engagements, weddings, family get-togethers—you name it, they have it. Unfortunately, reality does not always follow the same script.

But while every relationship charts its own route, which may not always be as smooth as it is in the early stages of relationship, some stages are common to all couples. So, how should a relationship progress? This article will throw light on the phases in a relationship most couples navigate and the relationship stages timeline for each, with expert insights from California-based psychiatrist and cognitive behavior therapist Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues. Read on to learn more about the various relationship development stages…

Stages In A Relationship Every Couple Goes Through

The different stages in a relationship—from attraction to companionate love—are interesting. But there is one basic premise about every love story: that love, per se, is not a destination but a journey. And at whichever point you may be on the journey now, there will be some obstacle or the other for you to overcome. The beauty of life and love is to face challenges with open arms, believe in yourself, and keep working toward countering the obstacles with positive actions.

Related Reading: 12 Clear Signs You Are Infatuated And Not In Love

Simply put, the stages in a relationship are often non-linear. Quite often after you go through all the stages, you might even find yourself coming back to square one! Likewise, how long couples stay in a particular stage of a relationship also varies, depending on the relationship dynamics. 

Relationships are individualistic and there is no one-size-fits-all timeline for a healthy relationship. Nonetheless, both experience and studies have led experts to believe that there are several common stages and timelines associated with them. So, here is our list of the relationship development stages, a look at the timelines for each stage, and some insights on how to navigate through each stage:

1. Attraction

This is the most prominent of all the phases in a relationship. In fact, this spells the onset of the dating phase and is the most crucial of the stages of a new relationship. You meet someone, your heart skips a beat and you want to meet him or her again. This is when a person moves on from infatuation and is attracted to someone seriously for some trait that is unique to them. There is a tendency to ignore or overlook the flaws of the other person and highlight the positive aspects.

Dr. Batra explains, “Attraction is the initial fiery, sparky dynamic that makes an individual feel drawn to another in the early stages of relationship. In fact, it is one of the principal stages of a new relationship. But interestingly, attraction is never just physical. The psychodynamics of attraction often include seeking in another what one is missing in one’s life.” She also charts out a few instances of such attraction:

• Someone not good at playing a musical instrument may get attracted to someone who is a musician because they love listening to music
• Someone may be attracted to an engineer because it was their childhood dream to be one and they somehow couldn’t be one

Relationship timeline for attraction

The timeline for this stage varies from person to person, just like any of the other relationship stages timelines. But most Reddit users have stated that they have experienced this phase anywhere from 6 months to a year, though it is characterized as one of the early stages of relationship.

Related Reading: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships – 10 Characteristics

How to navigate

Dr. Batra also gives us tips on how to navigate through this stage, which is one of the most interesting relationship development stages. She says, “Attraction could sometimes be misguided. It’s fairly easy to be attracted to somebody but immensely tough to keep the relationship going. Mere attraction does not keep a relationship stable. 

Nonetheless, she feels attraction is important because it paves the way for the remaining stages of the relationship. She adds, “In order to navigate this stage appropriately, it is nice to be mindful and aware of what you want and why you might want it.”

2. Euphoria

The next in the list of the different stages in a relationship is known as euphoria, which is the second stage of a romantic relationship. Ask anyone, and you’ll find them agreeing that the dopamine rush that the newfound connection in your life brings in is incomparable to any other. It is one of the most exhilarating stages of a new relationship and is also known as the honeymoon phase/stage.

And this can happen over and over again, no matter how many relationships you have been in. Dr. Lucy Brown and Dr. Helen Fisher have studied this ‘falling in love’ stage and have analyzed the brain activity of people in love for decades. Apparently, in this stage, the positives outweigh the negatives. 

Dr. Batra explains, “This is the happiest stage of the relationship, so to speak. This is when you feel your partner can do no wrong.” Here are a few instances of how you might feel in this stage:

• “Who cares if she snaps back at me sometimes? She’s so beautiful.”
• “He’s rude, but he must be stressed out.” 

Related Reading: A Rundown On The 5 Stages Of A New Relationship

So, this honeymoon stage is characterized by constant validation of your partner’s actions and feelings with your own (often illogical) justifications. And this is because of what Brown terms a “suspension of negative judgment.” This is due to a drop in the activity of the prefrontal cortex, which affects your judgment. The more the decrease in this activity, the more the relationship has a chance of lasting long.

Relationship timeline for euphoria

Dr. Batra says this stage continues for an average of six months to two years. 

How to navigate

Dr. Batra says, “Rarely does it occur that the couple remains in this honeymoon stage or even rekindles this initial passion many years into their relationship.” Brown mentions this has more to do with the individual than the relationship itself. On how to navigate through this stage, Dr. Batra suggests, “Don’t let euphoria cloud your reasoning, and don’t set the base for disappointment later. Always be reasonable and rational.”

3. Passionate love (Eros)

One of the most energizing stages in a relationship is when couples develop passionate, erotic love for each other, which is also the third stage of relationships. Dr. Batra says, “This passionate love stage is the most celebrated among the different types of love. It is what most romantics wish to have, fantasized by movies, novels, poems, and classic tragedies such as Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. The urge to be with the person who makes you feel breathless or go berserk if they get close to you, physically or emotionally, is paramount in this stage.”

This early attachment stage of passionate and romantic love/relationships is characterized by:

• A sense of urgency to be with them
• Impatience when the two are apart
• The need and want to be as close to the special someone as possible, be it through conversation or touch
• Intense emotions for each other

Dr. Batra likens this feeling to what Bella felt while waiting for Edward in Stephenie Meyer’s popular romance fantasy novel Twilight. In this context, social psychologist Elaine Hatfield perhaps described passionate love as the best. She said it is “a state of intense longing for union with another”. 

Related Reading: 30 ½ Facts About Love That You Can Never Ever Ignore

Relationship timeline for passionate love (eros)

The dating timeline for this stage can last from a few months to around a year. Again, this will vary from person to person and from relationship to relationship.

How to navigate

Dr. Batra tells us how to navigate through this stage that signifies marked progression of dating. She says, “Eros can be defined as physical love or sexual tension/desire. Some may even say that it’s more lust than love. It can be very addictive and alluring. However, as pleasurable as these feelings can be, there can also be downsides to such intense emotions.” 

For instance, In the Harry Potter series, Ron Weasley showcased his displeasure with Victor Krum quite vehemently when he went out with Hermione, hurting Hermione in the process. Dr. Batra says, “In this stage, it’s important to learn to control your feelings of all types towards anyone. Too much of anything can become toxic. So, you must focus on yourself and other people in your life apart from the person who may occupy your mind and heart.”

4. Commitment

So, you’ve probably fallen in love at first sight! After the honeymoon phase ends and erotic love cools down, the flaws in your partner become harder to ignore and you tend to be frustrated and angry often. Dr. Batra says, “This may create a tense atmosphere and cause you to question your whole relationship. You may wonder whether they really love you.”

All relationships go through challenges. Take, for instance, the relationship between Ross and Rachel in Friends, which went through its ups and downs. But what makes all the difference between makeups and breakups is the decision to be in a committed relationship despite the usual relationship problems. This is a mutual decision to build on trust and respect. This is when the ‘him/her and I’ turns into a ‘we’. And this is one of the most crucial stages of a relationship psychology.

Relationship timeline for commitment

Research states that the dating timeline for the crisis stage that eventually leads to commitment may last from five to seven years. 

How to navigate

Dr. Batra advises asking these questions before you commit or get to that crucial stage of relationship progression:

• Will you be able to accept this (a negative trait) about them? 
• Will you and your partner be able to get through a tricky situation?
• Will you be able to embrace change, if required, to be with your partner? 

However, she adds, “As much as you would like to get into a committed relationship, you shouldn’t sacrifice your own wants and choices for your partners’ just for the sake of the progression of dating. Instead, you should learn to compromise and make your choices together as a team and look out for one another.” The relationship now thrives on shared experiences. But at the same time, you should also not let go of your personal goals or neglect your family or loved ones.

Related Reading: 21 Dos And Don’ts When Starting A New Relationship

5. Companionate love

The last of the stages in a relationship, companionate love, is attained when two individuals, despite the loss of passion in their relationship, continue to show affection and maintain their commitment to each other after several years of being together. So, now, the focus is more on emotional connection than physical intimacy/passion. Couples focus more on mundane daily life than on dates and flowers. 

Dr. Batra believes, “This kind of love is the ‘end goal’ for most couples. This is a manifestation of the dream of ‘growing old together’ that most people want as they begin to start thinking of serious relationships with their partners. This is mostly characterized by a close friendship and understanding, along with being in tune with their existence. This is a phase where you can no longer imagine life without them.”

For instance, though Marie and Frank in the popular sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond seem like they can’t stand each other at times, they are perfectly happy being together and teasing each other. 

Related Reading: 15 Characteristics Of A Healthy Relationship

Relationship timeline for companionate love

This state of companionate love that showcases deep attachment beyond frivolity and physical love, and is based on mutual understanding, can take years to achieve and is one of the ultimate relationship development stages. For instance, some studies say this dating timeline can last for seven years and beyond, though each couple progresses to this stage at its own pace.

How to navigate

This is one of the most important stages of a relationship psychology and can only be attained once you commit to a relationship and keep committing to it even if you face an obstacle. Dr. Batra adds, “If you feel like your love does not feel companionate, don’t lose heart, everyone reaches these stages in their own time. So be patient and enjoy life in the present, as best you can, instead of focusing on the relationship progression bit. You may also try to improve communication and help your partner reach a comfort zone that will strengthen your bond.”

Infographic On The Stages Of A Relationship 

The stages of a relationship may not always be linear or chronological. Couples may go through phases where they revert to the earlier stages, based on their circumstances. This infographic will help you realize how the stages are interconnected. You will also perhaps realize which stage you’re currently in:

Final Thoughts

So, how should a relationship progress? And do these stages ensure the long-term success of a relationship? Well, there may be no set stages of a relationship, but studies have proved that all relationships go through some common stages. While the initial stage is that of infatuation leading to attraction, the relationship later progresses to the remaining stages: euphoria, passionate love, commitment, and companionate love. Couples who are resolved to be committed to each other go through all of these stages and, in turn, strengthen their relationship.

Hope this article helped you unearth all the stages in a relationship and you now know how to navigate through each with confidence. Hope you are now aware of the relationship stages timeline too. Nonetheless, it’s good to be aware that relationships require a lot of work. There may be power struggles, a need for open communication, effective conflict management, and a lot of effort in dealing with external factors. Nonetheless, what matters is how committed partners are to each other and to saving the relationship. 

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