I am in two minds at this stage of life as to whether or not to go ahead with an extramarital affair with a younger man. I’m Reshma, an artist, raised in a conservative South Indian Brahmin family by a strong feminist mother, married to a man who has a comparatively progressive mindset but is an extreme introvert and who just doesn’t seem able to express his feelings. We have a daughter, an adorable 6-year-old who we love dearly.
Affair With A Younger Man
Table of Contents
I am attracted to a younger man and I cannot stay away from him. I keep thinking if plunging into an affair with him would be the worst thing to do. But let me tell you my life story first before we talk about my affair with a younger man.
(As told to Irewati Nag)
I married Sriram about nine years ago. I was 23 then. Before Sriram, I used to be head-over-heels in love with Karanjeet. He was this hot and tall Punjabi boyfriend of mine who drove around the city on a Bullet and was a year my senior in college, but at least 4-5 years older.
When my mom got to know about my affair, she advised me to give him up. Although initially, I thought she was interfering and domineering; later on, I understood what she meant.
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My loser boyfriend
Karan was a loser. He was not good at studies, blew his dad’s money to take me around on his bike. I was and still am a candle-light-dinner, chocolates and roses loving person. I loved every bit of attention Karan showered on me. He was generous in giving me all the attention I needed, took me everywhere I wanted to, said the right things at the right time, and the proverbial sweeping-me-off-my-feet happened.
Slim, beautiful and with lovely long hair, I even won Ms Newcomer in my college. My friends and I were spared the torturous ragging routines many of my classmates had to go through because of Karan’s influence over other seniors.
I always knew that I was famous for being beautiful. Although I was not talkative and did not have many friends in college, people knew me. I enjoyed all the attention. I am shameless enough to admit the fact that I enjoy soaking in attention, find flirting tantalising, and above all, had a very outgoing personality.
So, after the unwelcome interference of my mom in my affair, she drove home the point that life can’t be lived with dad’s money. Her assessment of Karanjeet being from a male-dominated family also seemed to be true.
Now that I sit back and think, I know that I was stupid to have thought of him as my partner. My parents soon found Sriram through an arranged marriage route.
First, his parents came and met me. He did not reach me or call me before our wedding. I never got a response to any of the sweet romantic messages I sent to him. He now tells me that he was scared to reply to my words.
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The arranged marriage took place
We got married soon after my post-graduation, and I moved to a different city. My in-laws are reasonably good people. My mom had found a good match. Sriram had bought a two-bedroom house by the time he turned 25. His parents were well off and living separately, and they were okay with me wearing shorts, skirts and sleeveless tops (Yes, those things matter to me).
I could never tell Sriram about Karanjeet before marriage, never gathered the courage to say to him till date. Every time I meet my friends who are so open about everything, I feel a pinch of guilt. But I think Sriram will be super judgmental about my past. So, I have decided to take it with me to my grave.
My short weekend trip
The possibility of an extramarital affair with a younger man took off at this weekend trip. Recently, I went on a weekend trek with a popular holiday group in my city. Sriram is generous enough to give me some time off my daily routine life. He gives me space otherwise my life is very boring.
I don’t go out much, I have my studio at home, just manage my daughter, take her to her classes and school and feed her.
I want to start working, but do not have the drive enough to go out and look for it. So once in a while, I go on these short weekend trips.
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I recently met Sanjay on a trek. I smote him. Objectively speaking, I am mistaken to be a 22-year-old, while I am a decade older. I did not tell him initially about my background. I just went with the flow. But sooner it did come out in the conversation that I was 32 and had a daughter. He is 25, seven years younger. But does that matter? Older women younger men relationships do happen.
“Reshma, why the hell are you married?” was his first reaction when I told him. I could feel that he was depressed.
I am attracted to this younger man
We are always in touch now. I know that I blush while reading every message from him, like a teenager. I don’t want Sriram to see me blush, so I have instructed Sanjay to not message me after 8 in the evening.
My life has suddenly become exciting. I go out to meet him at his office, have an enjoyable lunch which usually lasts 3-4 hours. He gives me the time which my workaholic husband refuses to provide me with. My husband has no time for me so I ended up falling for a younger man.
When my husband is not in town over weekends, I go out pubbing with Sanjay. He is a fantastic dancer, and we have great chemistry while dancing.
I love salsa. He is good at it. I enjoy the intimacy salsa brings between us. I sometimes wish Sriram was Sanjay. I wish I was not in an extramarital affair with a younger man.
Sanjay has a superbike. We once went on a long drive in the rain. I could not help but get a little intimate with him. No, we did not have sex, but I admit that the temptation to have sex exists. I just have to say yes; guilt is stopping me. I think I am suffering from cheater’s guilt.
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Do I have to choose?
The truth is, I know I love Sriram, he has brought stability to my life, but he is too good a person. I would like it if he also did everything that Sanjay does to me. Sanjay doesn’t hesitate to show his love and affection in public.
Sriram doesn’t even touch me in front of a third person (also if that is our daughter) and he is not affectionate or romantic. Sriram has no time for me, and I know he slogs his ass off to make my life and my daughter’s life comfortable.
But I would like it if he could take me out to dinner, clubbing once in a while, play a little naughty and just show affection in all possible ways. But no, he will not. I want all of this, and I have no guts to express it to Sriram. So I have got attracted to someone else who is opposite my husband.
My extramarital affair with a younger man
Is it wrong to get attracted to someone willing to give me all that I want? Assuming I was to have sex with Sanjay, why is it illegal? Just because it becomes a cause for divorce? Or only because society has branded it wrong? Just because I sleep with Sanjay, it does not mean that I love Sriram any less. At this stage of my life, I am mature enough to differentiate between lust and love.
I know that my affair (I am not sure if I would like to brand it so) with Sanjay will not last long. I know that it is just the ‘Making hay while the sun shines,’ type of a situation. But I am not sure how this will end. For now, I am just going with the flow. I am immersing myself in my extramarital affair with a younger man and loving every bit of it.
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what a ugly justification ,you do not love somebody unconditionally you love on what they provide to you ,you just here is using your husband and have little bits of emotions for him because he provides you loves you not because you love him ,you sexually desire other person ,why your husband don’t desesrved to be desired sexually exclusively completely he is not a option ,if you don’t find him complete ,communicate fix or leave , he will get someone who will love him completelty try to fix things rather than treating him as option desiring other and saying ugly shit like i love him….
Wife who is a selfish, shameless, characterless crook who is heneous & takes pride in being used by others. Why dont they divorce and stay single. There are so many young crooked men available who will give women butterflies and every year she can enjoy with one after other till she reaches sixty years and satisfy her libido then go to hell for consequences. Some people are born to become whores under the name of affairs or one-night stands, live like animals even though get human body by fortune. Definitely her husband does not deserve a prostitute in the marriage.
If she says Love and lust are different then she can marry a prostitute & both can sleep with whomever they want and even earn pocket money also if they wish. Why she married a decent husband and preach Jnana. Disgusting such people should have borned in Arab countries so that people would have treated accordingly women like her. Disgusting and shameful.. what a pity on her husband & a son who has taken birth through such womb?
The above article is an example of how people take advantage of their naive and innocent partners.
I am quite ashamed to learn that you as a human being have no ethics. All you are doing is to give in to your pleasures for sex. You are cheating on Sriram and enjoying the stability that his hard earned money has provided for you. Think: your lover Sanjay would most likely not have touched you if you had a baggage with you in terms of financial support and a child to raise. He would not have been with you for even more than one day. He would not even be generous to spend his love nectar with you if there had been any baggage in your life.
Actually you are acting like a whore. Whores and hookers take money for sex. You are almost doing the same but with one customer Sanjay. And the person who is getting cheated for no reason is Sriram, whose libido is low because he is stressed out making money for the family, while his wife Reshma is whoring around.
You and Sanjay need to be publicly shamed.
It’s a very very difficult situation you are trapped in , firstly you are doing Justice to your Ownself undoubtedly by being with Sanjay and by being your ownself with him, you enjoy his company because he is giving you all what you expect from your partner to give like time ,fun, may be that closeness, talking naughty, taking out for a good date, bla bla, but darling the trouble comes where you are forgetting you have a daughter and Husband (Sriram) ,who is lost somewhere in between his work , you know it’s not just the society that is stopping you from moving forward with Sanjay it’s just your inner conscience ,your guilt that you might are doing something wrong and it is there because of Sriram who is a good husband may be in terms of giving you all the good food , clothes and expensive things may be ? But not his time & needed love & attention.
My suggestion to you is that extra marital affairs are never a good idea & can’t work long plus will give you a lot of mental stress. Either you leave Sriram & be yourself & happy with Sanjay or if you cannot do this Forget Sanjay but stay loyal to Sriram. “No one can ever cross the river sailing in two boats together”
Good luck ????
Says Angel
Good read.
Thanks for sharing
Best,
Kritagya Daarshanik (Haywire Chronology)