The term ‘situationship’ is relatively new in the dating landscape and its meaning is still somewhat vague. In fact, the one constant in all situationships is ambiguity. That is the main contrast in situationship vs relationship — clarity, or lack thereof.

To understand more about what is a situationship and relationship vs situationship differences, we contacted a California-based psychiatrist and Cognitive Behaviour Therapist, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues.

What Is A Situationship?

A situationship is an arrangement without any clear definition. You may hang out with your partner, even get intimate, but there is no label given to this partnership. It’s clear that you are more than friends, but are you girlfriend/boyfriend? If this seems like a complicated question then you might be in a situationship, not a relationship. 

This Reddit user perfectly encapsulated the answer to “What is a situationship?”. “It’s basically a casual dating type deal where one or both people are just kinda killing time till they find something better. Sometimes one of them isn’t aware that this is the case.”

“ A situationship is that deliciously confusing state between ‘just friends’ and ‘in a committed relationship.”

– Dr. Shefali Batra, psychiatrist

But then how do you identify if you are in a situationship? Here are some signs of a situationship as per Dr. Batra:

• You’re always “hanging out” instead of going on actual romantic dates
• Conversations about “the future” make one or both of you sweat and the topic is often avoided with sudden distractions like, “Oh look, a cute dog!” or “Let’s order nachos!”
• There’s a not-so-subtle lack of labels and terms like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” are taboo
• Your communication is inconsistent, with texts that are a roller coaster of emojis and silence — one minute flowing like poetry and the next disappearing like your phone just fell into a black hole
• Your bond is riddled with mixed signals — one day they’re all in, the next day they’re MIA, leaving you feeling like you’re playing a game of Clue figuring out what all the hints mean

Related Reading: 15 Signs A Commitment-Phobe Loves You

If these signs sound familiar, you’re probably in a situationship, not a relationship. But don’t worry, you’re not alone. SItuationships are quite common in modern dating and are not quite bad if you’re okay with the ambiguity and just want to enjoy the moment. Situationships may be confusing, but hey, they’re rarely boring! 

However, if you’re looking for a serious relationship, don’t waste much time before having the “What are we?” conversation to make your intentions clear and end things if their goals don’t align with yours.

What Is A Relationship?

A relationship, in its simplest form, is a connection between two people built on mutual affection, commitment, and shared experiences. It’s more than just a series of dates or a convenient way to have a Netflix buddy—it’s a space where two people navigate life’s ups, downs, and “should we get takeout again?” moments together. 

But how do you know if you’re in an actual relationship and not just stuck in another fancy dating lingo term? Here are some signs of relationship you can look for, as suggested by Dr. Batra:

• You start knowing each other’s daily routines by heart—like how they need their coffee at 8:07 a.m. sharp or how they always skip breakfast because they’re perpetually late
• You start using ‘we’ statements without even realizing it—“We should try that new sushi place,” or “We hate pineapple on pizza,” even if you secretly don’t mind it
• They are automatically included in your plans — “Keep your Saturday clear next week, we have to go to my cousin’s wedding” 
• Their problems become your problems—like when their cat gets a hairball, and somehow, you’re the one frantically Googling “best cat food for hairball prevention.” 
• You enjoy doing the boring stuff together—grocery shopping, reorganizing the closet for the umpteenth time, or sitting in silence while both of you scroll through your phones. 

If these signs sound familiar, congratulations, you’re in a relationship!—or, at the very least, in denial about it.

Situationship Vs Relationship: 8 Key Differences

As already made clear by the signs mentioned above, situationship vs relationship are vastly different concepts. While relationships are based on clarity and commitment, situationships are filled with ambiguity. To elaborate more, here are some detailed differences in relationship vs situationship:

1. Commitment

Dr. Batra says, “Commitment in a relationship means you’re both in for the long haul, while in a situationship, you’re just riding the wave.” A relationship involves an explicit commitment — it’s clear that the partners are aiming to be together in the long term. They discuss future plans and set goals together. On the contrary, in a situationship, commitment is elusive and often ambiguous, leaving you unsure about where things are headed.

Related Reading: 12 Tips To Get Over Commitment Issues

2. Communication

Communication in a relationship is like a well-oiled machine—everything flows smoothly. You discuss plans, feelings, and even the type of juice you both prefer. In a situationship, communication is more like trying to read hieroglyphics. Messages might be cryptic or filled with emojis that leave you puzzled. 

This Reddit user shared her situationship story. “A guy i went on a few dates with basically spent months texting me, without ever making a plan – then one day decided to, and upon meeting, there was a LOT of chemistry and attraction. he came in super hot and told me how much of an amazing time he had, and how badly he wanted to see me again. But he didn’t respond to my prompts of “i’m free wednesday and thursday night this week, let me know what works for you” for 3 weeks so i asked him to stop contacting me.”

“Clear communication is a relationship’s superpower, while a situationship feels like a never-ending game of charades.” – Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues

3. Social media presence

Another situationship vs relationship difference is the level of social media presence. Most often than not, a relationship is publicly displayed on social media through:

• Cute couple photos
• Photos of exchanged gifts
• Birthday wishes as stories or posts
• Status updates about dates
• Relationship status update on facebook, etc. 

Sometimes these hints can be indirect even. I had a friend who didn’t like posting her face on social media. When she got in a relationship, she suddenly started posting love poems and sharing romantic posts on her stories. Point being that you usually want your followers to know when you are in a relationship. 

A situationship, however, is often kept secretive, having minimal or no presence on social media. You might exchange likes or vague comments, but the intimacy remains a well-kept secret.

Related Reading: How Social Media Affects Your Relationships

4. Emotional investment

Emotional investment is a major difference in dating vs situationship. In a relationship, the partners offer mutual emotional support to each other. They celebrate their wins together, comfort each other after a rough day, are affected by each other’s mood and care about their partner’s emotional well being. 

This support is usually not present in a situationship. And that’s fine if both partners are okay with this arrangement. The problem arises when one partner expects the other to be emotionally invested but the other is fine with being in a casual arrangement.

Dr. Batra explains it like this, “Emotional support is a relationship staple, while a situationship can feel like an emotional rollercoaster with no safety bar.”

5. Social life

In a relationship, at least after a few months, your partner introduces you to their friends and eventually family as well. They want the people in their life to know about you and vice versa. While a situationship partner prefers to keep you anonymous. They may tell their friends about the situationship itself but will hesitate to reveal your identity to them.

6. Exclusivity

Exclusivity is a major indicator of relationship vs situationship. In most traditional relationships, the partners agree to become exclusive and not see anyone else. Even with exceptions like polyamorous or open relationships, the terms of the non-exclusivity are thoroughly discussed and agreed upon by both the partners. On the contrary, people in a situationship often do not have the “are we exclusive?” talk, leaving things confusing.

Related Reading: Exclusive Dating: It Isn’t Surely About a Committed Relationship

7. Future planning

Another difference in dating vs situationship is future planning. A long-term relationship involves future planning — where is the relationship going? Is marriage a part of our equation? Are we open to the idea of having kids someday? What happens if one of us has to relocate for work? All these questions are discussed at appropriate times in a relationship without hesitation. 

A situationship, on the other hand, is built on ambiguity. No discussions take place for serious topics, no boundaries are set, intentions are not made clear — the partnership purely runs on a go-with-the-flow basis and you’ll never know when the situationship breakup ambushes you.

Related Reading: 25 Questions To Ask Before Marriage To Be Set For The Future

8. Conflict resolution

Dr. Batra says, “Conflict resolution in a relationship is proactive and team-oriented, while a situationship can leave you stuck in the proverbial muck.” When you face a conflict in a relationship, you both work together to solve the problem and come out stronger because the goal is to stay together in the long-term. 

However, a situationship lacks the emotional investment required for mature conflict resolution. Either the problem is swept under the rug and you both pretend that nothing happened, or the conflict ends in a situationship breakup. 

Can A Situationship Turn Into A Relationship?

When you realize that you are in a situationship, the first question to pop up in your head is “Can we move forward from this situationship to relationship?” Turns out you can, but the signs it will turn into a relationship might not be as straightforward as a rom-com plotline. 

For example, this Reddit user shared the story of how her situationship turned into a relationship. “We had had many amazing dates before having ‘the chat’, and he was upfront and honest about just wanting to relax and seeing how it goes….I wasn’t particularly looking for anything either but recognized the potentials early on. I kept an easy and fun dating mentality though. Now we are together and smitten.”

Related Reading: What Does True Love In A Relationship Look Like?

When we asked Dr. Batra about this, she suggested the following tips to steer a situationship toward a committed relationship.

• Start spending more time together: Don’t just stick to late-night hangouts or random meet-ups. Plan an overnight trip, or suggest a regular date night. When you both make time for each other, you’ll see if this situationship is worth the upgrade

• Introduce them to your friends and meet theirs as well: No more hiding in the shadows or being “that person” they sometimes mention. Invite them to your group activities and encourage them to invite you as well. If everyone starts making jokes about your couple status, it is one of the signs it will turn into a relationship

• Have deeper conversations: To turn your situationship to relationship, Don’t just talk about the latest series you’re binging or what’s for dinner. Share your dreams, fears, and the weird things you do when you’re alone. If they’re still interested after hearing that you sing in the shower, you’re on to something

• Plan things in advance: Avoid last-minute plans or “you up?” messages. Start setting up real dates a week or two ahead. When they’re on board with scheduling their life around you, you’ll know this situationship is gaining substance

• Initiate the exclusivity talk: Yes, it’s scary, but if you’re feeling it, ask them how they see this going. If they’re not scared off and instead lean in, you’re headed straight for relationship status

These steps will help you move from a situationship to relationship — or at least let you know if it’s time to move on. Either way, you’re about to get some perspective!

Final Thoughts 

There are stark differences in situationship vs relationship. While a relationship is based on commitment and clarity, a situationship is made of undefined aspects. Some major dating vs situationship differences include the level of emotional investment, agreed-upon exclusivity, future planning, the method of conflict resolution, etc. However, a situationship can turn into a relationship if the participants put in effort to know each other better and become more involved in each other’s lives.

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