Being with a jealous girlfriend can be awfully challenging. She controls you in varying degrees, depending on her mood, which can change any second. You’ve to abide by a long list of things you can and cannot do, leading to a suffocating relationship.

At first, you may let this behavior slide, mistaking it for a sign of love and care. However, putting up with an overly attached girlfriend can become exhausting in the long run. Nagging and suspicion become common features in your life, which can be detrimental to your relationship as well as your mental well-being. So how to tell if a girl is jealous? Read on to find out.

15 Signs Of An Overprotective and Jealous Girlfriend

Being with a jealous partner can leave you feeling like you have no room to breathe. You’re stressed when you’re around her because an overly attached girlfriend exhibits clingy tendencies and takes being overprotective in a relationship to the next level. You’re also stressed when you’re away from her because you know you will be questioned and prodded for a detailed account of every minute spent apart.

Overprotective girlfriends want to exert control on their partner’s life depending on their degree of obsessiveness. They are mostly unpredictable and keep changing the rules of what’s acceptable in the relationship and what’s not, as per their own whims and fancies. Here 15 telltale signs of a jealous girlfriend to look out for:

1. You are living on deadlines

An overprotective girlfriend would always expect you to stick to deadlines to the dot. If you said you will be home by 9 pm, a 15-minute delay can cause her mental distress and make her act out.

And god forbid, you forget to inform her about the delay! All hell will break loose and you’ll spend the next few days trying to convince her that you’re not sleeping with someone else behind her back.

You have to constantly convince her to trust you

2. She constantly texts/calls you

One of the classic signs of a jealous girlfriend is clingy behavior. She will call you and double text you incessantly for as long as you’re apart and expects you to do the same. You may be in a meeting, driving, treating yourself to a quiet lunch alone, but when that phone buzzes, you have to respond. Because if you don’t, her insecurities will go into overdrive.

Related Reading: Here’s How Being Clingy In A Relationship Can Sabotage It

3. She suspects you of cheating

Is your girlfriend jealous of exes and even friends? It could be because she cannot shake off a lingering doubt that you’re cheating on her. Know that it’s not you, it’s just her being overprotective in a relationship. This tendency also can stem from her insecurity of feeling not good enough and worrying that you can find someone better than her.

Related Reading: Confession Story: Emotional Cheating Vs Friendship – The Blurry Line

4. She checks your phone and computer

A possessive girlfriend misses no opportunity to snoop around. It can include:

• Checking your phone
• Scrutinizing your texts and calls 
• Rummaging through your laptop or personal computer. 
• Invading your privacy
• Forcing you to share your passwords
• Finding things out of context as proof of your guilt

For instance, a simple polite chat with a female coworker is enough to convince her that you have a thing going on on the side.

5. She stalks your social media often

One of the female jealousy signs is that she often stalks your social media profiles. She takes note of every new post and every comment or reaction on it, and then grills you if any activity is inappropriate as per her standards.

Needless to say, any interaction with a woman friend means trouble. Sometimes, she may stretch things a bit too far and delete the posts or comments she doesn’t approve of. This is how social media can ruin your relationship.

6. Being with a jealous girlfriend feels like an interrogation

An overly attached girlfriend may have a compelling need to be in the know of each and every aspect of your life. That’s why she constantly feels that you are hiding something. She will often throw questions at you such as:

• Why were you late from work today?
• Will there be any girls there? (When you make a plan with your friends)
• Who’s this girl on your Instagram feed?

And when your girlfriend asks these questions, she won’t be easily satisfied with the answer – because she has already made up the ‘right answer’ in her mind. And in her attempt to get to her version of the truth, she will ask the same questions in different ways and even on different occasions. Her idea is to confuse you and get you to change your statements. 

7. You cannot hang out with your buddies

A guy’s night is totally off-limits when you have a jealous girlfriend. She feels this is just an excuse for cheap thrills and sleazy sex. Even if she knows your friends well, she would still label them as lechers. If you insist on going, she will either tag along or ‘accidentally’ bump into you, defeating the very purpose of your plan. This kind of behavior can cost you your friends and other social activities that you generally enjoy.

8. Having a woman friend is out of the question

A possessive girlfriend cannot bear the thought of you hanging out with other women, let alone be friends with one. She may be nice to other women to their faces, but you will get accused of cheating when you two are alone.

Without a thought, she will label any other woman in your life as a ‘man-snatcher’, making it impossible to talk to a coworker, friend, or even a cousin.

Related Reading: Can Men And Women Be Friends?

9. She wants to be your top priority

An overly attached girlfriend demands to be your first priority and expects that your life revolves around her. She will let no opportunity slide to tell you how much she has sacrificed in the relationship. She will keep score and make you feel that you owe every good thing in your life to her. 

And so, your relationship with her has to be a priority, always. A jealous girlfriend can not only not tolerate your friends but also your family. Being with her means your circle of special people will shrink continually.

Related Reading: 12 Signs Of Unconditional Love In A Relationship

10. You cannot talk about other women in front of her

Not only can you not meet, hang out or be friends with women, but also cannot mention another woman in front of her. A casual remark about how a co-worker nailed a presentation at work or sharing an anecdote about a childhood friend is enough to get her tempers soaring. If you inadvertently compare her to another woman, you’re in for a world of trouble. Be prepared to face the brunt of your actions for many days, or weeks, to follow.

11. She eavesdrops on your conversations

The concept of privacy and personal space is alien to your overprotective girlfriend. She insists on knowing the details of every conversation you have with your friends, family, or coworkers. If you are on the phone, she will stick around to listen. If she cannot get a sense of what you’re talking about, she throws a barrage of questions at you afterwards. She will demand to know what you said, what the other person said, and what the conversation was about.

Related Reading: 8 Things To Do If Your Girlfriend Is Ignoring You

12. A jealous girlfriend constantly wants attention

Overly attached girlfriends display attention-seeking behavior  such as:

• Saying things like “Do I look fat?” to fish for compliments
• Asking for public display of affection, even if you’re not comfortable with it
• Asking “Do you love me?” very frequently to the point of frustrating you

If you’re going out somewhere, she will ask you how she looks a dozen times. She will go shopping frequently and try to imitate anyone she feels you like. She will ask you to prove your affection to her again and again. If you don’t comply, be prepared for meltdowns.

13. She may swing by to check on you at your workplace

One of the female jealousy signs is carrying out surprise checks on you. She will drop by at your workplace claiming that she was in the area and thought of having a coffee with you. But her real motive is to make sure you are in the office by yourself. She will scrutinize your colleagues, especially female coworkers, and try to check if you have an affair with a coworker. 

Related Reading: The Top 3 Reasons Why A Couple Fights About The Same Things

14. She picks fights in public

Given the unpredictability of her behavior patterns, a possessive girlfriend starts fights over little things. When that happens, she may throw a hissy fit or pick an ugly fight even in public. 

During such a spat, she may try to put words in your mouth by trapping you in questions like, “Do you find her pretty?” or “Was she looking good?” And no matter what you say, the fight will spiral out of control.

15. A jealous girlfriend doesn’t trust you

Is your girlfriend jealous of exes or female friends? Jealousy in a relationship is most often an indication of underlying insecurities leading to trust issues. No matter how hard you try to prove your trustworthiness, she just cannot rest assured. Here are some indications that she doesn’t trust you:

• Your girlfriend starts fights over little things such as you liking a girl’s picture on Instagram
• She constantly asks for assurance
• She thinks any girl you interact with is flirting with you
• She wants to accompany you everywhere you go

Eventually, this lack of trust will begin to eat away at the foundation of your relationship and drive a wedge between you two. These signs of a jealous girlfriend lead to an overprotective relationship making you feel choked and suffocated. Such a relationship will make you both miserable. So what to do then? Read ahead to find out.

How To Reassure Your Girlfriend When She Gets Jealous – 9 Tips

If you’ve noticed the female jealousy signs given above in your girlfriend, you’re probably in an overprotective relationship and it’s affecting the relationship as well as your own mental health. 

So, can jealousy ruin a relationship? Yes, it can. But there are other steps you can take to save your relationship instead of directly breaking up. You can start with having open communication and out the underlying reasons leading to this behavior. You also need to reassure her and build trust in the relationship. Here are some detailed tips on how to reassure your girlfriend:

1. Find out the underlying reason

If your girlfriend is feeling jealous, try to find out the root of the problem. The most effective way to do so is to sit her down and have an honest and detailed discussion about her feelings. Here are some questions you should try to find the answers to:

• Which actions of yours trigger her jealousy?
• Are there any deep-seated insecurities leading to this behavior?
• Is she just feeling disconnected with you?
• Is she struggling with any other aspect of her life, which may be affecting her overall demeanor?

Make sure to not invalidate her, or immediately get defensive when she’s expressing her concerns, as irrational as they may seem to you. If you want to improve your relationship and build trust, the first step of how to reassure your girlfriend should be to make her feel heard.

2. Use I-statements to avoid accusing language

After you’ve let her express herself, be mindful of how you respond to her. Try using I-statements to keep the focus on your own feelings instead of putting the blame on your partner. Here’s how to use I-statements effectively:

• Begin with “I feel…” and state your feelings first
• Then state the behavior that you think caused this feeling
• And in the end, why the action made you feel this way.
• For example: “I feel annoyed when you text/call me constantly when I am out with friends because it interrupts my quality time with them.”

Related Reading: 10 Wonderful Ways To Make Up After A Fight

3. Identify whether the problem is jealousy or trust issues

While the outcome may be the same for both these feelings — possessiveness and insecurity, the cause may be entirely different. Jealousy is when your girlfriend feels envious of anyone you spend time with, and it is mostly for no reason other than possessiveness.

However, trust issues can possibly be a result of your past experiences as a couple. For example, if you have a history of cheating and now, your girlfriend doesn’t trust you to spend time with a female friend, that’s reasonable and can’t be called jealousy. Here are some ways to deal with such a situation:

• Ask yourself if you have a history of cheating or lying to her?
• Match your actions to your words to assure her that you’re not the person you were before
• Have open and constant communication
• If these tips don’t seem to work, consider seeking professional help. Bonobology has a panel of experts specializing in different categories to choose from. If you’re facing problems in your relationship or marriage, book a session today.  

Related Reading: Expert Suggests 7 Ways To Help Someone With Trust Issues

4. Be responsive — don’t shut her out

If you have a jealous girlfriend constantly policing your behavior, it seems reasonable that you’d want to distance yourself from her and shut her out. However, that’ll just make things worse. If you’re trying to make the relationship work, keep the communication open. Listen to her and respond to what she’s saying, even if it seems illogical to you. If need be, take a few moments to calm yourself first before responding.

5. Offer reassurance regularly

Jealousy often stems from underlying insecurities. So when her behavior upsets you, remind yourself that you both love each other and her intention is not to hurt you. Instead of getting annoyed or angry, think about how to reassure your girlfriend at that moment. Something as small as a hug or even verbal validation can deescalate the situation.

6. Voice your feelings as well

As mentioned above, her jealousy probably doesn’t stem from the intention of hurting you. She may not even be aware that her behavior is affecting you in such a way. But that does not mean that your feelings aren’t valid. So once she’s done expressing her concerns, you need to voice yours as well and establish healthy boundaries. But remember some key points when doing so:

• Keep your tone calm
• Discuss, don’t argue
• Avoid using accusing language

Related Reading: 20 Super Cute Ways To Express Your Feelings To Someone You Love

7. Encourage her to work on self confidence

If the root of her jealousy is low self-esteem, encourage her to work on it. Push her to pursue her hobbies or passions, work on personality development, and try new experiences. And make sure to celebrate and appreciate her for her achievements. 

8. Promote independence

It’s possible that your girlfriend feels jealous because she’s completely dependent on you for her happiness and feels lost when you’re not around. Try to change this by encouraging her to become more independent in the relationship through the following ways:

• Expand her social circle
• Exploring new interests and hobbies
• Taking a class to learn a new skill
• Taking on a job or project (If she’s not working right now)

9. Seek professional help

If her jealousy is affecting you extremely and none of the tips seem to work, it’s better to find a professional to help you as they can provide you research-based insights and guide you specifically as per your relationship dynamics. 

Bonobology offers a panel of relationship counselors that can help you tackle such relationship issues. If you decide to seek help, book an online session today.

Final Thoughts

Jealousy in a relationship is most often an indication of insecurities or past trauma. It manifests itself in the form of clinginess, lack of space and privacy, and controlling behavior. There are some ways to reassure your girlfriend and reduce jealousy in a relationship such as practicing communication and encouraging independence. But if things get worse, it’s better to break things off.

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