In an ideal world, every love story would go like this—you meet someone, you fall in love, they love you back, you come together to build a life with each other, and live happily ever after. However, life is not ideal and matters of the heart are rarely so cut-and-dried. Chances are, at least once in your life, you will be dealt the curveball of dealing with unrequited love. It is an experience that destroys you from within, leaving a massive hole in the heart. When all you want is for that person to see how deep and genuine your feelings are and reciprocate them with the same intensity, figuring out how to get over unrequited love can seem impossible. 

The rejection that comes with unreciprocated love is hard to bear. It stirs up heartache, pathos, and a lot of self-pity, with a generous topping of humiliation. With it all, comes a blow to your self-esteem. When someone you love deeply doesn’t feel the same way about you, it can make you question your worth. Why doesn’t he/she love me? Am I not good enough? Why can’t they see how good we’d be together? These questions can change the way you view yourself.

It’s a lot to deal with. However, even though it may not seem so when you’re in the throes of heartbreak and pain of rejection, it is by no means the end of the road. It is possible to learn how to stop loving someone you can’t have, heal your heart, and open it up to someone new again. In this article, we will tell you exactly how, but first, let’s talk about what unrequited love really is and why it impacts people so deeply. 

What Is Unrequited Love?

What does unrequited love mean? It is a one-sided emotional attachment where one person has deep feelings of love, affection, or romantic desire for another who does not feel the same way. It can be painful and heartbreaking, as the longing for reciprocation often leads to feelings of rejection, loneliness, and self-doubt. Relationship expert Dr. Helen Fisher explains, “Romantic love is an intense craving for emotional union, and when that love is not returned, the brain reacts the same way it does to physical pain.” 

This kind of love can occur in various forms—whether it’s an unrequited crush on someone who doesn’t notice you, an intense emotional bond that isn’t mutual, or even a relationship where one partner loves more deeply than the other. Psychologist Dr. Guy Winch adds, “Unrequited love is uniquely painful because it keeps hope alive, making it harder to move on.” 

No matter what the specifics of the situation are, dealing with unrequited feelings is distressing. If you let this rejection of your feelings become a measure of your value as a person, the toll it takes on your emotional health and well-being can be devastating. This is how unhealthy obsessions take root. When a part of you becomes convinced that you’re worthy only if the person you’re in love with loves you back. Healing and moving on from unrequited love requires breaking these mindsets, first and foremost. For that to happen, you need to snap out of denial dealing with one-sided love and give up on the hope that someday, somehow, the other person might feel the same way about you.  

Related Reading: To Love Or Be Loved? Loving Someone Is More Fulfilling

5 Unmistakable Signs Of Unrequited Love 

So many people struggle to figure out how to move on from one-sided love because not having your feelings reciprocated can be confusing and painful, especially if the other person hasn’t explicitly rejected your advances—either because they don’t even know how you feel or don’t want to snap the chord completely for whatever reason—or if you’re holding onto hope that with time, they might develop feelings for you. 

To be able to deal with emotional turmoil that comes from not having your feelings reciprocated, the confusion needs to end. You need clarity on where you and the other person stand on the issues. These 5 unmistakable signs of unrequited love will bring you a step closer to that clarity: 

1. You’re always the one reaching out

If you’re the one constantly texting first, making plans, or initiating conversations, it might be a sign that your feelings aren’t mutual. Even more so, when it doesn’t seem to affect the other person if you suddenly dial back on this effort. For instance, if you send them a “good morning” text every day, to which they reply with a disinterested “Hey” four hours later or not at all, then one day, you decide to stop taking the initiative all the time, and they don’t even check in to see what’s wrong. 

This dynamic suggests that the person you’re pining for doesn’t spare much thought to you because they’re not emotionally invested. When someone truly values you, they’ll make an effort to stay connected. Relationship coach Matthew Hussey says, “When someone is interested, they don’t leave you guessing. They show up, they engage, and they make an effort.”

Related Reading: How Guys Text When They Like You—We Give You 15 Clues

2. They talk about other romantic interests

I’ve experienced this first-hand in my unreciprocated love experience involving a friend-with-benefits. As is often the case in such an equation, one person tends to catch feelings. Unfortunately, for me, in ours, that person was me. My FWB would ask me to set him up with one of my friends he thought was “really hot”, right after having jumped into bed with me. 

This, for me, was one of the most obvious signs of unrequited love that made it clear that I needed to snap the chord and cut my losses before I got sucked in too deep. If you’re dealing with something similar and the  person you love openly talks to you about their crushes, dates, or relationships, it’s a clear sign they don’t see you in a romantic way. At best, they see you as a supportive friend they can lean on to sort their love life. 

“When someone discusses their love life with you in detail, it usually means they see you as a confidant, not a romantic prospect.”

—Dr. Guy Winch, psychologist

3. They’re emotionally or physically distant

How do you know you’re dealing with unrequited love? Here is a sign you cannot miss—emotional and physical distance. For instance, you may share something deeply personal about your life with them, but they respond with a sympathetic head nod or a detached, “I’m sorry you had to go through that”, instead of reaching out to comfort you and let you know they are there for you. 

This only happens when someone isn’t emotionally invested in you. They might be friendly, but they won’t go out of their way to build intimacy. Explaining why this emotional detachment is among the signs of unrequited feelings, therapist Esther Perel says, “Love thrives on emotional closeness. If someone keeps you at arm’s length, they are likely not in love with you.”

Related Reading: Emotional Distance: Meaning, Causes, Signs, And Ways To Fix

4. Your relationship feels one-sided

Do you feel like you’re putting in all the effort while they just go along with it? You always remember their favorite coffee order, surprise them with small gifts, and check in on their day, but they rarely do the same for you. If you’re always accommodating their schedule, changing plans to suit them, or going the extra mile while they give minimal effort, in return, your love isn’t being reciprocated. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman says, “Healthy relationships are built on mutual effort. If one person is doing all the work, it’s not love—it’s imbalance.”

5. They give mixed signals

Samaira, 29, who has been in an undefined situationship with a guy she met through mutual friends, wrote to Bonobology, asking, “I met Ricky at a friend’s party and was instantly taken by his charm. We also have a lot in common and hit it off right away, and have hooked up a few times since. Over these past few months, I’ve developed real feelings for him but he has been kind of hot-and-cold. 

“Some days, we spend hours texting back and forth, he flirts, says things like, “You’re amazing! I don’t know what I’d do without you”, and then disappears for days. Or seems very uninterested in his responses. All of these mixed signals are messing with my head. Am I dealing with unrequited love?” 

Turns out, Samaira is dealing with unrequited feelings. If you’re in a similar situation, you’re too. When someone’s feelings for you aren’t clear, it is because they’re not as invested as you are. Dating expert Mark Manson explains, “When someone truly likes you, their actions will match their words. If you’re constantly second-guessing their feelings, they probably don’t feel the same way.”

Related Reading: 5 Causes, 13 Signs Of One-Sided Relationships And What To Do About Them

Why Does Unrequited Love Hurt So Much? 

Unrequited love isn’t just heartbreaking—it feels like an emotional punch to the gut. But why does knowing someone you love/have feelings for doesn’t feel the same way about you hurt so deeply? The pain isn’t just in your head; it’s psychological, neurological, and even physical. Here is what triggers it:

1. Your brain treats rejection like physical pain

When you’re in love, your brain releases dopamine (the “feel-good” chemical) and oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”). But when these feelings are reciprocated, it creates a void and your brain goes into withdrawal, much like someone experiencing drug withdrawal.

That hollow, aching feeling in your chest after rejection? It’s not just in your mind—it’s your brain reacting to the loss of a deep emotional connection. Dr. Fisher explains, “Romantic rejection triggers the same brain regions as physical pain. This is why unrequited love can feel unbearable.”

2. It feeds your deepest insecurities

As I have been saying, unrequited love cuts so deep because it makes you question your self-worth. Thoughts like “Am I not good enough?” or “What do they have that I don’t?” can spiral out of control, leading to self-doubt and low self-esteem. You start overanalyzing every interaction, wondering if you said something wrong or if you need to change yourself to be “worthy” of their love.

Related Reading: 11 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem Behaviors In A Relationship

3. Your brain clings to false hope

Figuring out how to move on from one-sided love is so hard for some many people because they hold on to false hope that someday, somehow, the person they love will feel the same way about them. Even when rationally you know that there is nothing you can do to change the way someone else feels about you, this false hope keeps you clinging on. 

You think if only you did this or that, gave them another chance, showed them how much you love them, they’d reciprocate. This cycle is set in motion by a psychological phenomenon called intermittent reinforcement (or breadcrumbing, as it is popularly known)—when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you hooked but not enough to fully commit.

They text you back sometimes, they smile at you in a certain way, or they say, “Maybe in another life…” And suddenly, you’re back to believing there’s a chance. Dr. Winch says, “Unrequited love is uniquely painful because it keeps hope alive, making it harder to move on.”

4. It creates an emotional imbalance

Love is supposed to be a two-way street, but when it’s unrequited, you’re the only one investing emotionally. This creates an imbalance where you’re constantly giving while they remain indifferent, leaving you feeling drained. The more you give, the more desperate you are to receive the same kind of affection, support, and emotional investment from them. But none comes your way. 

And because you have given so much of yourself to this person, invested so deeply in them, walking away becomes harder. It’s like a gambler losing at the table. The more they lose, the harder it is to walk away because with every loss the stakes become higher.   

Related Reading: What Does True Love In A Relationship Look Like?

5. It triggers the fear of abandonment

Rejection can activate deep-seated fear of abandonment, especially if you’ve experienced past emotional wounds. If you’ve ever been ghosted, rejected, or ignored in the past, unrequited love can reopen those emotional wounds, making the pain feel overwhelming. This can make the pain of unrequited love feel even more intense.

6. You feel a loss of control

One of the hardest parts of unrequited love is that you can’t make someone love you back. No matter how much effort you put in—whether it’s looking your best, being there for them, or showing your best qualities—you can’t change how they feel. The lack of control can be frustrating and heartbreaking, making you feel powerless in your own emotions.

8 Tips On How To Get Over Unrequited Love

Given its deep impact, moving on from unrequited love isn’t easy. Even when a part of you knows that your love for someone may never materialize into a relationship, the pain, the fears and insecurities, and most of all, the belief that the person you’re pining for is the only one who can heal it all can make moving on challenging. It feels like trying to quit a habit you never wanted to break. 

While the pain is real, healing is possible. The key is to shift your focus from what you can’t have to what you deserve. These expert-back tips on how to get over unrequited love help you do exactly that: 

Related Reading: How To Get Over Infatuation: 17 Psychological Tricks

1. Accept that it’s not meant to be

The key to your conundrum of how to stop loving someone you can’t have is acceptance. The first—and hardest—step in your journey of healing and moving on is accepting that this person simply doesn’t feel the same way. Holding onto hope will only prolong your pain.

So, instead of thinking, “Maybe they’ll change their mind someday,” tell yourself, “I deserve someone who chooses me without hesitation.” Dr. Winch explains, “Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy—it just means the connection isn’t mutual. Love has to be a two-way street.”

2. Cut contact (at least for a while)

Wondering how to cope with unrequited love, heal, and move on? Practice the no-contact rule. Seeing them or talking to them regularly will make it that much harder for you to work on getting over your feelings and move on. 

Hussey says, “Distance isn’t about punishing them—it’s about giving yourself space to heal.” So, if you tend to stalk them on Instagram, try muting their updates. If you can’t resist texting them, delete their number. Set a personal goal to go at least 30 days without reaching out, initiating contact, or responding if they reach out (which is the hardest part). While you don’t have to erase them from your life forever, taking a step back is necessary for healing.

3. Allow yourself to grieve

Whether you’re dealing with an unrequited crush, intense feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you, or a lop-sided relationship with your partner, letting go of that connection is a loss—a loss of what you hoped for. 

It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or even heartbroken. So, give yourself permission to cry, write in a journal, or talk to a friend about what you’re feeling. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine because suppressing your emotions will only make it harder to move on. As Perel notes, “Unprocessed grief doesn’t disappear—it just resurfaces later in unexpected ways.”

Related Reading: 11 Signs You Are Single In A Relationship

4. Stop romanticizing them

The person you’re so hopelessly smitten with isn’t flawless or perfect, as you make them out to be. When you’re in love, you tend to idealize the object of your affection, especially in those early days of passionate love. 

The reality? They aren’t perfect, and they aren’t your only shot at love. It’s your rose-tinted eyes that make them appear so, as you focus on their best qualities while ignoring their flaws. Remind yourself of this when you catch yourself thinking, “No one else will ever make me feel this way.” 

“We often confuse emotional intensity with true compatibility.”

Dr. Aaron Ben-Zeév, psychologist

5. Redirect your energy to yourself

Self-love coach Vex King says, “The more you value yourself, the less you’ll chase after those who don’t.” If you’re struggling to figure out how to get over unrequited love, it’s time to shift focus to yourself. 

Instead of spending time thinking about them, invest in yourself. Try new hobbies, set personal goals, or focus on things that make you feel good about yourself. Sign up for that dance class, start a fitness challenge, or travel somewhere new—anything that shifts your energy toward self-growth will help heal your skinned heart and rebuild your self-esteem. 

6. Surround yourself with supportive people

Coping with unrequited love all on your own can make the odds seem that much insurmountable. This is the time you need to lean on the people who love and cherish you. Plan a weekend trip with friends, call your bestie when you’re feeling down, or join a community that shares your interests.

Being around friends and family who love and appreciate you or around people who share your passions and vision can remind you of your worth. They can offer perspective, laughter, and much-needed distraction. Research shows that social connection releases oxytocin, the same “bonding hormone” that romantic love activates. That’s why surrounding yourself with your loved ones can help you feel less alone.

7. Open yourself up to new romantic possibilities

You might not be ready to jump into another relationship while still figuring out how to deal with unrequited love, and that’s okay. But don’t shut the door on romantic possibilities. Keep an open mind, and go with the flow. Try going on a casual coffee date or downloading a dating app just to explore. 

Even if nothing serious happens, it can help shift your focus from the thought that the person you’re pining for is your only chance at one true love—when in reality, they’re not. Dating coach Mark Manson says, “The best way to move on isn’t to wait for feelings to disappear—it’s to remind yourself there are millions of people out there.”

Related Reading: 15 Shocking Signs You Mean Nothing To Him

8. Keep reminding yourself that love needs to be mutual

One of the simplest tips on how to deal with unrequited love is to consciously remind yourself that for love to flourish into a lasting relationship, it needs to be mutual. Real love isn’t about chasing someone who doesn’t see your worth. It’s about finding someone who does.

As Author Brené Brown says, “You are worthy of love that doesn’t require suffering to prove its existence.” Whenever you start feeling like you’ve lost something valuable, remind yourself: If they were the right person for me, I wouldn’t have to convince them to love me.

Final Thoughts

Unrequited love is painful, but it’s also a chance to focus on yourself, build self-worth, and open your heart to someone who truly sees and values you. Getting over unrequited love isn’t about pretending it didn’t hurt—it’s about choosing to heal, grow, and move forward. It’s okay to take your time, but never forget: the love you deserve is out there, and it will never make you feel like you have to beg for it.

Why Does Love Hurt So Much and What to Do?

What Does True Love In A Relationship Look Like?

Giving Too Much in a Relationship? How Much To Give of Yourself

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