There is a fine line between being a clingy girlfriend and an affectionate one. All guys want is someone who cares for them like no other. What they don’t want is someone who stalks their everyday life and does not even give them the space to breathe. In fact, it’s not gender-specific at all. Clinginess is a turn-off for just about anyone, right?

The question is, where does one draw the line? After all, it can be difficult to ascertain the difference between healthy interdependence and clinginess. The truth is that clingy meaning in relationships can vary from person to person. What is considered too clingy in a relationship may seem like lots of love and care in another.

That being said, there are some unhealthy behaviors that are so far out in the clingy territory that they can be clearly labeled as signs of a needy girlfriend and those are the ones most men get put off by. We’re here to help you decode these signs and learn how to not be clingy, in consultation with life coach Joie Bose, who specializes in counseling people dealing with abusive marriages, breakups, and extramarital affairs.

Clingy Girl Psychology

Table of Contents

Most needy women are not even aware of the negative effects of their actions and probably do not think they are doing anything wrong. It’s as if their judgment and self-awareness are clouded with an influx of emotions and love hormones. They have an insecure attachment style, meaning that they constantly feel the urge to either talk to their partner or meet up with them. Staying apart even for a few hours makes them insecure about the relationship, causing them to act out. These are all signs of being clingy.

Related Reading: Are You In A Clingy Relationship? Here Is How You Must Deal With It…

In a study on people with an anxious attachment style, University of Western Ontario psychologist Lorne Campbell and Brunel University’s Tara Marshall (2011) identified several reasons for why people with an anxious attachment style are most vulnerable to being clingy. The researchers found that people with an anxious attachment style tend to have a low self-esteem. While they feel positively toward their romantic partners, they carry a constant fear of getting abandoned. As a result, they demand constant reassurance and emotional support from their partner. This stress makes them emotionally needy and obsessed with their partners.

Here are some possible underlying reasons for being clingy:

• Obsessive girlfriend signs could either be due to the initial excitement of a relationship or the fear of a potential heartbreak
• Emotionally needy people are often struggling with latent insecurities, fears, and abandonment issues
• It could be a result of anxious attachment style or trauma of being betrayed in past relationships

15 Clingy Girlfriend Signs

Do you show needy clingy girlfriend signs? If yes, you need to understand how to stop being needy so that you don’t push your partner away. This article will help you become the girlfriend who loves her me time and doesn’t need constant reassurance. Here are some characteristics of a clingy girlfriend, followed by tips on how to not be too needy:

1. You do not give him space

Even though it feels uncomfortable to accept your relationship flaws, being self-aware is the first step to effecting change. To that end, see if you can relate to the following warning signs of a desperate woman:

• You’re an overly attached girlfriend who wants to become the air he breathes
• You constantly ask him whether he thinks about you
• You need an update of his whereabouts every 5 minutes
• You spiral into obsession/overthinking if he stops replying to your texts for a while

“To assess if you’re being an overbearing girlfriend, pay attention to how your boyfriend reacts to your advances, plans, and suggestions. For instance, when you make a plan, does he half-heartedly accept it for he fears your reactions and then spends all his time on his phone instead of focusing on you? It could mean that you’re clingy and he is feeling stifled in the relationship,” says Joie.

Your connection with your boyfriend can improve markedly if you understand the importance of space in a relationship. He will gradually let you enter that personal space he holds so sacred. Be patient enough to let it happen on its own. Don’t push it.

Related Reading: Why Is Space So Crucial In A Relationship?

2. Wanting to talk to him all the time

You reminisce about the honeymoon phase of your relationship where he couldn’t keep his hands off you. You would talk day and night and eagerly wait for the next time you meet. But now, he doesn’t seem as excited to talk to you and seems indifferent to your physical advances. Can you relate? Well, you may be pushing him too much.

“When there is constant pressure from your end to communicate and be in touch, he may switch off his phone and not be reachable sometimes. He will, of course, say it happened because his phone ran out of battery but there is a pattern to this. This is a sign that he needs his me time but can’t tell you,” says Joie.

3. You want his entire life to revolve around you

After getting into a relationship, many people forget that they still have separate lives. For a clingy girlfriend, this need for enmeshment is even more pronounced. Here are some patterns that suggest you fit that bill:

• You want him to do everything solely with you
• You want to be his biggest priority all the time
• You force him to make plans according to your wishes
• Wherever he goes, you follow

4. You are over-dependent on him

“If you feel you are unable to do things without your partner and constantly need him around, it is definitely a sign that you depend on him too much and need to figure out how to stop being needy. Even if he doesn’t say it, you are being an overly attached girlfriend,” says Joie, and adds that some of the top insecure girlfriend signs include:

• Your entire existence revolves around your boyfriend and you expect the same from him
• You have forgotten what your life was like before him
• Doing anything without him makes you feel nervous
• You call him to solve every minor issue in your life

If you’re still not sure whether you are acting clingy in a relationship, perhaps pay attention to how much of this relationship revolves around your needs, wants, and desires. If you lean on your boyfriend for all your needs – no matter how big or trivial – and he has no option but to comply, you definitely need to figure out how to not be clingy.

Related Reading: Why Do I Get Attached So Easily? 9 Possible Reasons and Ways to Stop

5. All his attention should be on you

Expecting affection in a relationship is natural. But demanding to have all his attention all the time is not. Initially, your boyfriend might find it cute. But constant attention-seeking will eventually frustrate and overwhelm him. Here are some possessive behavioral patterns:

• You want him to give you his undivided attention
• Even him talking about another girl makes you furious and suspicious
• You feel like you should always be on his mind like he is on yours

“When your happiness and sadness depend on how much time he is giving you, it is a clingy girlfriend sign and that is not good for either of you. If you get irritated and sad when he chooses to spend time with others and begin to wonder about your importance in his life, then your relationship is not solid and constantly asking him about it will make him bitter about you! This is NOT healthy,” says Joie.

Related Reading: How Being Clingy Can Kill Your Relationship

6. You become suspicious

My friend Sarah confided in me one day and asked, “Am I too clingy? I am constantly living in fear that he’s going to leave me.” When she told me this, I realized that feeling needy can take a huge toll on one’s mental health. Despite this, it can be hard to figure out how to break this pattern and stop exhibiting insecure girlfriend signs, which include:

• Not knowing your partner’s whereabouts makes you suspicious
• All sorts of weird thoughts and ideas cross your mind
• The fear of him cheating on you makes you paranoid
• You start interrogating him rigorously
• You don’t believe him even if he is telling the truth and constantly demand proof

Even if deep down you know that his actions are considered not cheating in a relationship, you still cannot shake off your feelings of insecurity and the fear that your boyfriend will hurt you and break your heart. Constant suspicion is a big turn-off. It will only distance him even more as he begins to notice these clingy girlfriend signs in you and may even consider ending the relationship.

7. You are constantly thinking about him

It’s a good thing to be crazy about your partner. But by focusing all your energies on him and your relationship, you are constricting the space for your personal growth and may have no life outside the relationship. It’s very important to have a life that doesn’t revolve around your boyfriend. In fact, healthy relationships are built by maintaining a balance between your life as an individual and your shared life as a couple. So, make sure you don’t ignore your friends and family while you are in a relationship.

Still trying to understand clingy meaning in relationships? Here’s an example: Even when you are out shopping with your friends, you keep sending clingy girlfriend texts and calling your boyfriend and are never fully present in the moment. If that sounds familiar, you need to figure out how to stop being a clingy girlfriend.

The first step in that direction is to make a conscious effort to be there for your friends and family and also invest more time in your career, hobbies, and passions. Focus on exuding signs of a confident woman instead of being an overbearing girlfriend.

Related Reading: 5 Things Men Do To Make A Woman Feel Insecure

8. Insecurity creeps in

If he has chosen to be with you, it’s obvious that you matter. When you keep seeking validation to this effect, it can chip away at the very foundation of the connection you share with your boyfriend. But for a person who displays clingy behavior, this need for emotional validation can be unreasonably high. You may find it hard to cope with the fact that your boyfriend will have things in his life that are as important to him as you are and sometimes, work, friends, and family will take precedence over you. It’s vital to understand where these insecurities stem from to prevent conflict and figure out how to stop being needy.

• A clingy girlfriend often has an insecure attachment style
• Even if it were any other guy in his place, in all likelihood, you’d still behave the same way in your relationship
• You have to be committed to looking inward and set healthy boundaries
• You must do the necessary work to break these unhealthy patterns that for no fault of yours have taken hold in your mind

9. You are jealous that he has a life without you

If you’re a clingy girlfriend, chances are that you get jealous of your boyfriend’s friends and social life, leading to ugly spats, arguments, and full-blown fights. This may, in turn, start affecting the way people in his inner circle perceive you. “Notice the way his friends behave around you. If his group of boys stop talking and begin acting all formal the moment you come in, it indicates that he behaves in a certain manner in front of you and differently with them. As you’re a clingy girl and will perhaps enquire too much, he prefers to hide certain sides of his personality from you,” says Joie.

Jealousy can trigger a need to always hover over your boyfriend and keep track of his every movement. As a result, you may start displaying these behaviors:

• You pick a fight if he makes plans without you
• You are jealous of him enjoying life without you
• You make him choose between you and his friends
• You even try to sabotage his plans and forcefully include yourself in them

So, you see how begging for attention can be counterproductive. You cling to your boyfriend in the hopes of getting closer to him and making sure that he doesn’t leave you, but in the process, you’re only driving him away. You may not even know who he really is. How can you then hope to build a long, fulfilling relationship with him?

Related Reading: How To Deal With Jealousy In Relationships?

10. You are possessive

Every girlfriend is a bit possessive about her man but too much of it can spell doom for a relationship. But how do you know how much possessiveness is too much? How to know if you’re being too possessive? See if you find the following scenarios relatable:

• A casual conversation between your boyfriend and a female friend makes you want to scratch the girl’s eyes out
• You don’t just constantly double or triple text your partner, but send them a barrage of clingy texts such as “Why are you ignoring me?!”, “You there???????”, “How come you’re not replying?!”
• You get upset if your partner shares a laugh with a coworker
• You dictate who your partner can and cannot hang out with, which is a sign of being overprotective

If you are overly possessive, you need to learn to rein in your impulses and reactions. Stop being obsessed with your partner by constantly reminding yourself that he is a part of your life and not your life itself. To set boundaries, you must be able to trust your partner and understand that at times he will interact with the opposite sex and even have close friends who are women. Irrational jealousy and possessiveness have no place in a healthy relationship.

11. You are too available

If your boyfriend has become the central and sole focus of your life, you’re displaying one of the most telling toxic girlfriend signs. When that happens, your friends, family, and even your career become secondary. So, if you’re the kind who’d ditch a friend at the last minute just because your boyfriend has asked for a coffee date or blow off a work presentation because he suggested ‘Netflix and chill’, you’ve blurred the lines between clinginess and affection.

Always being available for him will make him take you for granted. He will know that you will always make time for him and thus he will only make plans at his convenience and not be afraid to cancel on you at the last minute. Here’s how you can set healthy boundaries and stop being clingy in a relationship:

• Know your self-worth and make him realize it too
• Do not put him above everyone and everything
• Don’t put your life on hold for him
• Don’t change your plans as per his convenience and availability

12. A clingy girlfriend needs constant reassurance

My friend Paul confessed, “My girlfriend always wants to talk. And if I’m not available, I’m met with a barrage of clingy girlfriend texts, which always lead to bickering and fighting. Is there any solution to this?” It made me understand that clinginess is not just some quirk that you find cute. It can be a toxic trait and affect your partner’s mental peace. Ponder on the following questions to find out if you’re being excessively clingy like the above example:

• Do you repeatedly ask your boyfriend whether he loves you?
• Do you keep gifting him things and expect him to reciprocate as a way of showing his love?
• Do you find whatever validation he provides you with falling short?

There is constant doubt in your mind about his ‘true’ feelings. If you constantly feel this way and there have been instances to suggest that he pretends to love you, it’s time for open communication. However, if your paranoia is at the root of your toxic traits, you need to delve deeper into those suspicions and insecurities.

13. Low self-esteem

“What did I do to get someone as amazing as you?” Is this something you say to your boyfriend often? Do you think that you don’t deserve him? Do you think that he is too good for you? This perception could be rooted in your sense of self-worth. Low self-esteem and insecurity usually go hand-in-hand. A clingy partner struggles with constant self-doubt and self-deprecatory talk.

When you’re that person, you cling to every possible thing that you think can make the relationship work because you fear that he will find someone better and leave you. If you didn’t deserve him, then he wouldn’t have chosen to be with you. But he has. That in itself is reassurance enough that you needn’t worry about him abandoning you. 

14. You stalk his social media

Social media accounts are a great way to gather really useful information about your boyfriend’s life. A picture is worth a thousand words and so are the comments on them. But what about stalking his friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends? Have you reached the point where you stalk all possible accounts remotely related to your boyfriend just to know where each one stands in his life? Then you need to figure out how to not be clingy.

We’re all guilty of putting a sleepless night to good use by browsing through our partner’s social media or even their exes. But when this tendency spirals out of control, it’s a tell-tale case of you displaying signs of a controlling girlfriend. Even the slightest aberration from what you perceive to be acceptable social media activity for your boyfriend can set you off and send you into a tizzy of insecurity, hurt, and anger.

15. You keep wanting to meet his parents

Wanting to meet his parents when you are in a serious relationship isn’t surprising or uncommon. He is very important to you and it’s only natural that you’d want to get to know and build a rapport with his parents. But there is a time and place for it, and it’s wise to let the relationship evolve organically to the point where he wants you to meet his parents.

If you constantly coax him to take you to meet his parents at the early stages of a relationship when you haven’t even discussed the future, it’s not a good sign and it won’t be surprising if this makes him pull back. Meeting the parents is a big step that he might not be ready to take. So trust him when he tells you that he will do it when he is ready. Don’t give him a hard time and let the process take the time it needs.

How To Stop Being A Clingy Girlfriend?

You may not have noticed the troublesome behavior patterns until now but these signs may have helped you see the ways in which you’re acting like a clingy girlfriend. You may have also realized that dealing with the kind of partner you are is not easy. Sooner or later, it will lead to relationship burnout, leaving your boyfriend with no choice but to reassess his future with you.

We’re sure if you found these signs of a desperate woman too relatable, you’re looking for answers on how not to be a needy girlfriend. First things first, to avoid being clingy, you need to commit yourself to doing the necessary work to break your attachment patterns and resolve your underlying insecurities and self-esteem issues. To help you get started, here are some quick tips on how to not be too attached in a relationship:

1. Maintain a distance

You don’t have to text or call all the time. Let him call you first sometimes. It will make him miss you more and help you rediscover the spark. It will also let you know if he is willing to put in as much effort as you are.

2. Have some mystery

Keep some aspects of your life a surprise for him to explore. Don’t give everything away too soon. Men love women who have an air of mystery around them. Make him want to unravel your secrets. Make him crave you.

3. Boundaries

“Set boundaries and make sure you do not cross them. Commit to reinforcing your boundaries by clear communication and respecting your partner’s,” advises Joie. Here are some examples of healthy boundaries:

• How often should you communicate
• What names you can call each other
• How much me time do you need in the relationship

4. Do things for yourself

“Are you spending time with your friends/family without your partner and enjoying it? If not, have a day every week when you do that, and no, do not text and update your partner during that time. Pursue a hobby or set free time which is exclusive of your partner and encourage your partner to do the same to nurture space in your relationship,” says Joie

5. Give him space

Accept and reiterate to yourself that you cannot make him stay in your life against his wish simply by clinging to him. You need to trust him and give him more space to thrive as the individual you fell in love with.

6. Don’t involve him in everything

He cannot be a part of every aspect of your life, so don’t force it. “Stop telling your partner your friend’s secrets (if you are clingy, then you probably do this) because he doesn’t have the same relationship with them as you do. Trust me, chances are even he dislikes it,” says Joie

Final Thoughts

As we have reiterated over and over, the signs of a clingy girlfriend are rooted in an anxious-ambivalent attachment style. Since these patterns trace back to your formative years and childhood experiences, you may lack the know-how and necessary tools to break free of them. Seeking professional help is the healthiest way to break these problematic patterns and replace them with a more holistic approach toward life, relationships, and emotions. If you’re looking for help, skilled and licensed counselors on Bonoblogy’s panel of experts are here for you.

Ambivalent Attachment Style – How Does It Harm Your Relationship?

12 Painful Signs He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You

13 Signs Of A Controlling Woman – No#3 Will Surprise You!

Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.

See Our Editorial Process

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

What is your feedback?

×

Helpful Report an Error Other

Submit