Marriage isn’t easy. When you’re sharing a life with someone, there are bound to be ups and downs, rough patches, moments of conflict and disgruntlement. It is when these unpleasant phases start eclipsing the love, friendship, intimacy, respect, and understanding between a couple, that a marriage becomes unhappy. This unhappiness is reflected in a couple’s body language around each other. The body language of unhappy married couples is a warning sign of a connection crumbling under the weight of resentment, unmet expectations, and discontentment. 

Does the way your body responds to your spouse’s presence scream, “I’m unhappy in my marriage”? Are your interactions a reflection of dead marriage syndrome? Let’s find out by taking a close look at the role of body language in relationships and decoding what negative body language says about the state of your marriage. 

The Role Of Body Language In Relationships

Body language not only plays a pivotal role in shaping and sustaining relationships by communicating emotions and intentions more powerfully than words but can also reflect how strong the connection between two people is. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, who pioneered the 7-38-55 Communication model, nonverbal cues account for 55% of communication. This reiterates that expressing emotions and building trust and security isn’t just about what you say, but also includes, 

• Gestures
• Posture
• Eye contact
• Physical touch

In relationships, positive nonverbal cues such as open postures, mirroring, and consistent eye contact help foster emotional connection, mutual respect, and understanding. Conversely, negative body language—crossed arms, leaning away, or avoiding touch—reflects emotional distance, discontentment, or conflict. 

Renowned body language expert Patti Wood notes, “Our bodies speak volumes about how we feel toward our partners, often before we’re even aware of it.” Research by Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, reiterates this by stating that subtle cues like contemptuous expressions such as eye-rolling or sighing predict marital dissatisfaction with startling accuracy. On the other hand, gestures like frequent affectionate touches, smiling, and synchronized movements indicate harmony and satisfaction. 

Apart from offering astute insight into the current state of a relationship, body language can also impact its trajectory. For instance, reaching out and touching your partner affectionately after an argument can help build intimacy and make you feel more connected, whereas, turning away from them when your partner leans in for a kiss to make up for a fight creates a feedback loop of disconnection and resentment. 

Related Reading: 13 Tell-Tale Signs A Man Is Unhappy In His Marriage

Differences between the body language of happy and unhappy couples

The way two partners interact with each other, not just verbally but through their gestures, expressions, and bodily cues, is a clear measure of the state of their relationship. You don’t always have to come out and say, “I love being with my partner” or “I’m unhappy in my marriage”. Your body does it for us, sometimes without even you realizing it. Here are some ways body language sets happy couples apart from unhappy ones: 

Body language cues	Happy couples	Unhappy couples
Eye contact	Maintain consistent eye contact, showing engagement and affection.	Avoid eye contact or have fleeting, disinterested glances.
Physical Touch	Frequent, comforting touches like hand-holding or hugging.	Minimal or no physical touch; avoid closeness.
Facial Expressions	Genuine smiles, relaxed expressions.	Forced smiles, frowns, or expressions of contempt (e.g., smirking).
Posture	Open, leaning toward each other— showing interest and connection.	Closed, leaning away or turned away, indicating emotional distance.
Synchronization	Mirroring each other’s gestures and movements naturally.	Lack of synchronization; mismatched movements.
Proximity	Comfortable closeness, sitting or standing near each other.	Physical distance, sitting or standing far apart.
Gestures	Supportive gestures like nodding or affirming.	Dismissive gestures like shrugging or eye rolling
Tone of Interaction	Playful gestures like nudges	Tense or aggressive gestures like pointing fingers

Body Language Of Unhappy Married Couples — 15 Cues Your Marriage Is Not Working

Signs of a bad marriage aren’t always as obvious and dire as abuse, infidelity, manipulation, or gaslighting. They can also emerge in small everyday actions. When a woman feels neglected in a relationship or a man starts feeling trapped in marriage, the emotional turmoil manifests in the way their bodies connect with and respond to each other. The result are these 15 cues that you can spot in the body language of unhappy married couples:

1. Sighing all the time 

Signs a person is not happy in marriage can also be found in their intonation. One such sign is sighing, which is a physical manifestation of suppressed frustration and vexation. It comes out audibly when someone is annoyed, disappointed, or tired. 

Rachel, an interior designer from New Jersey, says, “My husband and I had been having problems for some time but I knew that our marriage was doomed when I began noticing a rather unsettling pattern—whenever I spoke to him, asked him something, or wanted his attention, he would let out a huge sigh and reluctantly look up from his phone, then go back to scrolling without really responding to me. We’re separated now.”

Related Reading: 20 Things That Make Wives Unhappy In A Marriage

2. Avoiding eye contact

Avoiding eye contact fits the bill of negative body language because it indicates an unwillingness to engage and connect. Sure, as time passes by and you become more settled in a relationship, you may not gaze into each other’s eyes as much. But when you’re trying to talk to your partner about something and they don’t look at you, or they deliberately avoid eye contact during intimate moments, it suggests that they are either hiding something or are emotionally disconnected from you.  

Besides, lack of eye contact can over time erode the sensual and intimate as well as honest and loving connection between partners. A study by body language experts says that looking into someone’s eyes will make you significantly more aroused than looking at someone whose gaze is averted. The more you avoid looking at each other, the more distant and out of touch you’re likely to feel. 

Related Reading: First Year Marriage Problems: 5 Things Newly-Wed Couples Fight About

3. Being physically distant from each other

When you’re in love with your partner, you want to touch them. Not just sexually but also as a way of creating physical intimacy by holding their hand, grazing their thigh, or rubbing their cheek. Touch symbolizes closeness in a relationship. When you or your partner make it a point to avoid touching each other, it indicates that you may be trapped in a dying marriage. 

Now let’s talk about an extreme manifestation of this dead marriage syndrome: revulsion toward a partner. This can result in avoiding sex or withholding sex to express one’s unhappiness in the marriage. Physical distance is not just evident in your private space or intimate moment, it can also be seen in the body language of unhappy couples in photos when they are sitting on the same couch but far away from each other or their bodies are pointing in different directions. 

We’ve all seen how awkward Donald Trump and Melania’s body language is as a couple. There are so many iconic incidents where Trump attempts to hold Melania’s hands, and she dismisses the gesture. Body language experts have analyzed their transactional relationship many times especially when her hand swat became a viral sensation. While we don’t know the full context, neither of them seems happy in the relationship. 

4. Not being open to hugging each other 

Another significant indicator of body language of unhappy married couples is when a partner locks their elbows when the other is trying to hug or embrace them. A Reddit user shares how their partner’s body language made them realize they aren’t happy in the marriage, and says, “Over the years my husband’s affection has been dwindling to the point where he outright rejects me touching him and vice versa. If I want to hug him or kiss him, he pushes me away, not in a mean way, just doesn’t seem to want any affection from me at all.”

This can also create a state of emotional deprivation and augment the existing sense of discontentment and disconnect. When we embrace someone, our body produces endorphins, chemicals that help us destress. They produce feelings of happiness and euphoria. Hugging also releases oxytocin, which is commonly known as the “love hormone.” When this simple gesture of affection is missing, the sense of not being happy in the marriage becomes more pronounced, leading to a vicious cycle that feeds itself.

5. Furrowed eyebrows convey disdain

According to a journal on facial expressions, a furrowed brow and a lifted chin convey a mix of anger, disgust, and contempt. These emotions are used to show negative moral judgment. This body language of an unhappy married couple hints at criticism and contempt toward one another. Given that these are two of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, according to Dr. John Gottman, a furrowed brow can be an indicator of a deeply unhappy marriage on the verge of falling apart.   

Related Reading: 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife

6. Crossed arms convey you’re being shut out

If your partner crosses their arms frequently around you, then it’s a sign of dead marriage syndrome. When you are in love with someone, you rarely cross your arms when you’re with them. An open posture is a sign of trust. However, when a couple is trapped in an unhappy marriage, it is not uncommon to see either one or both partners cross their arms, especially during an argument or conflict. 

Natalie, a software engineer from Chicago, says, “I have been noticing that my husband always crosses his arms when he is around me. At first, it’d happen whenever we were arguing but now, it’s just constant. This makes it harder for me to approach him or talk to him. It’s almost as if his body is telling me, “Stay away.” It made communication even harder, and I had this awful feeling that my marriage was about to hit the iceberg—and it did.”

7. Eye-rolling signals contempt

Eye rolling is another non-verbal body language of unhappy married couples, which indicates disapproval, annoyance, contempt, and cynicism. All these things poison a relationship. Now, if your partner rolls their eyes at something you say, which they find annoying, every once in a while, it may not be a red flag. 

However, when they constantly roll their eyes at everything you say and do, it’s a clear indication that they’re not happy in marriage. According to renowned psychologist John Gottman, contemptuous behavior like eye-rolling, sarcasm, and name-calling are among the top predictors of divorce.  

Related Reading: Emotional Distance: Meaning, Causes, Signs, And Ways To Fix

8. Leaning away indicates emotional distance 

When you feel attracted to someone, you often tend to lean in their direction. Emotional intimacy is reflected by physical closeness. A partner leaning away from the other when talking to them or when watching a movie together is one of the unhappy marriage signs, which emerges when a woman feels neglected in a relationship or a man is feeling trapped in marriage. 

9. Biting or pursing lips a lot

We’re not talking about the sexy biting of lips here. Chewing/biting your lips is often a sign of anxiety, stress, and uncertainty. Through this, a person is trying to stop themselves from saying something or holding their feelings back. The body language of unhappy couples in photos as well as in real life can be noticed by the way they bite or purse their lips.

According to Changing Minds, “Pursed lips are a classic sign of anger, including when it is suppressed. It is effectively holding the mouth shut to prevent the person from saying what they feel like saying. This may also be an indication of lying or withholding the truth.”

Related Reading: 11 Signs You Are Single In A Relationship

 10. Unhappy couples walk out of sync

When you’re in love with someone, your body aligns itself with them. The opposite is also true. When the connection between two people fades, they may find themselves out of sync with one another. One simple example of the body language of unhappy married couples is a tendency to walk out of sync

Tania, a dietician in her early 30s, says, “My partner and I used to have this indescribable connection where we would walk together, feet side by side. He suddenly began to either walk faster or slower, never in sync like we used to be. When our walking pattern got disturbed and didn’t get back to the usual even after I gently pointed it out a few times, that’s when I knew we were heading toward the end.”

 11. Comforting touch is missing from the equation

Let’s say you have just shared concerns or you’re upset over something. Instead of consoling you and comforting you by holding your hand or rubbing your back, your partner just sits there, listening to you talk. When any or all kinds of touch are terminated, that’s when you know your relationship is doomed. It’s one of the signs you are in a one-sided relationship. If one person in the relationship isn’t reciprocating your efforts, feelings, and love, then it’s a glaring sign they don’t want to be in the relationship.

 12. Smirking at each other

There’s only a thin line between a smile and a smirk. A smile is genuine, whereas a smirk is offensive smugness disguised as a smile. When your wife smirks at you every time you say something, it’s one of the signs she is not happy in marriage. Likewise, a scornful look from a man is considered an insult that expresses arrogance, disdain, and mockery. It screams disrespect. That’s why body language and its role in healthy relationships shouldn’t be taken lightly.

 13. Being too distracted

When you don’t feel connected to your partner, it can make it harder to engage with them in a meaningful way. As a result, you may notice that your mind wanders away when your spouse is talking to you. Or that they keep scrolling on their phone when you try to talk to them. Not being able to connect and engage isn’t always an attention span issue, it could also be your mind’s and body’s way of not wanting to get pulled into something that feels uncomfortable or unsafe. 

14. You stop mirroring each other

Mirroring is a subconscious behavior where partners mimic each other’s posture, gestures, or movements, reflecting emotional connection and harmony. Research by Chartrand and Bargh (1999) on the “chameleon effect” shows that mirroring enhances interpersonal connections. A lack of it often correlates with strained or declining relationships. 

When couples are unhappy, this natural synchronization often disappears. For example, when you’re talking over dinner, if you lean forward and gesture passionately while speaking, but your spouse sits back, uninterested or rigid, it signals disengagement and growing emotional distance.

Related Reading: Emotional Neglect In A Marriage—Signs And Coping Tips

15. Forced or fake smiles

When a smile doesn’t reach the eyes or appears tense, it signals emotional strain or unhappiness. Forced smiles in unhappy couples can mask deeper dissatisfaction or discomfort, highlighting a facade of harmony in the relationship rather than genuine joy. This can be seen in the body language of unhappy couples in photos as well as in real life. 

For example, when posing for a picture, you or your partner may smile for the camera but that smile seems plastic or forced and quickly disappears once the moment passes. Or when you see each other at the end of the day and are met with a mechanical smile rather than one that conveys genuine joy, it indicates underlying unhappiness in the relationship. Over time, these fake smiles can erode trust and emotional authenticity between partners.

Final Thoughts

Verbal communication isn’t the only kind of communication that takes place in a relationship. You need to read between the lines to acknowledge what’s actually happening, listen to your partner’s silence, and pay attention to their body language to gauge their emotions. If you are picking up signs that your significant other isn’t happy in the relationship, then it’s time to improve your communication skills and work toward repairing the bond. 

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