Divorce is a heartbreaking process that no one wants to go through. Especially in the conservative Indian society where many people still look at it as a ‘scar’. Still, many Indians choose this option rather than suffering through an abusive marriage. But is remarriage the next viable step after a painful divorce? Should divorce and remarriage go hand in hand? This is a question many divorcees faces in their lives. It is important to remember that you are not alone. After going through a lot of pain, hurt and negativity, you finally get back your newfound ‘freedom’ and another chance at singlehood. Should you compromise that freedom again just to give love another shot? According to our relationship counsellors, it is normal to feel scared or ‘commitment-phobic‘ at this point of time. You are at your most vulnerable and don’t want to complicate your life with another relationship. If you feel this way, you are not ready for remarriage. You need adequate time to heal and overcome the torment caused by a painful divorce. Remarriage after divorce in India is an option, not a mandate.
You Need To Heal Post-Divorce
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Wounds of divorce and heartbreak take time to heal. This immediate post-divorce period is bound to make you feel depressed and dreadful. It’s okay to take your time to get back to normal. But at the end of the day, we owe it to ourselves to not choose to harbour negative feelings in life. They can fester and turn you into a bitter person. You already lost a partner in this divorce, you can’t lose yourself too. In a way, this is the clean slate that gives you the opportunity to rewrite your story. Try to make full use of it after you heal. Many see this period as a time of ‘reinvention’. It’s easy to stay stuck in the past but the easy way isn’t always the best one. Here are some tips to help you heal after divorce:
How to heal yourself after divorce
- Live your life one day at a time. Focus on leading an overall healthy and fulfilling day. Hit the gym, jog along the beach, ride a bicycle and feel good. Instead of constantly thinking about the future and the past, think of the day at hand. Just focus on being the best you can today. There are some days that will go by great and some that won’t. But that’s okay. It’s not fair to put yourself under unnecessary pressure.
- Focus on your career. Set up new goals and work towards achieving them. Think about where you would like to be in your career a few years from now and try to work towards reaching that stage. Channelling your energies towards work goals will definitely help you shape up. It can be your driving force port divorce. However, try not to ignore your feelings and immerse yourself in so much work that you forget to deal with your pain
- Make time for family and friends. Their relentless support helped you to sail through divorce and make it out the other end. Cherish and grow your relationships with people that matter to you and those who stuck by you
- Find comfort in a hobby. Painting, long drives, creative writing, swimming, sports or gardening – choose anything that makes you feel better and is therapeutic for your soul
- Dare to be alone. Don’t rush into a new relationship, as it might end in a rebound
Rebuild your life if you are thinking to move on from a failed marriage. This will help you even prepare for another relationship and eventually, remarriage
Related Reading: Rebuilding Life After Divorce: I Got Divorced At 32 And I am Flying At 49
After you feel you have given yourself enough time and space to introspect and understand what went wrong in the marriage and why you may feel like you could give a chance to a new relationship. And eventually, you may consider remarriage. Getting married again can be a different and newfound experience. But you must make a careful, weighed decision this time around. Getting remarried in India after a divorce is still a bit of a taboo for the older generation. However, the younger generation is increasingly open about divorce and remarriage after divorce in India Here are some tips to help you make your decision to get remarried.
Questions To Ask While Thinking Of Divorce And Remarriage
Believe it or not, a divorce makes you more realistic, wise and honest as a person and hence, in a relationship. This time around, you are clear on what you want or don’t want from your remarriage. So, before dating or committing to remarriage, ask yourself some crucial questions to get a clear picture and avoid making hasty decisions. Many people choose to opt for a second marriage in India after a divorce. However, this should only be done if you are clear about your decision and where you stand. To ensure that you have clarity ask yourself the following questions:
What’s motivating you to get married?
Are you truly in love with this person? Do you feel that the compatibility and mutual understanding will work well for your relationship? If yes, then you’re on the right track. Your intentions and motivations behind wanting to remarry are vital. You should not just rush into this decision because you feel you’re ageing or that’s what other people are making you to do. Getting married “for the sake of it” is the worst thing you can do to yourself and your partner. If you have a crystal-clear mind-set towards your current partner, then this is a solid reason to think about remarriage.
Have you contemplated your failed marriage and learnt from it?
You must have thought millions of times about what went wrong in your past marriage. Could it be the interference from in-laws or infidelity that drove you to the point of divorce? If you know the reasons well, then analyse your current relationship from a neutral perspective. Ensure that this is not going through the same pattern. Talk to your friends for sound advice. Once you are certain that you truly want this relationship and it does not follow the tracks of your previous one, you can consider remarriage. Going through a failed marriage teaches you a lot about all the things that make or break a marriage. It is pivotal that you implement these learnings in your new relationship and don’t repeat your mistakes. Fortunately, remarriage after divorce in India is becoming a pretty popular phenomenon in today’s time. A majority of second marriages in India are successful
Have you taken enough time to heal?
Rushing into a relationship or marriage without healing is detrimental for you. So, give yourself proper time to heal and overcome the nasty after-effects or unhealthy emotions from the divorce. Remember that there is no “appropriate” amount of time to get over a divorce. You don’t need to rush yourself. Take as long as you need to get over your old marriage and reach a place of acceptance. Marry only if your heart desires and agrees to it. A little delay goes a long way. If you are in a steady relationship, ask them to wait if you feel you’re not ready to marry. This will not be an issue if they are truly in love with you. It is way better than marrying hastily and regretting it later.
Have you battled any challenges together?
How to find out if your current partner is supportive of you? While dating, everyone puts their best version forward, but their real personality comes to the surface only in the time of a crisis. So, talk about potential problem-solving scenarios after wedlock with your partner. Analyse their answers and get a better idea about how they would deal with these situations. This would prepare you for unwanted scenarios post remarriage. When you are considering remarriage after divorce, this is very important. Also, ensure that you check how long one has to legally wait in India before one can remarry. It would help to take legal counsel about the new rules of divorce and remarriage in India and your legal rights in your second marriage.
Related Reading: What Are The After Effects Of Divorce In India?
Do they make an effort to bond with your children/parents?
Many middle-aged individuals looking for remarriage have to check their understanding and compatibility with the children as well. If you have children, they should not feel insecure about your remarriage. Give them enough time to accept your current partner. Let them bond over little occasions like a picnic, or a movie date. Proceed for remarriage only if the children or your parents are happy with this union. Children are a priority for most parents so if the new person in your life isn’t bonding with your children, it spells trouble for you. Remarriages in India often fail because children don’t accept new spouses. This situation has to be dealt with utmost care. Children do take time to accept a new step-parent but they care about your happiness too. Efforts from you and your new partner combined will help your children accept this new situation.
Are your finances compatible?
Many marriages in India dissolve because of financial incompatibility.
Try to find out if your current partner is a spendthrift, or is in debt. Who earns more between you both? Will you be able to support each other, in case of job or business losses?
Talk about such issues and then decide whether you would like to proceed further. Divorce and remarriage are all about taking things one step at a time.
When can you remarry in India after a divorce?
Once the decree of divorce has been handed over, you can remarry as and when you want. There is no specific bar on remarriage after divorce has happened. However, many times estranged spouses appeal to the court that the divorce has been forced upon them since the partner wanted to get married soon. Plus, a hasty decision can complicate your new relationship because you have not yet healed and are not sure about what you want from the marriage.
The Indian law states that when a marriage has been dissolved by a decree of divorce and either there is no right of appeal against the decree or, if there is such a right of appeal, the time for appealing has expired without an appeal having been presented, or an appeal has been presented but has been dismissed, it shall be lawful for either party to the marriage to marry again.
Possible complications of remarrying post-divorce
The decision to get married after a divorce is definitely no easy one. More so in cases in which the divorce was contested with complications like alimony. It can get even more complicated when there are children involved. However, it is not uncommon. Many people are still happily remarrying even after a contested divorce in India. Many individuals have found a new lease to life after remarriage. They manage to find their soulmate even after divroce and chances are, you will too. But, before you say ‘I do’, try to look into certain potential complications that may arise and could be avoided.
How soon is too soon for remarrying after divorce?
There is no right time for remarrying after a divorce. Legally, you can remarry the day you sign your divorce papers in India. But you need to prepare yourself to trust your new partner emotionally, financially and with your kids if the equation involves them. To achieve that level of understanding, you need to get to know them and spend enough time with them. There is no rush to tie the knot again. Don’t let society play with your mind and force you to remarry. Let your love blossom, and try to understand the person better before you decide to jump with both feet into a remarriage.
Remarrying after divorce with children
Many people who have got a divorce get remarried. Among these, there are many instances where one partner has children from the previous marriage. In such a case, it is important for both the biological parents, as well as the new step-parents, to help the children better understand the reasons for divorce and remarriage after a divorce. They need to slowly allow the kids to settle into the new situation and accept change.
Remarrying for love
Divorce doesn’t make a person incapable of falling in love again. Many people who have chosen to remarry after a divorce have found love in their new partner. Love has the power to overcome all the odds, with the right company and at the right time. If you are sure of your love for each other, then nothing can stop you from remarrying for love. Remarriage in India often happens because people find the soulmate.
Related Reading: Alone After Divorce: Why Men Find It So Hard To Cope
Financial compatibility
It can’t be denied that financial compatibility and understanding is the key to many successful relationships. A lot of divorced women who are not financially independent find it hard to manage children. Some do not even get enough money in childcare support or by the way of alimony. Many divorcees decide to remarry based on financial compatibility with their new partners. Knowing that the joint financial situation is good enough to keep your families running smoothly is a great solace. Especially to those paying for child support.
Remarrying when you want to
Soon after the divorce, you may feel the need to get remarried for all the wrong reasons. You’re lonely, hurt and scared. But you must not give in to these emotions. Wait till you have completely healed from the emotional and psychological trauma of divorce. A second marriage after divorce can best withstand the test of times when it is done out of want and not need. Going through a divorce is like tough terrain. However, being liberated from a troubled marriage gives you freedom. It allows you a chance for remarriage and to find your soulmate once again. There are new rules in the marriage act in India which make divorce and marriage possible with less fuss. With the proper healing and thoughtful investment, remarriage can bring new joy into your life and even help you rebuild your family.
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