Ask anyone who is in one, and they will tell you it’s not easy to figure out how to make a long-distance relationship work. Tones get misinterpreted all the time when you’re communicating via texts, finding the right time to talk to each other is a nightmare, and the stomach-churning longing you feel when you miss your partner can make you question if it’s even worth it.

Though long-distance dating and relationships come with more than their fair share of challenges, sometimes they can’t really be avoided. After all, the heart wants what it wants. If you find that unmistakable connection with someone who doesn’t live in the same city as you, it’s not the wisest idea to throw it all away just because distance poses an impediment. Besides, sometimes circumstances like career demands and emergencies get in the way. In such cases, understanding how to survive LDRs becomes paramount.

So, what exactly does it take? Dating coach Geetarsh Kaur, founder of The Skill School, which specializes in building stronger relationships, brings you some long-distance relationship tips that can help prevent distance from taking a toll on emotions. 

Long-Distance Relationship Challenges

Though the outcome of an LDR varies from relationship to relationship, one thing remains constant in all of them: the challenges a couple has to contend with. These challenges often prove to be what kills long-distance relationships. Studies suggest that there’s about a 40% chance of LDR couples breaking up. And that’s not all, another study suggests that when an LDR turns into a geographically close relationship, they have about a 37% chance of breaking up within the first three months. This abysmal success rate can be attributed to the following long-distance relationship challenges: 

• According to the NYPost, the biggest challenge faced by LDR couples is the lack of physical intimacy
• Worrying about being cheated on or struggling with trust issues
• Communication problems
• Dealing with loneliness
• Impaired communication due to time differences
• Growing apart & losing the emotional connection
• Jealousy
• Making assumptions and jumping to conclusions
• Experiencing insecurity
• Feeling alienated
• Becoming possessive, controlling, and over-demanding

Related Reading: ‘Long-Distance Marriage Is Breaking Our Bond’—Expert Advises What To Do

Can Long-Distance Relationships Work?

These statistics and the long-winded list of challenges can make you wonder, can long-distance relationships work? The truth is, it all boils down to how long-distance couples navigate the highs and the lows. However, research shows that long-distance relationships (LDRs) can work, and in some cases, even thrive. Studies suggest that couples in LDRs often experience stronger emotional bonds due to heightened communication efforts, and go on to have successful long-distance relationships.

According to a 2013 study published in the Journal of Communication, LDR couples tend to share more intimate details and express greater affection than those living geographically closer. Another study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that LDRs can promote relationship stability when partners maintain regular communication and set expectations for their future together. Technology plays a crucial role here, allowing couples to stay connected via video calls, messaging, and social media.

However, maintaining trust, managing time zones, and planning visits are essential for overcoming challenges. While LDRs require effort, distance can foster resilience and deepen the relationship when both partners are committed. Some people learn to be independent and patient and focus on hobbies or learning new things. Others let loneliness, insecurity, and lack of touch get to them. 

Geetarsh sheds light on whether a lasting emotional connection is possible in such a relationship, and what it takes to develop and sustain it. “It’s possible, but with a lot of complications. A lack of communication may lead to tiredness, it may cause insecurities, and time management may suffer as a result. However, what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder isn’t just an old cliche, it’s a very true phenomenon.

“The distance between you two will only make you feel connected and excited to meet your partner again. You’ll always be looking forward to spending positive time with your partner and there’s always going to be a layer of excitement. Though geographic separation has its lows, you’ve always got to focus on the bright side of things,” she says.

Sure, there are challenges and those challenges are often what kills long-distance relationships, if you learn to tackle them correctly, there is a strong possibility of tiding over the distance and building a strong, lasting relationship. What is the right way to tackle these challenges and how to make a long-distance relationship work, you ask? Well, let’s find out.

17 Tips On How To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work

Sherry, who moved from the UK to Canada for a new job three years into her marriage to her high school sweetheart, Chris, agrees that navigating the distance, time zones, and busy schedules to make a relationship work long-distance is no joke. But if your heart’s in the right place, it’s not impossible either.  

Sharing her long-distance relationship advice for others in a similar situation as her, she says that figuring out how to make an LDR work requires both partners to be on the same page about everything, from calling schedules to future plans. Being in sync is the first step to steering clear of the common mistakes couples make in an LDR. The next important order of business is to set some ground rules to make things seem effortless. Once you’ve laid the groundwork right, your long-distance love can find a way to thrive, even if it’s just through the screen of your phone (for now). 

Sounds simple enough? Well, if only it were as easy to put it all into practice as well. But fret not, as always we’ve got you covered. Based on Sherry’s long-distance relationship advice and Geetarsh’s long-distance relationship tips, we’ve compiled 17 tips to develop a healthy bond despite being geographically separated.

Related Reading: What Do Guys Want In A Long-Distance Relationship?

1. Communicate regularly

Good communication is the key to any healthy relationship but even more so when you’re trying to figure out how to make a long-distance relationship work. To stay emotionally connected, you need to open up to your partner about your feelings and emotions. If you have a bad workday, the person you rely on for support should be there to lend an ear, despite the distance.

In the physical absence of your partner, you will inevitably have mood swings. In that case, you need to share those feelings with your partner to keep the emotional intimacy intact. The daily exchange of texts and messages along with video calls whenever possible will keep you connected to your partner and will take the edge away from the physical distance between you. Here are some things to do in a long-distance relationship to keep the communication open and healthy:

• Schedule any video calls or phone calls, don’t wait for an impromptu call
• State your expectations and needs clearly, encourage your partner to do the same
• Try to opt for more voice and video calls than text messages
• Support each other and reassure each other when needed
• Be an active listener
• Establish a communication style that works for both of you
• Make sure your partner understands what your message is, and don’t let any miscommunication cause problems

Related Reading: 18 Long-Distance Relationship Problems You Should Know

2. Make sure your communication is productive

Geetarsh talks about how mere communication won’t solve all your problems, you must also look after the quality of communication you establish. “Communication has four T’s: timing, tone, technique, and truth. You must ensure you’re wary of your choice of words and the tone you employ.

“Since you are unaware of your partner’s circumstances, it will be difficult to judge their mood. Miscommunication between moods can often lead to bad communication or arguments. Perhaps you wanted to share some exciting news but your partner hasn’t had the best day. Perhaps you want to talk about the future, but your partner is angry and wants to talk about that fight you two had.

“Try to gauge your partner’s mood based on how they’re communicating with you and get to the bottom of what may have landed them in this mood. Even if you want to share positive news, it may turn out disastrous if you don’t time it right or if you don’t use the right words,” she says.

Sherry says, “The time difference between Canada and the UK is such that my husband and I barely get to talk for a couple of hours a day. But it’s up to us what we do during those two hours – crib about how things have changed or have a warm, romantic conversation that makes us smile. Of all the things to do in a long-distance relationship, effective communication tops the list. Make sure you and your partner both know how to talk to each other. Use the right words at the right time, and things will be smooth sailing. Well, for the most part.

Related Reading: 11 Expert Tips To Communicate Better With Your Partner

3. Meet as often as possible

Long-distance date ideas, flirting, communication, sexting, talking about the mundane realities of life—all of the efforts you make toward keeping your LDR strong and thriving can only bear fruit if you find ways to be with each other as often as possible. This will keep the physical connection alive and take care of both your sexual needs. Sex and physical intimacy are the first things to get impacted in a long-distance relationship so make sure to meet one another as much as possible. Work out your finances and ensure that you can fly down or take a train ride every few months to meet your partner.

Whenever you can, try to meet halfway for a short holiday or plan a road trip together. Sometimes you can go to see your partner in person, or your partner can visit you. Plan surprises, that’s also vital. We know this is a drain on the finances but look at it as an investment into your relationship.

When meeting is not possible, making plans for all that you will do when you see your partner next can be the next best thing. Sherry says, “I’ve listed all the places I want to visit once he’s here—the CN Tower, Niagara, and Casa Loma. In my free time, I stroll around downtown, go to parks and watch couples madly in love, while eagerly awaiting the arrival of my beloved. Well, that’s how I keep myself busy, apart from my job and social life.”

4. Keep your expectations real

It is very natural to feel anxious, concerned, angry, or worried over the slightest disconnect in communication; for example, when you don’t receive an immediate reply to your texts. However, be realistic. S/he may be going through a bad day at work and is unable to reach out to you, or, the difference in the time zones might just be too severe.

“If it seems like your partner doesn’t want to communicate, it could also be because you might’ve failed to gauge their mood or understand that they just want some space,” says Geetarsh, adding, “Maybe they’re going somewhere and you just forgot. The point is it’s important to give your partner space. Just because you’re in an LDR does not mean you have to always stay virtually connected or keep score of how much you talk to each other.” If you’re looking for long-distance relationship advice, here’s a little nugget: be more accepting and manage your relationship expectations realistically.

5. Use some long-distance relationship gadgets

What’s the point of living in the most technologically advanced age if you’re not using it to its full potential? Sometimes, long-distance relationship gadgets can help you get through those particularly painful days when you can’t seem to think about anything other than wanting to hug your partner.

When those days come around, you can keep the spark alive with some ingenious gadgets. Did you know that there exist lamps that light up in your partner’s room when you touch yours, even if they’re a thousand miles away? There are rings that can literally make you feel your counterpart’s heartbeat on your finger, and, well, some sex gadgets use the same principle. So, start exploring and get yourselves a few that best align with your personality as a couple.

Related Reading: Are Long-Distance Relationships Worth It? 15 Reasons They Are

6. Don’t shy away from sexting

As we saw at the beginning of the article, lack of physical intimacy is usually the biggest issue couples who are not in the same location have to contend with. Though it’s not quite as good as the real thing, sexting can satisfy that itch, at least for a little while.

There are far too many long-distance apps that can make something like this a lot more interactive and fun, but you don’t even really need one. You’ve already got the messaging apps on your phone, all you’ve got to do is get typing or hit video call and put your inhibitions aside. Just make sure you’re not connected to public wifi when you do. Oh, and, use protection. We mean a VPN, of course.

Sharing her long-distance relationship advice about maintaining intimacy, Sherry says, “Sexual success stems from the strong roots of emotional intimacy, and we as a couple never forget that. Cell phones, Skype, and emails are wonderful tools for couples to keep in touch even when they live together. Tell each other what you’re looking forward to – get graphic on Skype or creative on emails. Sometimes, it’s also good to plan to avoid disappointment.”

7. Plan and schedule all your voice and video calls

Especially when you two live in different time zones, you’ve got to decide when you can talk to each other instead of just waiting for an impromptu call from your partner. Even if it feels like you’ve turned into “one of those couples who plan everything and never do anything fun anymore”, you’ve got to do it if you’re serious about figuring out how to make a long-distance relationship work.

Of course, it helps to go the extra mile every once in a while and let your partner know that you’re invested in them, despite the distance. Sherry says, “Living apart has made our love blossom like never before. Chris isn’t a late-night person; he doesn’t even stay up to wish me on my birthday night. But on my first day at work here, he stayed up till 2 A.M. just to know how it went. And it just melted by heart.”

Geographic separation makes communication extremely difficult. And if you start going days without talking to each other because of conflicting schedules, the resentment slowly begins to grow. Thoughts like, “Why didn’t s/he call me? S/he can’t take out 5 minutes while doing chores?”, can begin to eat you up.

Without ever properly talking about a fixed time for calls, you’ll keep waiting around, your partner will keep waiting around, and you’ll fight over your WhatsApp texts about not getting enough quality time with each other. So, make an effort to carve out time for your partner and your relationship. 

8. Have common goals

Long-distance love grows as time goes by, but there’s only so much it can grow if the foundation of your relationship is weak. Are you two even planning on living together after this bout of geographical separation? Is the separation even a “bout” or is there no end to it in sight?

It’s important to have these conversations and establish around three to four common, long-term goals, apart from wanting to live together sometime in the future. Ask yourself the following long-distance relationship questions to help establish some common goals:

• We eventually plan on living together, but where would we like that to happen?
• Do we see kids in our future? How do we plan on parenting them?
• What kind of lifestyle do you want to have with me when we live together?
• Is there a cause that we’re passionate about and would like to contribute toward together as a team?
• What short-term goals should we set for ourselves to be able to make sure that we meet our long-term common goals?

9. Get creative with long-distance date ideas and romantic gestures

How to make a long-distance relationship work, you ask? Don’t discount the role of long-distance date ideas and romantic gestures. Sherry shares, “On our recent anniversary, my husband had a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates delivered to my doorstep. “Those are the things you do for your high school sweetheart like a little simp,” you might say. But that’s the whole point—to revive those sweet moments!

It’s not hard to imagine how this sweet gesture would have melted her heart and made her feel a surge of love for her partner. If you want to replicate those feelings, make an effort to look for/think of sweet, thoughtful things to do in a long-distance relationship. 

Given how commonplace and seamless online relationships can be in this day and age, there is no reason why you cannot come up with a whole host of ways to have interesting conversations and find activities to bond over.

“Things to do in a long-distance relationship can be markedly different from those in geographically proximate relationships. Whether it’s constant video calls or sending short videos to each other and communicating more often, these little things can make all the difference. The spark is already there, you just need to find ways to fan the flames. That’s the secret of how to make a long-distance relationship work,” says Geetarsh. Here are some bunch ideas you can explore: 

• Schedule a video call date, and order your care package on your date
• Spend time on a video call trying to learn a new skill: dancing, cooking, yoga
• Stay connected with each other while you’re both doing your respective chores
• Make art together while on a video call
• Make the same meal and have dinner together
• Binge-watch your favorite TV show

Related Reading: Do Long-Distance Relationships Work?

10. Be empathetic

Sometimes if a person is having a boring weekend at home and finds out the long-distance partner is having a great time with friends without them, they get upset, which could even start a fight. “One of the biggest problems I have seen is how young companions let the FOMO get to them. They assume their partner is out there having the time of their life without them, and they end up overthinking it for hours. It’s vital to not let that get to you,” says Geetarsh.

Instead of feeling left out and starting an argument over it, or getting upset at your counterpart for being a Debbie Downer just because you’re having fun without them, practice empathy in your relationship. Try to understand where your partner is coming from and why they could possibly be sad. Put yourself in their shoes and try to look at the situation objectively.

11. Don’t try to control things

It is never easy to be far away from your better half. One tends to micromanage the relationship and make things go their way because of a paucity of time. Do not make the mistake of being a control freak. The most crucial piece of long-distance relationship advice we have for you is to let things unfold organically instead of trying to force them. It will take you some time to get used to the distance. So be patient with yourself and your SO.

When your partner was with you, you probably decided together where you two would go for lunch. Maybe you decided on their outfit for that upcoming conference. But if you keep doing the same in a long-distance relationship, it could get really stifling. Perhaps you may even try to control things more when you notice your SO changing as a person.

In such situations, learning how to be mature and not letting petty things get to you will do you a lot of good. You have to let go to some extent. Your partner’s going to have what’s available for lunch at the office cafeteria and they cannot always stick to the healthy salad you made for them at home. Accept that and stop fretting, and you’ll find that you’re both on the same page more often than you thought you were.

12. Establishing trust

However tough it seems or how hard it gets to be away from your partner, never distrust them or begin to lose faith in the relationship just because you can’t see him/her physically. Trust and faith are the pillars of strength in any relationship and both partners have to make an effort to foster it.

“Trust is the basic necessity for many long-distance relationships to survive. There will be times when you may feel that it’s not going the right way but you can’t let insecurities govern how you behave in your relationship. Don’t make the mistake of video-calling them out of the blue, in an attempt to see if they’re telling the truth about where they are. Especially when you’re trying to make an LDR work with a time difference, it’s vital to take a step back and trust your partner,” says Geetarsh. 

Talking about the importance of transparency and honesty in building trust in a long-distance relationship, Sherry says, “One of the most important long-distance relationship tips is to practice utmost faith. It’s very easy to doubt the very foundation of your relationship when you start communicating with new people. In such situations, being transparent about things will not only make your partner feel secure but also reassure them that no matter the distance, concern, or fear, you’ll always belong to each other.

“For instance, I have added so many new people on networking sites after I’ve come here. My husband understands that it’s not because I’m vying for attention or cheating in a long-distance relationship but because I am a sociable person and want to have a life outside of my marriage too. I tell my husband everything, even if it is the extra attention from a guy. What matters is how I handle that attention. You could be living in the same house and cheating on your partner. It’s all about being ethically sensitive.”

To establish trust when you’re not geographically close, keep the following things in mind:

• Remind each other about your long-term plans
• Talk about your future together
• Don’t let the paranoia or insecure thoughts get the better of you
• Talk about things calmly, discuss all negative assumptions you may have, and dispel them
• Be honest

Related Reading: 18 Things To Know Before Starting A Long-Distance Relationship

13. Be patient

Long-distance tests your patience and tolerance as no other relationship. Learn to be calm, collected, and patient even when things seem rocky between you and your partner. Most of the stuff is because of the distance, do not take it personally. Another thing that you have to work on is not jumping to conclusions.

A few minutes delay in replying to a text and you jump to the conclusion that your partner is ignoring you. You hear the voice of a man in the background while she is on the phone and you immediately assume the worst. While you’re thinking your partner is cheating on you, it might’ve just been the pizza delivery guy. Keep calm and stay logical.

14. Let love be your guide

“Are long-distance relationships worth it?” asked Jenna, even as she considered leaving her partner, Red, just because they now have to move to different cities. But of course, Jenna soon came to realize, leaving someone you love isn’t easy, even if there are a million miles between you.

When Jenna and Red decided to stay together, they knew it wouldn’t be easy figuring out how to make a long-distance relationship work. However, of all the things to make long-distance easier, they realized that the only thing they could fall back on was the feeling of love they had for each other. When you go back to what brought you together, it’ll help solve most of your problems. Remember love can help you get through anything, even physical distance.

It is important to keep in mind that you came together because you love each other. When you feel low, think of all the good times you’ve shared so far. Or you can talk about your next meeting and make plans so that you have something to look forward to. Love is a strong emotion. It can keep long-distance couples glued to each other. To make a long-distance relationship work, you will have to depend on it.

Related Reading: How To Keep An International Long-Distance Relationship Alive

15. Give your partner more space than usual

When you’re thinking about how to make an LDR work, there’s a good chance that throwing more space into the mix might be at the bottom of your list. Curiously, it’s one of the most vital long-distance relationship tips we have for you. Once apart, it’s vital to avoid making each other feel claustrophobic. Find new hobbies or activities to enjoy your own company. Keep yourself occupied and get closer to your friends now that you have the time. Use this distance to grow as an individual.

“People struggle with the how of it all,” says Geetarsh, talking about how personal space is a concept that leaves a lot of couples unnerved, and adds, “When you deprive your significant other of healthy space, deep down, you know you’re making a mistake. You may not like nagging your partner or getting into an argument, yet you may keep repeating the same behavior patterns. Why? One of the major triggers is trust issues. The idea is that you must not be possessive about your partner. Sure, it can feel like you’re drifting apart, but with the help of trust and respect, you’ll realize your bond is not that fickle.”

It’s important to be patient in an LDR. If your partner went out with their friends and didn’t text you till 2 A.M, let it go. You can always talk about it tomorrow. You’re probably not too keen on using your phone when you’re out with your friends either, are you?

16. Spend some time with yourself

While you’re giving your partner some space, put the time at your hand to good use and find a way to enjoy your own company. Learn a hobby, go out and have an experience, or do something fun, even if it’s just to have something to talk about with your partner the next time you talk.

Plus, the secret to figuring out how to survive a long-distance relationship is to understand that you both have to grow as individuals for the relationship to grow. When you both mature, the relationship matures. So go out there and hit up those friends who you so obviously ignored as soon as you got into the relationship and hope they take you back. It’s time to build yourself a well-rounded life.

17. Try to be secure in your relationship

You can try all the long-distance apps out there, or ask all the long-distance relationship questions you want to, unless the foundation of your relationship isn’t strong, you’re going to run into a lot of trouble. If you two had trust issues when you were in the same city, they’re bound to blow up.

Try to have excellent communication with each other, and establish bucketloads of respect, trust, empathy, kindness, and love. Of course, that can be easier said than done. When you’re struggling to understand how to make a long-distance relationship work, you can always reach out to one of Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists and dating coaches to help guide you closer to each other, despite the miles between you.

Tips On How To Survive A Long-Distance Relationship

While you’re trying to figure out how to make a long-distance relationship work and keep the bond between you and your partner intact, it’s equally important to be aware of how taxing it can be and prioritize self-care. Geetarsh tells us that the most important thing you can do is find yourself outside your relationship. “Go out with your friends, pick up a productive hobby, and try to find yourself outside of just your relationship. The more time you spend with yourself, the better it’ll be,” she advises. Here are some more tips on how to survive a long-distance relationship without letting it take a toll on your emotional well-being and mental health:

Related Reading: 3 Harsh Facts About Long Distance Relationships You Must Know

• Use the distance to focus on your hobbies, passions, and personal growth.
• Focus on self-improvement goals that enhance your life independently
• Maintain healthy communication patterns that don’t overwhelm your time
• Engage in meditation or journaling to manage emotions and reduce stress
• Exercise regularly to boost your mood and manage long-distance stress
• Spend time with friends and family to avoid feelings of loneliness
• Stick to a daily schedule to create stability in your life
• Avoid comparing your relationship to others; focus on your unique bond
• Pamper yourself with small acts of self-love, such as a spa day or a favorite meal
• Let your partner know about your plans in advance. You could be planning to watch a movie with friends or go out for dinner. But your partner shouldn’t find out about it when you’re already in the middle of it
• Don’t make the mistake of going out with the office hunk or touching base with an ex
• Send each other the perfect gifts regularly
• Keep them updated about new friends and colleagues. You can even introduce them over video chat
• Stop being possessive and don’t throw tantrums at the drop of a hat. You will both become exhausted
• Use this experience to become more independent and self-sufficient

To make an LDR work, you have to be sensible and mature, which means not letting jealousy consume you when your partner is out having fun with their friends who you have no idea about. Avoid relationship mistakes, try your best to be supportive, and make sure you have some common long-term goals. If you’re not in it for the long haul, what’s even the point?

Final Thoughts

While long-distance relationships come with their own unique set of challenges, they also offer opportunities for growth, resilience, and a deeper appreciation for the love you share. By embracing open communication, creative connection, and unwavering commitment, you can not only make your long-distance relationship work but also thrive in it.

Remember that every relationship is unique, and what works for one couple might not work for another. Don’t be afraid to experiment, adapt, and find your own rhythm. Most importantly, keep the flame of love burning bright, and cherish the special bond you share, even across the miles.

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