You’re trying to figure out how to get over your first love. Noble goal. But right now, everything reminds you of them. That coffee shop? Your “spot.” That song? Your song. Even a random stranger wearing their cologne? Emotional sabotage. You’ll know you’re still stuck when you find yourself rereading old texts like they’re historical documents or when your friends stage an intervention because you keep mentioning their name in every conversation. 

The good news? You will move on. To help you on this journey, we’ve brought you insight from a California-based psychiatrist and cognitive behavior therapist, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), who specializes in counseling for separation and divorce, breakup and dating, and premarital compatibility issues.

Psychologist Explains Why It’s Hard To Forget Your First Love

Dr. Batra says, “Your first love is basically the emotional equivalent of a permanent marker—no matter how much you try to scrub it away, traces remain. This happens because your brain, like an overenthusiastic teenager, releases a cocktail of dopamine and oxytocin, making your first love feel like the most exhilarating thing ever. It’s also the first time you learned that texting “goodnight” didn’t actually mean the conversation was over.“

You’ll know it’s hard to forget them when:

• You compare every new date to them
• Nostalgia hits at the worst times—like when you hear “your song” in the supermarket and suddenly forget why you’re in the dairy aisle
• And let’s not forget the random urge to check their social media, just to see if they ever replaced your inside jokes with someone else. 

It’s not just memory—it’s neuroscience. Your first love shaped your idea of romance, which is why you sometimes wonder if you should text them ‘just to catch up’. The key to moving on? Accept they were a milestone, not a final destination. 

This Reddit user put this feeling so beautifully, “The good news is, you’re experiencing how huge your capacity is for love. It hurts, but it’s beautiful man. Poetic. Profound.”

13 Expert-Recommended Tips On How To Get Over Your First Love 

Facing the end of your first love can feel overwhelming. You may find yourself asking in frustration, “Do you ever get over your first love?” The pain can seem endless, but healing is possible with time and practical steps. We’ve brought you expert tips on how to get over your first love to help you move forward. 

1. Accept that it’s over

The first step in healing is to accept that your first love is truly over. It can be hard to let go of memories and dreams, but this acceptance is essential. When you wonder how to get over your first love, acknowledging your feelings is the key. Experts explain that recognizing your emotions reduces stress and helps you start anew. 

Dr. Batra says, “Even if it felt like something magical, every relationship is a chapter in your life story. Accepting the end is not about forgetting but about understanding that it is now part of your past. Acceptance can lower stress hormones and open the door for emotional growth.” With each day that passes, you build a stronger foundation for the future. Remember, healing is a journey that takes time, and every moment of acceptance brings you one step closer to a happier tomorrow.

Related Reading: Healing from a Teen Breakup Guidance for Young Hearts

2. Avoid stalking them online

It might be tempting to check your ex’s social media after a first breakup, but avoid stalking them online. This habit only makes it harder to move on. Instead of scrolling through old photos or updates, focus on building a life without constant reminders of what once was. Think of it as an old habit from breaking up with your first love that you need to break. 

Dr. Batra advises, “Distancing yourself from digital ties can speed up recovery and reduce feelings of sadness. Redirect your energy to activities that lift your mood:

• Learn a new skill
• Join a class
• Or reconnect with family.” 

Setting clear boundaries online allows you to take charge of your healing journey and gradually regain your emotional balance.

Related Reading: Dating Guide: 9 Things To Never Do In The First Month Of Dating

3. Let yourself grieve

Allow yourself to grieve after the end of your first love. It is natural to feel sad, angry, or confused after your first breakup. Your emotions are valid, and taking time to cry, eat your favorite ice cream, or watch a funny movie can be very healing. When you find yourself wondering, “Do you ever get over your first love?” remember that each tear is a sign that you are processing your pain. 

Dr. Batra advises, “Use this period to reflect on what you have learned from the experience. Write down your thoughts or talk to someone you trust so that you can slowly let go of the past. Remember that time heals all wounds, and every moment of sorrow is a step toward learning more about yourself and finding inner strength.”

Here’s some beautiful advice from a Reddit user, “Just don’t even try to be above it. You’re an open wound and an open wound doesn’t heal if you just try to squeeze it closed or harshly pull your sleeve over it to hide it. Just let it be.”

4. Cut off contact

Cutting off contact with your ex is a crucial part of the healing process. While it might feel hard to say goodbye, staying in touch can keep old wounds open. When you find yourself checking your phone or wondering, “Do you ever get over your first love?” remember that staying connected only delays your progress. Sometimes you might send a message, hoping for a response, but this can trap you in a cycle of hurt. 

Ask yourself, “Will I ever get over my first love?” as a gentle reminder that your future holds promise beyond the past. Limiting contact gives you the space needed to rebuild your self-esteem and discover new joys. Remember, cutting off contact is not about anger, but about giving yourself the gift of space to heal fully. Embrace this boundary as a vital step in moving forward with your life.

5. Stay busy

Staying busy is a key strategy after the end of a relationship. After your first breakup, you might feel as though your world has stopped, but filling your time with meaningful activities can help you heal. Instead of moping around wondering how to get over your first love, consider engaging in:

• Hobbies
• Exercise
• Or learning something new

Immersing yourself in work, school, or fun projects distracts you from lingering sadness and builds your self-confidence.

Related Reading: I Hate My Girlfriend: Why You Feel This Way And What To Do

6. Talk to friends

Talking with friends can be a powerful tool for healing after a breakup. When you talk to those who care, they help you see things in a new light. You might ask yourself, “Do you ever get over your first love?” during a tough moment, but your friends remind you that life goes on. 

Dr. Batra shares, “Sharing your feelings lets you release pent-up emotions and gain much-needed support. Also, consider discussing your thoughts about how to get over first love with them. They may offer advice or simply listen without judgment. Friends can also help distract you from sadness by planning fun activities together.” Taking time to laugh, share stories, and enjoy light moments can significantly lift your spirit. 

This Reddit user advises, “A romantic relationship fills part of our human social connection needs, so when we lose a romantic partner it helps to spend more time with other people in our lives.”

7. Journal your thoughts

Journaling can be a quiet friend during hard times. Writing down your feelings allows you to express what is difficult to say out loud. When you are in the process of getting over your first love, putting your thoughts on paper can help you track your progress. In your journal, write about both your happy memories and your pain. This practice helps sort out your emotions in a safe space. 

Dr. Batra says, “Writing about your feelings can lower stress and boost mental health. Each word you write is a step toward healing. Over time, you can look back and see how much you have grown.” Remember, each entry in your journal is a treasure of self-discovery that helps you understand your emotions and move forward with clarity. Keep writing consistently.

Related Reading: 21 Pisces Man Red Flags—Watch Out For These

8. Date other people

Dating other people can help you move forward after a painful ending. Opening up to new connections shows you that love is not limited to your past. When you are wondering about how to get over your first love, consider that every new encounter is a chance to learn more about yourself. 

Dr. Batra advises, “Meeting someone new can bring fresh joy and help heal old wounds. Give yourself the freedom to explore and have fun. Your heart is resilient and capable of loving again. However, avoid diving headlong into a long-term commitment. Start with something casual to test your feelings.” 

9. Change your routine

Changing your daily routine can refresh your mind and lift your spirits. A new routine helps break the habit of dwelling on the past.”Do you ever get over your first love?” Yes. With baby steps. Try to add small changes to your day. It might be as simple as:

• Taking a new route to work
• Trying a different coffee order
• Or starting a morning walk

Dr. Batra advises, “New experiences create fresh memories that slowly replace the old ones. Switching up your routine can boost your mood and improve overall well-being. Embrace variety by scheduling fun activities and exploring hobbies you have never tried before.” 

10. Focus on self-improvement

Focusing on self-improvement can rebuild your confidence after a difficult loss. After a first breakup, the journey to become a better version of yourself starts with small, positive changes. Use this time to explore new skills, exercise, or learn a hobby that excites you. Every effort you make to improve yourself sends a powerful message to your heart: you are worthy of happiness. 

Dr. Batra shares, “Reflect on what you can do differently and set clear, achievable goals. Remember, the process of self-improvement is not about forgetting the past but about growing beyond it. Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. Look for inspiration in books, trusted mentors, or supportive communities.” And always remember the lessons learned from breaking up with your first love to guide your path forward.

11. Accept closure might not come

Sometimes, closure is hard to find, and you may be left with questions that never get answered. When you wonder, “Why can’t I get over my first love?” remember that not all stories have a neat ending. 

“True closure comes from within, not from someone else.”

Instead of waiting for another person to offer answers, focus on finding peace on your own. Reflect on the lessons learned and think about how to get over your first love through self-reflection and acceptance. Accept that some questions may linger, but they do not define your future. Allow yourself to grow and understand that life’s mysteries sometimes remain unsolved. 

12. Stop romanticizing the past

It is easy to look back on the past with rose-colored glasses, but romanticizing old memories can keep you stuck. When you think about your first love, try not to idealize every moment. Instead, focus on the reality of the situation and the lessons learned. You might ask, “Why can’t I get over my first love?” and find that nostalgia only deepens the pain. Remember that the past was not perfect, and every relationship has its ups and downs. 

“Let go of the stories that trap you in a time that no longer exists.” 

13. Trust time

Trusting time is essential in the healing process. It might feel like the pain will never end, and you may ask yourself, “Will I ever get over my first love?” But time has a gentle way of softening even the deepest hurts. Every day brings small moments of relief and new hope. Remember, the process of getting over your first love is gradual, and each day is a step toward a brighter future. Reflect on your growth and celebrate even the tiniest victories. Figure out how to get over your first love by accepting that every emotion is part of the healing process. 

Dr. Batra says, “Trust that with time, wounds will heal, memories will fade, and you will emerge stronger and wiser, ready to embrace new joys in life. Always remember, patience and persistence are key.” Allow each moment to teach you, and soon you will see how healing transforms your heart.

Here’s another useful piece of advice from a Reddit user, “It sucks but time takes time. Time is the number one answer.” 

Final Thoughts

Healing is a gradual process—getting over your first love takes time, effort, and self-compassion. By accepting your feelings, setting healthy boundaries, creating new routines, focusing on self-improvement, and seeking support, you pave the way to a brighter future. Trust that with each step, the painful memories will soften, and the answers to questions like those about do you ever get over your first love will become clearer.

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