Why Does My Husband Look At Other Females Online? Solution And Tips

Picture this: You see your husband lingering on his colleague’s Instagram profile a little too often these days or you caught your husband looking at pictures of his ex every now and then. You may have tried to ignore it at first, but when a dating app notification pops up on his phone, your cries of “My husband looks at other females online” are justified.

A Reddit user shares her ordeal: “I’ve even asked recently for an early night (quite clearly for a bit of you know what) and was told that he wasn’t in the mood. But it hurts that he’s obviously still in the mood to ogle girls online. Am I being unreasonable? Should I raise it with him? Or just try to forget, work on other issues, and just pass this as just what guys do?”

You may even believe — or are led to believe — that you’re being crazy for suspecting anything. But at the end of the day, what you feel is what you feel. Let’s answer the burning question “Why does my husband look at other women?”, and figure out effective ways to deal with it. 

What Does It Mean When Your Man Looks At Another Woman?

Danielle, a reader from Arizona, tells us, “My husband looks at other females on Instagram, and it bothers me more than I’d like to admit. At first, I immediately assumed the worst. I struggled with my own bottled-up emotions. When I finally lashed out at him, it came as a complete surprise to him. He claimed it didn’t mean much and told me he’d stop. The fact that he stopped did make me feel better, but I didn’t think he’d just be doing it without much really going on in his mind.” 

Just like Danielle, you may have a million thoughts racing through your mind. Perhaps, you even feel insecure about your relationship. Your concerns are valid even if you’re thinking, “My boyfriend looks at other females online, he’s definitely bored of me”. But before you jump to conclusions, take a moment to read about what the possible reasons could or couldn’t mean. Let’s get started:

1. It doesn’t necessarily mean your husband is going to cheat on you

Let’s get the big one out of the way first. According to studies, looking at attractive women is normal and not a big deal as long as the person looking showcases self-control enough not to act on temptation and pursue an open relationship with this person. In other words, if they can take a cold shower and not be perverts, you’re good to go. However, if your husband looks at other women online and frequently chats them up, you may have some cause for concern there. Here are some questions that you need to consider:

• Does he generally lack self-control? 
• Is he pursuing a relationship with the person? 

If not, you can breathe a sigh of relief and tell your partner to knock it off. 

Related Reading: The 7 Techniques Of Stealth Attraction To Use NOW

2. It’s usually a sign of temporary sexual attraction or curiosity 

Do you often wonder or ask yourself questions such as the one listed below? For instance:

• My boyfriend looks at other females on Instagram, is that normal?
• Why does my husband look at other women? 
• What is he thinking, am I not good enough? 

Well, the answer is simple: your man may have gotten temporarily distracted by them. Sexual or physical attraction toward an attractive individual is normal. 

In most cases, your husband or boyfriend would think about the other woman for as long as the glance lasts: a few seconds. Usually, it’s a form of fleeting sexual attraction that fades away once they’ve looked away. Ask him later that night why he stared at that woman, he may not even remember who you’re talking about.

However, if you find your husband making an effort to ogle away at one attractive woman in particular on multiple occasions, it’s time to have a conversation. Keep in mind that a momentary glance is fine, but multiple creepy stares are absolutely not. 

Related Reading: How To Find Out If Your Partner Is Cheating Online?

3. The theory of objectification 

It’s an unfortunate world we live in, but there’s no point escaping the truth that might sometimes influence some of our decisions in everyday life. So the question is, do all men look at other women? According to studies, men (and sometimes even women) may look at other attractive women because they’ve objectified them, reducing their worth to their sexual body parts while they don’t feel any emotional connection with them. 

In no way does this signify how a single or married man thinks about women in the long run, and in no way does this make ogling away at beautiful women okay. It may be a momentary objectification that one could argue is biologically rooted in the psyche of men. Here are a few reasons why people engage in this objectification online:

• Distance and anonymity online can make people less sensitive to the emotional impact of objectification
• Instant gratification and novelty-seeking tendencies in online environments can worsen the objectification of beautiful women by men

Men may do so because they’re biologically trying to admire a potential mating partner, while women may objectify other women as a form of comparison. However, there is a thin line between doing it out of instinct and doing it out of desire. If that line isn’t crossed, you can let it slide with some open communication about how it makes you feel.

4. No, it doesn’t mean he thinks she’s everything he doesn’t have 

A fleeting glimpse is just that, in most cases — a momentary distraction. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, it doesn’t mean he thinks that the other woman is more attractive than you. It doesn’t affect the feelings he has for you. Out of all the times when your husband looks at other women, more often than not they’re harmless glances.

But if it happens more than you’d like it to, and it doesn’t feel like a normal gaze, it definitely is an extremely immature and insensitive thing to do. When that happens, it’s natural to wonder “Is looking at other woman online cheating?” In most cases, it’s not a sign of a cheating husband, but it’s something anyone would rather not have to deal with in their relationship. 

Related Reading: Marriages And The Rise Of Infidelity

5. He may just be curious about an ex or an old friend

So, have you ever caught your guy scrolling through social media, checking out pictures of an old flame or a friend from the past? Has it ever made you want to google “How can I see what my husband looks at on Instagram?” Well, before you go down that rabbit hole, consider that he may just be browsing. Here are a few things in his behavior you might have noticed:

• More frequent visits and engagement with their social media profiles
• Initiating discussions about past relationships or asking about old friends
• Bringing up the ex or old female friends in conversations or reminiscing about shared memories

Don’t worry about concerns such as: “What is he thinking?” or “Is he seeing her again?” or if they’re back in touch behind your back — it’s likely just harmless curiosity. We all get a bit nostalgic sometimes, right? Social media makes it easy to catch up with people we haven’t seen in ages. 

But if it seems like he’s spending too much time fixated on one person, like constantly checking their profile several times a week, that might be a red flag. I mean, it’s one thing to be curious, but if it seems like he’s a bit too interested, it might be worth having a chat about it.

6. It could be a fantasy-driven activity

Married men might look at other women online as a way to indulge in harmless daydreams or fantasies, a momentary break from real life. A Reddit user explains, “The way I point it out is, I might see a McLaren on the street one day and my mind goes, “Oooh, cool car.” And then it’s gone forever from my mind. I don’t try to drive it. It was attractive and mildly interesting for a brief moment. I’m talking not even 5 seconds. Same with seeing attractive people.”

Importantly, this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re unhappy in their marriage or looking to cheat. It’s more about seeking a brief mental escape or a bit of harmless excitement in an otherwise routine day. So, when your husband looks at another woman, more often than not, it is just that, looking. As long as it stays within the realm of fantasy and his wandering eyes don’t lead to any inappropriate behavior or actions, it can generally be considered harmless.

Related Reading: 15 Signs He Is Fantasizing About Someone Else

7. He might be doing it out of habit

Do questions like, “Why do married men look at other women?” or “Do all men look at other women?” bother you too? Rather than being a “men thing” can it be a habit? Just like any other behavior, spending time on social media or browsing through online content can become ingrained in someone’s routine. For example, if your husband uses social media for work or leisure, he might find himself scrolling through profiles or photos of other women without even consciously thinking about it. Over time, this behavior can become automatic, almost like a reflex, and he might not even realize the implications it could have on his relationship. 

In this case, here are a few things you need to keep in mind:

• It’s important for both partners to be aware of their online habits
• Communicate openly about any concerns or boundaries regarding browsing behavior
• If looking at other women online becomes excessive or starts to affect the trust and intimacy in your marriage, it may be necessary to address it and find healthier ways to spend time together

Since wallowing in despair and saying, “My husband looks at other females online. I don’t know what to do about it anymore”, isn’t the best way to deal with it, what can you do? Let’s talk about what steps you can take toward finding an effective solution. 

What To Do About Your Husband Looking At Other Women Online

If you’re still pounding yourself with questions like, “Why do married men look at other women?” and “Should I be upset that my husband looks at other females online?”, we can help soothe your nerves. As we mentioned, in most cases, it’s pretty normal for men to look at other women. But when it crosses a line and seems disrespectful, acknowledging it and making sure you do something about it is an absolute must. If your partner locks his phone screen immediately upon you entering the room with a squirmy smile on his face, he could be involved in an online flirting fiasco.

It’s entirely possible you might be left utterly confused by thoughts like, “My husband looks at other females online, and I don’t even know how to talk to him about it.” Let’s take a look at a few things you should do not to let this molehill leave you with a mountain to climb.

1. Acknowledge your feelings

If it bothers you, it bothers you. If you’d like it not to bother you, the first thing you need to do is not lie to yourself about your feelings. Now that you’ve accepted the fact that when your husband looks at other women online, it makes you want to smash his phone to bits, you can work on how to process those emotions before they mess with your confidence and self-esteem. 

Writing down the emotions you’re feeling and why you might possibly be feeling them is a good idea. What are the major feelings that come up when your husband looks at other women? Ask yourself these questions to find out:

• Is it anger? 
• Are you feeling resentment?
• Is there some insecurity clouding your judgment? 

Getting to the bottom of either of these emotions has a different process, and you may learn a thing or two about yourself with a deeper understanding. 

Related Reading: 9 Psychological Effects Of Being The Other Woman

2. Express your worries without sounding accusatory

If you’re wondering “Should I be upset that my husband looks at other females online” it might be time for a serious talk. Keep in mind that it is a general human tendency to be defensive about our actions when we feel attacked or accused. So, if you pour down on your husband with how his behavior is unacceptable or worrisome, he might retaliate, and the conversation can easily turn into an argument. Instead, try using the “I” language.

Using “I” language can really help keep things calm and understanding. Rather than making it seem like you’re attacking him, bring focus onto “what is he thinking” and get answers from his perspective. It’s all about finding effective ways to express your feelings, which is super important. Here are a couple of examples:

• Instead of saying something like “You don’t even care about me anymore,” you could try saying, “I feel kinda unattractive and ignored when I see you spending so much time looking at those photos”
• Instead of jumping to something like “You’re cheating on me with those women online,” you might say, “I feel kinda unloved and insecure when I notice you’re spending a lot of time checking out other women online”

3. Communicate but also be open to listening

“My boyfriend looks at other females online, and I kept it to myself for the longest time. I assumed he was cheating on me, but never brought it up. When I finally couldn’t hold it in and lashed out at him, he said he’d been exploring the profiles of influencers his firm was doing marketing for. He sat me down and showed me the Excel sheet where he had all the data for his research. I wish I had spoken about it sooner,” Jen, a reader, wrote to us. 

Sometimes, we assume the worst and get caught up in a loop of negativity. Like Jen, you might also want to figure out “How can I see what my husband looks at on Instagram?” While your curiosity and feelings are valid, hearing the story from the other side is important, rather than snooping around on your spouse’s phone. Often, the outcome of a proper discussion will not be as simple as it was for Jen, but it can surely open doors for you to identify the root cause of this behavior.

If you go into the conversation convinced that he’s cheating on you, the conversation will be of no use. Before you make radical claims such as, “My husband looks at other females online, I know he’s cheating on me”, try to listen to what he has to say. In effect, you’ll also be improving communication in your relationship.

Related Reading: Why Is It Important To Be A Good Listener?

4. Don’t let him brush it off or manipulate you

“My husband looks at other females on Instagram, and it bothers me. When I spoke to him about it, he made me feel like I was crazy for even being concerned about it. “Is this how much you trust me? Are you crazy? It doesn’t mean anything, to be honest. You should look at yourself and figure out why you’re feeling this way,” he’d say. This kinda discussion happened multiple times with no changes in his behavior,” Charlotte said, referring to how her boyfriend made her feel invalidated.

What Charlotte experienced is basically a form of gaslighting in a relationship. If it’s something that bothers you and you’re willing to have a civilized conversation around it, don’t let your partner dismiss it outright as nothing. It may give rise to more troubling questions like “Is looking at other woman online cheating”? Even if he never does anything else, being dismissive might make things worse. If you’re concerned about something, no matter how minor, the least they can do is validate your feelings and hear you out, instead of leaving you with low self-esteem.

Related Reading: 9 Psychological Facts About Cheating – Busting The Myths

5. Seek professional help

You can hit your friends up with complaints like, “My husband likes pictures of another woman, what if he likes her?”, only so many times before they get annoyed. Moreover, if every conversation you have about it leads to a fight, it’s better to seek help from an impartial third party and go for couples counseling. 

If all your friends have failed at answering the question — “Should I be upset that my husband looks at other females online?” to your satisfaction for the hundredth time, you might as well get proper answers. A professional counselor or therapist can: 

• Figure out what’s wrong with your relationship dynamics and how to work through the problems
• Give you a platform to share your feelings openly without any inhibitions
• Give your husband and you a chance to have a civil discussion, all directed toward the goal of conflict resolution and harmony

If it’s help you’re looking for, Bonobology’s experienced counselors are just a click away. 

6. Give him an ultimatum

If he refuses to get help or just brushes off the inputs of the therapists without acknowledging the fact that it’s a problem that is not just affecting you but the relationship too, give him an ultimatum straight up. You need to understand that being stuck with unresolved issues will eventually affect your mental health and lead to low self-esteem.

If he’s struggling with a serious issue, like excessive exposure to pornography or constant browsing of photos/videos of other women, it’s important to remind him of your relationship boundaries. When your husband looks at another woman, if left unchecked can escalate into an addiction. In this case, you could say something like, “I really care about our relationship, and I need you to get help for this problem. If you’re not willing to make a change, it might be best for us to take a break.” It’s a tough decision, but sometimes it’s necessary to prioritize your own well-being.

7. If nothing helps, be prepared to walk away

Talking about the issue and trying to find a middle ground is important, but if your partner keeps denying or doing nothing about it, it can really damage how much you trust them and how you feel about yourself in the long run. It’s about valuing your feelings and self-respect.

Being prepared to walk away shows you won’t tolerate being ignored. Maintaining your self-esteem is as important as wanting to save a relationship. It’s all about prioritizing mutual respect and emotional well-being in a relationship. Here’s how it can affect you:

• Constant feelings of insecurity and inadequacy in the relationship
• A feeling of having lost interest in the future of the relationship
• Erosion of trust and intimacy due to persistent disregard for concerns and violation of healthy boundaries
• Increased stress and anxiety from feeling invalidated and unsupported in the relationship

Related Relation: 18 Compelling Signs You Should Not Break Up, Even If You Feel So

How Can I Check If My Husband Is Looking At Women Online?

If you’re not convinced by the more civil methods of conflict resolution that we’ve listed, there are still a few things you can do. Bear in mind, however, that effectively stalking or spying on your partner reeks of distrust. There’s nothing a conversation can’t fix, and opting to snoop around in their private lives isn’t the best thing for your relationship or marriage. If you skipped through the last paragraph like we all collectively skip the terms of service for a software pack let’s get into answering the question: “How can I see what my husband is looking at on the internet?” Well, here’s how:

Related Reading: An Expert Tells Us What Goes In The Mind Of A Cheating Man

1. If you’re worried about them being on dating apps, you can fish them out

The best way to catch a cheating spouse on a dating app is by making a fake account of your own. Set preferences, and get to swiping until you stumble upon their profile. By setting the appropriate preferences for their age, location, and other factors, you’ll be limiting the pool of people you see.

2. Track their internet activity

How can I see what my husband is looking at on the internet? Track what they do online. If you get your hands on the common laptop or phone, there are no limits to what you can do. Track their browsing history, snoop on their email, open up their social media, the whole shebang. When your husband looks at other women, you’re probably fearing the worst. But if snooping for a bit is what’s going to put your mind to rest, perhaps you can keep your morals aside and indulge — just this once. 

Related Reading: 18 Subtle Signs Of Insecurity In A Relationship

3. Monitoring apps may be for you 

The itch to know things has led us to develop multiple apps, which when installed on your partner’s phone or laptop can help you track their every move. If you’re still asking yourself  “How can I see what my husband is looking at on the internet?”, well, monitoring apps are your holy grail. Because they could be using secret messaging apps to hide it from you. All you need to do is install it on their device, and you can see their browser history, online activities, and even deleted internet history. 

4. Observe him for more subtle cues 

Sometimes all you need is to read your spouse like a book. Is he shifty with his phone, all of a sudden? Is his passcode suddenly longer than nuclear launch codes? Does he freak out if you grab his phone to google something? All these could point to something going on. Once you have sufficient reason to say, “My husband looks at other females on Instagram”, go ahead and discuss it with him. 

When your partner looks at another woman, you’re definitely not going to be too thrilled about it. But instead of overthinking and saying, “My husband looks at other females online. Does this mean our relationship is over?”, you can dig deeper into the issue to find out what’s going on inside his head. Hopefully, this article has given you a better idea of how to go about it. If you find yourself getting paranoid about the possible outcomes, make sure you have a conversation about it with your partner.

Behavior After Getting Caught Cheating — 5 Things To Expect And 7 Things To Do

The 8 Most Common Types Of Cheating In A Relationship

Are You Being Accused Of Cheating When Innocent? Here’s What To Do

Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.