He left me for his wife and I am devastated

Question:

Dear ma’am,

I am a 24-year-old engineer. I passed out from my college last year and joined a private company. I enjoyed my job and my workplace. I met him there and we were from the same department. I liked him because he always supported and guided me. He was my senior and nine years older than me.

But I was reluctant to go ahead with a relationship with him for two reasons. One was that I had just overcome a huge breakup (from four years ago). That was my first relationship. Since then I dared not try to fall for anyone again! The second reason was that he was married. So I thought anyhow I have no future with him and I should suppress it. But day after day he showed interest in me. One day, after few months, I told him my feelings without any expectations. He revealed that he also likes me a lot. Since then we were in a relationship. We did everything like a couple.

He said he is going through a bad marriage and showed me the divorce certificate. He said he wasn’t sure what’s going to happen. He said that his baby is not his. I believed him, because I loved him a lot. I wanted to spend my life with him without any name for my relationship. He gave me many commitments, many promises. I loved him madly.
After a few months I decided to resign from work to prepare for competitive exams. He showed no sign of sadness.

His behaviour changed. He started saying that we were just a little more than friends. “I cannot leave my wife. I can’t be committed to you.” I kept on asking, he went on lying and denying all the past promises. He blocked my numbers. Even if I call him from different numbers, he no longer receives the calls.

I know he has left me but I am not able to accept this reality. It really kills me to see again I failed to understand humans. I cry every second, I beg to forget him but all my memories keep haunting me. All unanswered questions keep irritating me. Why and what did he gain? He left me. I was so selfless. Why this betrayal? I suffer every second, ma’am. I call him, send messages, but there is no reply from the other side. What do I do?

Dr Avani Tiwari says:

Dear Young Lady,

First things first – you haven’t failed to understand humans.

Doomed from the start
You just failed to pay attention to what your own common sense was telling you when this relationship started. Yes, it was doomed from the start and you knew there was no future. As long as he was married he was not available to you and yet you went ahead. Do stop communicating with him. It’s good that it has ended and bad that you’ve had to go through all the pain once again.

Don’t be afraid
You should not be afraid of failing. You should be afraid only of not being able to get up again.

Get help
But don’t let this pain get better of you. Work through it, get professional help if required and make yourself strong. Take help from your family members, friends, colleagues whom you can trust. Work, play, enjoy. If the feelings stay or if you aren’t sure of talking to anyone from your circle, find an expert to help you work it out.

All the Best,
Avani

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