My boyfriend cheated on me but I still want to be with him. What should I do?

My Questions and Answers | | Expert Author , Psychologist
my boyfriend cheated on me but i still want to be with him
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My boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me. He was away on a trip with his friends and met some girl while they were out. He told me as soon as they came back and I’ve been having a difficult time ever since. I’ve been lonely and I don’t know how to trust him again. Why do I still love him after he hurt me like this? He says it was a mistake and that he regrets it and would never do it. He says he still loves me but is that even possible? Can someone cheat and still love you? I hope so. Part of me feels ashamed because he cheated on me and I still want to stay with him. I’m not sure how to explain this to my friends and family. Please give me advice on how to deal with a cheating boyfriend that I love.

Related Reading: Ways To Punish A Cheating Boyfriend

Answer:

Being cheated on is a painful and emotionally turbulent experience. It is a violation of your trust, and it often leaves you feeling worse about yourself – as a person and as a partner. The most important thing to keep in mind here is that there really is no “right” or “wrong” way of how you choose to deal with infidelity in your relationship. Here are a few things to keep in mind going forward:

  1. Speaking on how you still love him despite the infidelity, it is perfectly natural. The hurt you feel right now, does not undo the love you have been feeling for so long. These two things can be true at the same time. All that love doesn’t just disappear. In fact, under the right conditions, the love you feel can become a protective factor for your relationship which can help you overcome infidelity.
  2. Cheating doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. It is possible that your partner does love you, and it is possible for him to continue doing so. Infidelity does not always mean the absence of love. In fact, it can happen in relationships where there is love. Sometimes, it is due to some lack in the relationship, or some needs which aren’t being met.
  3. Your emotions are perfectly valid, so there is no need for you to shame yourself over what you are experiencing. This entire thing is painful and difficult enough already, without internalized shame added on top.
  4. The first priority should be your well-being. Take some time to think about what you need right now – whether that is space, or reassurance from your partner. It’s okay for you to ask for whatever you may need in order to heal from this.
  5. Reach out for support. This could be in the form of loved ones, the people you trust, or even a support group of people who have been cheated on. It would also be helpful to speak to a counselor or therapist about the problems you’re facing, so they can help you navigate this in a healthy manner.
  6. Try not to pressurize yourself into making a particular decision if you don’t feel ready to, just yet.

FAQs

1. ⁠What to do when your boyfriend cheated but you want to stay with him?

1. Communicate about your needs, concerns and fears to your partner. Make sure you are also receptive to what he has to say. You will both need to create empathy and understand for each other in order to make this work
2. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate the complex emotions that pop up
3. Consider seeking professional help from a couples therapist
4. Establish clear boundaries and expectations going forward
5. Both of you will need to take accountability for any issues in your relationship. Maintaining the relationship is a shared responsibility. 
6. Focus on rebuilding trust and being receptive to your partner’s efforts. Ensure you’re also allowing yourself time to heal. 

2. ⁠Can I stay with my boyfriend after he cheated?

The decision to stay with your boyfriend or not after he cheated is one you get to make. However, there are a few things you can consider to help you decide: 
– is your partner remorseful for their actions and genuine in their apologies?
– is your partner able to take accountability for their actions?
– do you feel that you have it in you to trust them again? there is no shame in either answer
– what will it take in order for you to recover? 
– can your partner provide what you need to get back into the relationship?

3. ⁠Do men feel guilty after cheating?

-Men, like people of any gender, can experience a wide range of emotions after cheating, and guilt is certainly one of them. However, the extent to which they feel guilty can vary based on individual factors such as personality, values, and the circumstances surrounding the infidelity.
-Some men may feel deeply remorseful and guilty for their actions, especially if they recognize the hurt and betrayal they’ve caused their partner. They may feel genuine regret for violating the trust of someone they care about and may be motivated to make amends and work on rebuilding the relationship.
-On the other hand, some men may experience less guilt or attempt to rationalize their actions, particularly if they justify the infidelity to themselves or if they don’t fully empathize with the emotional impact on their partner.

Factors such as relationship dynamics, personal beliefs, and previous experiences can influence how individuals process and respond to feelings of guilt. Ultimately, how someone responds to their guilt and whether they take responsibility for their actions can play a significant role in the healing process and the future of the relationship.

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