Question:
Hello Ma’am,
I am a working professional and live with my parents as of now.
Last night, my mom took my phone while I was sleeping and accidentally went through my messages with my boyfriend. Sadly, we had had sex chat recently and also had exchanged some of our photographs (am sure you understand what kind of photos those were.)
My mom saw all these and in the morning she questioned me about the guy. My boyfriend is a nice guy but, my mom being from a different generation will never understand that sexting in a long-distance relationship actually helps in maintaining the spark. I am so tensed about her misunderstanding him.
On a totally different note, she inquired about him. He is from different caste and also from the economically weak family background. I’m born into a luxurious family with every comfort. She has refused to get us married and spoken to me about the real situations that I will need to go be prepared for if I actually married him. I will have to learn to adjust to a family with different traditions and culture.
I really love my boyfriend. We were best friends for five years and have been a couple for a year now. Please provide me with the solution on how can I convince my parents and solve this upsetting situation.
Answer:
Dear young lady,
I can completely understand the situation you are in with regards to your boyfriend. Let’s look at both the issues you’ve mentioned.
As for the discovery of messages, you’re quite right that due to the generation gap it would be hard for her to understand the concept of sexting and there’s no possible explanation you can provide to justify it. So it would be better to just drop the discussion on this matter. I understand that on occasions like this there’s an urge to explain oneself because you don’t want to be misunderstood. But sometimes you have to quit battles to win wars.
Also, if you put yourself in her shoes as a parent, in the current scenario of unstoppable sexual harassment issues, finding sexts on their child’s phone is probably a parent’s worst nightmare, isn’t it? So just try to remember that her admonitions are out of the fear for your safety and when we are on the other side of the fence, sometimes we think we know best, but it only takes one wrong turn for things to go horribly wrong, doesn’t it? So your parents are just looking out for you.
As for the issue of getting married, this is, unfortunately, an age-old battle. I would suggest that even though you’ve known the guy for about five years, you start visiting his home and spending time with his family. It is extremely important that you experience the environment you’re expected to move into, firsthand. Marriage is not just a decision based on love but rests on a lot of social commitments and both partners need to be perfectly aware of each other’s material and emotional needs and even the areas where each is willing to compromise and where one is not. So before you wage the convincing battle with your parents, make sure you have all your bases covered so that you can start out with a strong base. Your own conviction is what will eventually work to convince them. I wish you all the best!
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Great advice given!