Names changed to protect identities
It’s 8:30 AM on a Monday morning, and all the young people in the Chatterjee household are running about getting ready to leave for work. The older daughter-in-law, Pia, will take a little longer than the rest, given her giant 8-month baby bump. And then there are those congratulatory messages to answer on Facebook – she’s put up pictures of her baby shower, after all. It’s been a long time coming.
‘There Was Always That One Question’
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Pia is a doctor and has been married to Arijit, a banking professional, for over 10 years. They live in a joint family in upmarket Bangalore. They were childhood sweethearts, and when they got married after a courtship of eight long years, everyone assumed a happily ever after.
Of course, happily ever afters must have babies in the picture. But much to people’s dismay, Pia and Arijit didn’t have a baby immediately after shaadi, or after two years, or five, or after Arijit’s younger brother got married, or even after the younger brother had babies. Pia and Arijit continued to live their version of a happy life, both secure in their jobs, traveling often, going to the gym, clubbing on the weekends, and dodging the perpetual questions and unsolicited advice about having babies.
Not that they hadn’t tried. After a time, they had accepted Pia’s gynecological troubles, which meant she could never successfully carry a baby to term. And they didn’t persist. It didn’t seem worth the trouble. Until now.
Related Reading: 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby
The Elaborate Charade
Pia calls out softly to her aunt. She is having trouble with the bump this morning and needs her aunt to tie it firmly to her flat tummy. Aunt Asha is among the few who know this big secret. Pia isn’t pregnant at all. She’s been sporting an increasingly large bump, first made with cloth and gauze, and now a prosthetic one ordered from China. Each morning, behind closed doors, Pia starts this elaborate charade, which ends at night with the taking off of the bump. The removal of a cast of lies, as it were.
The couple was never really keen on having children. But none of their accomplishments in life seemed to ever be enough when weighed against that one thing.
Some days, in the middle of the day, Pia can feel the bump slipping off and has to make an emergency dash to the loo to fix it. If it weren’t so tragic, it would actually be funny.
Related Reading: What Is It Like For A Married Couple Not To Have Kids?
Societal Pressures
But social pressures are not funny. Pia and Arijit succumbed to it and decided to opt for surrogacy to finally have that prized trophy baby. The surrogate mother is about eight months into the pregnancy now, and this parallel play is being staged for the world at large. Only Pia’s parents, Arijit’s mother, and Aunt Asha know. They are playing along and even threw Pia a traditional baby shower party to let everyone know that the elder bahu is finally pregnant with the heir to the Chatterjee family. There are celebrations now and there will be more celebrations when the fake labor and the fake delivery happen.
“These people in our colony will never understand,” says Pia. “I don’t want this child to be treated differently when s/he, say, goes out to play,” she adds. “People will talk… they’ll wonder if the child is mine if we reveal this is a case of surrogacy,” says Arijit. It was, in fact, his idea for Pia to sport the fake bump. They had their arguments in the beginning. What self-respecting, educated woman would agree to sport a fake bump in real life like in some terrible B-grade ‘70s film? But Arijit’s persuasions prevailed. Since then Pia has been complicit, and so have their families.
How to Ignore Societal Pressures on Pregnancy Choices
- Focus on Your Own Happiness
- Set Clear Boundaries
- Educate Yourself and Others
- Seek Support from Like-Minded People
- Practice Detachment from Negative Comments
- Focus on Your Mental Health
- Celebrate Your Choices
- Limit Exposure to Toxic Environments
- Empower Yourself with Affirmations
- Challenge Stereotypes When Possible
Related reading: Some women crave sex and not lemons during pregnancy
Protecting Their Child
It’s hard to argue with their logic and with their need to protect their child from bullying and alienation.
One can extol the virtues of truth and pride and respectability, but one cannot live other people’s lives. Here are two well-educated, financially secure, urban individuals grazing middle age, and even for them, truth does not seem like an option.
So what if Aamir Khan, Shah Rukh Khan, Tusshar Kapoor, or even Karan Johar had children through surrogacy, and had the media fawning over them? Pia and Arijit are no celebrities. Their only truth is the middle-class universe with a great appetite for gossip, prejudice, and judgment, and yes, great ‘respect for tradition’. And this is the very universe they must live in with their child.
FAQs
1. Why would someone choose to use a fake pregnancy bump?
Many women feel pressured by societal norms to conform to expectations around motherhood. A fake bump might be used to avoid questions, judgment, or scrutiny about personal decisions or circumstances.
2. What stigma surrounds women who don’t conform to traditional timelines or roles?
Women often face criticism for delaying motherhood, choosing not to have children, or facing fertility issues. These judgments can lead to feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
3. How does societal pressure impact mental health?
Constant judgment can cause stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Women may feel the need to hide their struggles or make choices that align with societal approval rather than personal happiness.
Final Thoughts
The need to use a fake pregnancy bump highlights the deep-rooted societal pressures that dictate women’s worth based on motherhood. This issue underscores the importance of creating a world where women feel free to live authentically, without fear of judgment or exclusion. Change begins with challenging biases, fostering open-mindedness, and supporting women in all their choices and journeys.
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This is terrible.
As our elders would say “If you live in a society, you will have to play by its rules”. But having to do this takes it a bit too far.
None of your accomplishments in life actually mean anything to the society until you have a baby! Really astonished that people are driven to such steps due to narrow mindedness and prejudice.
Am really shocked to read this. Yes Indian society truly has great appetite for gossip, prejudice and judgement and they can actually ruin your life with it.
Shocked to read this!
Really alarming state of affairs. And I thought these things only happen in movies. 🙁
Oh My God! Is this for real? Sad sad state of affairs. If educated, well-to-do couples are facing this then am shuddering at the thought of what’s happening in conservative households. Interesting read though