7 things no one tells you about married sex

You have had sex before. So, what’s different about having sex after marriage?

Married couples and sex

Relationship experts turned comedians change entire conversations into their view of married lives and how restricted they are. It appears that it is the consensus idea by the agreement of most parties. Well, I myself tend to disagree. Marriage constitutes a lot of tedious work, but it is often rewarding, too.

1. Genitalia don’t matter

Oh, sure they mattered when you were wee rabbits sneaking off for a quickie in the bathroom stall, but 5 years and two professions later, sex stops focusing on genitalia alone. You start focusing on the minor details. Tracing a bump at the nape of their neck, the slightly prickly cheek after a shave, the round shaped white scar on their knee matter more than usual appendages. And it is all the more romantic, because you know it’s destined to be an adventure forever as you two keep evolving.

Related reading: 11 confessions by married people on why they stopped having sex

2. Orgasms matter much less

All orgasms are equal, but you have been in the bed for a decade and you realise your orgasms don’t rely on the physical anymore. The psychological, sexual connections that you make with their eyes as they come into the room, the way you can just turn off the feelers for the night and lie beside them indulging in a momentary lapse of reason? That’s worth more than orgasms will ever be.

3. You become aware of each other’s bodies

The first year you can probably pretend that your body does not make sounds or a mess. But your partner eventually knows all the intricacies of your interactions with the world. So, that slight amount of sweat you break into after sex, the way you laugh. Heck, the way you try to shake your hair to get it in place, all becomes part of daily life. This means you can laugh at each other’s farts again, and be like children for the time when yours, if you have them, are asleep.

4. New positions are funny

Ten years into the rodeo, the reverse cowgirl seems more like science fiction than real life. While married couples do try new things, they also carry the ultimate freedom of making it a joke among themselves when it fails. Bodily limits don’t seem like obstructions but additions. While this for many means the loss of kink, it is compensated by the humour that only married people understand.

5. You get laid more

According to a survey by Newsweek a few years ago, married people got laid 6.9 times more than unmarried ones. While stats vary wildly, it appears that the lord’s approved married sex is a lot closer to sin that you imagined.

6. Sneaking off becomes the norm

Putting kids to bed, slowly shutting the door, hoping to God they do not wake up and then having a quiet session between the two of you. Sneaking off, which you did as young lovers when your parents were in the house, becomes a riskier proposition in marriage, as you hope that you do not scar your young ‘uns who may wake up soon.

7. Special occasions become rarer

Your partner may consent to wearing leather, but it happens once a year when your kids go to the annual camp. Instead of categorising it as liberating, some tend to say that it is the worst thing to happen to people, because of how it limits them. But marriage is not cruel at all. It can be pretty fun if you know how to play it right.

Some self-proclaimed marriage experts would have you believe that a marriage is a game both individuals lose at. But while some adjustments might sometimes be called for, nothing can replace the feeling of someone having your back 24/7. And while sex with the same person over and over again for many years to come might seem like a dreary prospect to some, imagine shedding all your insecurities along with the last bit of lingerie. Because when someone knows exactly which spots to tease and how, tangoing atop the bedsheets will only get better with time.

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