Picture this: you are feeling distant and disconnected from your partner, and it’s making you irritable. You snap, you bicker, you push them further away. When your partner tries to make it up to you and says, “Hey, you know I love you”, you respond with, “Wouldn’t kill you to show it.” That’s you seeking out affection in a relationship because it is the little acts that demonstrate feelings, which make you feel secure and cared for, and strengthen your bond. 

Giving and receiving affection is a fundamental need in a relationship that paves the way for a healthy, well-rounded connection. The trouble is not everyone is comfortable with displays of affection and that can take a toll on their most intimate relationship. Worse still, some people don’t fully grasp what being affectionate means and how deeply it can impact relationship quality. 

I decided to remedy that with this article which not only addresses the question of what is affection in a relationship but also offers insights into the different types of affection in a relationship and gives you tangible ideas (with actionable examples) on how to show affection. 

What Is Affection In A Relationship?

First, let’s throw ambiguity out of the window by addressing the question, what is affection in a relationship? Affection is the expression of care and love through small, meaningful gestures that make your partner feel valued and cherished.

As you can see, love and affection in a relationship are not the same thing. The affection vs love difference boils down to this: love is the way you feel about your partner, and affection is an expression of these feelings. It shows that you’re emotionally available and responsive to your partner, and paves the way for a loving bond that makes you feel secure. 

Different people express and want to experience affection in different ways. On Reddit, for example, users often share personal experiences that shed light on what affection feels like in a relationship. On r/relationship_advice, a user who has been with their partner for close to two decades says, “We have three amazing daughters. Just to get this out there, relationships are never “easy”. Relationships take work from both parties to succeed. You give, you take, then you give more and the cycle repeats. There’s really no answer you are going to receive that’s a “cure-all” for showing love. Everyone loves differently. What one person may be infatuated by, the next person may find it obnoxious. I think the trick to loving someone is mostly finding the person you want to love. It can’t be forced. 

“Like I said, relationships aren’t always easy, but when you find a person who fits so perfectly with you, everything else is downhill from there. All the hard stuff becomes irrelevant and all you think about is how easy it is to love the person you’re with. You shouldn’t have to overthink love. Trying to go out of your way to show someone you love them because they don’t feel love from you isn’t love. It’s just giving at that point. Compatibility is so important for love. I know you’re looking for physical pointers to show that you love someone, but I have to wonder at the same time if you’re trying to force it. Again, don’t force it.

“I can say that I love when my wife rubs me (not sexually in this example) when she knows I’ve worked my ass off all day. I love when we pass out together in bed but forget to get coffee ready for the morning so she gets up and gets it ready to start. I love it when I’m cooking dinner and she comes up behind me, presses against me then slides her hands up my chest and hugs me. I love the way her hair is all a mess when she gets home from work (she’s a nurse) and I wrap my arms around her and smell her. I love the sound she makes and the way she melts into me when I wrap my arms around her after a long day. I love when she’s being a little flirt and smacking my ass just as much as I’m smacking hers.” 

Now, the specific ways to show affection may differ from person to person, relationship to relationship. But it typically boils down to: 

• Small, intentional actions: A gentle touch, a warm smile, or a thoughtful note
• Active listening and empathy: Being present and attentive when your partner shares their thoughts and feelings
• Consistent support: Standing by your partner during both good times and challenging moments

By incorporating these elements into your daily interactions, you can cultivate a deeper emotional bond and a more fulfilling relationship.

Related Reading: 15 Proven Ways To Show Someone You Love Them

Types Of Affection In A Relationship

Just like there is no one correct way on how to show affection toward a partner, the manifestation of affection is also not singular. On some days, you may want to just pull your partner in for a long hug to comfort them at the end of a rough day. On others, you may want to get flirty and touchy-feely with them. Maybe, on a romantic date night, you want to use your words to express how much they mean to you. Or put the weekend to good use to lighten their load. 

All of these actions are manifestations of the different types of affection in a relationship. People use them, depending on the circumstances, their moods, and their partner’s needs at any given moment. The expression of affection is also closely tied to people’s love languages—the way they prefer to give and receive love. So much so, that the types of affection in a relationship are just essentially what Dr Gary Chapman calls The Five Love Languages. 

I scoured through a myriad of Subreddits in a bid to understand what small gestures made people feel loved in their relationships. The answers ranged from their partner leaving a handwritten note to cuddles, “this reminded me of you” gifts and thoughtful gestures. You see, the types of affection in a relationship always boil down to simple acts that significantly enhance the emotional connection between partners. These include: 

1. Physical touch

Physical affection is, for many people, a primary way to convey love and closeness. This includes actions like holding hands, hugging, kissing, and cuddling, which foster a sense of security and warmth between partners. Ways to show affection through physical touch include: 

• Holding hands while walking together
• Giving a gentle backrub after a long day
• Cuddling while watching a movie

Related Reading: I Don’t Feel Loved: Reasons And What To Do About It

2. Words of affirmation

Expressing love through words is essential to make sure you and your partner feel emotionally connected and in sync with each other. These words of affirmation can include compliments, expressions of appreciation, and verbal acknowledgments. Here are a few examples: 

• Saying “I love you” regularly
• Complimenting your partner’s appearance or achievements
• Expressing gratitude for their support

3. Acts of service

Thoughtful actions aimed at sharing the load or easing your partner’s responsibilities are among the classic examples of affection in a relationship. Through these acts, you can show your partner that you’re attentive to their needs and willing to support them, making them feel secure and cared for. Here’s what expressing affection through acts of service can look like:  

• Preparing their favorite meal
• Taking care of household chores without being asked
• Running errands to save them time

Related Reading: 9 Heartwarming Actions Of Love That Speak Louder Than Words

4. Quality time

One of the most basic signs of affection between two people is seeking out each other’s company and spending quality time together. Given the busyness of our lives, this is so incredibly important in making sure you and your partner don’t start feeling distant or being taken for granted. Showing up and being with your partner, be it through shared activities or simply lending a patient ear when your partner wants to share something with you, allows for deeper connection and fosters understanding. Quality time in a relationship can entail:

• Planning a weekend getaway
• Having regular date nights
• Engaging in hobbies you both enjoy

5. Receiving gifts

Giving thoughtful gifts, something that says, “This reminded me of you” or “I know you’ve been wanting to get your hands on one of these, so I bought it for you,” regardless of their monetary value, can be a powerful expression of love. It lets your partner know that you pay attention to what they say and value them enough to remember the little things. Gift-giving tends to get a bad rep as an expression of affection in relationships because it is seen as materialistic by many, however, it doesn’t have to be. If yours or your partner’s love language is gift-giving, you can express yourself through simple yet moving gestures like: 

• Surprising them with their favorite snack
• Gifting a book by their favorite author
• Creating a personalized playlist of songs they love

Related Reading: Exploring The 6th Love Language: ‘Feeling Known’

15 Ideas On How To Show Affection To Your Partner

Now that we understand what affection in a relationship is and how critical it is for sustaining harmony and synchronicity between partners, let’s talk about how to show affection in a relationship. This is important because displays of affection don’t come naturally to everyone. For so many, their emotional baggage, attachment styles, or fears of being shot down or rejected get in the way of their ability to express their feelings in words or through gestures—no matter how deep or genuine their feelings. 

To help you break those barriers of your mind’s creation, here are 15 simple ways to show affection, with actionable examples. Pick the ones that resonate the most with your or your partner’s love language and incorporate them in your everyday interactions to build a more harmonious and affectionate relationship:   

1. Offer compliments

Compliments work like a charm in making your partner feel loved and cherished not only because they affirm qualities, actions, or appearance but also because they show that you notice and appreciate them. If you want to make your partner feel seen and boost their confidence in themselves and in the love you share, try incorporating compliments in your interactions with them. Even if they don’t come naturally, push yourself to say out loud the things you love, value, or respect about your significant other.  

Examples

1. “You have the most beautiful smile—it brightens my day.”
2. “I’m so proud of how hard you work every day.”
3. “You’re such a great listener; it means so much to me.”
4. “That color looks amazing on you!”

Related Reading: I Want To Be Loved: I Crave Love And Affection

2. Write them love notes

Handwritten love notes are timeless ways to express love. They show effort and thoughtfulness and make your partner feel uniquely special. Besides, they stir in an element of romance and excitement in your relationship. Imagine, your partner finding a love note in their office bag in the middle of a dreary day at work or waking up to a note on the nightstand. No matter what they’re going through, a sweet, heartfelt note from you is sure to brighten their day. 

Examples

1. Slip a sticky note in their lunch bag with, “I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
2. Write a letter describing all the reasons you love them
3. Send a heartfelt text: “I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you.”
4. Create a jar of notes with sweet memories and things you appreciate about them

3. Spend quality time together

In this day and age when we’re constantly being pulled in 10 different directions, and on top of that, have our screens vying for our attention at all times, your time and undivided attention are perhaps the biggest gift you can give your partner. Prioritizing quality time together is one of the undeniable signs of affection in a relationship because it shows an earnest desire to feel a connection to one’s partner and strengthen emotional intimacy. The experiences you share today, be it going on long walks, cooking together, or jamming out to your favorite music, become cherished memories of tomorrow, and make you feel closer to one another. 

Examples

1. Cook a meal together while chatting and enjoying music
2. Take a walk without phones and talk about your day
3. Plan a day trip to a nearby town or park
4. Have a technology-free dinner where you focus solely on each other

4. Surprise them with thoughtful gifts

Thoughtful gifts, even small ones, let your partner know that you’re thinking of them even when you’re not together as well as reflect your understanding of their tastes and needs. Not to mention, these little surprises you put together for one another add joy and excitement to the relationship.

Examples

1. Bring home their favorite coffee or dessert unexpectedly
2. Buy tickets to a movie or concert they’ve mentioned
3. Surprise them with a framed photo of a special moment together
4. Gift them something practical they’ve been wanting, like a gadget or book

Related Reading: 10 Deep Bonding Tips For Couples

5. Show physical affection

Nothing conveys warmth, love, and reassurance like physical affection and touch. Gestures like holding your partner’s hand, pulling them in for a hug, making it a point to kiss them before you head out for the day, and cuddling them while you sleep, help release oxytocin, a hormone that fosters bonding. Romantic touches in a relationship are directly linked to feelings of contentment, making you feel closer and more connected to your partner. 

Examples

1. Hold hands during a walk or while watching TV
2. Give them a long, comforting hug when they’re stressed
3. Gently stroke their hair or rub their shoulders
4. Share a kiss every morning and night

6. Lend a helping hand

Expressions of love aren’t limited to words and romantic touches in a relationship. They also reflect in the way you show up for your partner in the little, mundane everyday acts. When you share the load of responsibilities or lend your partner a hand with something they’re struggling with, it not only reduces their stress but also reassures them that they can count on you. 

Examples

1. Cook their favorite meal when they’re tired
2. Do their least favorite chore, like folding laundry
3. Pack their lunch or prepare coffee for them in the morning
4. Offer to run errands so they can relax

7. Plan surprises

If you’ve been wondering how to show affection to your partner, planning surprises can be a great place to start. No matter how big or small, surprises have a way of bringing a sense of excitement and spontaneity to a relationship. Most importantly, they let your partner know that you’re making an effort in the relationship.

Examples

1. Plan a surprise date night to their favorite restaurant
2. Arrange a scavenger hunt with small gifts leading to a special surprise
3. Wake them up with breakfast in bed
4. Plan a weekend getaway without them knowing the destination

Related Reading: The 7 Fundamentals Of Support In A Relationship

8. Support your partner

One of the simplest ways to show affection to your partner is to encourage their ambitions, support them in whatever they do, and be there to help them overcome challenges. This goes a long way in showing that their growth and success matter to you, and builds trust and respect in the relationship.  

Examples

1. Help them practice for a presentation or interview.
2. Celebrate milestones in their goals, like promotions or achievements.
3. Encourage them to pursue hobbies or passions they’ve been hesitant about.
4. Attend events or activities that are meaningful to them.

9. Appreciate your partner

One of the ways you can show affection to your partner is by appreciating them for not just what they do but for who they are. Affirming that you value and respect the person they are can go a long way in making them feel loved and respected in the relationship, which can make it easier for them to be their most authentic self with you. This fosters emotional intimacy and deepens your connection. 

Examples

1. “Your positivity inspires me every day.”
2. “I love how compassionate you are with everyone around you.”
3. “Your creativity always amazes me!”
4. “You have the best sense of humor—it lights up my life.”

10. Create traditions together

Of the different ways to show affection in a relationship, one of my favorites is taking the initiative to create new traditions together. Be it baking a cake together on your anniversary, making s’mores to mark the first snowfall every winter, or setting up a romantic scavenger hunt every Easter, traditions give a sense of identity to the relationship, deepening the feeling of belongingness between partners. 

Examples

1. Start an annual movie night on Christmas Eve tradition
2. Go on a yearly vacation to the same destination
3. Make Sunday brunch a ritual
4. Have a special way of celebrating anniversaries or birthdays

11. Be a good listener

Figuring out how to show affection is not as hard or complicated as it is made out to be. In fact, it can be as simple as lending an ear and actively listening when your partner has something to share with you. This simple gesture can help validate your partner’s thoughts and feelings, making it easier for them to open up to you. 

Examples

1. Put away distractions and give them full attention.
2. Ask open-ended questions to understand their perspective.
3. Validate their feelings with affirmations like, “That sounds really tough.”
4. Reflect back on what they’ve said to show understanding.

12. Express gratitude

Along with appreciation and positive affirmations, gratitude is among the cornerstones of an affectionate relationship. You can make your partner feel loved and valued with something as simple as saying, “Thank you,” for the things they do for you or even just for who they are. 

My partner makes it a point to say thank you every time I do a little something for him, be it fetching him a glass of water, making a meal he loves, or just hearing him out when he needs to vent. Trust me when I tell you that those little “thank yous” interspersed in our everyday conversations are just as valuable to me as hearing him say, “I love you.” 

Examples

1. “Thank you for always being so thoughtful.”
2. “I appreciate how much effort you put into our relationship.”
3. “Thanks for always making me laugh when I need it most.”
4. “I’m grateful for how supportive you’ve been lately.”

13. Revisit memories and revel in nostalgia

Memories have a way of making us feel more connected to one another. A look back on the times you’ve shared together can freshen up so many memories that may have fallen by the wayside in the rigmarole of life, and also help you see how far you’ve come. An occasional hit of nostalgia can do your relationship a world of good. Of course, to make sure you have memories to go back to, it’s important to create new ones as you go along. 

Examples

1. Look through old photo albums or videos together
2. Recreate your first date or a memorable trip
3. Revisit an activity you loved doing together 
4. Make a scrapbook or digital collage of your favorite moments

Related Reading: 25 Fun Things To Do With Your Partner When Bored At Night 

14. Be playful

All work and no play can make a relationship awfully dull. So, while you make a conscious effort to make your relationship healthier and address any issues that may be causing trouble in paradise, don’t let the element of playfulness and lighthearted fun fade away. Create space for childlike fun and laughter in your relationship.  

Examples

1. Have a playful pillow fight
2. Try a goofy dance together
3. Play board games or video games as a team
4. Crack inside jokes or create silly nicknames for each other

15. Show emotional vulnerability

Open up to your partner and share your innermost thoughts and feelings with them. After all, what is affection in a relationship if not an expression of your true feelings? Whether you’re grappling with fears about the future, wrestling with demons of the past, or have thoughts about the relationship, talk it out, share, and open up. Let your partner in. Let them see you as you are. Nothing will make them feel more loved and valued than you making an effort to be vulnerable with them.  

Examples

1. Tell them how much they mean to you during a quiet moment
2. Share your fears or concerns about the future
3. Admit when you’re feeling overwhelmed and ask for support
4. Reflect on how your relationship has positively impacted your life

Final Thoughts

They say love is a verb, and displays of affection are how you channel this feeling into actions. No matter how new or old your relationshi isp, don’t let these little gestures take a backseat. With every thoughtful act through which you let your partner know how much they mean to you, you let them feel more loved, valued, and at ease in the relationship. Do it consistently,  and you won’t have to worry about insecurities and fears plaguing your bond.

Public Displays Of Affection: Everything You Need To Know

21 Exotic Roleplay Ideas To Boost Naughtiness In Your Relationship

The Most Important 7 Qualities Of A Healthy Relationship

Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.

See Our Editorial Process

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

What is your feedback?

×

Helpful Report an Error Other

Submit