What To Do When He Ghosts You And Comes Back

Spread the love

Let’s get one thing out of the way – everyone has been ghosted, at least once in their life. If someone tells you otherwise, they’re either lying or they are God’s favorites. It’s hard to figure out how to respond to ghosting. It is a horrible feeling that ends with you in your bed with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a whole list of things you surmise you could have done differently. And we all know that there is no point in wondering, “ Why did he ghost me?”. But things can get worse. Just when you’ve moved on, a text from him pops up. Self- esteem takes a hit, insecurities start chiming in, and anxiety becomes your best friend. So, what to do when he ghosts you and comes back?

You’re angry and curious at the same time. The sheer audacity of showing up right after abandoning you in the middle of a conversation, which you thought could have gone places!

But you’re still thinking about the text he sent, aren’t you? Even after you texted your friends, “He ghosted me!”, all your friends trash-talked about him like good friends do, and it ended in a long monologue about how you hate him and how he doesn’t cross your mind anymore. It’s a good thing you’ve got us then to help you out when a ghoster reappears.

What Does It Mean When A Guy Ghosts You And Comes Back

Table of Contents

The one and only silver lining to getting ghosted is the assurance that you will never have to deal with this person again. Once you’ve figured out what to do when he ghosts you, the embarrassment and complicated feelings eventually go away, and you heal and find the strength to put yourself out in the world again. Just as you focus on that note of positivity, a text pops up on your phone. Guess who it is? Of course, just as your luck would have it, it’s him. You’re muddled and curious. What could this possibly mean now? To find out, keep reading.

1. He’s out of options

This is the most likely scenario. When he ghosts you and comes back, you should know it’s not because he suddenly misses you and regrets disappearing. It’s because he’s got no one else at the moment. He’s probably run out of Tinder matches, and now he’s looking to build upon an already laid out base.

When a ghoster reappears — He probably Ghosted you due to boredom

There is a reason why ghosters always come back when out of options. Because they know you still have feelings for them and will give in to the urge to text back. Do not fall for it. Give him a taste of his own medicine. You might be sitting at home, as idle as possible. But, he does not need to know that. Hold your ground and do not text back. At least, not before 72 hours.

Related Reading: Ghosted After First Date? Why It Happens And How To Deal

2. Sheer boredom

“He ghosted me and came back like nothing happened”, if this sounds like your situation, he probably ghosted you due to boredom. Don’t take it personally, you’re not a dry texter, he just has a short attention span and is not ready for a real relationship. Hence, he prefers surfing his options, bouncing from one to another, eventually ending up nowhere.

You might feel the urge in you to hit him with a comeback and ask him to pick up a hobby instead of toying with your emotions. As tempting as that might be, we advise you to simply indulge in a bag of chips. In any scenario when he ghosts you and comes back, take the easier way out and just click ‘block’.

3. It’s easy to go back

Fast-pace dating has its downsides. The rush, adventure and adrenaline are bound to deteriorate, leaving you with the need to experience some sort of connection, or dare I say – intimacy. This is precisely why ghosters come back after months just to feel that slight touch of a bond. They knew they had a good thing going with you, but the minute it started to get real, they vanished. How predictable!

Maybe the ghoster came back and apologized to you. But was it genuine? If not, this is your chance for a payback. You want him to feel the restlessness and the self-doubt that you felt? Well, there’s no better opportunity than this.

Related Reading: The Difficulty Of Moving On Without Closure

4. He doesn’t like you moving on

You figured out how to deal with being ghosted and he doesn’t like it. When he sees you moving on and having fun, it probably bruises his inflated ego. His narcissism will not let him accept that you were not completely heartbroken over him, which is why he will try to reach out again. It’s guaranteed that the “hey, wassup?” that he just slid into your DMs will occupy space in your mind. Nevertheless, this is where you need to have a little self-talk. When he ghosts you and comes back, you don’t need to be instantly available for him. Tell yourself you’ve finally moved on, you’re happy and healthy. Do not throw this away. You figured out how to respond to ghosting, you can get through this as well.

5. He feels guilty

Now this might be very difficult to hear. You might wonder why the ghosters feel guilty as it was their choice. He chose to walk away from the conversation and from you. You’re probably thinking, “There is no way he’s feeling guilty because he thinks he’s hurt me.” Let me tell you, you’re right. It’s possible that the ghoster came back and apologized and it may even be genuine. But it is important to know what he is sorry about. More often than not, the guilt is rising due to the regret he feels for his actions, not because he suddenly has feelings for you. When he ghosts you and comes back, he wants you to provide him closure, for you to tell him that his actions did not hurt you and you’re fine, so he can walk away guilt-free.

Related Reading: 50 Examples Of Texts To Make Him Feel Guilty For Hurting You

6. Somebody ghosted him

Oh sweet, sweet karma! The only time you truly understand why someone was so hurt is only after the exact thing happens to you. He got ghosted. Just like you, he started catching feelings for someone, built up expectations and saw them evaporate when the person vanished in thin air.

It is only natural for these ghosters to crawl back into the lives of those they’ve had dalliances with in the past, the ones that they ghosted. They come with hope in their eyes that you just might be willing to forgive them and take them back in.

What To Do When He Comes Back After Ghosting You

We have already established why they ghost you and then come back. Now, let’s work on what you need to do, what actions you need to take in order to protect that delicate heart of yours.

We’ve got a couple of options for what to do when he ghosts you and comes back. We do not want to end up making the same mistakes. However, we also don’t want to be completely rigid and cold.

1. Figure out what you want

When he ghosts you and comes back, some of the suppressed feelings are bound to resurface. Ask yourself what your heart truly desires. Do you want to give him another chance despite the prevalent risk of the past repeating itself? Or would you rather choose to spend that energy, time, and pick-up lines on someone else? When making this life-altering decision, make sure you’re high on tolerance. People do not change overnight and neither will he.

Related Reading: 9 Expert Tips To Figure Out What Do You Want In A Relationship

2. Move on

All right, he’s come back into your life, given you a basic explanation for why he disappeared, now what? Is that enough for you? Are you content with the bare minimum effort that is being thrown at you? If your answer is no, then it’s time to move on from the relationship. I feel that this is the most high-value response to ghosting.

It is no surprise that he’s come back into your life. If you’re wondering what percentage of ghosters come back, let me tell you, it’s most of them. You’ll always want an explanation to why they ghosted you and because of this, they will always have the upper hand. Like this Reddit user, who confessed feeling an urge to send a closure text to a guy that ghosted her.

“This is for me, not for him. I don’t need a reply or explanation. I don’t want him back. I’m over HIM, I’m just not over the HURT.”

Take the power back, do not seek closure and simply move on. Easier said than done? I know, but when he ghosts you and comes back, this is the healthiest decision you can make for yourself.

3. Pretend you never noticed he was gone

This is my favorite take on how to deal with being ghosted. You may be seething with anger thinking, “He ghosted me and came back like nothing happened. The nerve of this guy!”. And you may have a strong urge to bombard him with all the swear words you can think of. But how about you beat him at his own game? This might sound shallow, but it’s going to save you an immense amount of time which you otherwise would have spent cringing at yourself. Play it cool. Let him think you did not give him the time of day, that you did not notice his absence at all, even if he was all you could think about.

When he ghosts you and comes back, masquerade your behavior. Compose yourself. Do not start asking for explanations right away. He will provide them, unasked. Eventually, you need to let go of the past and the person. You got what you wanted and ended up feeling better about yourself. Our goal here is achieved.

Related Reading: How To Play Hard To Get With A Guy & Make Him Want You

4. Find out if he truly is regretful

Careful now, this is a risky one. Think of walking on a steep slippery hill on a rainy day. That’s how careful you need to be when he ghosts you and comes back because he thinks he made a mistake. But why will a guy ghost you if he likes you? It’s rare, but in some cases, the guy may have had a genuine reason for going MIA. So yes, there is a chance that his feelings are genuine, that he wants to make up for lost time and that he promises to stay and do better. However, he might just end up breaking your heart again.

If you’re sure that he’s a changed man (be very sure), then go ahead and give him a shot. Maybe, just maybe, he might end up making you feel proud of the decision you made.

5. Once a ghoster, always a ghoster

The thing is, even subconsciously, ghosters get into the habit of bouncing from one person to the next. This is why men ghost women. Now, they might have just started off having fun swiping right and left, talking to or even dating multiple people but the chance of having so many prospects is what drives them to do what they do. This is one of the reasons why ghosters always come back; they like having multiple options. It is not often that they think of taking the time to completely know the person before making the next decision. It’s all about living in the moment.

A Reddit user shared that she went on a date with a guy, who kept planning dates and canceling as he wasn’t “ready for a relationship because he’s young and wants to explore.” Then he suggested being friends, and ghosted her. The guy texted again after 4 years, and suggested dating once more. When she asked why he feels ready to date now, he, you guessed it, ghosted her again.

Think about this. Will a guy ghost you if he likes you? In most cases, no, he won’t. That’s why when he ghosts you and comes back, you should always remember to keep your guards up. He ghosted you once and he can ghost you again.

6. Be honest

This might be the riskiest thing you are advised to do. If none of the above options seem to work for you, then be honest, especially with yourself first, and then him. Tell him exactly what you felt, how angry it made you and ask for a reason why. If you’re someone who loses sleep over this, then being honest is the only option you’ve got. This is another high-value response to ghosting as it solves the problem once and for all and saves you from hours or even days of overthinking.

However, you need to know that just because you’re choosing honesty does not mean it will be reciprocated. Why men ghost women in the first place is because they lack the will or the skill to communicate their situation. So being honest might feel embarrassing, he might say you’re making a big deal out of nothing or you may not receive a response at all. But if there is one thing you’ll have now, it is a good night’s sleep. You wanted to be true to yourself, so you took the chance. You never know, it might just end up in your favor.

We know guys like these are hard to resist. The charm, the effortless conversation, and the bass voice all make you believe that they deserve a second chance. Some surely might but some for sure do not. Find out where you stand on this spectrum before you wear your heart on your sleeve, again.

Infographic On What To Say When A Ghoster Comes Back

Usually, no response is the way to go when a ghoster comes back. But if you must reply, there are several approaches you can take. You can either be direct and straightforward, setting up healthy boundaries from the start. If you do not wish to talk any further, you can state that straight away and move on with your life. But if you want to continue the conversation, you can honestly express your emotions and ask for an explanation or an apology before moving forward. Or you can reply with something sassy or sarcastic to let them know you are too cool for their silly games.

Key Pointers

Most ghosters come back because they feel bored, jealous, or need closure
Ask yourself if you want to give them a second chance
If you do, be careful and keep your guards up, as they may ghost you again

Final Thoughts

When a ghoster texts again, it’s natural to feel confused and hurt. While there are no definitive statistics on what percentage of ghosters come back, the answer is: a lot. Mostly, they return not because they feel guilty, but because they feel bored or crave intimacy, or just don’t like seeing you move on. In any case, you should be careful and keep your guard up. Be honest with yourself, figure out what you want, and then act accordingly.

What Is Narcissistic Ghosting And How To Respond To It

How To Respond To Ghosting Without Losing Your Sanity?

23 Best Ghosting Responses That They Will Always Remember

Your contribution does not constitute a charitable donation. It will allow Bonobology to continue bringing you new and up-to-date information in our pursuit of helping anyone in the world to learn how to do anything.